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I have been told that I have a knack for perceiving many facets of an issue and giving balance advice. Since it’s free, I figured that I might as well offer it to those who ask for it! I attempt to reserve personal judgment and deal with the issue directly, if I feel that I have a unique and helpful opinion or solution. I hope I can help!
Come to the edge.
We can't. We are afraid.
Come to the edge.
We can't. We will fall.
Come to the edge.
And they did.
And He pushed them.
And they flew.
- Guillaume Apollinaire |
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| Latest articles: Please help support 1st Lt. Dan Choi.
No replies yet... 29 June 2009: Tomorrow (June 30 2009) at 8:30am Lt. Dan Choi, an Iraq combat veteran, a graduate of West Point with a degree in Arabic, is going to face a panel of colonels who will decide whether or not to fire him -- to discharge him from the military for ...
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Am I gay (honest opinions only)?
Q. i'm a 27 year old and have been thinking bout men since i was 17. it started as a little bit here and there like one day think about men the next i think about women. i had a sense of guilt when i masturbate thinking bout men when i blow. at the age ...
A. 13 October 2009: I agree with previous posters that have mentioned the spectrum of sexual orientation.
I will refer to you the Kinsey Scale for more information about that: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_scale
Some people who are bisexual feel a ‘shift’ i... (read in full...)
Her actions concern me..should they?
Q. Am I wrong to be concerned about her actions? How can I gain the strength to walk away? Am I the problem? I am struggling with making the move and saying how I really feel and my gf is pushing to try to get me to buy a bigger place so that we...
A. 13 October 2009: I’m going to shoot straight with you; I know a guy (in real life) that married a women just like this. I’m not trying to stereotype all women, but hear me out: he put off her hints about marriage for a while, and when he went on vacation with his ... (read in full...)
What do I do about my controlling mother?
Q. ok i have been having problems with my mom lately and this is the full story......... my dad and her split up about 8 years ago because she had invited 3 men home when he had gone to play for a christmas party (he is a musician) and she told me ...
A. 13 October 2009: It sounds like this relationship turned toxic years ago. I’m baffled any mother would say such things to her child; but unless I’m totally off my mark, it sounds like she disassociated you from being ‘hers’ years ago. She may feel some type of ... (read in full...)
How do I find a girlfriend without having to go out?
Q. I'm at university and hate "going out". I seriously hate it, but I do it anyway so that people don't think I'm a hermit. I was at a big party, and our group split up all around the club. I felt retarded since I hate clubs and paid to get in, so I ...
A. 9 October 2009: I can't tell you what her problem was. People may not like one another for all sorts of reasons, often reasons that have little/nothing to do with the other person. Try not to take it personally. If she is so immature that she would handle the ... (read in full...)
I'm a teenage guy and I have no idea if I'm gay or straight.
Q. Im a young guy, and i have always had sexual urges towards men.I also have sexual urges towards women but not as strong. However I have been completely and utterly in love with women, but my sexual desires towards men have gone unchanged.I have ...
A. 7 October 2009: Personally, I believe that the truest measure of a person's sexuality is expressed by who they have the capacity to fall in love with.
There are many levels of human sexuality as indicated by the often-quoted Kinsey Scale (http://... (read in full...)
I really really want a gang bang!
Q. My husband and I have been tryign to spice up our sex life so we have watched porn and stuff to get osme ideas. We did a swing thign with a neighbour of ours. But my ultimate fanasy is a all male gang bang. How do I tell him that I REALLY REALLY ...
A. 7 October 2009: Before you proceed, I suggest you read this post-from-the-past: Gangbang..who is the daddy? (http://www.dearcupid.org/question/gangbangwho-is-the-daddy.html)
If you are absolutely sure this is something you want to go through with, I would fo... (read in full...)
When will it grow
Q. Im 14, 15 in a month and i am very insecure about the size of my penis. Im not as endowed as some of the other guys at school. and it kinda brings me down. It kinda makes me feel bad about myself when i cant fill my pants up properly. Yeah, im ...
A. 7 October 2009: Hi there,
Ultimately the most important person to whom penis sizes mattes is the person who owns it. There will be times in your life that you hear juvenile jokes bantered about on TV/movies or real life, and you may even be unfortunate enough t... (read in full...)
