A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started dating this really awesome guy in august. Things went really well for a month and I started pressuring him to put a title on the relationship. He said he wasn't ready for that and I said I was ok with it but still kept pressuring him until eventually we broke up. We dated for 2 months. When he broke up with me I did everything in my power to get him back but just pushed him away further. He eventually got so sick of me we started being really nasty to each other and then he eventually began ignoring me. Its been about 1.5 months now since we broke up. I had finally given up on trying to win him back and started meeting other people. He knows this. Now all of a sudden he's being really nice to me, flirts with me at my job (he's a frequent customer - that's how we met). And even invited me to go to his cabin last weekend (as friends) which I declined. He has started texting me again and we have been getting along really well. Is it possible he has had a change of heart? Is it possible that our rocky start could be erased and we can start from scratch? I accepted the fact that too mich damage may have been done and began to move on. Why the sudden change? Does he just want to be friends, is he just trying to have sex with me, or prove he still "has" me, or has he actually had a change of heart? I have tried to show "no interest" in being with him and he keeps coming back. What's the deal? And if he is interested should I give it another shot? I still like him very much but didn't want to wait for someone who swore it was over. Now I'm confused...
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 December 2013):
 I agree with SVC too.
He doesn't WANT you as a GF or to be in a relationship with you. BUT he know how (sorry to be blunt) desperate you were to be in a relationship, so he is hoping he can "lure" you into thinking that IF you start being intimate he "might" date you.
I think you need to watch your back. Personally, I'd back off and learn from this. Your action in the beginning would not be OK with most men, this guy already knows this. He will USE that to his "advantage".
I'd look elsewhere for a BF.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 December 2013):
 It may be that you're more of a challenge now. It could also be that he has the breathing space he didn't have before. You're at a safe distance and as long as you maintain some of that distance he can be more confident in approaching you. Approach you for what, at this point, remains a mystery.
When you're clingy you read more into things and create huge expectations.
OP, I believe your clinginess was not so much desperation for him but a need to protect yourself from investing in someone who didn't take you seriously. The solution is not to pressure him to invest more but for you to invest a bit less or far more slowly. Pace yourself.
Don't feel obliged to act like a man's girlfriend until it's official that you are his girlfriend. And until you are, keep sex off the table then make it easy for you to maintain that boundary by only meeting in public places and limiting early dates to no more than 4 hours.
Absolutely NO visiting them at their homes or having them in yours. You go OUT. This keeps them wanting more, it gives you more time to regroup and it shows you have a life.
Dress appropriately and don't engage in sex talk. And for God's sake don't call, email, BBM or text every single day. And do NOT be the first to declare your love. Pace yourself and don't scare the guy off.
If this guy just wants to be friends, then friends it is. NO kissing, fondling, heavy petting or any other kind of sexual intimacy. EVER. Not even casual friends with benefits. If you cross this line, even once you will never know where you stand and it will be very difficult to go back.
Often times friendships with men are based on sexual attraction, at least on the part of the man. Ask yourself how eager he'd be to be your friend if you were 250 pounds overweight.
And do not assume that every act of affection and intimacy means something. Many men are quite happy to have all the trappings of a relationship while enjoying the freedom of a bachelor.
Have faith, be patient and use self discipline.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): that's men for you. show too much interest they back off, back off and they show interest. how to find the balance might help...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): If he is asking you to be alone with him, he is trying to re-establish accessibility to sex. He never wanted commitment; he only wanted to know you on the physical level.As So Very Confessed says, it's suspected he wants to be friends with benefits. Don't confuse yourself, and delay the process of complete emotional detachment. I'd recommend just disassociating, and being polite to him as only a customer.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 December 2013):
 he's had a change of heart as long as you are not obtainable... it's not that he wants you back as a gf.. or that he will be what you want... but right now you are a challenge and like many men he believes himself to be up for the challenge...
and I'd bet it's about setting up an FWB..
he's not really interested in the type of relationship you want...
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