A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'll start off by saving for the past 5-6 months I have been in an emotional tornado regarding my ex boyfriend. It has been hell for me, seriously. And I'm extremely confused about everythingI was with my ex boyfriend for over 3 years, HE broke up with me in October of last year. We were both devastated over our break up and both unsure if we should remain in contact or not. We both still considered each other best friends and very close.However, he's been seeing another girl for the last 4 months or so. So because of this, I was upset and backed off completely.We got 'back in touch' over a month ago and I guess you can say we are friends. The thing is I'm still in love with him. And I told him this, and he told me he felt the same. Him and I have a strong emotional connection which is why it wasn't a good idea to stay in contact, but here we areHe told me when we first got back in touch a month ago that him and this girlfriend of his relationship wasn't a 'good' one. Meaning they don't have anything in common and he says it's quite boring. He told me he's scared he'd never find someone like me ever again and he told me he was still in love with me, and that it kills him that we are no longer together. He told me he thinks he should break up with his girlfriend and asked my advice. I told him to do what he felt was right. We had a long very open talk that day.I told him about a week ago "I really care a lot about you, I just want you to be happy". And I asked him how he was doing since our talk. He said he was doing okay and that was it.He's been acting different ever since, like distant and weird. It's almost as if he woke up the next morning after our talk and realized he actually does love his girlfriend and went to talk to her about what happened.So now it's like back to square one with him. As you can tell I obviously still have feelings for him and kept hope that he would come back to me, I mean one day he tells me he's in love with me the next day it's nothing.He messaged me 'Hi what's up" today and I just ignored it. I'm very confused and upset. But honestly it's my own fault. I love him and wanted to stay friends and have him in my life, hoping that one day him and I could be 'happily ever after' again.I've been thinking of just going back to the no contact like we did when we first broke up. I don't even know what my purpose in his life is at this point. I have no idea what he wants or what he's thinking or feeling, it's emotionally draining. I've tried very hard to always be there for him and help him make good decisions since apparently he claims he's so unhappy. Maybe he doesn't understand where I'm coming from, and vise versa, idk.Do I just remove him out of my life like he never existed? That's what my friends tell me to do but that's very hard. I know it may sound like petty bs but I really do love this man, I was very happy with him, and this has been very hard on me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2016): I often experienced that guys, when they come out of a long-term relationship, return to their ex when they start dating again, because they are still attached to her, and need to make up their mind. So they test the waters without explicitely ask their ex to get back together, they try to see if they will ask themselves to get back together, because they are not so sure of their own feelings. And if the ex doesn't, they go on with their new partner.
So I think you both are done anyway. You suffered too much in this story. You expect him to ask you back, he won't. He left you, he is not invested enough in your relationship. Move on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2016): What's the matter with you? Would you sign up to have needle stuck into your eyeballs? Would you sign up to have each hair on your body pulled out one by one? Hell no!
You ain't friends. You exes. And he got a girlfriend, you really are a little pushover. So why are you still trying to talk to this man. He's moved on. He's done. Unless, he's chatting you up trying to get back into your panties. Woman, it's time to put them on those big girl panties and cut the EX out of your life. For good. For goodness sake.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 April 2016):
 I think he is using you as his crutch. He tells you he loves you so that you will keep being their for you, he tells you his problems with his girlfriend, yet nobody is forcing him to be with her, and nobody is forcing him not to be with you. He is the one with the issues here. You love him and want him back, but he does not want you. He wants you there as a back up plan, you are familiar to him and safe. But he does not want you as his girlfriend, if he did he would work hard on getting you back.
I know that no contact is difficult, but that's the only way off moving forward, it is difficult for a while but when you are over him you will be in a much happier place, you won't need to pine over him, you may actually meet someone else. You must realize he is not good for you, plus he is not to be trusted talking the way he does behind his girlfriends back. Let him go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 April 2016):
 First off, if he still loved you... don't you think he would TRY and work it out with you? WITHOUT having a GF?
Second of all, if their relationship was so boring and bland, why is he still dating her?
No one is forcing him here...
I think he is holding on to you out of familiarity more than love. You two were together for 3 years after all.
You two are NOT friends. Since you have BOTH declared there are feelings there, it's NOT a friendship. He isn't looking for a friend. He is looking for a spare. He wants to string you along JUST in case he decides the new GF isn't what he wants. That way he can "fall back" with you for a while - while looking for YOUR replacement.
Why did you two break up?
There has to be a reason for it. That reason is still valid. And the thing is, you can LOVE someone and NOT be with them.
If I were you I'd wish him well and block him. I wouldn't "pretend" he never existed, because that isn't realistic. I would ACCEPT that HE moved on and it's time for you to do so as well.
Don't be "that" girl. The one who doesn't respect another woman's relationship. The one who is willing to be second string for some guy just because they share some history. And don't settle for a guy who HAS a GF. Doesn't matter how long they have dated, HE IS with her. HE has CHOSEN to date her. Don't be a "spare". You deserve more.
Your friends are right.
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A
female
reader, wrathykins  +, writes (19 April 2016):
 That's the only thing I find that works, literally delete him from your life. Delete and block him on everything, and get rid of any reminders of the relationship you have. I KNOW how hard this is, i'm going through it right now after being with someone for 6 years. But it's the only thing that works and i'm well on my way to moving on.The way he's acting is selfish and SO unfair on you. Break ups are hard enough, without this extra stress. I don't think he loves you, and has no intention of being with you again. So what's the point in wasting anymore time on him? He's moved on, and you need to make the steps to do that too.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (19 April 2016):
 I believe that people can be legitimately confused and unsure of how they feel. He seems to feel this way. He says he still loves you, and he very well may. You two were together for a good span of time and only been broken up for 6 months. But he's also in a relationship, which he may not necessarily want to leave just yet, as he may want to see where it goes.
If I were you, I would make my intentions with him very clear. I would tell him you love him and want to be with him. And if he loves you, too, and wants to be with you, he can leave his gf and make it work. If not, and he desires staying with her, then you need to go back to no contact. At least until you are 100% over him.
This way, you at least have answers. Right now, all the lower is in his hands. Take your power back. Assert what you want and need. And stick to your guns. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (19 April 2016):
 Well darlin' he doesn't love you - at least not like you think you love him. And I think you have a bit of a cheek discussing his current girlfriend with him behind her back. He is wrong to do it too. Imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed.
You need to distance yourself from this and find another man, one who loves you like there is no tomorrow. One who would walk over broken glass to be with you. Friends with benefits - really!
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