A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys, I need a little advice on weather or not I handled something correctly..So a few months ago I was working for a company and I became friends with my manager's younger brother who had just started working there the week I left. I left my job because I got a great opportunity in entertainment.We hung out once after I left but that was it. We made plans all the time to hang out (and by "we", I mean he made plans with me), but he would always bail or cancel at the last minute. At first it didnt bother me, cause we all get busy right? But after like the 7th time, It kind of started to annoy me. He would cancel on me for really lame reasons, like one of his guy friends signed him up for some activity or whatever.In my mind, I didnt understand why he kept making plans on me and kept bailing. If he didn't want to hang out, that would of been fine, it's not like he's my only friend in the world. As a matter of fact, it seemed like he wanted to be friends more than I did.When I started to pick up on this, I mentally told myself that I would not agree to any plans with him for a while, And he would constantly try to make them, and I would just say I was busy and I didnt talk to him much.Well 4 weeks ago I left my city to go on tour and I told him I would be back for thanksgiving weekend. He texted me while I was on tour and invited me to an event the day after Thanksgiving and I was excited about it. I thought that since some time had passed and I was away from home, he would actually follow through. Well literally the night before (Thanksgiving night) he texted me and asked me what was I doing Friday Night. I was confused and responded with "Going to see *entertainer* with you". He texted me back was like "Oh well I wasn't able to get the tickets lol my bad". I was dumbfounded.. I was under the impression he had already purchased the tickets which is why I was so sure he wouldn't flake and then waits until the night before to say were not going. He explained that the tickets were too expensive and I was understanding and said ok. He then asked me if I wanted to go to the movies that night and I said sure.I got dressed and everything and then later he texts me and says his older sister wanted to go to the movies so he had to cancel with me.. Just some insight, his sister is married to my former manager (manager and this guy are related by marriage) and she doesnt like me. Her reason for not liking me is simply because I worked with her husband for years and im beautiful. I've never done or said anything disrespectful or did anything suggestive with her husband, she just doesn't like me. She doesn't like any woman who is young, beautiful and works with her husband.. With that being said, when she found out I was going, she said she didnt want to ago anymore because of me. After she changed her mind, he calls me and re invites to the movies. I had had enough by then and it put a bad taste in my mouth the way he handled things.So, I said no to the movies, and every other suggestion he made. I did a show in my city and he asked if he could come and I said no because he probably wouldn't show up if I said yes. He finally caught on a bit and apologized if he had upset me by cancelling on the movies the night before. I said thank you, but right after that he texted and said "so what you doing though?". I just felt like his actions and apology was just annoying and insincere. If it was anyone else, I would just think that they didn't truly want to hang out with me, and thats how I feel about him despite his constant trying. He is 2 years younger than me, and I try to chalk it up to him being young minded and immature.After that last text, I told him I was going to sleep cause I had to get up early to fly back to California the next day. He said he hopes to see me when I get back and I didn't respond to him.We haven't talked since then, and here I am wondering if maybe I should of been nicer or more understanding. I dont see him at all in romantic way, I just dont feel like wasting my time and energy on someone who "thinks" they want to hang out with me when deep down they're probably just bored. Do you guys think im being over sensitive?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 December 2017):
 He is flaky and well no you are not being to sensitive. I would just be polite to him when you see him but stop trying to be friends because I honestly don't think it would work. It sounds like he is playing games with you and is messing with your head. I know I wouldn't put up with someone like that. Cancel on me with a good reason sure, but his reasons are pathetic.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for late response guys, and thank you for all the advice. So, I thought I was being over sensitive because I told this exact same story to my mother, who said my last response to him about him not showing up was "B*tchy". I was surprised by that because if anything I went easy on him, and I went easy on him because he was just a good acquaintance in my mind, and not someone I was dating or even legitimate friends. So I came here..Anyway, I got home from tour this past Friday, and on Saturday I made my rounds and said "Hey" to everyone I knew when I was selling cars.I went to visit the dealership that he's at, to say hi to all my old co-workers and show them videos and pictures of my time on tour and just catch up since it had been 6 weeks since I'd seen any of them.. While I was there, said guys brother, we'll call him P, asked me if I was still friends with his little brother.My response was this "Not exactly. I dont have a problem with him, I just dont see a reason to talk to him anymore". He asked what happened and I told him the whole story and that I felt like he only wants to hang out when he's bored and otherwise, he's all over the place. We both laughed about it, and he said his brother was a nice guy, he's just young and immature, to which I agreed. Then I told P, "Thats why Im not friends with guys my age or younger, I can't deal with someone who's young minded".We laughed because him and my co-workers have always joked that I dont like anyone under 30 and so far they're right. P was the one who convienced me to be friends with his brother but now he sees where I'm coming from when it comes to him and others "BOYS" his age.I saw his brother and we talked for a bit, basically stuff like how work was going and that was it.. Very brief. As I said to P, I see no reason to talk to him anymore.Thanks for all the help!
