A
male
age
26-29,
*hisisme17
writes:So here I am once again asking for help from strangers, cause I simply can't take it anymore. I need help, because from an year or so I'm incredibly depressed. I know I'm young, but I just want to finally find the person I love. Please, I don't want to hear 'at your age you don't know what's love' cause I think a small small bit of it I know, maybe, I don't know. Anyway, I just simply don't know what to do! The old going outs with friends, flirting with girls, having fun became some boring going outs in which I'm totally with my mind away and not interested in it. No girl, no friend could have made me feel better at all, I'm just incredibly sad.All of this started a year ago when I went through my first painful breakup after 2 years of being together, it was like 'okay, let's meet up, so these are the things, we need to go on different ways, we're not compatible' and that's the end. Until that, I never ever felt that low when I went through a breakup. And since then, every time I fell for someone, we always ended up breaking up or she was attractive but her personality was under the ground level, which means that she just was that type of girl who just wanted to not feel alone and have her status as in a relationship. After all of these, I hardly lost my hopes in finding a good girl in the surrounding area. Now, I recently fell so badly in love with a girl who's from Germany (me from Italy), not far away from me, which is adorable and a sweetheart. We don't talk that much, but when we talk she can finally make me feel better (something no one else did before). Now, I'm in love with her, and as I'm a guy who if the girl doesn't stop talking with me and ignores me, I will remain in love with her and I can't do nothing. The good part, I'm in love with someone who can make me finally smile and she's everything I ever wanted. The worst part, she might not be that cute and kind girl that she said she is, she is in a relationship with someone and I really don't want to break people apart, she probably takes me as 'just someone to talk to' and even if I'm not with her, with her leaving I will probably feel like before again, and it sucks.Now, I'm asking someone who can help me a little bit, cause I don't know what to do. The minutes spent with that girl are the best of my life, the hours spent without that girl are the worst of my life. I know it's wrong like this, but I really like this girl and probably, if what she said is true (and some of her friends with who I talk confirmed that), then I might be in love with her. And seeing that she won't stop talking with me and ignore me but I also can't be with her, then I guess I'll be stuck in the middle without any escape.Just as a mention, I could wait for her. I don't care how much, I can simply wait for her until she will be single, or anything. The distance, I would go to her everyday, not a problem (only 400 km away). Being near her? Not a problem. I can quit school and move in her town. Help her? In any possible way, be near her, help her financially, fight for her, I would send her 86400 roses everyday for every single second in a day. Give her attention? I'd probably prefer her over everything, I won't need somebody else.I'm addicted to her, we're both entertaining each other for hours when we talk, we laugh, we make stupid jokes, we talk senseless stuffs but we still enjoy each others company, but then I wake up, she doesn't know me, she has a boyfriend, she probably thinks I'm crazy and probably she isn't in love with me.So I need help. Is this wrong? Am I weird? What should I do?
View related questions:
a break, depressed, flirt, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (4 September 2012):
To the OP, it is your decision to make and your response means that all I said was in vain. Anyone can dislike me for saying this but I think you are just too busy feeling sorry for yourself while being fixated on these unrealistic expectations with girls and relationships. As long as you have this unwillingness to change even as a person, no one other than yourself can ever make you truly happy.
A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (2 September 2012):
 Dude, you are definitely a serious case of potential clinginess. Be cool. Lay back. Stop being so obsessed with a girl you've never met before. Yes, I do think she will think you're crazy if you come at her with so much enotions. It will probably scare her away from you permanently. You say you're old enough to know what love is? Then be a man and do what needs to be done. Either tell her what you feel or walk away forever. DON'T WAIT. Not only will waiting guarantee unpleasant suffering but it isn't even a certainty that she and him will break up. This line " I prefer to be miserable rather than breaking 2 people apart." I would like to be able to say that this is admirable of you but honestly, it does you no good. Let's put it in a different perspective. You CAN'T break two people up. Not if she isn't interested. And if she IS interested, then she obviously wasn't meant for the other guy. Do you understand what I'm saying. Tell her that you like her and if she feels the same way then you two can probably go from there. If she doesn't feel the same way then you can't break two people up.You can't stay stuck in limbo like this. get something done or else you will just be depressed for who-knows-how-long. You can either grow a pair and tell her you're interested or walk away and let go. Waiting until they break up solves NOTHING for you. For one, what makes you so certain that when they break up, that she isn't ALREADY looking at someone else besides you as a potential boyfriend? For two, What makes you think that they will break up anytime soon? For three, by waiting around, being the guy that comforts her and shower her with niceness, you only cement yourself into being friendzoned. It's up to you what you do. You have great advise from the other aunts. Let's see what you do with it.
...............................
A
male
reader, thisisme17 +, writes (2 September 2012):
thisisme17 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI simply can't do anything of that....I don't want to tell her that I love her cause she has a boyfriend...and I prefer to be miserable rather than breaking 2 people apart.
...............................
A
male
reader, Xearo +, writes (2 September 2012):
You'd do all these things for her but you do nothing for yourself which is a shame. Why is it that you have to be completely miserable when she isn't talking to you? I have many friends like you, always depressed, and just focused on this one girl. Nothing I tell them ever helps. I always say that another person can not be a complete source of happiness for another. Any girl can sense that and no girl wants that kind of responsibility. The most a guy like that will ever become is a best friend. And even when a relationship happens, it usually becomes destructive. It is a matter of reality. How can you expect to take care of someone when you can't even take care of yourself. Why wait for someone who doesn't want to be with you. If she wanted to be with you, she would have decided already. Becoming so dependent on someone turns from love into obsession. I can understand that you do not want people to tell you what love is. And it is fine that you are in love. But you are putting this immense pressure on yourself because sadly it is a one sided feeling. You should just tell this girl your feelings and see what happens from there. If you really wanted to be happy, you wouldn't waste all these thoughts and effort on someone who is already in a relationship. Careful you become addicted to being the guy who says "nice guys finish last".I don't know how you will interpret anything I said, but I will say again that I have many friends like you, stuck in the same position. I myself was like this. My advice, fix yourself first. From there, make a realistic decision about this girl. Give yourself some time and sort things out with your life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 Its fin3 if you are prepared to wait for this girl to end her current relationship and be free to date you, I am personally acquainted with a man who fell in love with a girl when he was aged about 19, and decided she was the only one for him, and worth waiting for ..... she is now the mother of three wonderful teenagers and on her third long term relationship, he is still single and just signed up for the old age pension, and I think he gave up waiting a few years ago.
...............................
|
