A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I am married and know an engaged co worker. We are both extremely attracted to each other. We even started texting when we first met and the texts eventually became sexual. However, we stopped before doing anything and we don't even text anymore. We made a concious decision to not cheat. This happened more than a year ago. The problem is, the sexual tension is still there and very palpable. I fantasize about him all the time. Is there a way to deal with this besides f^^^^ng each other?
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 May 2012):
 Please accept apologies for this late reply. Have things improved a little or is the sexual tension still a problem?
It was responsible of you to make a conscious decision to not cheat. But despite that happening a year ago there is still a problem. Is there any way you could try to gain some work experience in another branch of the place where you work?
Can you try to fantacize about a less accessible target. The unavailable is often tantalizingly tempting. But the 24/7 day to day reality with the same person may not be as exciting.
Try not to go to lunch with each other.
And re-examine what is happening in your primary relationship that this guy seems so attractive. Maybe you need to examine how you could re-invigorate your primary relationship? Maybe it is time you examined if you and your husband could consider a project you could do together or a holiday (just the two of you) could plan.
Try to give your primary relationship your best short first. As your flirt buddy could break your heart when walks down the aisle with his fiance.
And if your flirt buddy still wants to flirt and play up to you once he is married then he is not his fiance's buddy nor anyone's buddy. All you can do, if he still pursues you after he marries is to feel very very sorry for his (soon to be) wife.
Only if your own marriage has broken up and your flirt buddy's engagement has been broken could you consider taking things further.
But a good plan is to never mix business with pleasure. Meaning no to work romances between two (already) attached persons (but attached to another party) and invariably it ends in tears and breaks up all the primary and secondary relationships involved in the fall out. Is that work it, to you?
Please take care.
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