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I have been told that I have a knack for perceiving many facets of an issue and giving balance advice. Since it’s free, I figured that I might as well offer it to those who ask for it! I attempt to reserve personal judgment and deal with the issue directly, if I feel that I have a unique and helpful opinion or solution. I hope I can help!
Come to the edge.
We can't. We are afraid.
Come to the edge.
We can't. We will fall.
Come to the edge.
And they did.
And He pushed them.
And they flew.
- Guillaume Apollinaire |
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| Latest articles: Please help support 1st Lt. Dan Choi.
No replies yet... 29 June 2009: Tomorrow (June 30 2009) at 8:30am Lt. Dan Choi, an Iraq combat veteran, a graduate of West Point with a degree in Arabic, is going to face a panel of colonels who will decide whether or not to fire him -- to discharge him from the military for ...
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Catholic girlfriend denying me sex!
Q. I've got quite a dilema. I don't even know where to begin. I'm atheist (24 years old) and I have a uber conservative Cathlolic girlfriend (20 years old). We've been going out for 8 months. I love her and she loves me but there's a major problem ...
A. 25 April 2009: Hi there,
I commend you for giving this matter more thought than just to the basics of your physical needs.
My initial comments about marriage were not necessarily meant to be literal. Consider them more of an illustration. You have been togeth... (read in full...)
Not sure what do to!
Q. So, here's the deal. There is this guy I work with that I am crushing bad over. We've known each other for going on 3 years and have always gotten along. He's had girlfriends, but I've always thought they were for cover. Then after he broke up with ...
A. 23 April 2009: Hi there, Yes, those certainly sound like interesting developments in the dynamic of your friendship. It could be that he just feels really close with you as a friend. The “bromance” comment may have been quite apt. I’ve known straight guys wh... (read in full...)
I turned her down so now she is telling everyone I'm gay!
Q. Hi, there is a girl in my class and we used to be good friends. We´d sit together and talk about all sorts of things. Then she told me that she loved me and wanted to go out with me. I didn´t fancy her, so I said ´no´ nicely, as I still wanted t...
A. 23 April 2009: I’m sorry to hear the situation you are in. However, it is important you realize that you did absolutely nothing wrong. Not all feelings of love are reciprocated. It sounds as if this girl is very immature and juvenile; she probably has not had much ... (read in full...)
Catholic girlfriend denying me sex!
Q. I've got quite a dilema. I don't even know where to begin. I'm atheist (24 years old) and I have a uber conservative Cathlolic girlfriend (20 years old). We've been going out for 8 months. I love her and she loves me but there's a major problem ...
A. 23 April 2009: Hi there,
You said, “it would be a shame for religion to be the only thing standing in our way.” Strive to view this from her perspective. To your girlfriend, religion is the only thing there is. It isn’t an optional accessory of her belief s... (read in full...)
Why does he need porn if he has me?
Q. Iv'e just found out my boyfriend has been watching pornography and i feel betrayed and inadequate if he loves me like he says he does why does he need to look at porn?...
A. 23 April 2009: For many people pornography serves as a fantasy mechanism that provides safe and private release for desires that they may never think of crossing into their real lives.
Your boyfriend’s enjoyment of pornography has nothing – repeat: nothing ... (read in full...)
How can an inexperienced virgin, fearful of relationships, learn to be a great sexual lover?
Q. ...I M a 38 year Caucasian old heterosexual male completely inexperienced with relationships. Not only a virgin, I have never been been in a relationship or even DATE depending on the definition of 'date'? Significantly introverted, in ...
A. 22 April 2009: I neglected to mention; You can find a good directory of licensed Sex Therapists and counsellors here:
American Association of Sexuality Educators Councelors and Therapists
http://www.aasect.org/
Thanks satindesire, I always enjoy your in... (read in full...)
I get really mad at guys who go after younger girls
Q. This is not really a relationship question but is it wrong for to want to kick the asses of men who go after younger women? Not like a 50 year old and 40 year old, I mean a 40 year old and a 17 year old. I used to work at a place and a disgusting...
A. 22 April 2009: Do you reserve the same outrage for mature women who date younger guys?
If you are not outraged, ask yourself why and then compare your answer to the scenarios you mentioned.
We live in a society rife with double standards. Only by breaking... (read in full...)
How can an inexperienced virgin, fearful of relationships, learn to be a great sexual lover?
Q. ...I M a 38 year Caucasian old heterosexual male completely inexperienced with relationships. Not only a virgin, I have never been been in a relationship or even DATE depending on the definition of 'date'? Significantly introverted, in ...
A. 21 April 2009: Hi there, I come from a slightly different perspective. I happen to know a few escorts, and from what they’ve related they consider it almost an honour to be a guy’s first sexual experience. Of course, you have to get the right type of escort.... (read in full...)
I'm lost for sex turn ons and ready to give up... Advice Please!!!!
