A
male
age
30-35,
*bx123
writes:Am I wrong for this? I'm starting to not like my sister. She is always gossiping about someone and she has nothing positive to say about anything. I hate it when people clean other people's closet and not their's. I'm college student looking to go to medical school and even that she has nothing positive to say about. I'm not seeking her approval or anything, but it gets kind of annoying hearing her walking around the house talking about other people on her phone. I notice it before but I didn't really care until she started talking about my life and what I'm doing with it. Am I wrong for disliking my sister? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): Not speaking to her is the easy way out. So many American families are separated and dysfunctional.
People don't know how to reach out to each other, or resolve disputes. You can't change your adult sister. You can continue to remind her that gossiping and badmouthing people is going to catch-up with her. Also ask her why she does it, and wait for an answer. Put her on the spot and make her think about. It takes repeated attempts to get the point across if she's stubborn.
You want to be told it's okay to ignore and dislike your sister. Your family is a part of your support-system. You may have serious personal tragedies that fall upon you; that's when you will need them. People come to us suffering everyday; because they are alone and isolated. Estranged from their families for stupid reasons.
They had no choice but to come to us; because they turned their backs on their families. They are dying to be able to talk to them; but stubborn-pride or their harsh judgement closed that door.
So your sister is a gossip. Better than being an addict, alcoholic, or some kind of criminal.
You're passive-aggressive, and would prefer to turn your back on family-issues; rather than face them head on.
Good practice, before becoming a doctor or a father!
You're over 21 still living at home with your parents.
If you had your own place, you wouldn't hear gossip, and you would have no reason to dislike your sister.
Gossip is annoying, but in most cases the messenger makes enemies and they deal with the error of the ways. It it has never come back to bite her, it benign girl-talk.
So try not to be so judgmental. If your sister is bored and has little else to do with her life; being a busy-body fills her time, and it isn't something you should "dislike" her for. Annoyance is understood. Closing her out is childish.
Try a little pity instead and wonder why she is so negative. There is a reason. She has to raise a child alone at 30, she has to live at home and obviously has financial problems, and she was apparently abandoned by the child's father. She just might feel bad about herself.
By the way; you wouldn't know how she felt about how she was brought up; unless you could see life through her eyes.
She may not have felt she was bought up as an an equal.
She is 30 living at home with your parents and she has a child. I'm sure that never raised an eyebrow.
You would be too wrapped up in your own life to care. It's so easy to turn your back on her now. Agitated because you'd rather not have to share the space. You feel crowded in. Don't take it out on her!
If her gossip is as severe of a habit as you claim, she will feel the wrath of her victims. I think you just need to justify being judgmental and have other reasons you don't mention, for not liking her. I think there's more beneath the surface than you're telling. Most gossips are harmless; but get on your nerves.
You are wrong to dislike your sister for anything short of doing you physical harm, disgracing you publicly, or plotting your demise.
She has her opinions; so she isn't afraid to spread them around. When you become the subject of her jibber-jabber, speak up. Otherwise, dismiss it as nonsense. Not a reason to "dislike" her; and live in the same house ignoring her. That is very immature. Blocking out the gossip is more mature.
A
male
reader, Sbx123 +, writes (22 February 2014):
Sbx123 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ wiseowlE I don't hate my sister, Yes. I don't like her ways. She is my older sister who is 30 years of age with a child. Yes, I did confront her about it in the nicest way telling her that she shouldn't talk about people like that because she is the first one to ask for help when she needs it. I don't think she is over looked because our parents treats us equally and we both had the same opportunity to make something of ourselves. You can't be compassionate to a person who's being defensive when you are trying to show them what they are doing. I never said it was ok for criticizing I said I didn't really care and I didn't care because if she talking about her friends with each other why should I get involved. Her friends should do something about it not me. I would only say something to her if she asks my opinion.
@cindycares. Yes I do disapprove of her bad mouthing others because I spoke to her about it plenty of times. I just got very pissed off because she is targeting me now and I try my best to stay out of everyone's way. I'm hardly ever home because I work two jobs and I go to school. My ego was not bruised, I'm just pissed off because how do you target someone who is not in your way. Yes. I didn't care because I mind my business and if her friends want to be friends with someone who talks about them that's their business not mine.
