A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A little over a year ago, I met a guy online. To this day we have never met. We talked a lot, and things got serious, he asked me out, and I said yes. I really really love him, he's 95% what my dream guy would be if I could make one from scratch. We talk every single day for hours, though we do have significant time apart for school. He's more social than I am, he has a group of friends he hangs out with and everything. I'm working on being outgoing, I recently joined some clubs on campus decided to make friends. I've met some guys in person... but I never hesitate when they ask if I'm single, I'm not. He lives in another country, so that's the first problem we have. My parents are adamantly against him. (because of a few reasons i will list) And made me swear never to talk to him again. He's Atheist. ... this goes with my parents, theyre very religious (I'm ...moderately religious) So this is like a big REJECTED sign from my family right here. He's young. I am the same age as him, but his life has been kinder to him... he hasnt had to grow up yet, and is taking his sweet time lol... its hard to explain, but in many ways he is immature, I like him all the same tho... but this hurts when I try to explain to him the seriousness of our situation. My parents kicked me out over him, and I dropped out of school, I lived in a verryyyyy bad part of town and worked a minimum wage job... just to talk to him ... eventually my parents let me move back, and I restarted school (and swore never to talk to him) He has no job. He's in school just like me, and so he's broke. This means we really have no plans for seeing each other anytime soon. He wont ask his parents for money either. (he lives with them) The very soonest I could actually be with him is (yeah brace for it) 3 years from now. Assuming that he finds employment after he gets out of college ... that would make us both around 23 years old.Virginity... we both still have it(me because i believe in abstinence ... him because hes being faithful... we have the strange sort of relationship where he'd actually tell me if he was with another girl)... how reasonable is it to expect him to be able to be a virgin in 3 years time??? I'm really open about who he hangs out with, and his interaction with other girls, I think one of the reasons we've made it this far is because I dont get jealous easily. I actually am bi.... and to be honest sometimes we seem like two college buddies checking girls out together... its weird... we even talk about threesomes when we talk sexually lol, but it doesnt mess with my feelings, I get jealous over emotional things... but not sexual? why??I am an attention whore. He talks to me EVERY SINGLE DAY ... which is actually more difficult than u'd think, to come up with a talking topic to someone u never met in person. We talk for hours... we used to talk virtually all day long via chat and text and skype, but after swearing to my parents never to talk to him... I dont have the freedom... because I cant get caught... So only chatting now. I feel like with the few times we can talk he should only be focused on me... which is unreasonable... because it's not planned time, i show up randomly.... but it feels like neglect and makes me feel lonely anyways.Anyhow... i've already written too much, tell me what you think, Is this relationship setting me up for heartbreak? if so..Is it worth it to stick it out as long as I can, just for the memory? Mostly ... do you think it is unfair to expect him to understand that I've staked a LOT in this... such as my home, my family (who will disown me and he knows it) ... all on the hope that one day i can be with him, and that he should be working harder to make that happen?or... how stupid am I being?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2012): @ anon neither of us work... at all :/ so yeah
@so very confused
I love lots of things about him, like the physical things, the habits, the way he dresses and what it says about his personality, i love the way he's silent... its... intoxicating, I love his drowsy look when hes sleepy, I love talking to him, i love his voice, I love his gentle subtle kindnesses, the way he comforts me, the way he chuckles...more like a chortle really, I love the way he dreams, hes a big dreamer, I love the way he describes things, he's a writer at heart...maybe he just doesnt know it.......... ack you know... unlike other girls XD i really could go on forever ... I love a lot about him : P
He's not too far... We're 500 miles apart US-Canada. the Greyhound even runs btwn our cities
I understand what you're saying... I just cant stomach the idea of giving up so well x.x ... i feel like relationships should end when you no longer love each other? or dont get along ...or even hate each other... :/ So far, we very much like each other... but the odds are so much against us... mostly its a money issue, he needs enough income to prove that he can sponsor me to live in canada.... he's a long ways away from having that
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (23 January 2012):
 This sounds a little juvenile to be honest. The type of thing 15 year olds too. and no by no means I intend to offend you..however you arent like everybody else since your parents raised you in a very religious environment you hadnt had the chance to go out and do crazy stuff like ppl ur age do. this is why i said u sound more 15 than 19 or 20. now this guy is very different than u...plus living in another country. and right now it only works because u are apart. secondly, why would u tell ur parents about him?? and third,if u made this sacrifice and they KICKED U OUT...he needs to understand this is serious and come see u. but this guy seems to also like just chatting to u...and having a friend. keep him as a best friend, work on yourself, avoid telling ur parents everything and build ur future. ur too young to be making such decisions. and this comes from a woman who met her boyfriend online.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 January 2012):
 Have not read the other replies…
Relationships are hard. LDRs are harder… LDRS when you are young are even harder… so it’s not looking so great is it?