Q. I dated my wife for four years. She believed in no sex before marriage so we didn't have sex even though she wasn't a virgin. On our wedding night we had sex and she seemed to enjoy it. In the following months we had sex once or twice but she just...
A. 21 April 2009: Providing that your wife is not keeping any secrets from you that may be impacting her reaction to sex (childhood abuse, rape, etc.), than I would surmise that the problem may be one of sexual incompatibility.
Some people may get along famously... (read in full...)
Is my roommate gay and has feelings for me? He claims he's straight.
Q. (I'd like to apologize for the wall-of-text you're about to get.) Basically the story boils down to the fact that I could swear a roommate of mine is gay and has feelings for me, but he claims he's straight. I would like to state that I have neve...
A. 20 April 2009: Hi there, Regardless of his sexuality, or any questioning or struggling thereof, his behaviour is what concerns me. I would describe his comments and actions toward you as inappropriate and bordering on sexual harassment. His sexual orientati... (read in full...)
Advice on prenup agreement please!
Q. My boyriend and I have been dating for 1 year, I am only 19 and he is nearly turning 20 and we currently have been living together for 4 months. Today he began telling me that he was getting a big pay out from an insurance claim he has from bein...
A. 20 April 2009: Many mature couples are signing prenups these days. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to consider it, especially if both people are entering the marriage with separate hard-earned assets. However, younger couples who still have a lifetime ahead of ... (read in full...)
Do I go ahead and risk friendships and be dishonest to my family because of this guy, who I honestly can't get enough of?
Q. Where to begin? Basically, I'm 16, a virgin and would consider myself Bisexual. I think that at this moment in time, I am equally attracted to both men and women. I've been in an on and off open relationship with another guy, let's call him J...
A. 20 April 2009: Hi James, First off, don’t let J’s life-long certainty in his sexuality intimidate you. Remember that just because somebody has a firm grasp of their sexual identity from a young age does not mean they necessarily possess the rationality and/... (read in full...)
He didn't see the funny side and now is barely talking to me!
Q. I think I've messed things up with my boyfriend and need some advice. We've been dating for 6 months, haven't been intimate yet - just kissing, etc. He's a fairly shy guy but only at first. Last week I came to visit him in his dorm. When I got ther...
A. 17 April 2009: Hi there, I think the problem is that you are expecting him to see the situation from your point of view, and you are attempting to confront it on those terms alone: your terms. Stop that! You must see this from his point of view and then ... (read in full...)
Why now? I'm 25..what are these feelings all about now?
Q. sorry to trouble everyone but i didnt know who to turn to. i am so confused! i have been straight for my whole life and never have i questioned it or given it another thought. i know quite a few people who have a different/mixed sexuality and i have ...
A. 15 April 2009: Heya, When a person develops a firm perception of themselves, and then they suddenly find cause to question that perception, it can be very uncomfortable and even scary. When the question happens to be about something as intimate as the nature of... (read in full...)
My husband is into shemales
Q. The sexual relationship with my husband is almost non-existent. We have sex once or twice a month on average. He doesn't seem sexually attracted to me. I tried talking to him about it, and he gave me a bunch of excuses, then suggested I should be m...
A. 15 April 2009: Hi there,
First of all, let me say that your feelings are perfectly normal. In fact, I commend you for your sense of restraint when confronting your husband.
It is normal and healthy for people to have sexual fantasies because they provide a s... (read in full...)
How do you help someone who has just been diagnosed as HIV+ adjust?
Q. My best mate J has always been there for me. For over ten years he has helped me as best he could, and I have helped him as best I can. For over a year J has been dating a wonderful person, M. M is HIV+. J knew the risks of this, J has dated a HI...
A. 15 April 2009: Hi there,
I’m very sorry to hear about your friend’s situation. I have accompanied friends to hear HIV test results, and I know what you are going through as the friend.
I commend your desire to lean how you can better support and help your fr... (read in full...)
14, he's 18, does that makehim a pedo?
Q. hi, im a 14, and my boyfriends 18. i know alot of people think its weird, sick, wrong, etc. but i really like him, and we were friends for months before he asked me out. the thing is, one of my friends told me that hes lik a pedo.. i dont thiink its ...
A. 15 April 2009: Hi there, No, pedophiles are attracted to pre-pubescent children. As a 14 year old, you don’t qualify. ;) That said, an ephebophile is somebody who is attracted in mid-to-late (pubescent) adolescents. However, I don’t think it’s fair to label hi... (read in full...)
What kind of foreplay do you use before anal sex?
Q. So my boyfriend always drops hints that he wants to try anal sex. I've never done this before and am kind of nervous. I don't want him to ask I kind of want to try it on his birthday coming up. I just don't know about the foreplay of it all. I mean ...
A. 14 April 2009: Hi there,
I found this online eBook you can read. It will give you a lot of pointers, and is filled with facts, techniques and diagrams to help you better understand the anatomy and all the ins-and-outs. (Make sure you have the Adobe Reader i... (read in full...)
