A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,Five years ago I met my best friend, and three years into our friendship we decided to get into a relationship. After two years as a really strong couple and he decided to end things. Until now, it was a near-perfect relationship. Everyone said we were a true power couple, supporting each other no matter what. However, lately we have been both extremely busy with our university courses and living 3.5 hours away from each other meant that we could only see each other once a month for the past 3 months and because of a demanding workload we began to speak every other day.Exactly one week ago, he split up with me, saying that we had different time frames for various life goals i.e. settling down together and I explicitly said a month ago that I wanted to settle down in the next few years, whereas he doesn't. He said he tried to respect my decision but that we couldn't be together because our visions were too different. He said that he's lost feelings for me too and apologised for this and said that he wants to give me closure, that we'll never be able to be in a relationship again because we're not compatible anymore and we were arguing a lot. He even said that if it weren't for the change in vision and arguing that we wouldn't have broken up. Now I've scrapped that vision because it was so unrealistic and largely based on seeing my friends getting engaged and being downhearted about it, yet he was encouraging me to watch TV programmes about weddings which confused me so much.After four days of no contact, we texted each other about the situation and to make things more civil between us. We agreed to going back to be friends as we were before we got into a relationship, however we know this is going to be hard for us. A day later I rang him and he said that if we take some time to ourselves that it is possible we could get back together in the future, and even meet up next summer for a meal. He also wants to keep in contact every two weeks or so to see how the other one is doing. It's an important time for both of us because our careers are just taking off, so some time to focus on ourselves is a good thing too. On the phone we were laughing and sharing inside jokes as we used to when we were a couple. He said he doesn't want to lose me in his life at all. Can anyone tell me what they think and what I can do to get him to come back or even reignite that spark we had for so long? He's a stubborn character so it's difficult to know whether he'll come back or not. It's left me completely broken, and while I'm happy to go do some 'soul searching' of my own, I cannot imagine not being with him. He is the love of my life and my long-term best friend and I really want to do whatever I can to get him to come back.Signed, A truly broken heart xo
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 December 2015):
 He wants you as a friend in his life but would continue to date other people. Long distance doesn't work for him because it's frustrating unless there is marriage and living together at a set date. You can try not arguing but that means you would be bottling things up and not being honest with yourself. He knows you well enough that you would not be happy being strung along in a relationship. To say that arguing is a reason as break up is not to point the finger at you, or imply what you should do instead, but to show you this isn't really working. He can't offer you what you want.
Him keeping contact has nothing to do with wanting to get back but to ease his guilt about cutting you off. I would suggest not doing this because it only prolongs your pain. To keep you optimistic it would be to tell you that you would find love again. You would be able to start off a relationship with a settled career and more time for someone local. Hopefully the same life goals as yours too.
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