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... Send *ica a private message | | | *ica's profile:I am older and wiser! If only the current me had been around to give the younger me some much-needed advice .. not that I would have listened anyway. As a teenager (and beyond) I thought that sex'n'drugs'rock'n'roll were the best goals in life .. how wrong I was. Ok for light relief but not to be pursued as a lifestyle. |
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I'm thinking about the every three month shot
Q. i'm sixteen. My boyfriend and I started having sex a few weeks ago. He's been using a condom, but I think I'd feel better with something that's more effective so I don't get pregnant. I'm thinking about the every three month shot. Anyone have ...
A. 5 December 2006: Yes if you are an organised person who makes plans and isn't likely to forget the next appointment, as some have done unfortunately.... (read in full...)
After I've graduated, should I let him know about my feelings?
Q. Hello everyone. I'm 17, a feamle senior in high school. I took a two-semester class last year with the same teacher. I realized after getting to know him for some time that I felt like I really connected with him. Obviously, this progressed into ...
A. 5 December 2006: If you write a letter to him expressing great love, what do you expect him to do with that information? Seriously, why would you do that? I think it crosses a line that you really don't need to go anywhere near. You admire and respect the guy, ... (read in full...)
I am trying to impress this lad so what can I do--to turn him on!
Q. what is a turn on for a lad? what things please help im trying to impress someome...
A. 5 December 2006: There's no need to start acting like a sex siren - that could backfire badly in fact. Just talk to him, be friendly. It's an old cliche, but just be yourself. Trying to impress never works and it also implies you're looking for approval which isn't ... (read in full...)
He is so controlling that he even talked me out of going to uni! But will I regret leaving him?
Q. i have been in a relationship for two years and it doesnt seem to be going anywhere, there is a history of him sort of controlling me and where my life is going. he told me that i couldnt go to uni because we would not work, so i didnt. i dont know ...
A. 5 December 2006: No you won't regret it. It might be hard but with some distance you'll feel better. The rest of your life is a long time and believe me you will not spend it thinking about this guy! But don't jump from one bad relationship into another guy's ... (read in full...)
He trusts me enough to go into a business venture with me after only 4 months! Should I be concerned?
Q. well,,, my dad is a very wealthy man but we'v never had a close relationship ,,, anyway he said he'd buy me a salon as im a hairdrsser for a kik start in life! anyway he doesnt live around here hes always away with his company's so he sent his right ...
A. 5 December 2006: I'd advise you not to sign anything .. talk to your dad. He's the successful business man in this whole thing. If you have signed anything .. talk to you dad even sooner. Also I can't help but think that you'd benefit from working for someone else ... (read in full...)
Do I stay with him in hopes he falls in love with me or do I end it?
Q. I am very confused about my relationship with my boyfriend of 3 months. For example, if someone said to you after you had sex together for the first time that they weren’t sure if they were in love with you or not, what would u do given that is ...
A. 4 December 2006: You have been single for years and possibly the idea of a man, any man, will have taken on unbelievable / unrealistic expectations. That's why you bolt. But he's just a guy, and a guy with some baggage at that. I don't think he is over his ex but ... (read in full...)
He says he struggling because of the condom and my lack of "tightness"!
Q. i just started having sex with my bf for the first time, but he says with a condom it decreases the sensation and i'm not "tight" enough for him to come easily. i lost my virginity to this guy, so why would i be too loose already? what should i ...
A. 4 December 2006: Don't let him talk you into this - he just wants sex without a condom. Women do get looser after childbirth, not when they've just started having sex! So there's no excuse in this case unless his equipment is the size of a pencil ;)... (read in full...)
I've never dated a black guy before. Should I do this?
Q. Okay, I'm so fraid that the same thing is gonna happend again. I'm so not exited about this date. Ever since I started working at Hollister Co, guys I worked with stared asking me on dates. There's this one black guy I rejected because he was ...
