A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts ,Last week my partner and I of 20 years together went to his works reunion party. We mingled with lots of people we both knew well. This particular woman kept hanging on to my husband and I overheard her say to him she wouldnt forget the good times they had togather.When we got home I asked my husband what did she mean and he said she was drunk and was acting stupid and to forget it .But I couldnt forget it .Eventually he broke down and told me 8 years ago he had gone to a works conference and she was there.She flirted with him and in return he felt flattered and thrilled with the attention she was giving him and after a few drinks each night they snogged.She made it quite clear she wanted to sleep with him but he told me he could never go that far because it was me he loved.At the end of the week she asked him to meet up with her again and he refusd.As far as he was concerned it was over and felt bad that flattery and the thrill of another woman showing interest in him made weak to do what he did.I am so angry with him for cheating on me.He swore on ours sons life he had told me the truth. That I believe as our son is very precious to him I asked why he didnt tell me at the time and he said it was because he hadnt slept with her and if he told me I might have left him and we were a family with our son. He couldnt risk losing us.He has begged me not to let this come between us and he has never been unfaithful to me since or before that. Again he swore on ours sons life.I just dont know what to do as he has been a good dad and partner. What do I do ? I can in time forgive him but can I forget it?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers + ♥, writes (15 March 2009):
I'm not going to say it was only a kiss as if I found my husband had done what yours has, then I would be devastated.
But to his credit, he turned her down, he could have gone a lot further and you may never have found out. He could have had sex and got away with it but chose not to.
I am sure there have been times when you have received male attention and it felt good. This was simply and extension of that fuelled by alcohol.
If you try and understand it then perhaps it will help you move on from this.
Whether you can or not is still a very personal thing, but I hope you find some answer here that could help you.
Good Luck!! xx
A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (15 March 2009):
 You have a very good husband (if what he says is true)- he made one mistake 8 years ago, and has promised that it never went so far as sex. Given your situation, married, with a kid, I think it's best to try to forgive him and move on. Maybe couples therapy can help so that feelings of resentment don't build up in you. I know it must hurt but remember that he managed to say no to her, they had one drunken kiss and then he stopped it. That takes a strong person, and it sounds as if he is devoted to you now.
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A
male
reader, damluvaam  + ♥, writes (15 March 2009):
 How do you forget the hurt? You don't forget, but you can learn to cope and your marriage can be ok. You feel betrayed and played like a fool and ALL THIS TIME, never knowing. But, look here - let's lay it out...this woman, the one he made out with, she's got issues. That aside, he did what he did and I can't tell you how many men would have taken that woman right to the bed. He said he didn't. I don't know if you believe him, but that's what he said.
Is he a player? Does he stay out all the time? Get weird messages and have weird, secret relationships? If not, you have a guy that was hit on hard by a female 8 years ago and he resisted what most normal men could not.
Counseling - for you and for him. And please do me a favor...leave the son out of it. I know what your husband said, but I would hate to have all this hurt going on and your son happen to overhear something he thinks he's involved in or at fault for...You know?
This can be ok.
Denny
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A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga + ♥, writes (15 March 2009):
 I dont think we ever forget these things it hurts so bad when you uncover these things that you feel you will never get over it, least forget!
As it was such a long time ago i would be willing to forgive him and it never went as far as sex which is easier to forgive had he went ahead and had sex with her but as he never i feel you will be able to forgive him, for now it is too raw in your head to forget but over time you will forget it, not completely but it will cease to be in your head every day.
Try not to dwell on it as the more you bring it up the worse it becomes and the harder it will be to let it go, for now he needs to reassure you that he loves you more than life itself and i am sure he does it was a one off mistake which can be forgiven.
Gina
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