A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here is the thing, I have been with my boyfriend for a year and have this pet peeve with him. I am not sure where my relationship stands with him at this point I became very angry and probably ruined our relationship. My bf has no concept of time, and I mean not a clue on keeping plans, dates, times, sometimes he doesn't even know what day it is. He calls it "going with the flow." Anyways, this is the third major blow up that I have had with him about this issue. He is consistently hours late for everything sometimes up to 6hrs late.Recently he told me he would be able to swing by my work after a couple things to have lunch with me that I made (which is literally walking distance from his house.) I talked to him at noon- 3, 4 rolls around I try calling him, nothing. 5:00 rolls around I text and call him, nothing. I get off work at 6:00, I am now furious because he did the same thing to me on my birthday and I expressed to him nicely how it really hurt me that he didn't come. He calls me at 6:40pm saying he fell asleep (for 6 hours). By this point I had made other plans that night when I was wanting to spend time with him.(he apologized about my bday because he got caught up with other things) He is not the person to cheat, and the only thing I have witnessed with him to be on time for is when he worked an hourly position 6 months ago. This is how the conversation went... Me (at 6:36pm): "You really stood me up again? I should start doing that to you, see how u like it"Him: I guess I should never fall asleep ever again just for you. I REALLY wanted to see you and hang out with u today/tonight but holy f***. So I guess have a great night. Sorry I don't meet up to you're par, and sorry I let u down. Me: I was walking distance from your place.... I thought you were coming over after you were done with a "couple" things then go to the pool after having lunch with me. You did none of these things and you didn't have the courtesy to tell me you decided to watch tv and pass out instead. And yes you let me down again. Are you trying to numb my excitement to see you? I get all excited to know I am going to see you then you stand me up... Over and over again. Him: F^^^ I didn't plan falling asleep it happened so quick. You make it sound like I did it on purpose. Me: You watched tv on purposeHim: For a few minutes cuz there was some good parts of the "heat" on and I fell asleep in the middle of it. I'm really sorry that I let you down, but I also can't believe that this escalated to this either.Me: I believe you are sorry, but I don't think you realize that this is a reoccurring thing with you, there is only so many times you can hit me with this before my feelings for you become numb. Him: Sounds like they already areMe: No, once they become numb I would let you know and we will go our separate ways.Him: I am extremely sorry about your birthday. That was a really really dick move. F*** I don't know what to say. Me: Say you won't do it again, I don't like being hurt and disappointed. I love you but you make it hard sometimes when you do things like that. Him: Baby I don't ever want to hurt you or disappoint you.That's where are conversation ended. I did invite him downtown where I was going to be with my friends, but he didn't want to spend any money and wanted his space. Next day I show up at 2:30pm he is still in bed (he sleeps a lot). I try to get him up to go have a cocktail with me, my friend and his roomates. He didn't want to get up. I go and come back and that's when we had "the talk". He tells me that his inability to keep track of time is wired in him and there is nothing he can do about it. He thinks I might need someone with a little bit more structure to be happy. He has even admitted to me that it frustrates himself sometimes how he can't seem to stick to any sort of timeline. I see it as a bad habit that can be improved, but it sounds like he is just too lazy to even try and says this is apart of him. (by the way I used to be late to for everything around 15-20mins though never hours, but anyways being in this relationship I realized how much it bugs me so I changed that bad habit of mine) What do you guys think? Did I overreact, are we just not compatible? (sorry for the book and I really really appreciate you taking the time to give me your opinion)
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female
reader, citadel  +, writes (15 June 2012):
The bottom line is this. Take me as I am or don't take me at all. It's about your boundaries and accepting him
If you can't now and he doesn't change, make sure you have alot of tylenol on hand for your headaches.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 June 2012):
 Is he depressed? That can cause excessive sleeping.. that’s what’s going on with my unemployed guy right now.. LOTS of sleeping to escape… that’s what ALARM clocks are for.
If I said something to a man about being stood up and he said “I guess I should never fall asleep again just for you” (that’s so freaking passive aggressive) I would have said “You’re right you should not ever sleep again” and just let him deal with that piece of info. Don’t play his silly little game where he tries to make this YOUR fault.
IF he’s not even willing to make the effort to try to be what you want/need why do you bother? He’s making it clear to you that you are NOT important enough to him (whether it’s a permanent thing or based on drug/alcohol use or depression does not matter) to make changes in his life for you.
Stay if you want but it’s only going to get worse if you continue to allow it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 June 2012):
 I think that your boyfriend won't even bother tryng to change his habits because he does not care enough about you to make the effort, and because he does not have to. He knows he does not risk anything. You scold, you nag, you complain, but eventually you always stick around .
I think it's bullshit that he is " wired " this way, proven by the fact that when he MUST arrive on time ( his hourly work ) he does. That means that he CAN protirize stuff , and he does, if he think it's important enough , but obviously you aren't. ( And also that he is a lucky guy if he can afford to just sleep away his life in this way ! ).
I also think he has an incredible nerve trying to turn tables on you and cast you in the role of uptight, fussy plodder and himself in that of the " free spirit ". It's instead simply a matter of very basic manners, he has not got ANY and it beats me why you have been so patient in front of such loutish disrespect. He must be really good in bed . At least I hope .
Anyway, wired or not wired, choice or biological destiny, - the end result is that you get disrespected and made fun of, and that he shows no sign of wanting to make an even minimal change. All you're getting out of him will be a couple of half-assed " sorry " that mean nothing and are in fact the equivalent of a laugh in your face.
If that's enough for you, stick around.
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