A. 3 December 2006: You mean he doesn't talk or act like _you_ expect a black guy to do. That reveals your expectations, not his. But to say "good to try for a change" .. breathtaking.
And really, what is with all these guys and the background boyfriend? You have... (read in full...)
I'm a Jew for Jesus, but he will only marry me if I renounce Christ! What do I do??
Q. He wants me to convert to Judaism and renounce Christ in order to marry me!!!! I am already Jewish but I believe in the son of G-d. I'm what you call a Jews for Jesus. He says he loves me and that I have to renounce my beliefs in order to get ...
A. 2 December 2006: Sorry to read about what you are going through. Excellent advice below. I just wanted to say good for you, you stuck up for yourself and your beliefs. Have courage, be strong, move on. Good luck.... (read in full...)
We both said NO to any drugs..now I find out he's doing "ecstasy"! What can I do?
Q. My long term boyfriend and I (6 years since the age of 15) have grown up together, but it has been easy as we have always shared the same morals and values. One of these values was a strictly anti drugs stance. When our friends first started on ...
A. 2 December 2006: Difficult. You have been together for a relatively long time at your age. When you got together you were both anti-drugs. It's not about you telling him how to live his life - his values have changed over time and yours haven't. You said he is ... (read in full...)
Our relationship is going nowhere and yet..he refuses to let go and move on!
Q. I have been in a defacto relationship for about six years. Over this time my guy has accused me of all sorts of things. I now realise that this relationship is not going anywhere. My problem is that my guy does not accept this. I have told him a lot ...
A. 2 December 2006: You don't need to get him to see your point of view so much as stop seeing him; he doesn't need to give permission. I don't understand what you mean by 'defacto'. If you live together then someone would need to move out - sounds like that would ... (read in full...)
I'm cruel to animals and am genuinely seeking help. Please help me.
Q. I hate myself for this, and you're going to hate me too, but I need help so I'm posting it anyway. I own a cat and a dog, and sometimes I'm just evil towards them. I don't know why I do it, and every time a get a new pet I promise myself that I'll ...
A. 1 December 2006: Good for you having the courage to admit this. Get counselling for your own sake as well as the animals. Don't be tempted to get any more pets in the meantime.... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to stop working overtime and his family would think I'm controlling if he did! Advice?
Q. hey, i had put up a question yesterday "My BF works too much and I don't feel loved!" thanks for all the replies. but the real problem is that i have spoken to him about it. ive told him everything. all he says is that he doesnt no wot to do about ...
A. 30 November 2006: Sorry, he's not allowed out after 5? What age is he? ... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't want to introduce me to his family until we're almost engaged! Is this normal?
Q. advice from guys, please: how big of a deal is it if a guy doesn't want to tell his family about you? at what point in a relationship should he want to do this? my bf told me he doesn't think he'd want to really bring a girl into that part of his ...
A. 30 November 2006: The question isn't so much is it normal as is it acceptable to you. I don't think he necessarily has anything to hide. Have you met friends, just not family? Has he met your family and/or friends? Is he a sociable kind of guy or does he just stick ... (read in full...)
I'm depressed and I feel weak because I think other people need to help me through this. Any advice?
Q. I've been ill for a few weeks and I've also been really depressed. I'm pretty sure they're related problems, whther being ill for a long time made me unhappy or that i've been depressed and it's making me ill, which is more likely. I was ill ...
A. 30 November 2006: Well .. you don't know that someone saw you and called her and if they did they did it out of concern for you. Try to put aside thoughts about other people's problems and about being "weak" - if you are ill then it needs to be tackled. I don't know ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend tells everyone at work about me, what can I do about this?
Q. Hi Everyone I really dont know what to think anymore with my partner.Firstly her work is getting to me.She sometimes goes to work and tells them every aspect of our relationship,i feel they know more about me than i do myself.And sometimes im judged ...
