A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 34 year old female looking to take things to the next level with my current boyfriend. I have been divorced for 18 months and was with my ex for almost ten years. Even though I was married, I am rather inexperienced. I have only ever had sex with my ex husband. I have not had any other relationships with men due to low self esteem and poor self image, so I didn’t expect I would date after my divorce. I am a very big girl, so men usually don’t pursue me, and I never had the confidence to ask a guy out. I have been changing myself for the better and have developed healthy eating habits. I have already lost fifty pounds on own since my divorce. I am in the last stages of being approved for weight loss surgery, so please no judgement. I have been working on my self confidence but it’s still a struggle. I have been dating a very amazing man for the past two months, and I have never been so happy. He is a colleague that started off as a friend. I actually had a crush on him for a while but never entertained thoughts of dating him. I NEVER thought he would be interested. He is out of my league in the looks department. I was shocked when he asked me out. He actually had to convince me for weeks that he was serious. At this point, we have only made out and I would love to take things to the next level sexually. I know he wants that as well, but I am so nervous. He has never pressured me into sex. He assures me he thinks I am beautiful and loves my body. I do believe him, but he has yet to see me naked. Does he know what he is getting into, by taking me to bed or is it possible that he may run for the hills, disgusted by my body once I take my clothes off? Of course, he already knows I am big, but I feel like getting naked is a different level. I am so insecure, I still feel sometimes like he is going to tell me is playing a cruel joke on me? Has a man ever been turned off by a woman once he has gotten her naked? Is it possible this handsome guy is actually attracted to me and wants me? Looking for advice or reassurance.
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female
reader, EmmyApple +, writes (10 November 2021):
I’m also plus size and a bit overweight (5’2” and 220 pounds) and I can assure you my sex life is great. Early on, I had all of the same concerns and worries you have. I am apple shape and carry a lot of my fat around my belly, and my belly was huge source of insecurity. Early in dating, I always wore a lot of spanx and shapewear to try to suck my waistline in!! I also wore a push up bra to try to keep his eyes on my boobs instead of my tummy… and to make myself look more endowed there because even though I’m plus size, my boobs are quite small. I’m obviously a thick girl but I was afraid he’d be grossed out when he sees my actual belly because of the big rolls and he’d see that my real waistline is much larger than it looks in the spanx.I avoided sex for awhile because of this! But eventually I needed to let him see my real body. The biggest thing with guys is that they are actually quite happy with large girls but if your real body is a lot different than they were expecting THAT is a turn-off.In the days leading up to our first time, I started wearing more revealing clothes so he could see more of my real body… that way it won’t be a shock. Tight leggings that show my butt. And then eventually, crop top shirts and let my belly be seen (yikes!!!) first with high waisted leggings so I felt more comfortable, then next time lower waisted and my fat roll hung out… and most revealing thing was just tight shorts and a sports bra. It was scary at first but he reacted so well to everything, that really helped me build confidence!! If you have a chance to go swimming or sunbathing together try a one piece and then if you’re comfortable, a bikini. It’s not naked but he’ll see your legs, belly, butt. So when you’re ready to show more it won’t be a shock.My other advice is, find good quality plus size lingerie. It’s hard to find and expensive but SO worth it. I spent $200 on the set I wore our first time but I’m SO happy I did because it gave me a huge confidence boost. Start in lingerie and let him take it off you. It will give you a bit of coverage to start off and will draw his eyes away from your problem areas (belly? Back fat?).If he hasn’t done a plus size woman before it may be a bit awkward at first but stay calm!! Just work through it with him and I’m sure it will be a great experience for both of you! For me, my belly can be a bit problematic because it hangs out over my legs and he had to learn how to push my belly up, in order to get in. I felt really self-conscious about that the first time but he was great about it. Just be patient and work through the initial awkwardness and I’m sure it’ll be lovely for both of you!! 3
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2021): Short answer, no. I was only too happy to be naked with any young lady. Maybe I'm a poor advisor but after a tough breakup with a former prom queen, I slept around probably more than I should have. I have a pretty broad sample size. The bigger ladies were better sex partners than Queenie. They never went "ouch, not so hard" and encouraged harder. There was just more to love.
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A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (5 November 2021):
My own experience is that most guys aren't really that bothered by bodies that are different to the stereotypical ideas of beauty. And your boyfriend already knows that you're larger than average so it's not going to be a complete shock.
I haven't had a weight problem but I went through a "feminist" stage in my 20s and didn't shave. So it did come as a bit of a surprise to some guys that I was hairy-legged and hairy-armpitted. (It's not something you can automatically tell about someone if they're wearing sleeves and long trousers!) None of them reacted with disgust and most of them came back for more. And one guy seemed to really dig it...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2021): I know exactly how you feel. I’m not built like you, but overall perceive myself as unattractive the less clothes I have on, and especially in the nude! Luckily for us, men don’t see us the way we see ourselves. Yes, you’re going to run into men who won’t be into you due to your size, but if it bothered this guy, he would never have asked you out, and he wouldn’t have told you he loves your body. Some men have preferences that aren’t considered “the norm”. So do some women for that matter. For example, I know I’m “supposed” to like tall men based on stereotypical female preferences. But more often than not, it’s the shorter ones who catch my eye! To fully answer your questions, yes, there have been cases of men being turned off by a woman upon seeing her naked (I’ve done google research on this lol). The most common turn off I was finding was if a woman was “misrepresenting” herself by making her breasts look much larger when clothed only to discover her breasts mostly disappeared upon removing her clothes. But it doesn’t sound like you’re in any way misrepresenting your physical appearance, so there isn’t anything that will “surprise” or disappoint him. Yes, it’s possible (and probable) this man is attracted to you and wants you. My opinion is if he didn’t, he wouldn’t have taken things this far and spent multiple weeks trying to convince you his feelings are genuine. However, if you are really worried, you could take a full body nude and show it to him when you next see him. (I wouldn’t recommend sending it to him because I’ve heard too many horror stories about pictures like that being shown to others or being posted online). Not saying he’s the type to do something like that, but best to err on the safe side! Showing a picture first could be less nerve wracking than being naked with him in person.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (3 November 2021):
 Sorry I can't help you. I'm just one of those weird men who like larger women. Intellectually I'm sure I'm not the only one, but I can't offer any statistics or anything. Back when I was loveable, a woman who was large got naked with me, in her own words, so I "would know what I was signing up for". Your post has helped me understand what she must have been feeling.
As a man I think it would be very educational for us to be able to see women as they see themselves. I have to wonder based on your very real fear, that if I did see you as you perceive yourself if I indeed would be turned off and run away. It would certainly be a first for me.
I'm not saying there has never been a woman who turned me off. When I was preteen/early teen, there was a girl in my class who scared the heck out of me. She wasn't attractive, and she was constantly reading the trashiest romance. I was afraid she would want something that I was in no way prepared to offer. On the bright side she was thin and athletic. A few other women have turned me off, by the sheer force of their mean personality. Frankly, I'm short enough, I don't need to be cut down every day.
Well there is my take on your tale. Thanks for sharing with us, and I do hope that the two of you do move to the next level. I'm sure he want's to see.
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