You really love him? What about him do you really love?
You say he lives in another country…. How far? I mean Canada and Mexico are close.. Australia would be a bit far to try to make this work…
IF you are religious at all and he is not.. how will this work out? I’m Jewish by birth and I am with a man who is Catholic by birth… neither of us is religious at all and we still have serious clashes about things related to religion… but since I have no expectations of raising children with him, I don’t worry about it because ADULTS can cope… CHILDREN get confused… so if you are that serious about this young man you need to figure out if you get married and have kids how will they be raised? Will you be OK with them being told there is NO GOD? “Daddy says there’s no God mommy…. Daddy says you are wrong”
What is the seriousness of your situation that you are trying to explain to him? Women do tend to mature faster than men… but what is it about the PERFECT boy that’s not acceptable when dealing with mature responses to your situation?
3 years at your age is a VERY LONG TIME…. Especially to be commmited to someone you don’t really know. I know you are going to say you know him because you talk online and you skype etc etc etc.. but I just finished an LDR where we saw each other regularly and I had NO expectations of perfection from this man… he’s moved in with me now and life as we knew it has changed a lot… because what you see in email and online is NOT REAL LIFE….
If my man could NEVER have sex again do you think I’d cheat on him? NO… relationships are NOT just about sex… and if you are even remotely concerned that he might “cheat” then I would say be friends and let him go and do his thing.
You are like me. I don’t care about who my man has sex with as long as he clears it with me first… to be honest I’m much more picky about his emotional attachments to people than his physical ones. I get it… we are rare women that understand that you can be physical with someone and not care about them.
To be honest, having a relationship with someone your parents disapprove of so much that you have to hide it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen….
To be honest dear one, as much as this hurts you to hear and me to say it…. Cut him loose… it’s NOT worth what you will be going through to try to make this work…
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2012): What if one of you worked more and saved for a plane ticket to at least see each other?
I don't want to be completely negative and tell you to give up....though I think there is like a 5% chance of this having a happy ending. If you both really like each other take out more jobs, work more shifts, and save the money to prove it.
Also, even if you two were to get together, you wouldn't spend your relationship chatting to each other on computers. When you find yourself actually dating and being next to each other, you may not be as compatible....
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury  +, writes (23 January 2012):
 wow this is a very complicated question.
Ok first off, it's not up to your parents. You have to make your own mistakes in life.
If this guy truly likes you(just bear in mind that the internet is a completely different world hun) then he will wait.
I know you say you feel he can tell you about other girls... but don't forget he's in another country. He's going to get bored and if there's girls that show interest he might respond. I'm not saying he would "cheat" on you, but he might not tell you the truth.
3 years is a long time, you're still finding who you are and you might feel differently in a few years. You say he's immature, you have to think about the future. I know you're young and want to have fun but if you're going to seriously do this you have to be careful. This guy is a total stranger and could have really bad things about his personality. You'll never truly know till you meet.
don't be so hard on your family though, they're only looking out for you. Put yourself in their shoes. They don't want you getting hurt and they don't want a complete strange ruining 3 years of your life.
At the moment you can not be together, so go out and have fun.
Meet other people. People that you actually CAN meet.
I'm not saying cheat on him but just explore the world. (so to speak)
Life is too short. And if this goes wrong, and i hope it doesn't, then you'll have wasted years on this guy.
Good luck xx
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