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Do all men prefer anal sex and why? I do it to quench my husband's curiosity that drove him to an affair.

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 December 2007) 38 Answers - (Newest, 8 October 2010)
A age 41-50, * writes:

please do all men prefer anal sex and why, i dont care for it my husband does....i am having a hard time because he was in an affair in trying this anal stuff out i think this is the curiousity that he proposed to some whore on the net and ended up trying the experiment which blew up in his face she was a skank who wanted money and i found out about the affair... now i am trying this anal sex is it what men want help me please i am confused....:-(

View related questions: affair, anal sex, money, the internet

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A female reader, Sexy Sadie United States +, writes (8 October 2010):

Sexy Sadie agony aunt Well sweetie, if you wanna no the truth of this matter, yes almost all men want to have anal sex. I would say maybe 2% of the men in this world do not prefer anal sex with ther partner. I have been married for 21 years now, my husband loves watching porn with anal sex that is the only kind of porn that he with purchase. I did not prefer it in the past myself, but now as the time has gone by and I have viewed the porns with my husband, well it's now stuck in my head and that is what I think about. Anal sex can be enjoyable but you have tobe the adventurous type to want it and enjoy it, willing to real switch your brain to become someone who you are not is a hard thing todo. I say do it only if you truely love your husband. But if your husband really loved you he would have honored you and would not go out to find some whore to experiment with on this subject.Most people have fetishes and this is the biggest fetish you will hear and know most about in the world today. All I have to say is, if your doing it even though you do not care for it and only to make your husband happy the marriage is not worth it. I do not think your husband has any respect for you or himself. I know I don't know either of you. But as I said, if he's going to go have an affair just because he gets hard thinking or watch the anal act, it doesn't mean that he has to go and do it with someone else.There are men out there who want todo the act, but respect there wives or girlfriends enough to just fantasize about it, or even watch anal porn while having sex with their partner. See I was curious myself and I wanted to try it anyway. So I did it hurt a bit at first and then I just got used to it. Then I started wanting it myself and now it's just a normal usual life thing in my world. Anyway, I give you luck with your husband.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010):

you are sad

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2010):

I am a bisexual woman so I have known of women who liked anal with strap ons, some who don't, I enjoy men and woman, but I must say, n am sure that it all boils down to this. I 100% agree with localman, everyone sexual prefences are are different as people are themselves. The largest sexual organ is the brain!!! Some people are more turned on from things that do not even involve the genitals! Such as, S&M forplay, being spanked and "beaten", humiliation. There is sometimes no penetration involved but it gets some people off. So, I must say, n agree that it's all in your MIND what is sexy n gets your juices flowing. I like romantic sex with both sexes from time to time, as well as a dirty F night. I do enjoy anal, now, but I didn't at first. Just like I did not enjoy vaginal sex the first year I did it, know why? It hurt! But as u get used to it, and yes, use tons of lube, even have your partner put some on their finger n finger it into you at first untill it starts to feel more comfortable. That is the number one cause of discomfort in anal sex, not lubricated enough, also, a piece of poo inside that scratches you in the, and not putting it in slow n letting it sit for a minute before you begin humping. Trying all these things will make it more comfortable. But do u want to know the main reason you may be uncomfortable? It comes from the same "largest sex organ", the fact that he cheated on you are doesn't do the sexual act on you from a place of loving you n wanting you to both feel pleasure, that.... Lady, makes it disgusting!!! I would not want a man to give me a hug after the cheated on me, I wouldn't ever want to see them again. He betrayed your trust. That is disgusting, not the act of anal penetration.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2010):

yes we prefer anal, its amazing and tight, and of course just with a beutiful woman and is better with my beloved

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010):

well not everyone .... blame it on porn movies... hmmm but most of them want to try it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2010):

I also agree that your husband is wrong for doing what he did. You deserve better than that and I hope things are better now since it was 2 years ago.

My boyfriend enjoys anal sex-- somehow it just happened that all his previous girlfriends had anal and only anal sex with him. However, I really hate it! I think it is disgusting, painful, and I don't feel anything from it.

