A
female
age
30-35,
*smendez06
writes:I got married a month after I turned 18. No one knew. It was a secret, until I got married in church when I turned 19. We moved out of California across the way to Maryland. I left all family and friends behind because he was to be stationed elsewhere. We moved and everything seemed to be fine. There was no honeymoon and not even feeling like the love was alive. Sex is very, very minimal. He seems to have lost his interest in being young, only wanting to be on the couch watching TV. Since I was unemployed for a few months I cooked, cleaned, and everything a housewife should do. I started working, and I work later hours than he does, only to come home to a dirty home, only leaving me more work even though he already has been home for at least two hours. We don't go out to eat, we never go out, and before I started working I didn't even leave the house. One of my friends from California also moved across the way and slowly I started having a social life again. She and I went out dancing one day with some of her friends, and this guy and I ended up dancing. All of a sudden the room felt still and I was caught up in a beautiful moment. Nothing happened, but the exchange of numbers. We started talking and getting to know each other, only to find so many common aspirations, and other similarities. We both know what we want in life, we both know how to achieve it, and we are both very driven. In comparison to my husband, my husband has nothing planned for the future, and does not want to re-enlist to the Marines, so I don't know what he is going to do once he gets out. Anyways, this guy and I have got really close. He has been very respectful and has helped me with other marital issues along the way. But one night we kissed, had a very passionate night. No wild sex or anything, but actual love making. After that night it continued, and we've kept seeing each other. I still try to seduce my husband to come to bed with me and he says he's tired. He doesn't want to go out or anything. So this other guy is doing everything that my husband used to do. But thing is... we haven't even lived together for a year for my husband to be this way. I understand if it were years down the line, but he's just 23. He should be out there with me trying to enjoy life and see different things before we have kids and don't get that change. While he's sitting at home, this other guy has come and swept me off my feet, being ever so romantic. I just don't know what to do. I've been trying to make my marriage work for 5 months, but it has gotten to the point where I don't want to try anymore. Not because of this new guy so I can be with him, but for me. Because when I get home I feel bitter and sad, and I feel like if I am living more with a room-mate than with my life partner. What should I do? Should I try to make my marriage work once again? Or should I go my own way?
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affair, moved out, roommate, says he's tired Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GeorgiaGirl84 +, writes (2 April 2008):
 The thing about men is that they aren't mind readers. If something is bothering you, you have to be woman enough to tell him. Running around behind his back isn't the answer to your problem. How would you feel if you found out your husband was cheating on you? You're placing all the blame on your husband, but what have you done to contribute to the decline of your marriage? It's always easy to point out others faults without looking at our own. It takes two to make a marriage.
The thing with the other guy seems so fantastic because it's not reality. Do you really love this guy or do just love the fact that he gives you what you've been needing? Honestly all men start out impressing you and then when they feel like they have you, they tend to give up on the romance.
I think you got married too young and I can say that because I did the same exact thing. People change and unless you grow together, there's no chance of surviving. Maybe your husband isn't interested in sex with you because he knows on a conscious/subconscious level that you're cheating on him. Believe me, he probably knows. Either way, I think ya'll should go away for a weekend and have a LONG talk about your issues. There's nothing wrong with marriage counseling.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2008): I truly hope you're not a pg county girl....anyway you should try and have a real sit down with your husband and tell him how you truly feel. If he does not listen...then make way for a divorce. But communication is very very important, but if your husband does not listen...then I suggest you make arrangements to leave and divorce him. I hate saying that, especially since you are cheating...a true act of betrayel to me, but in reality...if you were a friend or my sister...I would want you to be happy, so I suggest ....talking to him on the real tip and if he does not listen or change....then divorce!
BadVoice
Wash. DC
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 Hi,
First, has your husband been in combat in Iraq recently ? If he has he may be experiencing post traumatic stress and needs all the support from his wife he can get to find a spark in his life.
But if he has just turned into a lazy slob the very least you can do is explain your issues to him, if you still have love for him give him one more chance to repair things - you could even move out for a week or so just to shock him into seeing things more clearly.
If he still won't come around then you should leave him, but in the interim don't see this other guy while you are still married, it is deceitful and you are not doing yourself or your husband any favours by cheating on him.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, Cindy303 +, writes (1 April 2008):
 Being somebody who is involved in a situation thats kind of messy right now, I can undrestand where your coming from and how you are feeling. Have you sat down and talked to your husband? That is the first order of business. You have to keep the lines of communication open and tell him how you feel. You both need to sit down and put the cards on the table. Lay it all out. Sharing your feelings, disapointments, sadness, everything. You are so young. Sometimes when you get married you have ideas about how its all supposed to be, and then you come to find out its not all sugar and spice and everything nice. Not to say marriage is not for most. My parents have been married for 37 years and are still madly in love with each other. I just think that you need to sit down and have the big talk. Your married now. Things are more involved. Once you finish that talk, hopefully you will have some answers and a better idea about what your both looking for and what can change to make it work or if you come to the mutual decision to go your own ways. Best of Luck. Cindy
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x  +, writes (1 April 2008):
 It sounds like he's gotten bored, as cruel as it sounds. Like, he's already married you so now no longer needs to try as you're there for a while. He's getting you to do everything while he lays around! He's making you miserable. If you're sad in your marriage, leave it. That's the best advice I can offer.
Wishing you the best.
xx
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