A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 20 year old girl and in a really messed up situation at the moment. I recently started a new job and on a work night out I got really drunk and ended up kissing my manager. He is engaged to be married and he told me it was just a bit of fun which I was totally cool with cos thats all I wanted. No more. Since den we've fallen for each other and he says he loves his girlfriend but that he's in love with me and that he'd rather be with me but that he's too scared cos he'd lose his friends and family if he broke up with her. I know I'm the one who's gonna end up hurt and everyday I say to myself OK I have to stop. Then i see him and even the way he looks at me makes me melt and i cant help but just fall into his arms and kiss him. It is so totally amazing for both of us when we make love, i never knew sex could be this way and he said the same. I think i need to tell him it's either me or her but i don't know how to say it nd i don't know if i can. please help me. I really believe i have found my soulmate.
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affair, broke up, drunk, engaged, his ex, kissing, married man, soulmate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Hayeg  +, writes (17 October 2010):
He is laying to you trust me and you know it if he feel any thing for you he will leave every thing behind he just have fun
I am a guy , any guy on earth need more girls , some guys they control it and some they can't help it
He said ( it was just a bit of fun )
It's crystal clear
Rethink and good luck to you
A
female
reader, ladieek  +, writes (15 July 2008):
I know where you are coming from. I am in the exact same position except that he is not my manager he is just a co-worker. He has 2 children with his fiance. It's been a year and I love my job as well but I need to get away from him he is a lying, cheating ass. he tells me he loves me but he can't break things off because of his family and his 2 boys. I think he is full of crap. He loves himself. I need to break away and the only solution is to look for another job.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): 20 year old girl here... The problem is he is one of my best friends i spend more time with him than i do anybody else plus i LOVE my job i dont want it to be awkward if i tell him its over cos after all he is my boss. I dont want to end it but I realise i have to but it will be the hardest thing i've ever had to do in my life! Im on holidays at the moment so i wont see him for a few days but maybe this will be a good thing and make it easier for me to tell him that we have to stop. I dont want to lose him as a friend though. I do love him very much and i want him in my life if it cant be as my boyfriend den as my best friend. thank you so so much for ur advice i appreciate it very much.
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A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (7 February 2008):
He is a player. He says he does not want to lose his family and friends but he is happy to get a bit on the side. MMM What you are experiencing is lust not love and the sex is good because it is behind peoples backs. You can do one of two things 1 keep screwing him and keep having his breadcrumbs or 2let his fiance know what is going on and or confront him about your feelings. He has already told you it is a bit of fun so he is using you as a fuck buddy. If you are cool with that then fine but if you want him to appreciate you as more than just a convenient place to store his tool then you need to have some self worth and request that he give his all to you or nothing to you. Then his true colours will come out. I see user, player and asslick written all over his face. The sex may be great but at what cost to you. If he is found out he will tell his fiance that you are chasing him and you are coming on to him and will distance himself from any form of acountability or responsibility for his own actions. He is taken you are being taken for a ride girl. He does not love you nor does he love his fiance. He is controlling the both of you and getting his rocks off. How do you know if after the two of you screw that he doesn't then go home to his fiance and tell her how much he loves her and screw her? In my experience with players this is exactly what they do. I see PLAYER AND PLAYED WITH YOU BEING PLAYED. Don't throw your pearls to swine. You are a precious pearl in the prime of your life and he is a swine not worthy of your time.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (7 February 2008):
 Hi,
Well someone has to say it. But you are deluding yourself if you think he is going to leave his fiancee for you. He is right he will be shunned by friends and family for being a lying cheating rat which is what he is of course, he isnt the wonderful person you see him as. Think about it this way, if you were involved in marriage preparations and suddenly you found out the man you were about to be married to was having an affair with a young girl from the office.
You are a piece on the side for him, its obviously easy for him to keep you waiting for him so why on earth would he want to upend his life to be with you? It's just pillow talk to keep you sweet mate, nothing more.
You have no idea the problems you will have when you guys get found out, the woman is always seen as the seducer in these things and you will be labelled as a homewrecker and a woman of ill repute. Not a good reputation to have for a young girl starting out on life is it - you will face terrible judgment from work colleagues , friends and family.
You are writing to this site so deep down you know that what you are doing is a train wreck waiting to happen. All cheaters come up with the same lines ( there must be a book out there on how to get a young sweet girl into the sack) he loves you more than his girlfriend, you are special, you connect more than he and his girlfriend, yadayadayada...
think about what you are doing, tell him to take a hike, and go out with your friends and be a regular 20 year old, leave the married men to their wives.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (7 February 2008):
 How long has it been since the first hook up? Because there's no timeline here, it sounds like he's claiming love very quickly, and My personal opinion is that it sounds like you're being taken advantage of. he might be doing this (saying he loves you) to keep things going; if he REALLY wanted to keep things going, commitment-wise, he'd make some moves to get rid of his fiancee, and be with you. sidenote, is this really a man you want to be with, someone who keeps secrets from the woman he's supposed to marry? I'm not being judgmental, just very concerned he will do the same to you. I know , i know, he loves you..but one would think a fiance would love his soon-to-be married woman..anyway, I think I would consider who you want to be: do you want to be The Other Woman, the employee getting sexual benefits on top of the average salary, how do you see yourself as a worker, how do you want to advance in your career? And who do you want him to be, are you comfortable being with a man that is potentially committing career suicide, can you feel comfortable that he may never be that guy that will leave his girl for you, can he ever give you everything, as your superior? I guess my interrogation is not helping, I'm just saying, evaluate what's most important to you. I would NOT stay in that office, maybe relocate to a different floor or location? it will clarify things for you, cause then if you want to still stay with him, you wont have to deal with the stickiness of the work-lover relations, that should simplify SOME things, but if you DO want to resist him you won't have to see him and consequently melt into his arms. Keep us updated
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