A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, so ive been seeing this guy for a few months now and about a month ago i cheated on him with my ex. i felt so bad afterwards and expected it to be over but he didnt leave me. hes 19 and im 16 btw. then.... last weekend i did it again. i figured i was done with the relationship because he kept acting like my father and trying to control my every move. we broke up last night because he said i never have time for him. he started telling me that i was a horrible girlfriend and i was never good to him etc. so i said "you dont even know the half of it." he then called me and after a lot of him yelling at me he finally got it out of me that i cheated again. trust me i know i was completely wrong. he freaked out then. he started screaming at me calling me names like "worthless little bitch" and "f***ing slut" and saying things like "if i ever see him i will run him over with my god damn car" and "i would never put my hands on you baby but if i emotionally broke you right now i would feel no remorse. if i made you curl up into a little ball on the floor sucking your thumb because you were so broken i wouldnt care. id love to put you right in the middle of [my school] and tell everyone exactly what you did so you wldnt be able to walk the hallways without hearing your name whispered. all the guys staring at you saying damn look at that a**, and girls saying look how dirty she is!" he told me he wanted to die and that he was gonna crash his car and he wished he would overdose on drugs. he continued to mock me for about 2 more hours on the phone while i tried to calm him down, he even punched a hole in his door and broke his hand. but.... and i know its crazy... we're back together. at first he told me " im gonna be the most controlling boyfriend ever now. youre not allowed go anywhere without me and if i find are im coming there and shits gonna go down. youre not allowed to see him (the guy i cheated with) text him, message him in any way, you cant even acknowledge that he exists. the only place u can go is maybe to a friends house to hat but i wanna know where you are every minute." i know this is ridiculous but are his actions justified by my cheating? is this normal behavior? please help im soooo confused. im soorry its soo long but thank you for reading!
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female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Nothing in this relationship sounds normal.
You cheated on your boyfriend TWICE because he was too controlling. Then for some crazy reason, the two of you got back together. Now you're confused because he's being *surprise* too controlling.
You're both crazy and it sounds like y'all like drama.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): I can't say that I blame him in all honesty. You cheated on him not once, but twice, with the SAME guy. And not just any guy, but your EX! I would be fucking pissed if I were your boyfriend. There would be no way in Hell that I would ever get back together with you. You don't love him. And if he loves you he's stupid. This relationship is broken because of YOUR actions, not his words. No, it wasn't right for him to say those things to you, but I would've been saying much worse things to you if I were in his place. What you did was HORRIBLE! Cheating is the single worst thing you can do to your significant other. Leave this relationship. Leave him alone, and take some time to grow up.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 April 2010):
 As long as you stay with this man this is how it is. And he even told you he was going to be that way, and you willingly walked back. Justified or not, he told you this is the deal and you accepted.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (28 April 2010):
 In keeping with marieclaire's line of thinking, I think you should lock yourself in the basement with a box of Cheerios. You shouldn't be with him because he's nuts, but you shouldn't be with anybody yourself since the fact that you cheated at least twice on this guy is secondary in your mind.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (28 April 2010):
 Cheating is not right and you obviously don't love him enough to be faithful, so why stay in an abusive relationship. He has no right to be-little you even if you made a mistakes his action are controlling and trying to put fear in you this is not sane behavior. Get out of this relationship and be with someone who will treat you good, respect you, and will fill your heart with love. When you are emotionally satisfied you will find no reason or need to cheat.
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A
male
reader, ManAfterChrist +, writes (28 April 2010):
 Oh please. If my girlfriend cheated, I would flip ape sh**. He had an emotional breakdown. Girls cry in these situations, a lot of guys get out anger. It's a way to vent. He went a little too far with his comments, but at least he just punched his door. He's not going to hurt you, you hurt him more by your actions than he can with his words. And his restrictions make sense. He's a guy, which means he's logical. His mind is saying the more he can keep an eye on you, the less you can cheat.
He's doing things the wrong way, but it's still a way that makes sense and will ease his mind until he calms down. YOU are the one in the wrong here. Now if he hits you, that's another situation. But he didn't, and I believe him when he says he won't.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (28 April 2010):
You did cheat, and that's wrong. But that does not justify this level of abuse at all. You need to end this now. This won't be fixed.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (28 April 2010):
 Abuse is never justified. Neither is cheating. I'm afraid that I am unable to understand why you are back in a relationship with him.
He is going to hurt you.
You don't love him.
Why would you risk your life and emotional well being to be with a guy that you don't love enough to be faithful to? Get out! Then figure out why you are sleeping with the guy you left, and hurting the guy you are with.
FA
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