A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I would like to hear some of your perspectives on what I'm going through:I used to live in a foreign country (as an expat) and I met another guy (also an expat from a different country). We started seeing each other and in a short time I got pregnant. Initially, he said he'll support me. I had to move back home as we were not married and we were living in a muslim country (and it was illegal to have a child out of wedlock there). In the same month, he also moved out and went back to his country. We stayed in touch and he promised he'll visit me in my country to sort things out for the baby.He kept saying he'll visit (gave me different dates) and then he cancelled last minute due to 'work' reasons or other excuses. During my pregnancy we had many arguments (on Skype/mobile phone as we never met face-to-face) as he never kept his promise to visit me.To cut a long story short, I gave birth and he still hasn't come to see the baby. He got upset that he wasn't listed on the birth certificate and I told him that he had to be present during birth registration if he wanted to be listed as the father.He now keeps giving me different days of when he'll come to see us...but in reality he still hasn't come. He never asks about our baby and when I send him photos he doesn't comment. I see him online and yet he says he's busy with work when I try to chat with him (so he has time to chat with other people but not with me)I am sick of being strung along and treated in this way. I left a country, had to leave my job and I'm now raising a child on my own (he never even sent any money or anything) and yet he doesn't have a conscience and puts his career first (he's 24)I'm thinking of blocking him from my phone and email and start anew...after all I think I'd be doing him a favour as he doesn't seem to be really interested.I did stop contact with him once and he got crazy by calling me non-stop. Now I'm thinking of going cold turkey for good since he didn't take responsibility for his own actions.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 September 2014):
 I agree with Aunty BimBim. I would see if you can get child support from him while you are in Sweden. If you can, I would get a lawyer and get a paternity test. Then get court ordered child support that is automatically taken from him and sent to you.
I would continue NO contact with him as it relates to you but IF he makes an attempt to come see your (and his) child I would permit it (can't really stop it) but I would be careful to make it supervised by a third party (from the court if possible).
You are a single mom now. Do your best.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 September 2014):
 He is a lost cause. I think you need to accept the baby, and you, are not priorities for him.
Your next step is to see if Sweden has any reciprocal arrangements with the country he is in for child support. A quick google search should give you this information, and if it does then find out what you need to do in order to get some financial support --- which is an entirely different issue to him not wanting to be involved with the baby. He is still responsible for financial support.
Stop contact with him again. So far he has been all words and no action, the time for words has passed.
It is not going to be easy as a single mum, but not impossible. Once you accept in your heart and mind the baby's father is not going to be much of a presence you will be able to plan a future for you and your baby.
I think it will all work out okay for you
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