A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,Please help me out.I've been going out with my bf for 8months. He is slightly older and we met online.Before we met and started a relationship, we chatted quite a bit online. During this time he met up with his ex and they slept together. However, since being with me. He hasn't initiated any contact with her. He sent a Christmas and a birthday card but he hasn't actually texted or called etc. They have spoke a few times, but she's been the one to make contact first - and its been generic texts (ie how are you etc that's all)They had a long distance relationship and she still lives in another country at the moment. However, she said she is visiting our city (she used to live here, and has friends and family here too) and asked if he wanted to meet.He said he would and she said she was free all weekend (except one night) and he suggested Sunday Lunch.He told me about this and naturally I acted a bit annoyed. He then said he wouldn't meet her if I didn't want him too.So they haven't made contact since and she is coming to town in a few weeks. I am a bit worried but we just went away at the weekend, and he has invited me to a family wedding and said he loved me when he was drunk (haven't confronted him about that yet) so I know he is serious about us.He keeps in touch with all his exs. And said he wouldn't want to nit keep in contact with this ex he is meeting as her ex partner committed suicide while they were together and he said it was a very tough and emotional time for both of them and he wouldn't want to stop speaking to her after everything they went threw.I feel like I'm being silly with all this. But, do you see anything happening with this meet? Or am I being overly paranoid.Thank you
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christmas, drunk, her ex, his ex, long distance, met online, text, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 As so_very_confused suggested,why not ask If you can go along too? Just to meet her because surely it shouldn't be a problem if their relationship is strictly platonic . . .
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 May 2016):
 would you be welcome at the lunch? if so I see no issues with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2016): Thanks for your response.
Yes she used to live in our city then moved to her current city while they were dating for a job. She has friends and family in our city and has plans to meet one of them - hence the visit.
She isn't visiting the city to see him, she planned and booked this visit for her friends and asked him if he fancied meeting up one of the days.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 Well, if they slept together before you dated, I would get paranoid too. I know there are men and women who are capable of doing platonic friendships. With this one, I am not so sure.
Just slightly older than you and he already has a string of exes he stays friends with. It makes you wonder if they became exes because he had unfinished business with other exes.
Why would he get emotional too if her ex partner committed suicide? Too much emotional attachment there, I would think.
Still, a person with integrity would not cheat. Whether it's consolation sex, or women throwing themselves at him. You can get attracted, and get horny, but you have self control and morals. If it's just coffee meeting it's fine. That means no inviting him up at her hotel. She should meet you too, if she's just friends with him. Does she have other relatives there? I would question her motive to buy a ticket to visit a friend to just have coffee. The most important thing is that she knows you are his girlfriend and she respects your relationship.
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