A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About three/four months ago a girl and her party of friends walked into the bar, I was working at in Boston. Late into the evening, two of her male college friends approached me and informed me that she liked me, much to my colleague’s disappointment as he served her most of the night and wanted to ask her out. They pointed her out to me, and I was very flattered as she was beautiful, but I told them she was sweet and left it at that. Towards closing time I was collecting glasses and saw her outside smoking, I approached her and asked her about what she had said. She had said that she found me attractive and was sorry that her friends did that, I smiled and said it was fine. We sat down and I said that I was extremely flattered by what she had said, and that I was in a 4-year relationship but if that was not the case I would have taken her up on her offer. She began to apologise again, as she obviously did not know about my relationship, she said she felt bad and that she only came to the bar as it’s a place where her friends meet and that now she would never come back. I told her that no to be silly and that it would be nice to see her again, so I asked her name before we kissed each other on the cheek goodbye.So two weeks ago she came back to the bar with some other friends. She was there for a few hours, and I did not really see her until lights out. She was waiting to be served and looking at tv when I stood in front of her. She did a double take then smiled. I teased her about the last time we met and she broke into a grin, I then told her again that she flattered me and she stood smiling at me, I then got her her drink and she went back to her friends. As we were closing the bar she came up to me to say goodnight, I wanted her to stay and talk but her friends were waiting to leave so she hopped on the bar, rolled up my sleeve then wrote a proverb on my arm. She then left and I have not seen her since.The thing is now I don’t know what to do. I love my girlfriend but I sometimes find myself thinking about this girl... and sometimes it’s in a less than platonic way. What she wrote was incredibly sweet, and I know it was a sign of her affection as well as her kindness. There is a part of me that wants to see her again, but I am with someone so I don’t know how my emotions would handle seeing her again. It's thrown me.If she were to come back what should i do? She has left me a bit messed up. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 March 2013):
 She is a fantasy (for you) pure and simple. What you DO with that is up to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2013): You basically sent her an open invitation to come back to your bar. In her eyes, she sees that you are interested in her. She thinks that you are a good catch. ( you have a girlfriend) This is where the challenge for her begins...If this was MY guy feeling this way about a girl?? ** cheating starts in the mind, like for you **. He would be finished for me! It would break my heart to pieces :( It sounds like you have a real decision to make here. Either break up with your girlfriend or man up and stop talking to this girl.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (11 March 2013):
 honestly, i think you've already crossed the line with this other girl quite a bit. i think you'd be lucky if she doesn't show up again because just one more time, and you may find yourself seriously faltering in your relationship.
flirting and being playful are all a part of being a bartender. it's how you make your money half the time. but that definitely transcended beyond flirting. it was an emotional thing. you were attracted to her and you are interested in her. and if i were your girlfriend, and i found out that you heard some other girl found you attractive and you APPROACHED her about it and kissed her on the cheek, we'd have some serious problems. think about it if the roles were reversed. how would you take it if some hot guy expressed interest and she sought him out and kissed him? pretty pissed, huh? or how about devistated. because what you did when you approached her and talked to her and invited her to come back after she said she wouldn't (especially with kissing her on the cheek), was you gave her the impression that despite having a girlfriend, you were interested. that's why she CAME back. you gave her the impression you would possibly be into her and you weren't too worried about your girlfriend. you should have left it at jut being flattered. end of story.
i think it says a lot about our character what we do when no one is watching. your girlfriend isn't there to tell this girl to back off. so it's up to you to be her man and do it. i think you've kind of let her down in this regard. but it's not too late to make up for it. and i think that's what you should do. if this girl comes back into the bar again, just be friendly and professional. serve her her drinks and chat when need be. but don't invite the attention and definitely don't instigate it.
i think your girlfriend deserves better than that. and i think if you cheat (emotionally or physically), you'll REALLY regret it.
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