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He never wants to spend time with me!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Faded love, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 November 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 15 November 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hi everyone I've been with my fiance now for 4 years we have 2 children I already had my daughter when we met then we had a baby girl who is now 2 the problem is he never wants to spend anytime with us he goes to work on a morning comes home at 4.15 at 4.40 I go to work I work Monday to Friday he is supposed to work Monday to Friday but he works 7 days a week as a labourer for a landlord anytime I ask him to go somewhere its always I suppose if you wanna go we,ll have to so we don't end up going cos he doesn't wanna go its the same when we do go anywhere he just spends it looking at a game on his phone I don't know what to do I've tried talking to him but nothing works I feel like leaving him I've had enough even my daughter has noticed he doesn't come anywhere with us its the same if he has to go somewhere he asks him friend rather than Me what do I do

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (15 November 2017):

femmenoir agony auntTry having another serious chat with your fiance and let him know EXACTLY how you feel and what you EXPECT from him and from your relationship.

Let him know that his continual ignorance isn't helping your relationship at all and that even your daughter has noticed this behaviour.

Let him know what it means to you, to do things together, as a family and that you feel sad, lonely and even rejected, when he isn't willing to be an integral part of the family.

Your fiance requires a "REAL WAKE UP CALL" and if after trying every single avenue and to no avail, then you're left with little option but to break up with him and move forward without him.

I always advise people to leave breaking up and divorce as a last resort, however, sometimes you just have to let go, for your own sake and the sake of your children.

By the way, have you both tried couples counselling?

This may be something to try, because counselling will help you both establish the concrete issues and where they stem from, making it easier to work through this together.

Give it all a go and see what transpires, before throwing in the towel for good.

I wish you and your family all the best!

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (10 November 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntYou talk to him and you tell him as a family how this is tearing you all apart. Tell him how he makes you feel, tell him how he is making his daughter feel. Then if things don't change for the better tell him you are leaving. Maybe he has things bothering him as well so allow him to talk to you. Communication is key in a relationship, and if it is like this at the moment it will only get worse once married. It is best to talk now and see if you can both sort this out as a couple.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (10 November 2017):

Aunty BimBim agony auntWhat's in this relationship for you?

You've tried talking, nothing changes, he doesn't want to change as he is happy with things the way they are ....

Which leaves the ball in your corner, if you have had enough then start making plans to leave, ie get your own bank account and start saving some money to cover costs of moving. I would also suggest you gather together smaller items and paperwork important to you and store with a friend in case the situation turns nasty.

Good luck!

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (9 November 2017):

BrownWolf agony auntIf he is like this now...what happens when you marry him? Marriage will not make it any better. Take this as your warning.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (9 November 2017):

N91 agony auntYou've explored all avenues available id say.

There's not much else you can do besides talk to him and tell him how you're feeling and you've done that to no avail. The only other option is what you mentioned, leave him.

It's not worth wasting your life with someone who's not on the same page as you.

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