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Is there any chance we could end up with a deeper relationship? Am I fool thinking I can wait for her?

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 May 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 30 May 2015)
A male United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Figure I might just see if any old souls can offer wisdom.

Almost a year ago now, I met a girl in an interesting state of mind, who recently broke up with her boyfriend.

We work together at a late night restaurant which I rent an apartment above, and I would often run into her the first few months as I got back from late night walks.

As months progressed and I didn't see her for a few nights, I would chain smoke cigarettes by the stairs outside, hoping to run into her.

We would talk, joke and sometimes, I think I still stare into her eyes a little to long. She would often complain about being sick, and eventually I got her to go to the doctor. She was pregnant and I obviously wasn't the father.

She liked to party and all that stuff, and I'm kinda of the opposite. I write music, study, and play video games with roommate whose an author. Anyway, when I found this out I counseled and sat on a riverbank for about an hour.

We held hands and shared cigarette. Maybe I'm a fool for keeping this sentiment, but that entire time she wrapped her fingers around my hand tightly, an when it got to cold that grey day, she gently lifted her hand and lifted me up from where we sat.

At the end of the day she would hold on to me, and I like the memory sometimes, but mostly hate it. She once told me "I know you notice me, and I know you want to kiss me but don't know how to."

I was abashed at that, and shrugged it off. I could hug her, yeah, but she was still pregnant, and I didn't want to do that yet. Time went on, she got an abortion and is doing a lot better.

She goes out with her friends, drinks, and seems to returned to her normal self. We talk, but she hasn't come over since, but we do gout out to dinner once in an age, or I go over to her place to watch anime and drink coffee.

I guess my question is, am I fool thinking I can wait for her, and eventually we can have a deeper relationship? Or will she forget about me the longer time goes on? I don't know, Im 21 and the only relationship I ever had was so fucked up that I haven't tried with anybody else since now and well this happened.

View related questions: abortion, broke up, notice me, roommate, video games

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 May 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI agree, first.. quit smoking. It will not only save you money, it will save your health. I smoked from 18-24 and I was so relieved, when I finally stopped smoking. I did a calculation of how much money I spend on that habit and it was a LOT. Try it.

Secondly, she seem like a nice girl, but NOT one for you. She seems a little emotionally unstable. Don't presume that because she is out partying with her girls that she is over the whole pregnancy and abortion thing. Something like that WEIGHS pretty hard on a girl.

I think she likes you as a friend, no more than that. Being there for a girl doesn't mean she will WANT to date you. It just makes you a decent person.

And I would (If I ere you) go for a LOT less complicated girl.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 May 2015):

First, I think you should quit smoking. You're very young and it's bad for your health in so many ways. It yellows your teeth and it can cause serious gum disease. You could develop lung or throat cancer. Please do that for yourself. Chain-smoking is extremely life-threatening and dangerous.

Now about the girl. You gave her comfort when she was alone and needed someone to talk to. She knew at the time you were developing an attraction to her; but she didn't really encourage it because she didn't feel the same. She did hold your hand and show you mild affection; but that was out of gratitude and in appreciation of your kindness. After all that, you noticed she went on with her life. She hasn't returned since.

I think you should let the feelings go. She's a party-girl and she only recently broke-up with her boyfriend. She is smart enough to know she isn't ready for another relationship so soon. You shouldn't put your life on hold waiting for her. In fact; you shouldn't wait for anyone, unless you know it's a sure thing.

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