A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Please help me. In January I met a guy in Facebook and we both started chatting. After few days of chatting we both exchanged our contact number and he started calling me. After few weeks we decided to meet at one of his friends home. We both were alone at his friend's home and we ended up having sex. There after when ever we met we had sex. Then one day I saw him flirting with another girl in Facebook. When I asked him then he said that he loves that girl. He said he never said that he loves me and now he has decided to end everything with me and start fresh with this new girl. He gave my number to one of his friend. The following day after our break up his friend called me and said my boyfriend was taking his new girlfriend out for dinner. He said if I agree then he would like to take me out for just a night to have sex. I am so heart broken....how can someone have sex and then give the number to his friends to fool and make fun. Please help me how to handle this issue.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): Block all these people and don't meet people from Facebook anymore. Don't have sex with anyone until you're in a committed relationship. Unfortunately you can do all these things and still end up with a jerk but at least there is less of a chance of that. Take your time to get to know someone really well, before you start a physical relationship and make sure you make it clear what your requirements are for that and ask what type of relationship they are interested in etc. What you did was pretty dangerous, he could have been a rapist, violent etc.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): I have to point out with brutal honesty that sex on the first met was probably what you want as well at that point, and you both were satified. So there is actually no need to regret or being angry, because this is not like he forced or cheated on you or something. He was actually being quite honest to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): I agree with Cerberus. You slept with one guy casually. Then you got surprised and hurt when his friend assumed you might sleep with him casually too.
As for men "rudely propositioning" women - The same woman will call an approach sexy when its coming from the right guy and inappropriate when its coming from the wrong guy. Men are not mind readers.
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A
female
reader, Marilissa75  +, writes (28 March 2014):
 I have had some disrespectful men come into my life. I have also been rudely propositioned. Now you know to take your time and get to know a guy for a few months and let the ones who are only looking for sex lose patience and leave. Also, most men tend to lose interest when you sleep together too soon (there are exceptions to this, but they are not so common). This is an unfortunate aspect of our culture...we are given the message that it is okay to have sex early after meeting someone but then we do it and feel degraded and lonely when it leads to rejection. If you just dated and did not have sex, sometimes it would lead somewhere and sometimes it wouldn't...so it is far better to just date for a while and see if there is emotional chemistry on top of the physical chemistry. Do you run out of things to talk about or can you talk and relate on a deep level for hours? Only time will tell...best of luck and hold your head up. You're in good company. It happens to many people and the important thing is growing and learning from our mistakes!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (28 March 2014):
 I have to agree with Cerbeus and Ciar.
You need to OWN your own actions. You flirted on line and then had sex with a VIRTUAL stranger. No matter how much you chat, sext, flirt it doesn't mean you ACTUALLY know the other person and LOVE is definitely not a given either.
YOU need to look at what you did and LEARN this HUGE lesson. There are people out there who will take a mile if you give them an inch. And who will use you and discard you like an old tissue if you don't wise up.
You are in the 30-35 age group, don't tell me you were so naive that you thought you two were so in love?
Block them both and in the future, think before you act. Get to know a guy (as in go out on dates, spend time (with your clothes on) getting to know one another. Don't sell yourself so short.
The guy #1 and the guy #2 are disgusting piece of poop - learn to recognize creeps like these.
Karma will get them sooner or later.
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A
male
reader, human_male +, writes (27 March 2014):
 Don't feel bad because of how someone else acted. You can't control other people's behavior, so don't feel bad because of what he did. You didn't do anything wrong.
That being said, and please know I'm saying this as gently as possible, you weren't very smart about this. Maybe you were in a very vulnerable emotional state and you let your guard down. It happens. Don't beat yourself up. But take this as a learning experience. As the others have said, protect yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): Block both guys from your Facebook feed. Block their unwanted calls, and don't respond to unidentified messages or numbers on your caller-ID.
Suggest to persistent-callers that they will be reported for harassment. Even if they block their numbers, your service-provider can tract those numbers.
You're a mature woman, and should take full-responsibly for the consequences of your actions; and the outcome of your decisions. Take blame for the kind of men you choose to give your trust to.
You had consensual sex. You know that having sex with someone is not making a commitment,and it is not a binding-agreement to form a relationship with them. They have no obligation to ever want to see you again. They do have a moral-obligation to leave you alone thereafter.
Report all harassing calls and keep record as they come in. Don't feel compelled to respond to them. They will go away once they realize they'll receive no answer.
What's done is done. Collect your dignity and move on. You can't fault all men; because of your own poor judgment-call. You know better than offering sex so quickly after meeting a guy; when there is no established relationship. It's just casual-sex, if it's on the first date. Now you're having morning-after remorse? So now no man can be trusted? You and I both know that having sex doesn't mean the other person loves us.