@ everyone who answered. Thank you for your answers and you guys had some valid points. At this moment I feel like you damn of you do and you damn if you don't. I did try to be positive towards her and I did try to be understanding, but for right now I just can't do it. I don't hate my sister, but I don't like her right now. It sucks, but I feel much better not talking to her. It feels like a boulder fell off my shoulder.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2014): You don't like what you sister is doing. Should you go so far as to say you don't like your own sister?
Is she older or younger?
Although you don't like her habits; don't forget she is your SISTER! Not some stranger you can feel indifferently about.
If you're the older brother; how come you haven't confronted her and did your own intervention? Chances are she is spreading gossip and bad-mouthing people. A very pissed off person could follow the trail right back to your home!
Your sister is a bitter person. She has low self-esteem, and it makes her feel better about herself, by pointing out the faults and imperfections of others. Your irritation only grows; because you don't do anything about it.
You are male, and no doubt an academic achiever; if you want to go into medicine. She feels over-looked and under-appreciated being a girl, probably less celebrated in comparison to your achievements. She probably doesn't feel attractive. There is a reason for all that negativity.
It's either social or psychological. You obviously don't have an open exchange of communication with your own sister; so it's no wonder you can summon hostility toward her.
Sometimes it's better to confront irritating family-members living in the same house, about the crap they do that gets on your nerves. Say the right words, and sometimes that's all it takes.
You share living space. She makes it uncomfortable and intolerable with gossip and negative criticism. Tell her what you're telling us, why don't you?
She needs to know this behavior is going to comeback to bite her in the ass, and she is making enemies in the process. It is also a form of abusive and antisocial behavior; and she may need to be psychologically evaluated, if it is as bad as you say.
If you plan to go into medicine, always consider the compassionate and humane approach first. She has a problem with her self-esteem, and she's lashing out. She needs someone to intervene and get to the root of it. If she is a teenager, it's mostly an annoying phase that she will grow out of.
Either that, or she'll get her ass royally kicked by someone she has crossed in a very bad way. People always find their way back to the source maligning their character. Teens can retaliate in pretty nasty ways.
Intervention is what she needs, not her brother hating her. It would only add more fuel to the fire.
Didn't you also say it was okay; until she started criticizing you? Now it's out of control huh?
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 February 2014):
 This where the "you can pick your friends but you can't pick your family" comes from. I have two older sisters, one of which I like and one I ignore whenever I can. It's life.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 February 2014):
 No you are not wrong .You can love people without actually liking them, particularly if by their actions they make themselves difficult to like.
But, she is your sister, and anyway she is just an imperfect human being same as you are . So why don't you try to cut her some slack , and be understanding . I mean, maybe you have faults too and do things that annoy the hell out of her too . And maybe she is going through something bad sad , or hard to deal with in her life, and her negative, judgemental attitude is the way in which she expresses her unhappiness.
Plus , I find meaningful that you did not even notice until she started to talk about YOU and your life. So, it isn't really that you disapprove of persons who criticize and badmouth other persons... you only mind if they criticize and badmouth YOU and bruise YOUR ego. Interesting, isn't it ?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 February 2014):
 Are you wrong? No. Sister or not, you don't have to like EVERYTHING she does.
If I were you I would let her be who she is and YOU be who YOU are. If you are positive person and she is negative, minimize the time you spend with her.
My guess is she is so negative about everyone else because it's the only way she knows to make herself feel better about her "not perfect life". It IS way easier to criticize
everyone else (including one's brother) then take a good, hard, long look at your own.
I think YouWish put it nicely in a way you can EXPRESS how you perceive her negative behavior. Maybe she needs to hear it.
In college I had a group of friends who LOVED to gossip, but in a very negative way. And honestly I figured they would talk as badly about me behind my back. So I told one of them (she was badmouthing another girl from the group) that I don't want to participate in gossip and bad mouthing and if she had anything to say about me, that I'd hope she would do it to my face. Funny thing is she got mad and told the rest of the group - yet... 2-3 weeks later the gossip and judgmental crap about others stopped.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (20 February 2014):
 There's nothing wrong with you feeling the way you do. Sounds like she's a negative person, and while you weren't bothered by it when it was about someone else, it's no fun when it's you specifically.
I would caution you before you decide you can't stand her, she is family. Ever hear the term "I love you, but I don't like you right now?" Sometimes that's how people feel about family at certain times. It might do the relationship some good to sit her down and talk to her about how her actions are making you feel. Tell her you love her, but do not like her actions and gossip about you, which is making you not want to associate with her. She may be oblivious as to the impact of her actions.
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