I'm really afraid that he is an anal deviant. Sometimes I bring it up and he looks embarrassed about it. And it's not that he doesn't enjoy vaginal sex with me-- he enjoyed it when I was on the pill. But I do have the sneaking suspicion that he would much prefer anal to anything else. Or at least have the option open (no pun intended).

I say go with what you want. Be clear with him. My boyfriend has started anal play with me, involving no penetration. I think that's as far as I would let it go. And I am very vocal about it whenever he hurts me or does something I don't want.

It's important to be true to yourself. He can't just think of his own pleasure, he has to think about yours as well. And if he's not man enough to do that-- then he's done. It just proves that he doesn't love you or anyone but himself.

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A male reader, SexQuestionAnswers United States +, writes (2 September 2010):

Not all men prefer it, but I count myself among those who do. As for why, because, to me it feels better than vaginal.

Sex should be a pleasurable thing to everyone involved, if it is not there is a problem.

For you the core of the problem is not so much that you dont like anal sex, or even that he is looking elsewhere to satisfy this desire of his, it is that you and your husbands sex interests do not match up. That is a truly sad thing, and if you two are in love with each other it is even more sad.

He no more wants to feel guilty about his love of anal sex than you want to feel the pain that he is having the affair. I'm assuming you both love each other deeply, why else would you get married?

Anyhow, if anal sex is just not your thing and mainly does nothing for you but isn't hurting you either, relax, pay attention to how much he likes being in your rear, maybe just maybe focusing on that will make the experience something nice for you too.

If it is a grit your teeth and bear every moment of pain kind of thing, talk about it to your husband, go slower at first, get quality lubes that you like, in part try to fix whats wrong for you together.

If you simply can't take him in the rear, you will have to work out with yourself how to deal with his desire for anal sex. The point being, no one wants to feel ashamed of their own desires, and being able to act on those desires is alot of what keeps us going from day to day.

If you decide to go for anal sex, you might want to do a few things. First of all you likely want to feel clean inside, you can do enimas, or train yourself to go to the bathroom say an hour prior to when you guys might regularly have sex. A shower prior to anal is also nice. Buy the best lube you can, I like Wet Planinum, but others are good too, just make sure you get more than enough running out is uncool at best. Be sexy, be shy, be yourself, whatever makes you feel relaxed, think about how much you turn on your husband, its all about focusing on the good, the love, the desire, the feelings, and not the ideas or preconcieved badness.

For my wife and I anal sex brings us both to orgasm, vaginal is nice sometimes for both of us but not nearly to the extent of anal sex. My wife is able to achieve orgasm through vaginal sex every time, I can't. So for us anal sex is the more regular type of penetration sex that we both enjoy all the way to orgasm.

If it were not for my wife liking anal I do not think we would be sexualy happy, mainly because I would not get the chance to enjoy sex as much as her. The feeling of being unequal sucks pretty bad in any long term relationship and is not very healthy.

So make a go at it with an open mind my dear, there is much more to liking anal sex than liking his stuff in your rear.

SQA

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A female reader, YasmineKlenot United States +, writes (19 July 2010):

My boyfriend loves anal sex too. He always needs to take care of me before though. It is scary the first times you try it but it isn't bad and does not and should not hurt. Coincidentally the first boy I had anal sex with in high school turned out to be gay.

My current boyfriend is not gay but says the same thing alot of guys say that "anal is the best". But my boyfriend i had in college liked it too but didn't love it as much as my vagina.

The thing I have to force myself to do is swallow during oral. I've always had the idea that fellatio was degrading to women especially "facials" and the taste and texture of semen is disgusting. I am not good at "head" but do it for the same reason you have anal sex and that is so he won't go off to get blown by a prostitute. I much prefer he unloads on my boobs. Oral and swallowing is only done for him when he is good or on special occasions, but I'd rather live with the satisfaction that he is satisfied with me.

