A
female
age
36-40,
*ashbey
writes:So my ex and I broke up about 2 weeks ago. We were friends for about 3 years before we started dating and when we finally did it felt like everything fell into place. Well when he broke up with me he said that he was just in a bad place in his life and didn't know where he was going or what he wanted from it and that he just didn't need a serious relationship. At this time we had been dating for about 4 months. So I suggested that we just took a step back and went back to sorta dating since neither of us wanted to lose each other. Well right now we're technically just friends and kinda set limits on how we acted with each other. Mostly his doing but I just went a long with it. Well since we've broken up we've been in constant contact, txting every day. Not as much as we used to but still a lot. Well when we actually hang out, which we've done about 3 times since we broke up, he still acts like we're together. He always reaches over and holds my hand, puts his arm around me, kisses me. All of which he said that we shouldn't do in public at least. Let me also add. I'm his first girlfriend since his first love. She hurt him pretty bad and it took him a while to get over it. We got pretty serious pretty fast and i think it scared both of us. When we broke up he told me that he likes me more than I'll ever know but he didn't love me. Which I understand since we'd only been together for 4 months. What gets me is that he said that he didn't know if he ever would. But just random people I work with that I'm not even close with say that even a blind person could tell that he did love me. What do I do? Its like he takes 2 steps forward and then one back. Should I just wait and see what happens since I really do love him and can't picture a future without him. Or just attempt to move on? Sorry this is so long, I'm just really confused and don't want to do the wrong thing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2009): Hi. I can understand your confusion. Ive been there with a guy. On the surface he had moved on but underneath he was still emotionally connected to his ex. I didnt realise that at the time and we started a relationship but it was a rebound one and not very good. So if you really love him and think its worth the wait, i would advise you to take a step back. Be his friend and give him space to decide what he does want. It may be a risk as he may decide you arent for him but you will still be his friend. Trying for a full on relationship with him now might be something you would like but if it isnt suiting him it will lead to tears and probably no friendship at the end of the day. So try and step back, busy yourself with other things and when hes too tactile with you when you meet and it goes beyond a friendly hug ect just pull back and tell him his attention is a little unappropriate for friends. Distance yourself a little and give him space to decide if he wants to be more than friends or not. All the best.
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