A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:During the Christmas holidays, I got back together with an old boyfriend when I visited home for Christmas. He was my first love and we dated 7 years ago, after we broke up, he never met anyone else and still loved me. I've always loved him so decided to try things out again.He was now doing very well with work and offered to fly me out to see him, as he is unable to travel. For Valentines day, I told him I found a great flight deal and he said he would pay for the flight. Since then, he hasn't mentioned about paying me back and I never mentioned it either.I felt uncomfortable about asking for the money, and also he had been saying that his friends mooch money off of him, and that he has been paying his ex-roommates rent, and just general conversation that he generally foots the bill of the people in his life. However I felt upset that he seems responsible and reliable to his friends, that he pays their expenses and forgot that he had promised to pay my flight, and had now put me in an awkward position where I don't know how to ask. He made a stupid joke about me being broke and I got extremely offended and said "maybe I am so broke because I shouldn't have bought a flight and taken time off when I didnt need to!" and basically went on that maybe he should be being responsible to things he says to me instead of taking care of his broke friends. We are not speaking right now. He asked me for my account details to send me the money, but to me, it isn't about the money (even though I actually could use it, which I told him, I am in a tight situation right now.) But this is about how he seems to care more about the situation of his friend than me. After I didn't send him my account details, he said he would just send the money to my parents house, along with earrings I had left at his place, and ended the text with "peace". I asked him what "peace" meant. Did you just dump me via text? I asked. Anyway, we are not speaking right now, was I wrong to be so upset? I am wondering how he is feeling about this right now, if I were him, I would be embarrassed that I forgot a promise to a girlfriend, but he is just ignoring me now.
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broke up, christmas, got back together, his ex, money, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2014): I think you've just been dumped, in a very cold and immature way. How old is this guy? Because to me he sounds like a 14 year old boy. Running away from his problems. He had no intention of paying you, he was just using you. Move on, he's a worthless g*t, and you can do better than him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI explored my feelings to get to the root of my explosion, as I do tend to have emotions first and then figure out why I have them after.I explained to him that I feel that he was getting taken advantage of by his friends and it really bothered me and it seemed like he was getting tired of footing their bill all the time, because the constant mention by him about his "broke" friends, I felt he had a problem with it, but continued to because a habit had now formed. I explained I felt that if it were one of his friends he promised he wouldn't have forgotten. But despite that, I felt his friends were full grown adults who should be able to take care of themselves, and I had explained to him how I am in a tight financial situation right now but have made changes, with budgeting, and watching what I spend, and those guys should be able to do the same too. And if he really wanted to throw his money around it should be back to the flight he promised me. Essentially this is what I was feeling anyway, and hurt he forgot. I think I hurt his ego, and I said I was sorry if I hurt him and sorry that i exploded and acted the way I did, I tend of have complex feelings that take me a while to dissect. I do think he is an amazing person and he is sweet, loving, kind, and nuturing. He has amazing qualities and everything he has done he has done for himself. Sometimes I feel he is too nice to people and I guess I was feeling protective, because he seemed to be upset about it but continued to act that way. I said it was his money, he could do whatever he wanted with it. I honestly think he just forgot. But at the same time, he tends to say things and forget about it. And i was like, ugh, really? So for that, I feel I have a right to be annoyed. But the real source of my frustration is that he spends money on people I think he doesn't really want to, but he still does it, when he should just pay for my flight.I totally went overboard with my reaction and I feel really bad because he is such a sweet boy and I have a bad temper. At the same time i don't feel I am completely wrong, just had a horrible approach.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (3 March 2014):
 Yes, I think you just got dumped. And I think HE is strapped for cash due to him trying to play "Mr generous" to his friends and family.
He knew EXACTLY that he has promised to pay your ticket but was hoping you would get the hints that he actually had no intentions of paying you back.
When you brought it up he got mad because he thought he had "gotten" away with it.
Sorry, I would just make sure you get your earrings back.
He sounds a bit immature.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (3 March 2014):
 I could be wrong, but from what you have mentioned, this entire situation seems like a warning sign, that you should take very seriously.
I am a female & within yr own age group & if i were in yr situation, i would opt to remain single once again, rather than go through the burdens of worrying any further.
The fact is that yr ex boyfriend may have offered to pay for yr flight, however, as everything said, was by word of mouth, then technically speaking, he is within his rights to change his mind & also, he may not have even meant what he said.
He may have meant well & wanted to assist you, however, for whatever reason, he changed his mind.
I know it must be hard for you, from a financial perspective, however, let this be a lesson learnt, about trusting an ex boyfriend, too easily, too soon.
Put yourself first & foremost & do not go anywhere for anybody, unless you have full evidence that the other person means what they say & if you have met the right person, this should not be too hard to pick up on.
Much of the time, people will change somewhat, after having a lengthy break in a relationship.
Remember,everything flows quite easily, when something is right & meant to be.
What feels like hard work & constant worrying, should not be part of a happy & purposful equation.
I would also give yr ex boyfriend some breatnhing space right now, as he may be contemplating what he must do, as far as the money & you are concerned.
What he did seems wrong, i know, but remember, talk is cheap!
He should have immediately asked for yr bank account details, deposited the money in there, if that is what HE offered to do initially, then let you know that it's there, before you waste your time spending your own money, then feeling uncomfortable, to have to tell him that you are struggling financially.
He should not say that he will send the money to yr parents home. How do you know if he is telling the truth anyway?? After all, he has already changed his mind, regarding his initial offer to pay for yr flight.
I do wish you all the best & good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2014): I would say yes, sweetheart, you *have* been dumped. He plans to pay you back somehow, but you didn't send him the details (why? you need the money!). So he's trying to send it to your parents' house along with the earrings to show you that it's over and there's nothing between you now. You were a little snippy with him and he probably was trying to get out of paying you back and felt you told him you came "for nothing" meaning he probably felt you thought the visit was pointless. He probably missed your company, thought it'd be a nice visit, and I think it was "nice but no sparks". You didn't do anything wrong, there just isn't anything there anymore. It would have been much more mature of him to talk to you via phone or skype or something but, unfortunately, he didn't. That was a jerk move on his part.
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