A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am recently seperated after 18 years (still married and wearing wedding ring) and been going out more so my question is 3 part...1) what do men think of a lone woman sitting in a bar? Sad? Desperate? Prey? Easy? 2) A man bought me a beer and we flirted but I told him I still married appreciated it but wasn't ready for more but a few weeks later saw him again, similar situation but tried to kiss him and he refused, why?3) I grew up in a time of one night stands but seems people are slower about dating now or is it just me and no one really interested? I know my wedding ring is a deterrent (have been told) but also know some people don't care about that.
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flirt, one night stand, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2015): O please, a woman alone in a bar!! it can be so many reasons why a woman came to a bar by herself. I go to bars by myself when I travel all the time. When I am alone I don't want to sit at the restaurant at a table by myself, plus I feel like talking to someone. Bars are the perfect location to start a conversation with local. I made quite a bit of connections this way. I don't "hook up" with anyone, and I am not there to fetch a one time sex. I have a drink, a bit of food, may be listen to music and may be talk or even flirt. It doesn't mean I am going home with a guy at all. I don't really care what anyone thinks why I am by myself in a bar. When I don't travel, I find myself in a bar sometimes after work, for happy hours, or if I have a late meeting, I might do a quick stop at the bar for a drink or food. A woman alone in a bar nowadays doesn't mean she a hooker or looking for adventures. Now, when you are still wearing your ring, my question is why? If you are separated then take it off. You obviously want to start dating. tHen why letting everyone know that you are still married. Also, do you want to have one night stands? How hard it can be? Just flirt heavy and within few minutes you find a guy for that.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (20 December 2015):
 1) it all depends why the man is in the bar for to begin with. Suppose the bar is known for hook ups and one night stands then that is what you are seen as: a possible orgasm not to be seen afterwards.
2) to lot of men, married women are a no go area irrespective if they are looking for a hook up or a relationship. The hook up guys don't like married women for all sorts of reasons but one large one is that a married woman is available only when she is available away from her husband as oppose to anytime. The relationship guys don't go there because there is no relationship to be gotten. Plus, as a married woman who's flirting, you really don't project vibes of trust to a prospective guy.
3) stats show that only 20% of people actually enjoy sex on one night stand which means that 80% don't find it that pleasurable. Such sex is also way too dangerous because as too many people are having them the more likely are you to catch STD. Herpes, for example, is around 40% present among promiscuous people, and the more promiscuous a person is the more diseases are passed on.
In your case, I'd suggest you get your divorce finalized and then decide what you want out of the dating scene, and not worry if it has changed or not. It is always the same, just a differing setting.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2015): I don't know many people who go to a bar all alone, I know men go regularly but they probably end up making friends with other regulars so they aren't technically alone then.
I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I sat at a bar without other people I knew.
I'm not a man, but I guess they may think you are only after hooking up, but the one guy who did take an interest in you you told him you weren't ready to do anything. So I take it you can still hook up with people by going out to bars but people who have wanted to you said no.
I think if a man told me he was married and not ready to do things I would brush him off if he ended up trying to kiss me a few weeks later. I think what he did was totally understandable.
If you are just looking for one night stands, try the internet, I think that would be an easy way of going about this. But is that what you really want? Yes people are allowed to have one night stands, it's up to you what you want to do, but what if you end up meeting really unsavoury characters. It's a little bit dangerous! You have no idea what these people are really like.
The kind of men who don't care about a wedding ring I'm guessing aren't the nicest people in the world either. If you want to start meeting people take your wedding ring off.
Try and have a good think about what you want as you have only just separated. Take your time.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (20 December 2015):
 1. Not being a man I can't say for sure but since it is unusual for women to visit bars alone my guess would be hungry, easy, sad.
2. This is a no brainer. You told the man you were married and not interested. Then you ty to kiss him. If some man had done the same with you, wouldn't you think he was a player?
3. If you're not ready to take the ring off, you're probably not ready to date. It isn't just a deterrent. It's very bad PR. Men are going to think you're playing games or you're a cheat whose out for a good time, especially if you're meeting them in bars.
If you're going to venture out there I suggest you try a more classy approach. Instead of hanging around bars, enroll in classes or take up hobbies. Not with the sole purpose of meeting people, obviously, but anyone you do meet, friend or lover, you'll know you have something in common with them. It also gives you a chance to showcase other aspects of who you are without everything being about sex.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (20 December 2015):
 Things have changed quite abit in 18 years so proceed with extreme caution. The internet has become quite the way to meet people, either through dating sites or if you are into one night stands I'm told many people go on Craig's list.
Since you are separated, go slowly. Its a very sad and confusing time in a person's life and many people make the mistake of moving much too quickly and then make huge mistakes or have regrets. Think about what it is that you want..friendship? a casual relationship? a one night stand? but make sure of what you want and that way you won't be confused and hurt.
I'm not a man so I can only guess but if a man sees a woman sitting at a bar he may think 1. She's an independent lady 2. She might be looking for companionship or 3. maybe she is just looking for someone for the night
Who knows? I guess if he's curious he'll chat with you and find out but put across what you want him to see. Then there won't be any mistakes.
I don't think people are slower by any means in dating now. I think they move much quicker. The internet has made it much easier to "meet and hook up".
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (20 December 2015):
 I think you need to give yourself more time. You have recently separated and that is a notoriously bad time to start having flings, one night stands or whatever you choose to call them.
I would think a woman sitting alone in a bar is either waiting for someone, or possibly 'working' depending on how she dressed.
Eighteen years on perhaps the scene has changed. Be careful out there. You could be courting trouble.
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