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A male reader, Vlad55 United States +, writes (19 July 2010):

I am sorry to find out your husband was cheating on you for his sexual fantasies. He should have been more open with you.

Many many times men (and some women) go to drastic measures to have fantasies fulfilled, whether it is to fulfill an act such as oral or anal sex or experience sex with someone for their physical traits (i.e. large breasts, hair). Of course there are just situations where a relationship is falling apart, but more often than not, I have known men to cheat to experience oral (throat) and anal sex above all else.

There should always be trust among couples when it comes to sex. Men and women should be open minded and communicate their fantasies, not just bottle them in. And just because one may share their fantasies, doesn't mean you have to fulfill them if you are too uncomfortable. men must be open but patient. Your husband should not be cheating on you.

As for anal sex, I do enjoy it above all other acts. For me, it just feels better. I have only had anal sex with my wife of two years and the experience is something special we share. She obviously doesn't get the same pleasure I do but she does feel sexy and empowered, often bragging about it to her friends. We were both in college together and she was really open to the idea when I mentioned it to her but we didn't start right away. It wasn't until our second year in our relationship we experimented (for birth control reasons) and we did it maybe once every 4 months. It has only been this last year we are doing it often, up to half the times we have sex. The point I'm making is that we were open to each other and we had patience.

If you are doing this for your husband, he should at least be making you feel special.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009):

I myself just recently married in the Catholic church. I am Asian and my husband is from North America although he is a Catholic convert and an AA graduate for 3 decades long before we met and got married. I felt that he was so aggressive about anal sex. I am so much againts it because I do find it strange and dirty even if my husband says I do enjoy it at times. Honestly, its natural you gave in to your husbands wishes at times but I cant help feeling angry afterwards even during the time we do it..I show my anger and disappointment through silence. I tried to communicate with him about this that I hated the idea of anal sex he would be considerate for awhile; but eventually will try it again from time to time. At present we are addressing the problem on fertility issue through Natural Family Planning to see if we can still have a baby since we're both older when we got married and one of the NFP method asks us to abstain in sexual intercourse for one month wpman's cycle as part of the obsewrvation then we can go back to our normal marital relations...sad to say he became more interested back in my anus because of the present situation ..when we can just be satisfied with other means like oral sex. As much as tried to understand it and comfort my self thats its alright it would always bounce back to my anger deep inside and I gave my husband cold treatment to touch his male ego because at times when we talk about it openly he would always reason out that its ok to have anal sex and I felt he's not taking it seriously. So in some form of silence I observed that he will be more sensitive and attentive to my needs or to what I want to communicate. I think for us women we should be able to RESIDT TO GIVE IN AT ALL TIMES JUST TO MAKE SURE OUR MESSAGE IS CLEAR. I do FAIR TREATMENT AND SELF-RESPECT this is part of my upbringing born and raised as a true Catholic woman thus I know what's right for me and I have to make it clear in a tactful way, to my husband and put the message across to avoid upset both on our part and further arguments. Having some LIMITATIONS when its needed can be healthy plus there is the great respect for each other which will be very REWARDING IN THE END..with God's help nothing is impossible even if our VOCATION IS IN THE MARITAL STATE.

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A male reader, localman United States +, writes (12 February 2009):

This is an old question, but I figured I'd pop in and give a definitive answer. You asked if "all men prefer anal sex". The answer is: No.

I can say this with authority because I am a man and I don't prefer anal sex. So, there is at least one man in the world who doesn't prefer it. I'm pretty sure there are others.

Many men do like anal sex. They may prefer it to vaginal sex, or they may just like it as an occasional addition to their sex life. As long as both partners are into it, it's fine.

If one partner doesn't want to do it, then it's kind of a sad situation. Your sex life should be highly enjoyable for both of you. If it's not, then you're missing half the fun. Personally I get as much from my partner's enjoyment as I get from my own, so I don't want them doing anything that isn't enjoyable to them. Even if I did like anal sex, I wouldn't enjoy it very much if they didn't like it.

