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She spends a lot of time with her ex boyfriend but tells me I'm still her 'one and only'

Tagged as: Gay relationships, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 September 2014) 5 Answers - (Newest, 24 September 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, *imbo2212 writes:

Hello, I've been dating this girl for 6 months now.

It all started when I needed help with getting the size for my suit from the girl I like, because I was ordering for Valentine's Day because I promised my friend, Adele, (who is straight but I wanted to show her how she should be treated better.) I would spend it with her, so I thought I would treat her properly, so I asked for her some help and she measured me.

So then we quickly became friends. Loops already had a boyfriend at the time, the closer we got together the more I fell for her.

Before Valentine's day she confessed her feelings for me, she was so happy that we had became friends, she told me she didn't have feelings for her boyfriend. On Valentine's day we had planned to kiss on that day and see how we both felt about it, we kissed in the lift at college, and I fell for her soo hard, but I felt so bad because she was with her boyfriend still... Week later she left him cause she saw him more as a friend, and started being with me more, the more time I spent with her the harder I fell. I asked her out in April and she said yes.

It all seemed perfect.. but then I went to France for 2 and a half months in summer as I was taking a holiday as I'm 18 and have never had one and just wanted to travel the world for a bit. Whilst I was away we had loads of arguments over stupid things. She spent most of summer with her ex boyfriend... Slept over at him and he slept at hers. She still has pictures of him and her together framed, right at the side of our bed, now on her window sill in her front room. She still hangs out with him, sleeps over, calls his house her home and she never kisses me like she used to, she hardly sits next to me, she doesn't spend time with me like she used to, she avoids giving me kisses. and now she has a lock on her new iPhone that her ex boyfriend got her, and now he is taking her to a snooker match a week before my birthday... She wrote that on her calendar, but she never wrote my birthday on the calendar. She only does things when I complain that she isn't doing what I would like her to do, like hold my hand, snuggle with me or kiss me... I honestly don't know what to do or think, I have already asked if she feels the same about us, if she thinks we have changed, if we have became distant or if she doesn't love me anymore. She said she does love me, I'm her one and only, and that we haven't changed.

I just don't know how to one stop being jealous of her ex and two to just make this work out?

Thank you for reading all this.

View related questions: her ex, jealous

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (24 September 2014):

"I just want to get over my jealousy ans all I want to do is be with her".

I'd recommend an open relationship then, because your jealousy is completely justified,so it won't just go away.

She may hate cheaters, but the word "hypocrite" was made for a reason. You guys don't have a family together either.

This is happening to you because you're letting her get away with it. Put your foot down and tell her you won't be with anyone who's treating you this way. She'll either stop or not. If she doesn't, you can move on and find happiness. It sucks but it has to be done sometimes.

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A female reader, kimbo2212 United Kingdom +, writes (24 September 2014):

kimbo2212 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for your answers, I am with her because I love her, also about her ex she said he was just a rebound, as she split up with her other ex in November, the father of her child. I don't know whether this changes things or not to your answers to my question.

The reason she left her child's father was because he did something awful to her, so she thought that the rebound would help and she didn't have feelings for him.

I just want to get over my jealousy ans all I want to do is be with her, but I will listen to your responses, I think I just don't want to believe that she might of cheated. She says she hates cheaters as her dad cheated on her mum and ruined their family and she dislikes her dad.

Thank you all so much for your answers that's exactly how I have been feeling, like apart of me wants to leave her so I can feel better with myself, but also I think I might be lost without her. She's my best friend, so I just don't want to loose what we have.

Thank you once again :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2014):

Why are you still with this girl? If I were in your position, she would have been LONG gone.

This sort of interaction with an ex is not good. At all. There is nothing good about you. You need to have some respect for yourself and move on. Find someone who truly deserves you.

This girl isn't it. If you're trying to make this work, you're wasting your precious time.

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A male reader, CMMP United States +, writes (24 September 2014):

She's cheating on you. I'm not sure if you're actually aware of that or not. Maybe it's time to find someone who isn't just experimenting?

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 September 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntYou can start by realizng you were played for a _____. that ought to elicit some negative feelings about her(the more the better) Then you can write down all the details of this encounter and reread them befor commiting to yet another gal.

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