A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i started dating this wonderful guy in April of this year. we're pretty young and all but we love each other. he swears he loves me more and i believe he loves me :] he turned 15 last month and i turned 14 5 months ago. we were dating on his birthday but he lives in the bronx and i live in Brooklyn. it take him long to get here but he comes as much as he can, after summer school sometimes. well, we're pretty serious, i know, i know. we're young and we have a lot of time but whatever. i haven't felt like this yet, so let me be, let me think i know what love is. don't judge me. :| anyways, he's not a virgin. but i am. you know, us kids have our hormones here and there and we wanna experiment and what not. we've been really good lately and i've fallen in love with him. 3 and i told him that i think i'm ready. he wasn't saying are you sure? he said 'i'm w. it :)' and that's all. i kind of expected something more me being a virgin and this being a big deal. but the rest of the time we talked he was showing effection which is rare. and he was telling me that he loves me, not rare but nice. this summer, when my friend comes back from mexico, i'm gonna ask my mom if i Can sleep over at her place for two days. but i'll only be there one day. then next day i'm going to my boyfriends house. his mother works night shifts and his sisters might not be home. i'm a bit nervous about having sex. what if i chicken out, i know he'll still love me but I don't want to be like 'i'm ready to have sex' and then say 'nevermind i'm not ready' and i don't wanna 'f**k' i want to make love. -_- I know I know. my age again. idc, hes truely important to me and thats what i want. can anybody tell me about their first time? and did it hurt that bad? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, mysterygirl803 +, writes (2 September 2010):
Hey, I had sex when I was 14 years old. And I didn't think if I was ready or not, it just happened. I had barely started dating my b/f. I really regret it because it wasn;t as I had thought it was going to be like. I imagined it romantic. It didn't hurt when it happened, but after, I felt the pain below my waist. I would really have liked to wait a couple of years, however, I was lucky and I was with him for 7 years until recently a couple of weeks ago that he broke up with me. I was sexually active for 7 years with him. My advice, wait, really wait. Like I said I was lucky, and like you I really loved him and I didn;t care and I really didnt think if i was ready or not. I just went with it. If you aren't sure just wait, if he loves you like he says, he WILL understand that you are not ready and he WILL wait until you are. Because nowadays, guys just want sex and break up after. I hope it doesn't happen to you, don't just go with it, you have to be sure.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2010): Hey...if you were ready for sex with your boyfriend, I don't think you would have posted this question. You're nervous and everything...like, I don't get the impression that you're really ready. You're at the age where you'll want sex and you'll be tempted. But you have to stay strong and remember that sex is something you should save for your soulmate. Although you might think that you're doing this because you love each other...like, you said he's done it before. Was he "in love" with that girl, too? And they broke up. Not to say that you guys aren't perfect together, but you are young. I don't trust that he wants you more than he wants sex with you.
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (23 July 2010):
If you are as uncertain, and apprehensive as your question sounds, you are NOT ready for a sexual relationship with your B/F. You may have hormones but you also have a mind and emotions and it doesn't sound like either of them are ready for sex. The greatest pain may come after you realize that going through with this was a mistake.
At the core, your explanation sounds like, "Well I want to have sex because this guy is paying attention to me, and I'm curious, and this seems like a good time.". What would you do if your B/F said, "Well, I had sex with this other girl yesterday because I was curious about her, and she was paying some attention to me."?
And the need to lie, and sneak around, says that this is neither a wise nor a healthy thing to do.
For the record, most women report that their first sexual intercourse was somewhere between "very uncomfortable" and "hurt like hell". Something like half of all women say they bled enough to notice, but it's only around 20% or less who say it was anything like a "bloody mess".
At the very least, spend some time - any where from several days, to a few months - learning about each others' bodies and how to pleasure each other without penetrative sex, with necking, petting, oral sex, etc. Make sure he understands and agrees to this.
Like bowling, long division, or public speaking, good sex is something you learn through practice. It's an even more complicated activity than these examples. Like sports, sex is physical; like math, sex is mental; and like oration, sex is psychological. For most of us, both guys and gals, the first time isn't great sex. My first time was lousy sex. My wife's first time was lousy sex. (In fact, her first time and my first time were the same time. It was rather painful for her, and a bloody mess.) But even though it was lousy sex, it was very significant and meaningful to us.
The physiological mechanics of sex, especially your first time, are well-documented here on this Forum - the question probably gets asked a couple times every month.
For the record, my wife and I were both 23 when we exchanged virginity (she took mine and I got hers in return) on our wedding night. The story is in the thread "I'm a virgin and worried about my wedding night...", at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-virgin-and-worried-about-my-wedding.html ]. (Scroll down the thread to find my post.) Even though it was lousy sex, it was still very significant and meaningful to us! And despite that lousy first-time, we're still married - to each other - over 35 years later.