A. 30 November 2006: Have to say I have known women like this (not so much men) .. every little detail of their lives has to be talked about. Their lives are more or less lived out loud. It puts me off telling them things about myself because I know it will get ... (read in full...)
Is my vagina abnormal, or am I just worrying about it too much?
Q. im worriedthe skin around my virgina is to big! im 18 im sexualy active but im a virgin, am im worried when it comes down to me and my Boyfriend having sex or even giving me oral he will notice and think im odd and very unitractive! im i just over ...
A. 30 November 2006: .. although women on porn sites may well have had cosmetic surgery on their 'lips' so don't compare yourself to them ..... (read in full...)
I choke the chicken over my friend's younger sister!
Q. I'm 19 and I was round at my friends house who's the same age as me for the first time and I met her sister there. The problem is that she is 14 (in year 10) and I find her attractive. I've ended up thinking about her when I'm masturbating! But, ...
A. 30 November 2006: I guess the danger could be that if you think about her a lot you might encourage yourself to act out in some way even though you're saying that you know not to go any further. You find her attractive, okay, but realistically she is out of bounds ... (read in full...)
I drive myself crazy with guilt. Can I fix this?
Q. Guilt is running my life and driving me crazy! I work very hard at college and it really means a lot to me. But if I can't get there for some reason or I'm ill and can't do the work I said I would, I feel guilty for days until I've done something to ...
A. 30 November 2006: You remind me of a friend of mine who is a lovely person but has this same guilt about lots of things. I remember she once commented that she found it hard watching a football game because she felt guilty supporting one side rather than the other. I ... (read in full...)
He's lied to me..he calls me names and now I'm wondering-if he has someone else? Any advice?
Q. My bf of 3 years and 4 months is telling me he wants a break and he doesn't know if he wants to get back together. We fight A LOT and he said that that's why. Is he having someone else? He lives an hour and 15 mins from me. I 've never been to his ...
A. 30 November 2006: He has no right to call you these names, fighting or not. Dump him and find someone who treats you with respects and doesn't lie to you.... (read in full...)
I've slept with others before him and I feel so guilty about it!
Q. i have been dating this guy for 9 months, though a long distance relationship he is the best thing that has ever happened to me..he is just soo caring and sweet to me, we have talked about our past, he is a virgin where i am not, i have had sex with ...
A. 29 November 2006: Sorry but he will never be your first even if you do attempt to get "re-virginised". ... (read in full...)
My conservative friends jokingly call me a whore and it's really bothering me!
Q. my new guy friends at the uni often tease me, they call me a whore and slut. i dont know why, they dont know me much its only our first yr. the only reasons i can think of is because i voice my opinions and am vocal about sexual stuff, i dress in ...
A. 29 November 2006: Some good advice below.. also struck me that these guys will be having problems of their own adjusting to a new crowd even though it might seem they are not. Perhaps one or two stronger personalities are dominating and the others following because ... (read in full...)
I'm a shy guy - so what's the best way I should hit on girls?
Q. How to hit on girls? I'm shy guy and I don't know what to say to girls. Usually I say ''How're you doing'' and then ''you're beautiful''. Then I don't know how to continue.. What should I say to a girl if I want to hit on her? How do I approac...
A. 29 November 2006: If a strange guy comes up and starts with the "you're beautiful", girls know it's a line. Please don't say if even if you mean it - wait a few dates! The guy posting below has good advice. Cheesy lines are a complete turn-off and I suspect the ... (read in full...)
Cheating-harrasment-lies...I'm in the middle of a bad situation and I need advice!
Q. Please help me. My friend A told me she was seeing a friends husband B a couple of months ago but now its all finished. She is married and has four children and my husband and i were good friends with her husband and her. Problem started when a ...
A. 29 November 2006: I sympathise, you are caught in the middle of something you haven't caused. I think you should not talk about it at all and if anyone hassles you tell them you're not getting involved. It sounds like whatever you say you'll be accused of something ... (read in full...)
