A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this is a long post, but I feel all the information in it is necessary. A year ago in August, I started my second year of college. It was at this time I met her. I had known her from when I was in elementary and middle school-she was a grade below me. My best friend in middle school had a huge crush on her, but outside of that I didn't know her. We even shared a class in high school... (Spanish- the teacher was lame)... we would sit and play cards together (8 or 10 people in class at a large table: not just me and her, and strangly enough I don't even remember her sitting at the table; but others who used to play remember her being there). Then she moved to a different high school close by. At the community college, we both had speech class together. This was where we started talking. A month went by and we had become very close friends. Speech class was our last class for the day, it let out at 3:30p.m. and most of the time we would sit on the tailgait of my pickup and talk until the sun went down (about 8:30p.m.). From the first time we talked, I had very strong feelings about her; and I felt like she felt the same. (She had a boyfriend though, So I kept my distance) Then she started hitting on me. She would tell me before speech class started that she had been looking everywhere for me. And then if I took longer at leaving class she would wait on me. One time I was sitting on the couch in the lounge working on homework and she came in and sat down at the opposite end; then gradually worked her way closer until our legs were touching, then leaned in over me and started picking up my stuff and going through it. So one day; after we had lunch together, I told her that her boyfriend was the luckiest man alive, and that I envied him. She replied that if she didn't have him she would want to be with me. It all went downhill from there.That night we texted (where I live not enough signal to talk) until 4 in the morning. The next day we spent the whole day together then finished it off with dinner at the Mexican resturaunt (where we made out in the parking lot for an hour and a half before we went in to eat, also happened to be the night of my first kiss). (yes she's still with her boyfriend and is officially cheating at this point). We got to where we would do sexual things together (never all the way, but pretty damn close) She said her boyfriend didn't ever do those things with her. It got to where whenever we were alone for more than 5 mins we were doing stuff. This went on through Christmas and the new year, then she calls me at 7 one morning, and says that she has to take time away from me, that her boyfriend has heard rumors about me and her. (She always felt bad about cheating on him, she claimed that he was the first she had cheated on; so we had tried to stop seeing each other before and it only lasted 3 days and she was calling me again) So we only talk to each other once every other day for two weeks. Then she tells me she has lied to me about her sexual past (i'm a virgin; thought she was too). It hurt my feelings that she felt she needed to lie to me. It caused a big fight between us. We worked through the anger, but then she basically stoped talking to me for two weeks. Then she calls me and tells me about her new friend (yep a guy). Then i don't hear from her for a week, then she calls again to tell me she broke up with her boyfriend (yes the one I tried to get her to break up with for several months). The next night I text her to see if she's going to come see me, she says no, that she is an hour away with the other guy, and going to stay the night with him at a motel. That was friday feb, 13. That sunday she sent me a text saying she was back with her boyfriend. That was the last conversation that I had with her until june (she called to tell me she had been in a car wreck). Throughout this whole time she has been all I can think about. I've tried to contact her, but she ignores me. I dream about her every night, I miss her so so so much. My questions are:1. will she ever come back to me? dumb question, I know.(We transferred to the same university; our paths cross twice a week, she pretends she doesn't see me)2. Did she use me for sexual things? (When we would do things, she would beg me to go all the way, I never would because I had more respect for her and myself; I felt like I would be taking advantage of her). 3.Her boyfriend (according to her facebook; she is still with him) goes to the same university as well. It's a small world, he knows who I am and I know him,its just a matter of time before our paths cross. Do I tell him what happened? (I don't want to create problems between him and her.) 4. If I should tell him, what do I say?Please help. Thanks.
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female
reader, axia002 +, writes (29 January 2011):
Hi sweetie, don't know if this is still current issue due to time lapse, but I am seeing your question for the first time
I will address questions #5 and #6:
5. She may, she may not. You should read the book "He's just not that into you" even though it's written for girls. The point is that you want to get to a place where it doesn't matter if she still thinks about you or not. I totally understand you. It's tormenting. Try to keep moving on.
6. You yourself know this from the time you were together. But I think you want a sign or reassurance from her. Just tell yourself that you did, and let that try to be enough. Sounds like it won't work the other way (getting a sign from her) although I'm sure you'd prefer it that way.
Good luck...I totally understand...with time you will heal..
A
male
reader, Omegahero09 +, writes (25 September 2009):
 Don't worry about running into him. What could happen? Will it be awkward? Sure. But that doesn't mean you have to sit the guy down and talk with him. Just walk away. If he confronts you, just throw up your hands and walk away. You'll be fine. You didn't hurt her, if anything she lead you on. So relax it'll be cool.
-Hero
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies. I just want as many opinions as I can get on this. Anything is helpful. I saw her again today. She looked at me and I smiled, then she just turned her head away and kept walking. What a cold hearted bitch. I would like some advice on if I should run into her boyfriend. She introduced him to me once (before the rumors started) he seemed like a really good guy. To be honest, I saw alot of myself in him. If my assumptions are correct, he won't want to fight (I don't either); he'll just want to know what I have to say. I'm an honest person, and I don't want to lie to him; but at the same time I'm afraid it will make problems between them (I'm almost certain she hasn't told him) and I don't want to be the one responsible for that. However, I also don't want to be the one responsible for him to have to go through life married (if they were to get married) to someone who would do that to him. Any advice is great; whether you've been in a similar situation or not.
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (24 September 2009):
I'm sorry, that's a really heartbreaking story. As an objective reader though, do you really want to be with a girl who cheats on her boyfriend? and then runs off with another guy right after you? sounds like she has some issues and she's a bit immature. you sound like a wonderful guy. I think you should try to let her go and move on to a woman who doesn't use you and hide you in the shadows. this girl is not worthy of you.
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A
male
reader, Omegahero09 +, writes (24 September 2009):
From the looks of it... I hate to say it but- she did. Why else would she have been with you? My advice (as hard as it will be for you to swallow) would be to let her go. Think of it this way. Say you did wind up in a relationship with this gal. You are happy and dandy that you are with her, but then you hear rumours about this other guy... The problem with girls who cheat, is that they cheat. It's intensely difficult to change these types of girls because, well... I haven't ever seen it done. I've tried, and I failed and it ended because she cheated on me and that has cursed me with a sort of insecurity for the rest of my life.You though my friend, are in a very lucky position. You aren't tethered down to anyone at all! You just miss someone, and I say that is good. Shows you that you need someone to love, and share love with, just like the rest of us. The best news is- you're in college. A university even. Which means- girls. Lots of them. So there are plenty of fish where you are at. Plus, I have to give you HUGE kudos for saying 'no' to her sex. That's really hard, and it's a good thing you didn't for obvious reasons. Just start by accepting that you'll never really 'be' with her like you were before, and look your future that way. It sounds harsh, I know. But it works, and it feels good to be single and looking. It's exciting, and you won't regret freeing yourself if you do- even if you aren't partying or doing anything like that.Good luck.-Hero
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would also like to add the following questions:
5. Does anyone think there is a chance that she ever even thinks about me?
6. Does it sound like I meant anything to her?
I have been in a few relationships before; but never have I been so crazy about someone. I waited and searched for a long time (not as long as some people have to though) to find someone that I feel this way about. I would give anything to be able to stop thinking about her and dreaming about her.
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