A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for last four years with my girl. We did everything except sexual intercourse. Recently, when she was drunk, some random guy took her from bar and it seems he had sexual intercourse with her. Now she feels that she is not worth for my love. She knows how much I love her madly. Another problem is she fears I might pin point these incidents to her later in life if she joins again with me.I couldn't miss her in my life. Once I drunk very bad to get her in my life. Now also I have started again drinking.How to convince her?
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (9 January 2013):
 You DO deserve better. Stop being a wimp and move on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): Mate, this isn't a valid excuse not to want to be with you. As someone else pointed out, she hadn't had sex with you during the four years you've been together, but this one night she happened to go back to a random guys house and have sex with him as easy as that? That says a lot to me!
I don't think it would be an easy job for me to get a passed out unconscious girl out of a nightclub, into a cab or on a bus, get her to my place, and have sex with her, with absolutely NO help whatsoever from her free will... It would be too much hassle to be fair.
The reason she's saying you deserve better, is because you do. Its not because she isn't a good girl anymore because she got "raped" or taken advantage of, its because she's led you on for four years pretending to be happy with you when all along she just hasn't had the decency to tell you she wants to leave, and now its led her to cheat on you when she was drunk.
I know you love her and would give anything to be with her again but you have to ask yourself one thing, is there any point if she doesn't want to be there? She'll only do the same again, and besides, you can't force someone to stay with you if they don't want to anyway.
I think you should put some big space between you and her and give your emotions time to settle down so that you're thinking rationally about this situation. One day you will wake up and see this for what it really was, a low blow by a cheat who also used it as an excuse to walk out of your life.
You can do better than girls like her.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI need to add an update for my question. She became unconscious after drunk and some stranger used this opportunity to take her to his room. She was not conscious when it happened. Only she came to know about this next morning she woke up in his house.
Now she doesn't want to join with me again because I deserve a better girl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): Lose her. She does not love you nor does she respect you. You are a back up plan. She cannot bring herself to be intimate with you but sleeps with a total stranger.
You cannot use this problem as an excuse to drink yourself to stupor. No one is worth destroying yourself over booze.
I would block all contacts and start dating someone else that can truely love you and appreciate you.
Would she take you back if you had done the same. I think not. Also the excuse about you holding it against her, she does not want you back or she would be remorseful and beggining you to forgive her. Seems like she did wrong and you begging her to come back to you. If you were my brother I would tell u , u deserve better and she is not worth throwing your life away.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (8 January 2013):
I'm not being funny here but she had sex with another guy because she wanted to. She didn't think about you or your feelings at all.
"Now she feels that she is not worth for my love."
Is that what she told you? WHen she said that what she means is "I DON"T WANT TO BE WITH YOU".
"She knows how much I love her madly."
And she went off and had sex with another guy. You've been in a relationship for 4 years and not had sex? OH BOY! She KNOWS you love her. But she doesn't love you. If she loved you, you wouldn't be able to stop her wanting to jump on you!
"Another problem is she fears I might pin point these incidents to her later in life if she joins again with me"
Yes. And she's right. These problems will resurface. Whether it's you who brings it up or her. They will come up.
The question I want to ask here is this; do you have any respect for yourself? What man would take a woman back who has been with him 4 years (with no sex) and then she goes to a bar and gets drunk and has sex with a random guy?
You were with her for FOUR YEARS. This guy met her for FOUR HOURS.
When the girl would rather have sex with a stranger than her long-term boyfriend then somethings up.
YOU ARE OUT.
SHE IS NOT INTERESTED.
WALK AWAY.
Sorry to be brutally honest here. You want a woman who WANTS to be with you. Who you can trust, who is loyal and LOVES YOU. Not a woman who couldn't give two hoots about you and goes off to have sex with strangers.
Do me a favour. WALK AWAY and NEVER contract her again. Find someone else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): You need to first find out if she wants to be in your life, or if she's just using that as an excuse not to get back with you because she doesn't want to.
If she does decide to take another chance, and she's genuinely and sincerely sorry about what she did, then you need to have a long talk about your future together, and be 100% honest with each other.
If she decides she cannot be with you for whatever reason, then you need to just move on and let her do the same.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): She did not sleep with you for 4 years and then she slept with a stranger one night? That is completely inexcusable. Can you think of anything she could have done that would be more disrespectful to you? Anything? A loving relationship is not enough without respect.
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