In the future; allow your romantic-connections time to become well-established. Have a few actual fun outings and non-sexual romantic-meetings with a guy; and determine if it's leading anywhere.
Time spent in communication over Facebook and social media does not count as "time-served" toward a real relationship. Nor does it establish that a relationship has commenced. It's nothing but friendly online-chatter and flirtation. It is an informal-introduction.
The proper term is an "online-romance" or "online-flirtation." Which means absolutely nothing in reality.
Such social media connections at that level,is meant for the fun and entertainment of teenagers. Not adults.
Real-live relationships are formed face-to-face, not over a device. He's your "friend" on FB; not your BF.
He has to actually take you out on several dates. You both establish your feelings for each-other are mutual. Share quality-time alone together (without sex). Then he has to tell you, in-person; that he wants an "exclusive-relationship" with you. All this, before you believe that's what it is.
If the whole connection between you is conducted on Facebook; and you're happy to accept it that way, he thinks you're a wacko-doodle.
If you set no rules of engagement, he'll play by his own rules.
Don't be desperate and so quick to offer a guy sex, then get upset; because he doesn't want to be your boyfriend.
You never gave things a chance to go anywhere before sex came into the picture. It happened every-time he came-over. You were pleased with those arrangements at the time. You offered very little challenge for the prize.
Why commit when he got everything he wanted upfront?
Don't grow cynical or be jaded about men. You are not a teenage girl who doesn't know better.
Own some responsibility here. You don't like how it ended, so you'll handle it a lot better the next time. From start to finish.
Don't beat yourself up. You'll be okay, my dear. If the sex was good, that's one good thing that came out of it. If it wasn't, no loss! The other girl gets the jerk!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (27 March 2014):
 OP, as bad as you may feel right now, you should breath a sigh of relief because it could easily have been a whole lot worse.Your first mistake was in agreeing to meet the man at his friend's house. Not only was that cheap, it was also dangerous. Regardless of how many months you'd been chatting online or on the phone, you barely knew the man and you knew even less about his friend, including whether said friend even existed. For all you knew he could have had five of his buddies laying in wait for you to arrive. Until you've known a man, IN PERSON, for at least a few months and had a chance to measure how he behaves and treats others, you don't go to his house, meet him at someone else's or invite him back to yours. You meet in public places for a set amount of time then you both retire to your own homes afterward. No night caps, no sleep overs, no sex and no spending the rest of the night chatting online or on the phone. Allow the evening to end on a high note while giving yourself time to process the experience.I interpret 'whenever we met' to mean you met up infrequently. Another red flag. Not that you should go out together every second night but this sporadic, last minute type of thing is very telling. This guy is clearly a bad guy, as are his so called friends and I almost feel for the woman he ended up with who thinks he's better than he really is. But in fairness, you behaved foolishly. You acted like an easy lay and that's exactly how you were treated. You're a grown woman in her thirties, not a 12 year old girl in Disneyland. With age should come wisdom and some knowledge about the ways of the world. Not everyone is a good person and trust must be hard earned. Pace yourself next time. Be friendly and polite, but more formal with people until you've known them a long time. Limit flirty chats. Meet in public places for a set amount of time. Be gracious, but assertive. There is nothing unladylike or unfriendly about saying 'no thanks'. And not everyone deserves a second chance.As for the friend, I wouldn't even dignify his offer with a response of any kind. Delete and block the guy and anyone connected to him and don't look back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2014): The same way someone can just meet up for the first time and have sex straight away.
OP I would be more worried about how you can trust yourself rather than guys. You were incredibly easy for this guy to use. Some flirting on facebook and you actually agreed to meet him for the first time alone, and have sex with him? You then continue to meet him only for sex. No dates, no getting to know each other, just some impersonal facebook chats and sex.
His friend was probably being serious, OP, you were easy for his friend so he may have assumed that's the kind of girl you are. That's exactly how you acted.
Just handle it by cutting all these people off and blocking them. Learn your lessons too. If you don't want to be used for sex don't sleep with a guy on your first meeting, date him for while first in person. If you don't want to end up getting carried away too soon then don't go be alone with a guy so soon.
Us guys are not the problem, you're your own problem OP. For some reason you think chatting on facebook and fucking is dating. It's nothing of the kind.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 March 2014):
 The issue is more this guy - and his friends' - perception of you. They believe that you are "easy"... and so one or another of them is ready, at-hand, to have $*x with you, as long as you are willing.
How to handle it? Get away - and stay away - from this creep and his "user" friends....
In the future, be far more discriminting in who you meet, and what you do with him...
Good luck...
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