My best friend just told me he loves me, but I love my boyfriend! How can I keep our friendship?
Q. I am in a relationship already and my best friend just told me that he is in love with me. Im in love with my boyfriend so the only thing that can happen is for my friend to stop loving me. My friend has been in a situation like this before and he ...
A. 29 November 2006: I think this 'friend' should have kept his mouth shut given that he knows you are in a relationship. Also he's being manipulative with his threat to stop seeing you. Actually that might be best - he's not much of a friend. I think it would be hard ... (read in full...)
I'm a virgin, he isn't - I don't know how much he will expect from me!
Q. i have been dating a guy for 5months but we havent had sex and its because i dont know how much he expects of me. i am still a virgin and he is not.... please please please give me some tips on what to do?...
A. 29 November 2006: Sex isn't a test and you mustn't feel you have to service him in some way .. that's not what a relationship is about, a good relationship at least. Sex is about mutual pleasure, not performing porn star acts. Your relationship shouldn't be about ... (read in full...)
He is trapping me into staying in the relationship - Help!
Q. I have been trying to make things work with my current boyfriend who I have a baby with...I feel like I am completely uninterested in even trying anymore now that he is all in on trying to make it work...everytime I try to end it with him he ...
A. 29 November 2006: Can you talk to a counsellor or doctor? It's bad that he is controlling you by threatening to kill himself. If the relationship is to survive then there needs to be talking although I realise you have had enough. Couples counselling for your child's ... (read in full...)
I'm dating my best friend's ex. She says he's a cheat - should I believe her?
Q. what do i do? My best friend and her boyfried broke up about a month ago. And now im going out with him. she was totally into him before. now shes telling me that hes no good and he doesnt really care about me and he prolly has a gf somewher...
A. 28 November 2006: It probably wasn't the smartest move in the world to go out with your best friend's ex a month after they split. Does her friendship not mean that much to you? You will be lucky to come out of this on good terms with her, let alone him. ... (read in full...)
Two room mates..one is very nice..the other is very nasty! What should I do?
Q. I house share with two females, both are a year younger than me so they 22. They've known each other for about 13 years. I have been living with them for about 6 months. I get along with the girl whose house it is really really well. Everything is ...
A. 28 November 2006: Afraid I also think you should move on before it gets any worse even though that might be a major hassle to do. Having a drama queen for a flatmate is not good and doesn't tend to improve. It's best not to get involved in whatever dynamic/manipulaon ... (read in full...)
I want us to get back together but he's so non-committal! What should I do?
Q. It's been over a year since my boyfriend and I broke up. I broke up with him, and broke his heart. I have missed him for months and just recently told him how I feel. I still love him and want to get back together. He told me he does not want to get ...
A. 28 November 2006: It's been on/off for 5 years and now off for a year. To me it doesn't sound like it can work, sorry. Why would it be different from before if you get back together? You keep hanging onto each other half-heartedly and preventing each other from ... (read in full...)
Been with her a year and I want to go to the next level ...but what is it?
Q. i wants to take my relationship to the next level with my girlfriend but I dont know what it is, We've been together a year now, we ain't married or engaged or have a baby ...
A. 28 November 2006: Have you talked to her about where you see your relationship going? That's a first step. What comes next depends on how old you both are, what you want to do in life and when you want to do it. ... (read in full...)
Will my family disregard him because he's a muslim?
Q. I am in a li situation here! Need some advice! I have been kinda seeing a lad for a while, who is such a nice guy, he's kind, caring and recently told me he loved me (I didn't say it back as I dont feel that way) Only one problem... I com...
A. 26 November 2006: You're not involved with "a muslim", "an asian", you are involved with a guy you like. You assume that your family won't like him but it's entirely possible that they will take him as they find him as you have and end up liking him. People sometimes ... (read in full...)
He broke it off and I never had a chance to air my feelings! Should I still tell him or just sit it out?