If you don't like it, and he demands it, it's up to you to decide if you to be used that way. Personally I can't imagine being with a partner who wanted to do things to me that I didn't enjoy. Sounds like a very selfish and inconsiderate person, and that is not sexy or romantic. His selfishness and inconsiderate nature could also explain the affair.

I'm willing to bet you or any woman can find a great relationship where they would not be pressured into doing things they didn't want sexually. Combine that with the affair and I say kick the guy to the curb.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009):

I am a middle-aged man with very strong libido who fantasizes about anal sex every few seconds. My wife could be called a rage-o-holic, a control freak, and a masculine feminist. She grew up in a cold, distant family where affection was expressed through gifts and cards, but not physically. I believe this emotional distance negatively affected her ability to develop intimacy with herself.

I have had a lot of time to think about it, and I think anal sex is a normal part of a romantic relationship between partners.

The anus is the most shamed part of our bodies - to the point that many experience painful embarrassment if they FART audibly in say, a staff meeting in a small conference room. The smells associated with the anus are also a source of shame in our society.

To joyfully share this most psychologically vulnerable part of ones self with someone else requires great trust, and thus is a great gift and demonstration to the partner.

There can be pain, embarrassment, and a feeling of being violated associated with anal penetration for people who have not enjoyed experimenting with anal pleasure as a natural part of their sexual development, a situation I consider unfortunate, in the sense that the person obeyed social taboos rather than explore and enjoy their very selves. And I do not know whether such people will ever be able to enjoy anal sex.

However, those who have naturally integrated anal pleasure into their sexual identities are able transform the pain of anal penetration into intense and joyful pleasure, if their partner is knowledgeably gentle in the act.

For a woman to gracefully share this part of herself, and to surrender to anal penetration by her partner brings a unique, unparalleled excitement and pleasure to both partners.

For people that crave it, the need is not merely for the act itself, but also for the relationship that can produce the act and benefit from it. But as for the act itself, there can be no substitute, as the whole specific situation is an essential part of their self-fulfillment, and quite possibly a life goal formed before birth.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009):

For the men alluding to it being a power thing, I think you should have your heads examined. And the argument about "different sensations" and "variety" for the man - what do you have to offer in return? Many women don't enjoy it, but do it for their partner (like head).

Also, for men criticising vaginal sex, maybe it isnt that your partner's anus is tighter than her vagina, but that your penis is abnormally small. Before pressuring someone into anal, think about getting an enlargement.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009):

I prefer anal sex, and my wife prefers it also. However, I have to be careful and love her vagina some of the time, since she thinks that I am too obsessed with her anus. (Her vagina is jealous of her anus, since the anus provides so much pleasure, but is not as "feminine" as her vagina.)

I think the reason is that the anus is so pleasurable for me is that her anus is round and tight, while her vagina's opening, like with all vaginas has a more oval opening. Thus, the anus is much better for stimulating the penis.

Also, since my wife does not do a lot of PC exercises to strengthen her vaginal muscles, he anus is naturally tighter.

Meanwhile, she gets lots of stimulation at her G-Spot when I do anal entry from the rear. Her orgasms are more intense and more frequent with anal sex.

I have found that it is extremely important that the female feels very relaxed for this. She not only needs to relax her body, but to relax her mind, to go with the flow. Also, it's important to use lots of lubrication, and to take it slow.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009):

Most men, if they were honest would admit to liking anal sex. Many women like anal sex too, once the get over prudishness or thinking their anus and vagina are in a competition.

What a woman (and your man) in this situation needs to decide is, is having a happy sex life worth it. If you are happy keeping him frustrated and denying what he wants, and he is not happy, than you are headed for lots of trouble or a break up.

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A male reader, Sailor__67 New Zealand +, writes (22 December 2008):

I do prefer anal, most of the time. Probably because it's more taboo.

Also, to me it shows a woman who enjoys it is broadminded (very sexy), comfortable with her body (very sexy).

Vaginal sex is not something I fantasize about as it's too mundane and vanilla, I still enjoy it, but often it's about as exciting as shaking hands... whereas anal definitely is more exciting and exotic to me.

