A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI'm dating an guy for past 3 months, I connect with him so well it scares the hell out of me. I really like him, he never said anything about liking me, he is not really vocal in showing affection; his action also confuse meFor past 3 days I didn't hear from him, I was busy at work, so didn't mind him calling, but when I called day back he didn't pick up or text me back, I gone a notch up and called like 6 times, which is unlike me and I hated doing that, but couldn't stop from doing it. At the end realized that I'm falling for him very hard, it really really scares me and he still hasn't even said he likes me. so I'm planning to break up with him, I can't be the only one who falls in love and get hurt again. I know I took the right way out, I don't want to be that crazy gf. Though I believe I'm doing the right thing, why do I feel like crying and as if I'm losing something. Any encouragement would help, pls help.
View related questions:
at work, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Wheeler +, writes (26 January 2016):
 The parts of the brain that are triggered during a break up are the same parts of the brain that react to the death of a loved one. This is why, when going through a break up, it literally feels like a loss, with those same feelings of grief and confusion.
Another matter that sticks out to me here, however, is that you are choosing to end the relationship just because you see yourself falling for him and that scares you. Perhaps you should instead take some time to evaluate why your feelings have progressed so quickly, especially given that he has not even told you he likes you yet.
Being slow to tell someone else how they feel is something many guys struggle with, and (in my opinion) isn't a huge obstacle to overcome. In fact, I would guess that once he DOES become comfortable enough to tell you how he feels that there could be some real progression in the relationship. You could be ending things right before he suddenly reveals that he also has strong feelings in return!
There is no way for me to know that, of course, but I am trying to encourage you to consider the possibilities.
Having strong feelings for someone is OKAY! Take a deep breath, there is no need to rush anything. Enjoy your time with him and at least hold out a little longer to see if he does begin to give you some indication of where he is at.
I hope it works out!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 January 2016):
 Maybe he is just not good at showing his emotions. Don't be to hasty about breaking up with him, is it strange that he didn't pick up his phone? Yes it is very but he may have an explanation.
Yes it might have seemed a bit crazy calling him so many times, once or twice is acceptable but I wouldn't go over that. Are you generally clingy with him? Is it you showing all the affection? Is he giving you anything back from this relationship? These are all questions you need to ask yourself.
It can be scary when you realize you are falling hard for someone, and if you have a feeling that he doesn't feel the same well it is only normal for you to want to back away from him, so you don't get hurt any more than you already are. That is a normal response.
However you say you are a good match, therefore what I suggest you do now is wait for him to call you, if he doesn't well then he was not the match you thought he was. Don't you contact him, just keep yourself busy and see what he has to say for himself.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 January 2016):
 Why do you feel like crying? Well, I think because you are human and it's a pretty human reaction to want to cry when we feel rejected or ignored.
3 days without contact these days are not common in a new relationship - but when I think back to the time I was dating (been with my hubby for 2 decades so it was QUITE a while ago) 3 days with no contact wasn't unheard of.
Though for you to call and HE not pick up? That makes me think there are a couple of possibilities:
1. his phone got stolen or broken.
2. he has a partner already and got caught, so he is ignoring your calls.
3. he is sure you two are a good fit so instead of breaking up, he is ghosting you - hoping you will take the "hint".
So my advice is... Don't think you OWE him to break up verbally. If he doesn't contact you within a reasonable time with a reasonable excuse, consider it OVER. And then you cry a few tears, dry your eyes and move on. HIS loss!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2016): I think its pretty common to feel some sense of loss even for the person initiating the breakup. So it doesnt necessarily mean you're making a mistake or anything. But from what you've said you like him but are afraid of getting hurt. But won't there be the same risk in your next relationship? I don't know your circumstances so im only going by what you've written but you say a few times that you like him a lot.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2016): He's acting strange, but before you do anything rash, talk to him. There may be a perfectly logical explanation.
I don't know how you really are, but what you wrote sounds egocentric and you too have a problem with emotions.
You like/love someone because you do (don't want to go into details here) and the feeling exists regardless of the fact how that person feels about you. Whether or not the feeling persist and/or you act on it depends, of course on the feedback you get.
I would concentrate on myself and try to understand why I am so insecure. Why do you call 6 ties somebody who hasn't answered or texted after the first two times?
If he doesn't call he's not that into you.
And if he does, well I'd talk to fim first knowing exactly what I want.
Besides, it is not healthy to want to break up with someone just because you think you like him more than he likes you. Use this as an opportunity to learn. The next guy you meet may not be in touch with his emotions either. For some people it takes time. Find a way to boost your self-confidence and you won't need to call anyone 6 times again.
Good luck!
...............................
|
