A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I reconnected with an old family friend this past summer. we began talking a lot and became really close. eventually he asked me to be his gf. we live in different states so he flew me out to visit for a few weeks. when I returned, we hardly lasted a week. there were some flirtatious comments on his Facebook and when I asked about them, granted I did fly off the handle, he didn't make an effort to explain himself. instead he deleted me and never responded.now it's only been nearly a month, and I've come to find out I'm pregnant with his baby. while I'm happy, I'm also very confused and overwhelmed. I want to tell him, but in all honesty, my fear is that he will react negatively or not at all. I have pretty much accepted that I will be raising this baby alone, but you always have that hope that he will come around. I find myself thinking, in the event that he does want to be involved I'm not so sure what to think. actually, I resent him. he broke my trust. it's not like I was expecting to marry him, but I trusted him. and in any failed relationship you forgive and forget, but I can't because I'm having his baby. I'm completely confused.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2014):
 yep I got distracted (darn ADHD) and forgot to add send it via registered mail return receipt of delivery requested.
refusing to accept the mail will mean having him served but that can be accomplished too.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 February 2014):
 I agree with all the aunties. Solid advice.
SVC wrote a good common sense statement that you can call and tell him or send him by REGISTERED mail. I would include a "doctor's note" if you can ( I know some doctors will do it - confirming the pregnancy).
Do not think this will "fix" whatever "broke" the relationship. A baby is never a solution. And do not let him make you feel like you are doing anything wrong by choosing to have the baby. And do not let him talk you our of paying child support.
Make sure you have his full name, address and as much info as possible.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 February 2014):
You will be raising this baby alone. I agree with YouWish and Tisha...
You goofed. He goofed. Do not be REactive. rather you need to be PROACTIVE.
He will demand a DNA test.. but you need to BEAT HIM TO THE PUNCH... you tell him "I am pregnant, it is your baby and you will fiscally support the child you helped me create. I have made all the necessary arrangements with local child support enforcement to have the necessary DNA Paternity testing done AFTER the baby is born. I DO NOT expect you to parent. This is NOT about trying to get you to come back to me but rather for YOU to be responsible for your child. IF you would prefer this to be handled by your attorney please advise me within 72 hours of reciept of this notice who I should contact"
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 February 2014):
 I second everything YouWish said and also want to emphasize that if you are planning to become a mother, that the needs of the child now become paramount. So make sure you get all your ducks in a row. He is now an expectant parent and has obligations and responsibilities thereto. Whether he reacts negatively or not, this doesn't change his current status.
Expect him to ask for a DNA test to establish paternity. You may have to go after him for child support so do be sure to check with a family attorney. If you don't have one, it's probably time to get one.
Remember, it's not just his baby. It's your baby and deserves to have the full financial resources of both parents.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 February 2014):
 Oh boy. Well, he softened you up, got you to visit, had sex with you, and then dropped you after getting what he wanted. That's why he didn't care about you getting mad about his FB comments. He was never serious about you and after the sex, he was off down the highway.
At this point, you don't forgive him and you don't forget him. You do what is best for your son or daughter and hold him accountable financially in order to raise, feed, clothe, and educate his kid. Whether or not he wants parental rights and visitation is his decision. Whether or not he is legally on the hook for child support is the law.
Get the idea of a relationship with the guy out of your head. He used you. Don't take your eyes off the fact now that everything you do from here on out is for the betterment of your child. Make sure you have support in place until he or she turns 18. If he wants to be a father, don't stand in his way.
You both should have used protection. Now, the child is priority one. Any decision you make about this guy is with the child in mind. He's not relationship material as long as he is using women like he used you.
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