A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years now and he has a habit which upsets me quite a bit. A lot of the time when we have sex he goes very quiet for a couple of days afterwards. He will text me regularly and call every night beforehand (sometimes up to a week due to our working patterns) then after we have sex - I hear very little/nothing sometimes for a day or two. I have asked him about this and he says he must just be busy because he isn't intentionally ignoring me, but there is definitely a pattern which I find hurtful. I feel like he only thinks about me when he is horny. He has just asked me to move in with him, and part of me thinks us being in the same house might solve the problem but another part thinks it might get worse if the sex is more regular? I mean he could easily go out right? We have also discussed marriage etc so I don't think he sees me as just a FWB either. Do you think I should be concerned or is he just thoughtless?
View related questions:
horny, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): Thanks everyone - I am the OP. Yes our relationship is totally normal in the fact I know all his family and friends, we go on normal non-sex related dates and I am always his plus one at any functions. We are serious about each other in the fact we talk about the future etc, all is good apart from this one thing. The problem is that I work Monday to Friday and he works every weekend so we are not really able to see each other all day after sex unless one of us is on holiday. Usually we say goodbye in the morning and that's it for a few days, unless we have not had sex the night before when he will communicate with me as normal. It might be stupid but I find myself thinking he must enjoy the chase and build up to sex a lot too, but once he's satisfied I drop out of his mind until the desire starts to come back. He treats me well apart from this though so I don't know if I'm making too much of it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2013): You should not be too rash in making a decision. You should see if he is willing to take you out on proper dates, pamper and spoil you. Also has he introduced you to family and friends? What about social functions at work, does he take you along. DO you have a normal relationsip outside of sex as that will be key to whether its just FWB.
...............................
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (8 January 2013):
 All you need to do is look at your boyfriend's actions.
It's not clear to me by what you've said, but it sounds like you spend a lot of time apart. Am I right in thinking that?
It sounds like you both work and are busy people but you do call and text each other. Then he comes over and then you don't hear anything for a couple of days. Then the texting and phoning starts again until you have sex again?
Do you guys go out on dates? If you just hook up for sex then you're an FWB. What does he do when you're not seeing each other?
Sounds a bit suspicious. But then, the fact you are asking questions on here would suggest to me you don't feel you can entirely trust him. Somethings up.
However, there isn't enough information here to be able to give you an answer.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 January 2013):
 Maybe he is recharging his batteries and retrieving into men cave. You drained his testosterone levels and low testosterone is associated with depression and loss of manhood. A man who is starved of sexual affection gets worked up and irritable, while a man who gets sex a lot becomes calm and relaxed. He does not know that you are upset when you don't hear from him. He thinks that contacting you means giving his whole life to you, again. In between contact he is resting which he is focusing on. If you read the book, sex at dawn, you will see that our nature intends us to have sex with lots of men, rather than waiting, wondering what that one man is thinking thus getting frustrated. Tribal women also used to get a lot of support in the village. In modern times one man is relied upon doing things that many people are required to satisfy one woman. Once you understand the limitations of monogamy maybe you will be more understanding towards him.
...............................
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (7 January 2013):
 Please focus on this phrase in your submittal:
"We have also discussed marriage etc so I don't think he sees me as just a FWB either..."
Let me correct you. We guys will discuss ANYTHING.... from marriage to the likely name of the next Dali Lama if we think it will contribute to our efforts to get you girls in bed!!!!!
Don't be fooled ("...so I don't think he sees me as just a FWB either...."). He probably does... and you're about to fall for it...
Good luck.....
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2013): Thanks I am the OP. We do a lot of things other than sex too. Like we might go to the cinema one night then for dinner the next without having sex. We talk constantly during that time and in the days following, then when we do eventually have sex he goes quiet for a few days. He will get back in touch after a couple of days and the cycle starts again. I know he doesn't just speak to me to get sex, but once he does he seems to forget me for a few days. It's so confusing to me!
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 January 2013):
It would help if you have other activities outside too, where it allows him to be affectionate in other ways. If you are so busy that the only thing you share is sex, maybe put more priority on connecting and reigniting the fire. Ask him to not stop courting you, otherwise he will be lazy if getting sex is easy.
...............................
|