Q. hi recently split up from my boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs, he saaid he 'thought' he loved me , but had decided he didnt? says he's still got feelings for me, still fancies me etc but doesnt love me. i dont feel ive had chance to air my feelings , talked t...
A. 26 November 2006: Suggest you write it all down in a letter but not necessarily post it to him. Actually writing it will focus your thoughts and you'll get things off your chest to some extent. If you think you might want to send it .. sleep on it. You'll get fired ... (read in full...)
Should I date guys, I'm not really interested in? Am I a 'user' if I dump them after giving it a whirl?
Q. I have recently got back on the dating scene but am finding it difficult. I always seemed to get dumped by the guys i really like and the ones i don't like as much are really interested in me.. Does this often happen or am i just unlucky? Also ...
A. 26 November 2006: I think that if after a few dates you've decided you don't really like someone you should not see them again. It's not fair on them and you can't really enjoy the dates, surely. I think casual dating after a break-up is a great idea - keep going.... (read in full...)
I can't enjoy sex but I can when it's just me and porn!!
Q. i am 44 years old and asking if is it natural for my age that i cant be happy having sex,but i can be more happi when i do masturbation while watching some porn video,do you think this is no back affects?hope to hear your adivce...
A. 26 November 2006: Well, I'd say bad effects are that porn will never buy you dinner, tickle your feet, take to to see a film or just cheer you up if you are down. It will get you off but you can't cuddle it afterwards. You can't discuss your problems with it and it ... (read in full...)
She's gay so am I awkward around her because of her sexuality?
Q. My partner left me back in august and i put an advert in my local classifieds for a female friend to go shopping with etc. Paulines reply came a week and a half later and we hit it off straight away. The thing is she told me in the first week that ...
A. 26 November 2006: Sounds like she's just like that. You both were looking for new friends, you met up and get on well. That's a good result! I can understand that you might feel unsure of things but she's been upfront, you get on as individuals and that's what ... (read in full...)
We met on a dating site, but his behaviour confuses me. Should I step back a bit?
Q. I need some help with a guy I recently met via a dating site. He contacted me on the site; we quickly got onto having very long phone conversations. I suggested we meet, and he suggested the next night but I wasn't feeling well. So he suggested ...
A. 26 November 2006: I guess the question is what do/did you expect? I suppose it's odd that having met you are now speaking a lot less. Also you're saying he's still going on the dating site, but you must be too to see that ;)
I say not a big step back but maybe ch... (read in full...)
I think I was jumping to too many conclusions with my male friend
Q. My problem is that in the past I have been badly betrayed/hurt in a past relationship (ok haven't we all!) Basically I found out that not only was he sleeping with co-worker behind my back he also lied to me about his marriage when we first ...
A. 26 November 2006: I don't think he has a grudge so much as he's keeping well out of your way and, given the story you have told, who can blame him? I think you could benefit from counselling or reading a self-help book. Sometimes other people don't want the ... (read in full...)
Two guys like me--but I don't feel the same way about them. What should I do?
Q. there are these two guys who really like me a lot. i don't feel the same way about either of them..so what do i do?...
A. 26 November 2006: Nothing.... (read in full...)
The guy I date won't leave the place he lives because--he lives with his current gf and her Mother! and he'd be homeless!
Q. i have this bf and i really like him as he like the male version of me we been together a month but the problem is he live with his other gf and her mum he says he wants to leave her for me but if he does he will be homeless also he good friends ...
A. 26 November 2006: Whatever you do, don't let him move in with you.... (read in full...)
I think my house is infested with fleas...how do I get rid of them?
Q. I think my house is infested with some kind of fly or flea, me and my family are constantly being bitten. Anyone got any tips on how to get rid of them?...
A. 24 November 2006: You can now get an electronic pet comb which zaps fleas and saves the hassle of lotions and potions and stressed out animals .. if you use it over a few days then you can stop the cycle because they are not getting time to breed (yuck). Most pets ... (read in full...)
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