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He has blocked me and is ignoring me now. So how do I get back the money he owes me?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Friends, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 May 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 30 May 2015)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid

I am having on and off relationship with my best friend. We are very close year back, for last 1 year its all going downhill.

He is avoiding me, not picking up my calls, telling me lies all the time

He blocked me in phone, everywhere else just because i sent him text and called during weekdays, he doesn't want me to contact me during weekdays.

i cant contact him now even if i want to, other then dropping by his place which is 10 hours drive from my place.

I know its over, but he owes me a lot of money, i lent him almost all my life saving, how do i contact him to get my money back, how do i get over him and how to stop thinking about him. Please help me

View related questions: best friend, money, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2015):

See a lawyer!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 May 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI hope to goodness you some kind of written proof of this loan, if you do, go find a lawyer and let HIM/HER handle it.

How do you get over him? Seriously, you need help getting over him after he borrowed money from you and then pretend you don't exist any more? Well, you ACCEPT that is not NOT the good guy you thought he was, you DO NOT contact him further and you LEARN from this, NEVER loan out money if you can't afford to "gift" them the amount. EVER.

Now go find a lawyer.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 May 2015):

Hire yourself an attorney and consider a lawsuit. If you're talking life-savings, you must mean thousands of dollars. There are minimum amounts for small claims courts that might fall far below what he owes you. It may be a little tough collecting money if you don't have a signed promissory note or some sort of signed written agreement to repay you. He could always say it was a gift. If it was just a verbal agreement, you may have no case at all.

If you have any e-mails or messages on your phone where he mentions he will pay you or acknowledges that he owes you money, that might be helpful. If you just gave the guy money and didn't get any sort of repayment agreement, you might as well write it off. If you have no agreement, the burden of proof is left on you to prove he owes you money and now much. If you have cashed checks, money order or bank check receipts, that would help.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (30 May 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt I am very sorry about your predicament. I am afraid that you have fallen into the hands of some unprincipled conman. A decent person owing you money would have kept the communication lines open even after a fall out / a break up, precisely because he'd knew you have to still talk about the money he owes you and how and when he will start paying you back etc.

So, I guess he does not WANT to pay , and that you will have to take this as a life lesson.

Unless you were prevident enough to have him sign a written formal agreement with the pay back time , interest rate etc.

Otherwise, even if you can prove you gave him money , he can always say : So what ? It was a gift.

Even if he had been naive enough to aknowledge himself as your debtor in written ( some text or e-mail saying, " you know ,about those X dollars that I owe you ...")- and I really doubt that he has been so naive - still he can say :" so what ?, there was no fixed time for restitution. Now I can't pay you back, I'll pay .....when I can "

So I am afraid that in lack of a formal agreement, you can consider your money gone and just forget about it.

How do you get over HIM ?! Are you kidding, OP ?

Get mad , not wistful ! - get furious, not nostalgic !!

I am not saying " stay mad forever " because in fact staying angrty would be ppintless, ineffective and self defeating, in the long run it would only damage you, not him.

But here and now, a bout of healthy anger will help you lift the fofg off your eyes and call things by their real name.

This was no " best friends " of yours ! If this is your best friend- I never want to know your worst enemy!!, he might be Hitler in person.

This guy you are still longing for is absoltely scum- he is morally DIRTY, he was soiling your life. You know that in Dante's Inferno there's a special place and a specially cruel punishment for those who swindle and betray their best friends ?... the reasoning being : swindling and tricking and taking advantage is bad anyway, but if the other parrty does not trust you 100% ( let's say, in a political alliance, or a business deal )... well, the other party is somewhat responsible too for not having " done their homework " and trusted too much. But to swindle someone who loves you with all their heart, and trust you with their life, and has no reason to doubt you ( ... a best friend ) that's the lowest of low . It's filthy.

So rather than wishing for FILTH to be back in your life, thank God that he flushed himself out of it ! ( although, I can imagine you'll still be distressed about the money loss ).

Stip romanticizing the past and recalling the good moments . I am sure you had good moments, ... and I am also sure these never were enough to compensate the angst, humiliation, and also monetary loss. He was no friend, he was no lover- he was a pig that probabaly looked for an easy mark to spoil of all her money ! Do you really regret NOT having such a lowlife around ?....

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (30 May 2015):

Abella agony auntWhat proof do you have to show you handed money over to him?

Did he sign a receipt when you handed the money over to him?

Was the loan in cash or through a Bank to Bank transfer?

Was the debt subject to a written signed agreement where he agreed to repay you at a certain rate over a certain period?

Or was the agreement entirely verbal?

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