I kissed one of my mates - should I tell her?
Q. well... i started seeing this girl who i really like the other day, and we really enjoy each others company, but the other night i got drunk with a load of mates and ended up kissing one of them. i dont no whether i should tell her and let her deci...
A. 5 October 2009: I agree with previous posters that advocate honesty. If you were with other people when this happened, than it will be spoken about, and more than likely it will eventually find its way back to her. It would be better to come from you than som... (read in full...)
Neighbours husband caught me on video with his wife. Now he wants a threesome!
Q. I have been married 6 years and have 2 kids, one is almost 2 and the other is 4 years old. My wife has been too tired to have sex for more than 8 months now and I finally gave into my urges. It was a hot Sunday afternoon two weeks ago and I ...
A. 5 October 2009: Your wife will find out regardless, if not now than later. These types of secrets always come out in the fullness of time. So I advise you to put that behind you right now. Personally, I’m more concerned with the fact that you seem more concer... (read in full...)
21 year old son in over his head
Q. Please help, I think my 24 year old son is in over his head. In July of this year my son met a girl who he started dating, in September he told me that he wanted to buy a new house in a town 30 minutes from us, I figured it was because his new ...
A. 4 October 2009: Hi Concerned_Mom Major kudos to you for confronting your son with your concerns and fears. And major kudos on maintaining a civil and diplomatic tone while doing so. Knowing that a parent disapproves of a relationship will often put Jr. on the d... (read in full...)
Do other men experience this same sensation?
Q. I'm gay and my question is really for other gay men: Whenever I'm kissing or touching my partner, along with the usual signs of arousal, my butthole starts to tingle and even sweats at times(sorry if this is a bit crude) like its longing for him to ...
A. 4 October 2009: It’s normal. I even know a couple of straight guys (very close friends we can talk about this stuff together with) that experience something similar, if not the exact same. The anus/prostate is an erogenous zone for a lot of guys. Any wonder it... (read in full...)
My g/f thinks I"m having a gay affair with one of her friends! I'm not!
Q. I'm 23, been with my girlfriend since second year of university (Nov. 2005), and our relationship's been mostly good. Yes, we've had arguments, like every couple do, but usually silly ones. However, my girlfriend has recently started ...
A. 4 October 2009: I find it hard to imagine a long-term GF of a straight guy spontaneously accusing him of something as serious as cheating on her; and of doing it with another guy, at that! There has to be a deeper reason for the accusations, but based on what ... (read in full...)
21 year old son in over his head
Q. Please help, I think my 24 year old son is in over his head. In July of this year my son met a girl who he started dating, in September he told me that he wanted to buy a new house in a town 30 minutes from us, I figured it was because his new ...
A. 4 October 2009: Your son knew her for over a year... but she has only been separated since May, and they've been together as a couple since July. It does not sound like the relationship is moving 'too fast' as you suggest; rather, it sounds like it has been goin... (read in full...)
I fancy both men and women and it's distressing me
Q. I fancy both men and women (men more at the moment). When I masturbate, it takes me longer to ejaculate when im fantasizing about women than it does men, about 5 minutes. Its really upseting and distressing me, I hate myself so much because of it. ...
A. 29 June 2009: Hello, Questioning a fundamental part of oneself evokes feelings of fear and confusion. When the question is about something as intimate as the nature of ones sexual orientation, it can be many times more stressful. The complex web of social an... (read in full...)
We got naked for a few minutes, was this an invitation to sex?
Q. My friend Adam and I have both had heterosexual histories...however, I have been having sexual fantasies about him since I was about 13. Nothing ever happened but the last time we got drunk together, we were walking on a trail. He suggested we get ...
A. 29 June 2009: Hello,
Because these feelings have been with you for a while they may be indicative of something more. Sexuality is not always black or white, and for many people there are often various shades of grey at certain points in their life or througho... (read in full...)
Could I be in love with a gay wrestler?
Q. I'm a student at a university and I'm unusually perplexed about this guy. I met him at my friend's birthday party and we just hit it off; we were drinking buddies the whole night: shots, beer... you name it. We also ended up putting our arms around ...
