A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months now and we have a great bond. I trust him fully and trully. He is very honest with me and tells me everything about him and his only ex. They have been together for 2 years and so. He thinks that their relationship should not be a secret to me. He tells me that they had a relationship that can never be forgotten and i understand that. He says he's "done with her" And I beleive him. The point is that she has been texting him mostly everyday. He shows me all there texts and everything. I'm okay with her texting him as long as they only text as friends do. I haven't read any texts that shows they are flirting or anything. I was bothered that my boyfriend hasn't told her that he is TAKEN, he only told her that he's slowly moving on. I asked him why hasn't he and he says that he thinks she shouldn't know about me bc she has no right to care about his personal life. I respect that he still cares about her and that his feelings will never be the same for her but can this be a sign that he still has those feelings for her? I'm scared she may get in the way of our relationship. He says if I'm bothered by it then he'll stop the texting but i insisted and said i was fine bc they HAVEN"T been texting anything weird. what should I do? Is this going to be a problem? Am I just thinking too much?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 January 2012):
 He respects every word you say? What do you think will happen if you ask him to have NO CONTACT with her? IF you are bothered by it and YOU don’t tell him, then yes anything that goes wrong is your fault for not sharing your feelings…
How can you call him a boyfriend when you are afraid to talk to him about this?
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 January 2012):
 Bullshit. What kind of a " friend " is a friend who's not supposed to care about personal life ?
He'd tell her if he gets his wisdom teeth pulled out, right ? Or if he adopts a pet , or buys a new PC....And he can't tell her that he's got a new GF ?...If they were friends that would be the most normal, natural thing to do.
The reason why he won't tell her is that he knows or imagines she'd be upset because she is still hung up about him, and he wants to protect her feelings .
He does not need to protect yours, because you are so easy going and never said anything to indicate that this situation , quite logically ( an ex that texts EVERY DAY ?! ) bothers you . Speak up already !
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): well the short answer is yes... Id be more concerned about the fact that he is showing you all the texts and calls... Who does that unless they wanna ensue jealousy or really has no idea how to maintain a relationship. I can understand him not telling her he was moved on... Eh... But constantly talking to her is understandable bc he thinks it was something special and yada yada and to him they are good friends. Id bow out of this situation or if you are relatively young let it go on until it crashes & burns... That can be fun too and makes for good stories later in life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGee, Its hard to decide. But He never CHEATED on her.. I dunno where u got that from. And he respects every word I say. He told me to tell him anything if I feel offended in anyway or if I'm bothered. But i never said aything about it either... Maybe this is my fault in some way.. But I'll just hold my thoughts for now.. Bc we are still tightly held.. He never puts her first.. Thanks anyway : )
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A
female
reader, kirra07  +, writes (30 December 2011):
I agree with So Very Confused, if she has no right to care about his personal life, then she also has no right to be texting him every day. If they are still in such close contact after being broken up so long, they should be in the friends category. So he should be able to tell her that he has a girlfriend. Either they are now friends, or there are still unresolved feelings between them.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 December 2011):
I'm sorry I'm not so forgiving if after 6 months apart they are still in daily contact I'd be a bit peeved.
ocassional contact for stuff is fine... but daily texting... nope no way I'd accept that...
his not telling her about YOU is also a big red flag for me.
if they are FRIENDS she should be HAPPY he has someone new in his life that cares about him that he cares about....
just my two cents...
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A
female
reader, Eilish  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 I'm afraid this is a bad sign. You can tell that you don't want it to be - but it is. This is gonna be long, but I have experienced this before...
I went out with a boy for a couple of months, and he would always bring his ex up in the conversation - even when he was speaking to my friends. He would always mention how he was with her for ages, how he did everything for her and how she took advantage of that.
I used to ask him if he still had feelings for her and I would get out of the picture and let them sort things out (even though that would have destroyed me), but I would rather be told the truth than a lie.
Anyway, he said no, he hated her, he wasted his time on her, he'd never get back with her, blah blah blah. Anyway I believed him and he stopped speaking about her. And this brought us closer as he saw how much it upset me.
One day, I was getting ready for work and I got a text on my phone from him saying 'my ex wants to meet up to sort things out and she's still got some of my belongings I need to collect'. I broke down at this point at replied with 'so you don't want to be with me anymore?' and he said 'Well it isn't fair on you, shes been constantly texting me.'
My heart broke. Anyway I text him saying 'is it because your still in love with your ex?' and he said 'no don't be silly. You are amazing I just want to be on my own.'
Anyway a few days later I went onto his Facebook and saw a message from his ex saying '2 more days until I get to see you Friday night. :)'
I then found out that they were texting behind my back. She was putting things into his head saying she missed him and everything. This then convinced him to end things with me - for her. And it destroyed me.
Just be careful please. ex's can never really be 'friends'. That means they either still love eachother or they never did. I also find it wierd how he's told her that he's 'slowly moving on' rather than being with you. I think thats an insult to you! If he likes you that much he should be expressing it to everyone not hiding you as a secret.
In all fairness sweetheart, by what you are saying he still cares hugely for this girl. And that isn't fair on you. He seems to be putting her first, even if it means making you unhappy.
You should be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, who respects you and your wishes and who puts a smile on your face. Please don't do the same mistake as me!!! I kept telling myself that he wasn't still in love with her, but deep down I had a gut feeling and that backfired on me - and it hurts more than anything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011):
"He didn't tell his ex he is TAKEN"
Then why isn't he YOUR ex?
She's not the problem, he is.
If he lied to her, he'll lie to you.
If he cheated on her, he'll cheat on you.
Guys don't treat girls because they're different girls, they treat girls the same because he's the same guy.
You've seen his true colors, he's a jerk, dump him.
And I didn't even bother to read the small print to know I'm right; I'm a guy. I'm a bit older, so I can tell you teenage guys today act the same as teenage guys forty years ago, and jerks/creeps/losers my age act the same as the jerks/creeps/losers I knew as teenagers forty years ago. Different people, same tired lines and act. Good news: the friends I knew as teenagers remained friends because they were good guys then and are good guys now.
All guys aren't jerks, lots of good guys out there, we're just hopelessly outnumbered. Always has been that way, always will be.
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