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (5 December 2017):
Don't blame yourself for someone being immature and a liar towards you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 December 2017):
 Over sensitive ? You are kidding , right ? If any you are being under-sensitive !( if such a word does exist ).It is incredible that some guy can blow you off 7 times in a row, and, you would still TALK to him , leave alone making plans with him and accepting his " rain checks " !
Seven times ? That's equal to thumbing his nose at you. Maybe he does not mean it intentionally in a " mean " way,
maybe he is just a disorganized or indecisive type , one of those people who are always all over the place as a way of life. Still, I would advise you to reserve all this patience and understanding that you obviously have got in yourselves , for people with bigger problems than a major case of flakiness and bad manners .
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 December 2017):
 He canceled on you 7 times and you STILL talk to him?
Sorry, the second time he FLAKED on you, you should have just blocked him.
You are the backup entertainment. If nothing better comes along he will hang out with you. Why on Earth would you allow yourself to be relegated to such a thing?
Just BLOCK him. You don't have to be nice to someone who doesn't give a flying F about you.
Yes, it might be due to his age and immaturity but as excuses go... it's a moot point. He doesn't really care that making plans and then shitting on them is just not OK. Let him do his thing, you do yours. JUST stop wasting your time on this guy. Unless you like constantly dealing with being canceled on. He isn't a friend, he is just some dude who happens to be related to a guy you used to work with.
So be like Elsa, Let it go.
Life is too short to waste time on people like this.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 December 2017):
 I think you're being a pushover. Really. If he cancels on you several times and always at the last minute, leaving you hanging, it shows how blatantly little respect he has for you. Why on earth would you keep in touch with this guy, let alone accept any more invites to "dates" that never happen?
Oh and don't fool yourself, this guy doesn't want friendship. All the things you mention he invited you to do were things intentionally meant for just the two of you, not a group hangout. If he only wanted friendship, he'd invite you along those times he said friends had signed him up etc and he canceled on you instead.
Also, I think he's just dating around and seeing lots of women, making "dates" like this, and you are just his last pick on the list because you always say yes even if he cancels on you last minute. It's like you don't care how little respect he has for you? You will still try to "be his friend" or whatever. But he's NOT being a "friend" to you. So why do you keep bothering? You barely know him also, it's not like he's a childhood friend that you've known for years and years and have a ton of history with.
Just stop replying to his messages. If he asks why, just tell him honestly: you are tired of accepting invites only to get stood up, so you don't want to waste your time any longer on him. He deserves to be told the truth about his rude behaviour.
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A
male
reader, N91  +, writes (4 December 2017):
 Nope, sounds like a complete ass.
I'm surprised you've give him as many chances to be honest. Wouldn't give this guy another second of my life, complete and utter time waster.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2017): Now if this was a couple of times then maybe but time and time again he has done it well don't waste your time anymore and tell him so when he asks again ..no matter the age it's disrespectful. .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2017): No!! I would have done exactly the same thing!
If a guy keeps canceling then he obviously doesn't care enough to male an effort. Find someone who WILL !ale the effort, and by that I !San dress smart and take you out to dinner and pays for the meal.you do t deserve someone who keeps bailing.once is understandable bit SEVEN TIMES!that's must stupid
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2017): I can't even begin to understand what his intentions are. If it were me I'd say "if you don't intend to follow through with your plans don't bother me." If this is a joke it's immature. If this is him being serious he clearly has his head in the clouds. He has no steady footing. If this is how he starts any form of relationship do you really want this guy around? I know the unknown is a killer, but this guy sounds like bad news.
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