A. 25 June 2009: Hi there, Physical mannerisms are not always indicative of sexual orientation. I’ve known gay men who are more butch than Schwarzenegger, and straight men who could give Jack from “Will and Grace” a run for their Prada. Your ... (read in full...)
Whenever we have anal sex, it makes me bleed, what causes this?
Q. When ever my boyfriend ( we're gay) we had sex( anal sex) he always made m bleed. Here is my question, whats the cause will I get? ...
A. 10 June 2009: Hello,
I believe you should read Stephen E. Goldstone’s, “The Ins and Outs of Gay Sex: A Medical Handbook for Men” Look it up on Amazon.com. I highly recommend it.
There are several factors that might contribute to the bleeding you experience a... (read in full...)
My brother needs guidance but I'd rather spend time with my girlfriend, any ideas?
Q. My mom wants me to spend time with my brother (he's 12) because he uses our sisters (they'll 6 and 9) as punching bags. Hes like this since my dad died 4 years ago and needs an older male influence (im 16) to "guide" him. I rather spend time with my ...
A. 8 June 2009: I agree with what has previously been said, so I won’t get repetitive.
However, I think your mothers hope that your influence will magically cure him of his obvious rage issues is unrealistic and puts an unfair amount of pressure on you. You are ... (read in full...)
Married, but gay and I don't believe in Bi-sexuals!
Q. So I'm in my early 20's and got married to my HS sweetheart. Very typical; most of you already know why I need advice. She is quite possibly the best thing for me and keeps me grounded, she's smart and ridiculously good looking. All my friends are ...
A. 7 June 2009: Hello,
You said; 'Most people say there is no such thing as bisexuals, I'm starting to agree'...
To quote from the American Psychiatric Association’s statement on sexual orientation:
“Research over several decades has demonstrated that se... (read in full...)
I want to completely wax my vaginal area. Is this wise?
Q. Female help needed! I want to get rid of my vaginal pubic hair, completely. I really don't want to shave it because I've tried that in the past and it doesn't last long and it's irritating when it's growing back. What I would really love to do is ...
A. 7 June 2009: It may seem odd to have a man, and a gay man at that, respond to this, but I actually have some advice I think might help you.
First of all, the type of wax-job you are looking for is called a Brazilian Wax. You can read more information about th... (read in full...)
Her family doesn't approve of on interracial relationship
Q. Recently the girl of my dreams and I broke up because of the disapproval from her family. I am an African American and she is white. We dated for four years and I am completely heartbroken over the circumstances considering I moved away for a year ...
A. 7 June 2009: True love is unconditional. For better or worse, your girlfriends actions have proven that her love came with strings attached... and those strings are pulled by her family. As much as it may hurt you right now, know that in the long run this ... (read in full...)
Am I straight, gay or bi?
Q. I am not sure if i'm gay or bi or wat, i'm a 14 year old boy, and while i think girls are hot, i've never had sex, or even a relationship where we got as far as to make out. I have however had sex with a guy. However i was pitching, so now i don'...
A. 6 June 2009: I believe the truest measure of a person’s sexual orientation is not who they have sex with, but rather who they have the ability to fall in love with. To quote from the American Psychiatric Association’s definition of sexual orientation: “S... (read in full...)
Sexual consent contracts?
Q. I heard that there are contracts which one could sign with their partners to give consent to sexual activity.While this can protect men from false accusations of rape,I don't feel it's right for bureaucracy to infiltrate the bedroom. Is this r...
A. 5 June 2009: You probably heard about this because a man in Quebec was arrested for raping a 10 year old girl he claimed was his “wife” (he had his own religion) and that she signed a sexual consent contract. This was thrown out of court, not only because minors ... (read in full...)
Straight guy with confused gay feelings and experience
Q. I am a normal straight guy with good job, beautiful wife, and kids. 40. Lately, I have been finding myself fantasizing about stuff that I wouldn't have even thought about untill now. Sex life with wife is great. But I guess I want more spice in ...
A. 5 June 2009: Hi there, According to the Kinsey Scale, human sexuality can be classified into 6 categories; 0 representing 100% heterosexual (straight), and 6 representing 100% homosexual (gay). Some people may be at a 1 or 2, but go their whole lives beli... (read in full...)
