A
female
age
26-29,
*eorgia_97
writes:I've just gone through a breakup and I really need an opinion on what to or whether I actually did something wrong to deserve being broken up with. I started dating a guy about 2 months ago. We went for a couple of drinks during the first week and planned to meet up the next week but he actually cancelled and told me he had gotten back with his girlfriend so couldn't see me anymore. He apologised and I was a bit disappointed but understood. For about a week we had no communication, I went out on a night out and I met another guy who I got on really well with, we had a little kiss at the end of the night and started texting being flirty etc but quickly discussed that we were just good friends and wouldn't be going out together again. Guy n#1 then came back into the picture texting me telling me he regretted getting back with his girlfriend and had broken up with her and wondered if we could start over as he really liked me. I made it clear I was hesitant but agreed and we went on a couple more dates, during this time I was still flirty texting guy n#2. When I realised things were getting serious I began to phase out guy n#2, being more distant with my texts when he asked if he could take me out; I said no but I didn't mention that I was seeing anyone and he made a joke about me playing hard to get and we sort of stopped texting from then. Just after this I had a chat with guy n#1 and we discussed that whilst we weren't sure what we were doing we did agree that we were an exclusive thing. A couple of weeks later guy n#2 asked me out again even though we had exchanged next to no messages during that time, this time I told him I was seeing someone and he stopped texting me. A couple of days later guy n#1 asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes and thus he became my boyfriend. He saw the texts from guy n#2 on my phone and I explained that he was a guy I met on a night out and we had exchanged friendly texts for a couple of weeks and he seemed annoyed but brushed it off. My one mistake is that I should've mentioned our drunken kiss but I didn't really think about it as I was single and very drunk when it happened. It later circulated to my boyfriend about the kiss which he got angry about but I explained and he seemed ok, then a couple of weeks later guy n#2 starts telling his friends that I was suggestively texting him when I was exclusive with my boyfriend which I DEFINITELY was not except I don't have the texts to prove it because I deleted our chat when my phones memory was full. So my boyfriend has accused me of cheating and has broken up with me without even giving me a chance to defend myself and I just don't know what to do! In my eyes the texting was not cheating as I was single and he had gone back to his girlfriend before that so I didn't think he really liked me anyway??? I don't know if it's worth trying to sort it out with my boyfriend or even what to say but I really liked him and I wish I could make him see my side but I just don't know how! Please help me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2016): I don't believe you cheated, nor do I think you did anything wrong with texting. you were not exclusive with either guy when you were doing this but I can see how the second guy felt cheated.. he was flirting and share and showing interest and thought that you were too. When he asked if you were playing hard to get, he was express seen the only wanted to be with you. He left you alone when you didn't want to be with him and felt probably miffed when you said you were seeing somebody because he thought he was the only one. I wouldn't be surprised if he made sure the first guy found out the you two kissed in part to boost his ego and impart to punish you because you didn't tell him you were flirting with the first guy and then choose the first guy over him. it's the if you won't have me you can't have him way of thinking. he was probably hoping he would break up with you over it but that didn't work because you were able to prove that you were not with the guy and that he was with his ex at the time. the first guy was annoyed because he wanted to keep you on the back burner in case he got back with his girlfriend and it did not work. sounds familiar? what you did to the second guy got you burned. the second I may have been taking your text as for the justice than flirtatious or maybe you were being suggestive I don't know. at any rate, he was mad about being the back burner guy, mad that he wasn't able to make the guy drop you over the kiss, and exaggerated the text to punish you. well, he won. the first guy drop you like a bad habit and you will be very lucky if the second guy is willing to take you back and he will hold it over your head as long as he can.I don't think you did anything worse then the first guy did, but you were both wrong in communicating with another person while you were dating each other. the first guy thought he was justified because he was open about the ex girlfriend well you never mentioned the flirting you were doing. since you are not exclusive, you probably felt you were casually dating two people but in the future please be open about that. yes, the first guy may very well have dropped you if he knew that you were talking to the second guy or he would have made you choose, but at least it would have been in the open and there would be nothing for you to defend.now, you look like a cheater who just likes the attention and I wouldn't be surprised if the second guy happily spread rumors about what you did to make sure that you would never live it down.I can tell you that one thing guys hate is giving a girl time and attention while she's getting it from someone else although they have quite the double standard when it comes to them. also, I have been told by many of my guy friends and brothers that the only thing worse than a slut is an attention whore and a tease. unfortunately, Society has a double standard and when men do this they are not attention whores or teases. hold your head up high and take it as a lesson learned. and unless you're actually interested in pursuing a relationship of any sort, lay off of the flirting and try going to activities where there is mixed gender without looking to date like. activities like a ball game, a non competitive volleyball team or any sport, or a group that serves a purpose. those things will make it clear that you are only looking for friendship. if you are interested, go ahead and flirt but make a choice, don't flirt with several people at once. you will get more respectable guys that way.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (25 January 2016):
 The kiss was NOT cheating - you could have kissed 10 guys while broken up and that would have been OK you were NOT together. But the keeping #2 around and flirting with him, JUST in case #1 didn't work out after all - IS SHADY and I'd say it as close to emotional cheating as you can get without totally crossing the line. How serious is a person about making a relationship work if they are busy keeping their own and another guys ego stroked with some text flirting?
YOU should have let #2 go if you had decided to give #1 a go again. Simply told him my ex is back I want to make it work, good luck.
Not KEEP him around for shits and giggles. If what you were trying to have with #2 was a friendship, there would have been no flirting, maybe some banter (BIG DIFFERENCE there) and he wouldn't have asked you out. Because? Friends... don't date friends - or TRY to date them.
Leave them both alone (for you sake). #1 won't trust you, he RATHER listen to gossip spread by #2 than listen and trust you. And #2 is happily spreading lies about you. Neither of them are BF material.
Learn from this. Honestly is the best policy (and no I don't think you HAD to tell him about the kiss, the kiss was minor.. it was the continuation of the texting and flirting that was dishonest of you).
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (25 January 2016):
 Well you can see his point of view can't you. The life lesson here is never put yourself in the position where it might appear you are doing something wrong even if you are not.
You didn't do much wrong and could rightly believe you deserved a fair hearing.
If you want to contact him then go ahead. Perhaps a letter would be best if you know his address.
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