A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my on/off bf of 5 yrs in mid sept. He was acting weird so I let him go. I found out in Oct he cheated on my with at least 2 girls this summer. We still were hanging out and he wanted to get back together but after finding this out I broke off all contact. Now he drives past my house since i blocked his number from my cell phone so he can't call or text. He even banged on my car window when I was leaving a dating saying "i want to talk to you get out of the car" I went home and he was there. he asked me if I was dating and told me "if I see you on a date I will punch the guy out and you will get yours next". I am wondering why is he being like this He cheated on me yet you would think it was the other way around. I am hurt and upset. This situation is nuts. He blamed me for everything say I was emotionally unsupportive and didn't want him to touch me. What do I do to move on? I wanted to break up with him for the past 2 yrs but he cried and begged for more chances and promised to go for councilling so I relented. In the end I get cheated on and stalked. I am very bitter about the whole thing
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broke up, cheated on me, get back together, move on, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (20 November 2014):
Thanks for keeping us updated, yes eyes wide open is right: the more people who know about it, the more people who will see him if he ever comes near you. Just remember that you have done nothing to incur this on you, he clearly is controlling and manipulative. Best wishes
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (19 November 2014):
 Good news about the restraining order and be sure to let friends, neighbors, and co-workers know about this situation, the more eyes looking out for your safety the better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTy for all your advice. I appreciate it. It is nice to know there are helpful caring people in the world. This situation has stressed me and my family out. Always having to worry about what or if he will do anything to me. I found out the tire attack was prompted by his finding out i had been out on a date recently. But i can't let him win and live in fear and be alone because i am scared of what he may do. Then i am letting him win and i won't allow it to happen. I am strong and will continue to carry on and get my restraining order in place on a permanent basis come january
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A
female
reader, deirdre +, writes (7 November 2014):
I have read your question and your update, he sounds really unstable and also dangerous. Do go to court, tell them everything and keep a written log of every single thing so that you can hand that to the judge as evidence. No one wants to go through all this but going to court is the right thing to do, your ex is manipulative as well as controlling and you need to ensure your safety/peace of mind. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 November 2014):
 CaringGuy, Eyeswideopenand C Grant are right.
KEEP detailed log of his showing up (stalking) and then contact the Police. They can hopefully give you advice in getting a restraining order.
For him to tell you to TALK to him, no, just no you DO NOT WOE him squat. NEXT time do NOT get out of your car. IF he sits in your driveway you call the Police.
I wouldn't be surprised if he HAS to deal with the POLICE he will back off quite fast.
YOU might not want to involve the Police, but I DO think it's the only way to get him to "go away".
And honestly, don't TALK to him because he is going from trying to threaten you to manipulation ALL because you aren't doing what he want you to do. Seems a tad unstable.
YOU DIDN'T make him cheat. THAT was his choice. YOU broke it off because it wasn't working out.
Being stalked is scary. And while MANY stalkers are "harmless", some are not. Specially the ones that are exes. SO do NOT feel like calling the Police is overreacting, it's not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have gone to the police and was granted a peace bond but my ex denied it. So now i have to go to court and tell them again why i am scared. I would say having a coworker see a car matching his in my work parking lot and then having my tires slashed is reason enough
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2014): He is acting like this because he has a character/morality disorder, most likely anti social or sociopathy. People with a character disorder know what society thinks is "right" from "wrong," unfortunately they have no moral compass so they don't care or agree with society. They hold their actions to their OWN skewed standards, they genuinely believe they are above the law, but they also understand that breaking the law will get them in trouble. So they constantly break laws and rules while trying to stay under the radar, which doing so often requires them to further break more laws and rules. Their biggest fear is being exposed. And here you are holding him accountable for something he did "wrong," you are basically exposing him and he is not having it. His only goal is to stay under the radar. So now he is stalking you and intimidating you into submission. You can't dump him, he is the one who has to dump you. You dumping him is exposing him for the piece of shit that he is. He can't have that. He has to make it seem like you were the piece of shit so he can better manipulate his future victims. These people are DEATHLY afraid of being held accountable. A normal person would agree with your course of action. Would feel remorse, maybe offer you an apology for hurting you, would take the accountability and accept the consequences of his actions. But dealing with sick people is very different. They have a tyrannical view of the world. They have a great sense of entitlement. They are constantly causing havoc and hurt and then placing the blame on others, leaving it to someone else to pick up the pieces. If I were you I would do two things. Go to police station and file a report. Banged on your car window, threatened you, threatened anyone you date. That is a crime. Then go to the courthouse and speak with a judge and get yourself a restraining order. This guy is nutty. You need to protect yourself. Do not ever talk to him again.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant +, writes (6 November 2014):
 Good advice already. I would add that you should document every contact you have with him. Make a note of the date, time, place and subject of ever conversation. Keep all text messages from him. That will help show the police that they need to intervene, and perhaps help you get a peace bond.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 November 2014):
You should go police and get a restraining order (or Canadian equivalent)against him. Then if he gets within a certain number of yards of you, you can have him arrested and thrown in jail. Better to be safe than sorry.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 November 2014):
Let everyone know - friends, family, work and the police. You must not allow this man to have any more of your time. The more people that know he's nuts, the better because then you'll have people looking out for you.
With regards to the police, specifically tell them of the threat he made as well as the stalking. They may not be able to work miracles at this stage, but they have to lof complaints, so each time he does something, contact them.
If he threatens you again, call the police. They'll have to come out straight away.
Stalkers like this rarely do anything. He's all talk, little action, and it's done to scare you. So, you take the action and catch him out.
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