I hate being gay! Can I become heterosexual by taking medication?
Q. I HATE BEING GAY. can we deliberately convert a gay person into heterosexual by means of medical treatment? (i.e. hormone injections, hormone medications (such as??))...
A. 4 June 2009: Being hateful about one aspect of your identity is only a symptom of dissatisfaction with yourself. If it were not sexual orientation, than it would invariably be something else. Very rarely can call the woes and tribulations of one’s life be ... (read in full...)
Sperm donation from a friend or go to the Doctors?
Q. ive been wit my gurlfriend for 3-years.we live together an we want to have a baby.what should i do.i love her so much.so i go to the dr and try it that way.or should i find a frind that will give the sperm?...
A. 4 June 2009: If she has a brother you may be able to ask for his. My lesbian neighbours used one of their brother’s sperm, so the child still has both of their DNA. This is also helpful in case of future medical issues, both of them can be donors, etc. (At ... (read in full...)
My online guy doesn't like hairy guys, and thats exactly what I am!
Q. So, I am in love with this guy who I met online we shared pictures and we talk a lot ( been a year now ..we still talk). It didn't work out and we were just phone friends. Lately he's been hitting on me and told me he would pick me over anyone if he ...
A. 4 June 2009: You said that you ‘love’ him. That is a powerful statement. If your friend reciprocates your feelings, and I mean /truly/ returns them, than I can assure you that your hair will be secondary in his mind. Sure, he may still have a preference for the ... (read in full...)
Any ideas for writing emails that give a good impression? I signed up for an online dating service.
Q. hi i signed up for a onlie dating agentses a few months ago and sent 2 or 3 email to girls i was interested in but got no reply just wonderd if anyone had any ideas on wot i should put on thease emails i/e to get the girls atention as i spotted ...
A. 4 June 2009: If you are going to write an email, make sure it has substance. Why do you like her? Was it something she wrote in her profile? Did it relate to something you also enjoy? Start with that and go from there.
Form whole sentences and use punctuat... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any penny pinching advice?
Q. I can't seem to keep up with my account and I keep overdrawing my funds. I'm not even spending a lot of money on things I want, it just keeps nickle and diming my account to death. Mostly it's money I spend to work with, but it takes up to 30 days ...
A. 4 June 2009: It sounds like you, like many people these days (you are far from alone!), need to re-evaluate your income level and then work out a corresponding budget that works for you. If you experience a fluctuation in your income consumption due to traveling ... (read in full...)
How can I get past the touching phase onto something more?
Q. Im a gay guy that hangs out with mostly straight guys. Im in a situation that im having feelings with one of my straight guy friends. He has a girlfriend but whenever we hang out he likes to watch porn. He knows i like him and allows me to give him ...
A. 4 June 2009: It may be that his hesitation is not a response to you personally, but is rather based on the realization that his actions up to this point constitute infidelity within his committed relationship.
If he were going to allow for anything more, th... (read in full...)
Is this gay?
Q. Ok, here's my problem. Is considering yourself heterosexual but having an inclination towards the same sex considered being gay? When I was a teen, I used to sneak into my brother's room to look at his porn magazines. Why? because the women I saw ...
A. 4 May 2009: Hi again,
Should you be embarrassed for how you feel? No. People don’t chose how they feel, so what is there to be embarrassed about? On the contrary, I think you should be proud of yourself for having the honesty and strength to face these fe... (read in full...)
Is this gay?
Q. Ok, here's my problem. Is considering yourself heterosexual but having an inclination towards the same sex considered being gay? When I was a teen, I used to sneak into my brother's room to look at his porn magazines. Why? because the women I saw ...
A. 3 May 2009: Hi there,
Many people ask “am I gay?” because they’ve experienced a homoerotic dream or fantasy, or found themselves attracted to (crushing on) a member of the same sex, often for the first time in their lives. Typically the most direct answer I... (read in full...)
First time sex for gay and 34
Q. Thinking about it, I guess I was waiting for the right person to do it and the right time. Being me now, at this time, I'm realizing that you just have to go for it if you find someone who wants to be with you.... A little history, I knew I was gay ...