It also requires a woman to be very trusting of a man to care about her welfare and pleasure.

If my partner is not in to it also, I can soon tell, and the pleasure soon goes for me. There is no turn on for me if it's not reciprocated.

I don't believe I could be compatible long term with a partner who wasn't in to it, it would be like a man saying to a woman he would never go down on her (oral), having a central source of your pleasure denied, possibly for life would be a deal-breaker for me.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008):

Tried it a few times, like it more than not. The women I tried it with enjoyed it. I even had one of them climax when having anal sex. Will I try it again? Most likely, if my partner is willing. Totally depends on the both of you. Mutual consent brings about mutual enjoyment.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008):

Firstly I have not tried anal sex with my lady but I must confess I would love to. I am sexually aroused by her body and especialy her ass. This is not a power thing for me but the want for exploration of every physical pleasure before my life ebbs away. Sadly my missus is one hell of a prude and has no sexual confidence. I treat her like a princess spend every last bit of money and compliment her on her body. She fears anything new and is convinced by someone somewhere that anal sex is bad. Many a night I am left with my hand thinking about her. Your old man has strayed because you are not as confident as him. He has not done this because he loves you any less. Given the choice all of his life experiences would be with you.

I am at the stage he is at. My sex life is low, my sex drive is through the roof... Tell me what is a man supposed to do, it indoors and climb the walls? Life is for living and exploring. It's not just about pretty flowers and cuddles and kisses it is about getting down to the primordial basics at times. We are animals and will always be. You married a man, he will behave like one. This does not make less of a woman but a woman that has a man willing to engage her in any way. Use it, control it and enjoy it before you are there on your death bed, with an unused fanny and memories of nothing.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008):

dump him darling! You deserve better:)........

Any man that truly cares and loves you will not make you do anything that you don't want to do. Trust me I know I am in the same boat. You deserve a man that will treat you the way you should be treated, not like some common skank

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008):

I am afemale who loves it. It is somewhere between pleasure and pain but the intimacy is incredible with rite guy. It brings you and your partner to a sexual level of intimacy that you will not go back from. I fantasise about it and become immediatly turned on!!!!!!!!!! Engage by all means!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2008):

I prefere anal sex, it's the best way. try it slow until you anus opens up and you can take it deep and well. My girlfriend is not really into it which is crap for me. I need a bit anal now and again or my mind wanders.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008):

Not all men, but alot do like it. Every woman I have ever been with has let me do this. Sometimes it takes some convincing but it eventually does happen. Maybe I am a little old fashioned but I still believe in women doing whatever it takes to please their man. Even if it means some anal sex that she might not really like all that much. I am always very gentle about it but it still gives me that feeling of taboo and complete control over a women. Rather they admit it or not that feeling of control is what men are really after. I'm not trying to say this is something you have to do, you just need to decide how far you are willing to go to please your man. Just think of it this way, even if you don't enjoy it, it would probably amount to 15 or 20 minutes once in a while. As long as he is gentle you might experience some discomfort but no real pain.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2008):

A Durex suvey revealed that 41% of American women said they've engaged in anal sex, and MSNBC reports that 23 percent of women have engaged in anal sex in the last year. So you're not in a majority, but then it's not like your husband is a pervert either. I can't vouch for all men, but I personally like anal sex and the woman I married knew this before agreeing to marry me. We do okay. I like the sensation and I like the variety.

However, like others have pointed out, anal sex is less of the issue for you than your husband's choices.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007):

Anal sex is a natural thing for humans to do. We have been doing it since the beginning of time. However, your husband fooling around is a different matter. Anal sex is not the issue. Fooling around is the issue. He betrayed your trust.

