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Has my Boyfriend cheated on me with his ex?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Dating, Online dating, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 October 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 23 October 2012)
A female Ireland age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Dear all, I am so hurt and miss my boyfriend after breaking up with him.

I will try to keep this short, i meet him last Feb. we hit it off. Initially we started off fine, met him saturday nights with my friend and his, it was difficult to get one to one with him as he was always so busy with work.

I broke it off with him nine times as he was not putting in the effort (we have been to dinner once) we slept together after 3 weeks of meeting.

I found messages on his phone from girls one of him sending x and one he says was his ex who he is still friends with. anyhow, i found out that he lied about the date of his sisters wedding and also that his ex was at it. (he says she is a good friend of his sisters and he is still friends with her) but why lie about the date?

Do you think he cheated on me or am i just being paranoid and should i take him back?

View related questions: cheated on me, his ex, wedding

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012):

Yeah, I agree with the others. It seems like you really liked this guy, but he seems to be toying with your emotions. You should really try to find another guy to invest time in before you really regret it (9 YEARS later). He sounds like a jerk, and with these kind of guys, as one of other posters said, you will never know for sure which will really hurt and eat at you if you do decide to continue this relationship. A friend once told me that we women have the ultimate power, but to never use it. He will ALWAYS come back to you, no matter what. Know that, and sleep easily, but NEVER act on it with a guy that just wants you after he's exhausted any other option, you deserve better!

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (23 October 2012):

AuntyEm agony auntI agree with the other aunts, it sounds like he was treating you as an 'option' rather than a girlfriend and breaking up nine times since February!!...thats like once a month!!!

I understand why people cling to bad relationships but when something is wrong from the start, it's never going to get any better.

Is he sleeping with the ex? Who knows because he tells you lies so there is no real way to find out.

If the guy loved you, things would not be like this.

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (23 October 2012):

person12345 agony auntOne break up and getting back together, I could see that being ok maybe. Two, probably not. Three, no chance. Four? Five? Six? Seven? Eight? And NINE?

He was never present in your relationship, there never was a relationship. This sounds like a bad extended date. Time to cut your losses and move on.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (22 October 2012):

aunt honesty agony auntIt is a difficult one really. Can you honestly go as far as to say he acted like a boyfriend? It sounds to me like for him it was just casual dating although I might be wrong. He never seemed to make the effort anyway in a way that a boyfriend should, and if he was serious about you he would have took you to his sisters wedding or at the very least been honest with you. It sounds to me like he is a bit of a player and he is not ready to settle down yet. My best advice would be to move on and leave him in the past.

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