A. 2 May 2009: Hi there,
Before you have sex with him I believe it is important that you tell him that you are a virgin. If he truly cares for you he will not “freak out.” Let him know your history so that he will appetite that you trust him enough to be your ... (read in full...)
I'm not gay but I like the idea of it!
Q. hi ppl, im straight and have a gf, but i like this show i watch and its kinda guy on guy relationship show aimed at teenage girls. i like it cuz its funny and interesting, but when this 1 scene in the first episode where the 2 guys kiss, i just wish ...
A. 2 May 2009: Hi there,
The American Psychological Association defines Sexual Orientation as:
“Sexual orientation refers to an enduring pattern of emotional, romantic, and/or sexual attractions to men, women, or both sexes. Sexual orientation also... (read in full...)
Text message from his so called "boyfriend" claiming he is gay!
Q. Hi. I started using a dating website a few months back and after a while met this guy who was very friendly, attractive and got on with me so well. He was willing to wait to go on a date with me because I'm in my 3rd year of university and need to ...
A. 29 April 2009: Hi again,
Although this situation may not have ended in the best way for you, I think it did work out the best way it could. All things considered you found out relatively early about his issues (and it sounds like there is more than one) which wo... (read in full...)
Text message from his so called "boyfriend" claiming he is gay!
Q. Hi. I started using a dating website a few months back and after a while met this guy who was very friendly, attractive and got on with me so well. He was willing to wait to go on a date with me because I'm in my 3rd year of university and need to ...
A. 29 April 2009: Hi there,
That certainly does sound like a confusing situation.
Before we jump to any conclusions, I think it is important that you set a foundation of honesty and openness in your budding relationship by asking the guy you’ve been talking to ... (read in full...)
Gay unrequited love problem.
Q. Quick details: 16 years old, 17 in August, England, Currently in college studying IT in hopes of going into industry. I have a case of homosexual unrequited love. He's straight, i'm gay, iv'e felt like this for about 8 months now, except then ...
A. 29 April 2009: Hi there,
I am sincerely sorry to hear about your situation. I wholly sympathise. As you’ve made it clear that you do not want platitudes I’ll respect that and stick to the facts. The truth is that if your love for him is real and true, than you... (read in full...)
Gay teen confused by sexually confused best friend
Q. I've been best friends with this guy for about 9 months now. When we first met at work, he flirted with me constantly, touched my butt after giving hugs, made sexual references every day, and a few days in; he actually told me that he has had sex ...
A. 28 April 2009: Hello,
It sounds like you have a good grasp of the situation.
Let me start by saying; I have been where you are, more or less. You must understand that the outcome you desire may simply be beyond your friend’s ability to provide at this ... (read in full...)
Even although she smokes pot, I still like her. Should I ask her out?
Q. I know i've posted other questions involving a girl, but now there is a new one. We both have known each other for about a year now. we both work as lifeguards and we have training this weekend. i think i told her that i liked her last year in a ...
A. 26 April 2009: Hi there,
Personally I don’t use extracurricular drugs, such as caffeine, nicotine, alcohol or marijuana. However, many people do. I’m sure that in your life you will find that friends from all walks of life -- spanning race, religion, and prof... (read in full...)
Catholic girlfriend denying me sex!
Q. I've got quite a dilema. I don't even know where to begin. I'm atheist (24 years old) and I have a uber conservative Cathlolic girlfriend (20 years old). We've been going out for 8 months. I love her and she loves me but there's a major problem ...
A. 25 April 2009: Hi there,
I commend you for giving this matter more thought than just to the basics of your physical needs.
My initial comments about marriage were not necessarily meant to be literal. Consider them more of an illustration. You have been togeth... (read in full...)
Catholic girlfriend denying me sex!
Q. I've got quite a dilema. I don't even know where to begin. I'm atheist (24 years old) and I have a uber conservative Cathlolic girlfriend (20 years old). We've been going out for 8 months. I love her and she loves me but there's a major problem ...
A. 23 April 2009: Hi there,
You said, “it would be a shame for religion to be the only thing standing in our way.” Strive to view this from her perspective. To your girlfriend, religion is the only thing there is. It isn’t an optional accessory of her belief s... (read in full...)
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