I think anal sex is a wonderful thing to express your love, but it must be gentle and consensual. Also, to be fair, if a man wants anal sex, then he must consent to a women inserting a dildo into his anus. I have done that so that I know what it feels like, and have learned to go slow and take care.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007):

I do not know if I am in the minority or marjority. But I enjoy anal sex. Cannot explain why, but it has alway been a fasination with me. I enjoy trying to please a woman and with anal, it forces you into communication with the one you are with.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007):

to anon e mouse

Anal sex was an issue with me I am a very sexual person, I love sex I have been married 18 years and dont remember weeks that went by that we didnt have sex 2 to 3 times a week only when I was sick or otherwise the last 3 months of this year my husband found the net from there he found a crack addict whore who would cure his curiousity of anal sex this was the first thing this woman told me problem is he could not find himself able to get out of this blackmailing whore which God works in mysterious ways...anyway as far as sex with me if he is didnt like it he could of left me because I didnt want him back,,,,I gave him another chance and as far as sexual I am not hard on the eyes and I know I would make a man VERY HAPPY I had no problem with friends coming by asking me out for a coffee to comfort me He thought the grass was greener turned out to be shit brown ooops no pun intended

:-D Thanx for replying I love input GOD BLESS

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A male reader, anon_e_mouse United Kingdom +, writes (18 December 2007):

anon_e_mouse agony auntJudging by the title line; "do all men prefer anal sex and why? I do it to quench my husband's curiosity that drove him to an affair" I don't think your husband went elsewhere due to curiosity about anal sex.

Sounds to me that, going by the title, you're going about this the wrong way. When I said I had tried it with one of my girlfriends it was out of curiousity. We were quite adventurous and BOTH curious.

We were not doing it purely to keep hold of each other. At the end of the day it's "different strokes for different folks". If you like it, you like it, if you don't, you don't, but curiosity is no reason to have an affair.

I would say the issue is more deep rooted than that. That's like saying my husband had an affair with someone else because I refused to wear red underwear.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2007):

I have tried it, and to be honest it is overrated.

It wasn't that my girlfriend was against the idea - quite the opposite; she was the one who suggested it - but when it actually came down to it, there really isn't anything special about the sensation.

It is up to you if you want to try it but really don't expect a life changing experience. It is definitly not going to be the thing to save your marriage.

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A male reader, leonard j, Douglas Philippines +, writes (18 December 2007):

Anal sex should always be left up to the two people who are engaged in mutural,anal pleasuring of each other's bodies. "Note", I said "Mutural Consent" These are the key words that make it right or wrong.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007):

Your anal passage has a purpose and it is full of bacteria and extremely sensitive to infection. I suggest if you are uncomfortable with the idea you absolutely don't do it. I would never.... because of the reasons above ..... and also because my vagina is perfectly equipped for the job :-) You need some respect from him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007):

My wife and I tried it twice many years ago. She hated it and I didn't particularly find much enjoyment in it. Even if I had, I wouldn't want to do it if she hated it. Actually, we don't even like porn with anal scenes in it. As Phil said, some must like it, as there is much porn with it.

There are so many better ways to have sex that both partners can enjoy. Your husband got what he deserved with that affair. Just don't do it if you don't want to. You shouldn't be made to suffer through something you don't like. There are even a couple of vaginal sex positions that hurt my wife when we try them. I like them, but don't try to make her do them because they hurt her. The man has to understand that making the woman do something that hurts may turn her off to any sex. Now what advantage is there in that.

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A male reader, Sandman United States +, writes (17 December 2007):

Sandman agony auntI like Uncle Phil's answer. The porn industry has infiltrated many marriage beds and tricked many couples into believing that "everyone is doing it". The reality is, not every man enjoys or even wants to have anal sex with his partner. This is a falsehood brought about by the constant inundation of images of anal sex in the porn industry that have many people intrigued. And while wanting to have anal sex is not wrong, forcing or coercing your partner into something they really don't want to do or try IS. It is also wrong for your husband to find another woman to give him is carnal desire of anal sex.

So the first thing to understand is that YOU are not wrong! You did not drive your husband to an affair. You did not make your husband have an affair. By saying these thing and believing these things, you are taking the burden of responsibility away from your husband and putting the blame on yourself. This is not the way to do it. It is your husband that had the affair and thus is the person who needs to make some changes to make things right - not you.