Other threads I contributed to include "How can I make my first time having sex enjoyable?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-make-my-first-time-having.html ] and, "I want to start having sex with him . . ." at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-want-to-start-having-sex-with-him.html ] (scroll down to find my response), and "He's a virgin, I'm not. How can I make it meaningful for him?" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/hes-a-virgin-im-not--how-can.html ] and "Any stories about losing your virginity??" at [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/any-stories-about-losing-your-virginity.html ].
Something we weren't prepared for was our emotional state immediately afterwards. I've read about this and talked to others, and the details vary WIDELY among people. (My wife & I were both sobbing, and pain wasn't the major cause.) The best I can say is that you need to be sensitive to each other, as well as yourselves, because you can do some emotional damage without even realizing it.
(There used to be an article by "satindesire" (and many of the side comments on that page) that was excellent! I'd call it a must-read for you and your B/F except that it has vanished from [ http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html ]. Maybe somebody saw it and saved a copy, and can repost it.)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): Leave it, more things in life to discover before you should even give a crap about sex. Sex is a enhancement to your life, thats ALL.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): Don't do it. I lost moe At your age, your just a kid so go be one. When you get older you will regret this
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A
female
reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (22 July 2010):
Heya :)
My friend lost her virginity at a very young age and was in a "good" relationship. That guy is long since gone and her current boyfriend who is an absolute sweety-pie is jealous about her past, and she of his.
In most places you have to be 16 to have sex, your boyfriend could land up in jail for statutory rape. And you will be the one that puts him there. Don't stop reading just yet though...
At 14 you're likely to still be very "tight" and it will hurt... A Lot.
How serious is pretty serious? What does he think serious means? Girls and guys have very different concepts. There was a study done not so long ago with couples, when the girls said "serious" they often meant marriage serious where as guys who said "serious" meant a month or two. And don't fool yourself - I'm sure your guy IS special and he IS different but if he thought like a woman you wouldn't be attracted to him. His mind works differently - never forget that! (And just so you know... I'm not being hypocritical - Im in a long term relationship that I take day by day, just enjoying it).
ALL OF
THAT BEING SAID...
You can use your hormones and experiment without having actual vaginal sex.
Mutual masturbation.
Handjobs.
Blow jobs (this is oral SEX and is therefore still SEX, but you won't have to go through the pain of breaking your hymen even if he returns the favour).
I'm sure you do truely love your boyfriend, I know I love my boyfriend (I've dated other guys and all but this is the first time I've felt this way). But not all kinds of true love are forever.
Remember your virginity is only something you have once.
My boyfriend and I use our hormones and we have fun with it but we're both still real sex virgins.
Can you talk about contraception? Because you must. And using more than one type is okay. Make sure he gets and STI/STD test because he's not a virgin. STDs suck, and some of them are even life threatning.
ALL OF
THAT BEING SAID...
We can't decide for you. You don't have to take our advice - we can't make you. But the best decisions are informed decisions.
Be wise in whatever you do and feel free to message me if you have a question.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): At fourteen there is no need to be thinking about losing your virginity. In fact, no matter what your age is, losing your virginity should never be a mission. Fourteen is too young to be having sex anyway. Just wait, even if you wait ten more years, it's no big deal!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2010): to be honest - my first time sucked, i lied to my parents about where i was going and who i was with, it was a painful experience and a month later i had a positive pregnancy test in my hand. Hmmm, can we say oops. Try confessing pregnancy to parents who aren't even aware you have come within 10 ft of a guy lol seriously, you guys are young like you pointed out ... why rush and also, why lie. I found out the hard way. If i was gonna lie and sneek around then i wasn't old enough to be having an "adult" relationship. I have a wonderful little boy now and i'm a single parent, its hard and i don't regret my son but i do wish i'd waited or atleast been more honest.
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 Firstly, what's the age of consent in Brooklyn? It would be better to wait until you're within the law, as if someone found out they could report the two of you.
Secondly, I'm glad that you're choosing to lose it within a relationship. Well done =]
First time experiences - my first time was with a guy who was also a virgin, which made it worse than it could have been because he didn't really know what he was doing, and was more into his own pleasure than mine. First time we tried it hurt and I told him to stop. We tried again and it really hurt at first, but I went on top, and while he was in me, and I relaxed, it started to hurt less. On top I felt more in control which helped, as did talking, as it helped to relax me.
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A
female
reader, iloveyhoo +, writes (22 July 2010):
 ok im still a virgin and im your age. its totally up to you, but this can change your life forever. once you have lost it its gone. would you rather wait til your older or wait a bit longer as in you ahvent discovered who you are properly. i was in your situation but i gathered not to , cos all i could think about was the negative things, wot if u got pregnant? how could u break it 2 yur parents? maybe after we had sex he might dump me?
i see at the end you said about you want other peoples personal experiences, but people i know who have lost their virginity said it didnt hurt that bad, but it depends on how flexible you are, if your hymen has broke. i mean if your flexible you should be fine, but if your not then it may hurt slightly more.
just be careful with whatever you choose. good luck :)
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