But it is also important to point out that it seems that you are willing to stay with him and try to work on your marriage despite the fact that you have been deceived. That's good. But, do not by any means begin to loose your self identity and self worth by giving in to the very things that you don't want! This will begin a pattern of a viscous cycle where your husband might continue to exhibit this bad behavior and you being left to gather the pieces to try to make everything better - all the time! I think you need to find out why your husband REALLY had an affair and work through those issues. If it was only because he wanted to try something new you didn't want to do - the question then becomes "will he do it again?" And if so, are you willing to put up with it again?

Hope this helps.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007):

Hi Hunny,

You shouldnt have to do anything you dont want to he is your husband he should respect that, Its upseting you and for him to go and try to find someone to do this with doesnt say much about how he cares for your feelings...Dont get traped into doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable as you will feel resentment in the end by just wanting to please him, You have to be pleasured to, and this is not doing it for you. I can understand a fantasy as its normal.. Please look out for you take care love mandy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

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A male reader, Richard_EMids United Kingdom +, writes (17 December 2007):

Richard_EMids agony auntDo all men like a certain car? Do all women prefer the same food? Why don't we all like the same book? Don't be hurt, just my simple way of making the point.

I do understand you are having a hard time after your husband's betrayal. You are seeking some explanation, some credible reason why this has happened. I doubt if he really knows himself, so you have even less chance of getting to the answer. I heard an interesting phrase the other day. The guy that wrote the book about Oscar Schindler that became the film Schindler's List, was discussing the real people involved in the true story, some of whom he met when writing the book. In describing one, he said, "Humans are contradictory, that's what makes them human." If something like this has been said before then I haven't heard it. But it's true. We aren't always as consistent as we think we are. We might think we can be relied upon, and that other people can be, but that isn't really the case. It's a false assumption.

Your world has been shaken and now you must adapt to a different world. The consistent feature will always be you though. The foundations and structures of the world you see should come from your values and your beliefs. Gather together the things that are most important to you, and don't compromise.

Richard

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A male reader, anon_e_mouse United Kingdom +, writes (17 December 2007):

anon_e_mouse agony auntMy girlfriend and I were quite adventurous and experimented quite a bit and I have to say I thought NEVER! However, we tried it once and it was AMAZING.

I have to say you'd have to be very comfortable with the person you're with to be able to be so adventurous/experimental.

About a year ago the very thought made my stomach turn.

DON'T KNOCK IT UNTIL YOU'VE TRIED IT :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007):

I can't answer for all men but I doubt I would ever want it. Looking at a woman's backside I might imagine it for a moment however I wouldn't want it in reality.

Putting that aside you shouldn't be doing this for your husband if you really don't like it especially if it's the only reason he's staying with you. A marriage should be built upon love and trust. Neither which seem to exist between the two of you. I strongly suggest marriage therapy to fix what appears to me to be a glaring problem of his unfaithfulness.

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A male reader, chlez83 Zambia +, writes (17 December 2007):

Although i do fantasise about it i really don't bother my gal about and know she'd really be puzzled if i asked for it.So personally i'm not a fan of anal sex and do not think of touching it even when heving sex.It's really upto you,if you can enjoy it go with the flow,he's only trying to be creative,porn or not.If you are so not turned on,come up with something to distract his desire for anal sex.

Good luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2007):

I for one do not. That particular orifice was intended for an entirely different purpose and holds no fascination for me whatsoever.

The porn industry has a great deal to answer for in this regard. I suppose people buy it or there would be no point in producing it. Plumbing the depths of depravity would seem to be the norm these days, unfortunately. And that's the problem - it's seen to be 'normal' when in fact it's anything but.

As with everything else if it feels good and you enjoy it, go ahead, but if you don't and find it repulsive then don't. You should't be doing this just to please your man in an attempt to save a marriage, and taking part in perverted acts just to satisfy his particular fetish probably isn't the best way to achieve the aim.

Phil

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