I don't like messing about in class. Am I strange?
Q. I am 15 years old and i guess girls find me weird becasue i am so shy, I heard that is one of the biggest turn offs for women. ok I'm in class right and their are these boys and these girls who piss me off so much. One of the girls happens to be the ...
A. 14 April 2009: You know who else was “weird” like you are? Bill Gates, and just about every other Fortune 500 CEO you can mention.
Seriously, just ignore them. In time you will be sitting behind an office desk and they will be sitting in front of you hoping f... (read in full...)
Have I done anything illegal with that girl ..Please read this xx
Q. i was dating a girl who is 5 years younger to me ...she was 16 and half when she started seeing each other ...i am a very shy guy and usually wont talk to any girl that is why i never had any girlfriend ... i knew my limits and the age of my girl...
A. 14 April 2009: As others have said, it depends on your States laws. In some States the age of consent for actual sex is 16, so phone-sex would be perfectly fine. As a sexually active adult you should be doing your own research prior to engaging in behaviours th... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me what my problem is?
Q. I'm a guy, i've been dating since i was 16, albeit poorly. I've tried to be every kind of guy, badass, nice, and in between. And everything else you can think of. All i want, all i've ever wanted, is a stable relationship. Something that, i can ...
A. 13 April 2009: I think your first mistake is trying to be any other "type" of guy aside for yourself. You can't start a relationship or attract a stable partner on a false premise. If your authentic personality isn't what you are putting out there, then you can't ... (read in full...)
I'm gay but don't want people to know! How do I convince people that I'm not?
Q. Im 15 and A guy in my class told people that i am gay (wich i am) but i REALLY dont want anyone to know, for now everyone doesnt know forshure but how can i convince them ( lie) im not?...i dont want to be the outcast of my school! ...
A. 12 April 2009: If you find a girl to pretend to be in a relationship with you, make it clear to her what you are doing. You must be honest. If she is fine with it, then it’s really up to you. However, it is not fair to pretend to like some unwitting girl s... (read in full...)
I'm gay but don't want people to know! How do I convince people that I'm not?
Q. Im 15 and A guy in my class told people that i am gay (wich i am) but i REALLY dont want anyone to know, for now everyone doesnt know forshure but how can i convince them ( lie) im not?...i dont want to be the outcast of my school! ...
A. 12 April 2009: Next time he says it, just look him right in the eye and say nice and loud, "Takes one to know one!" Then you've not had to lie, and you've turned the tables. The sad thing is, he probably is himself (or at least is questioning) and he is trying... (read in full...)
Getting rid of acne
Q. Ok so this has nothing to do with sex or relationships or anything but i have a question. how do i get rid of acne? I dont have alot just a few pimples in my chin and forehead. im light skinned and my pimples are very noticeable coz they look super ...
A. 12 April 2009: There are many options available, however I’d advise you to first visit a dermatologist. Your regular family doctor can refer you. There are a lot of rumours and misinformation about acne; both in what causes it and what can supposedly cure it. It ... (read in full...)
Any information on lambskin as contraception? I don't like condoms
Q. My wife needs to go off the pill because it is messing with her mental state. She has told me that in the past she has had this type of reaction to the pill and never wants to go on it again. Not interested in any hormone thing at all (e.g. IUD ...
A. 12 April 2009: Hi there, I’ve never used lambskin condoms because they are porous enough to allow STD transmission, such as HIV and HPV. They are mostly used by married couple who don’t want kids, but know neither of them have transmittable illness. So, ... (read in full...)
13, wants to stay virgin for a while, but no access to sex toys
Q. I want to stay a virgin as long as possible, basically until I get married, but I get way too horny too often and so I masturbate. But lately, I've been having trouble getting off, so does anybody have any new ways than just a standard grip and ...
A. 10 April 2009: Hi there, Here are a couple sites that might interest you: http://www.jackinworld.com/ (general information, user questions and lots of techniques) http://advancedmasturbation.com/ (dozens of techniques with animated examples!) Also, you... (read in full...)
I had sex today without protection, could I get pregnant?
Q. My boyfriend and I had sex today just about, maybe 11 hours ago. We didn't use protection(I thought he had a condom on but he didn't so please no rude comments) anyway, We started it "doggy style" but while we were doing it doggy style, He didn't ...
A. 9 April 2009: Hi again,
I didn’t see your follow-up, so we must have posted around the same time.
Regardless of the fact that he did not ejaculate inside your vagina, the fact remains that he was penetrating you without a condom. When a man is sexually stim... (read in full...)
I had sex today without protection, could I get pregnant?
Q. My boyfriend and I had sex today just about, maybe 11 hours ago. We didn't use protection(I thought he had a condom on but he didn't so please no rude comments) anyway, We started it "doggy style" but while we were doing it doggy style, He didn't ...
A. 9 April 2009: I'm sorry, but yes, you can still be pregnant. Not only from him ejaculating inside your vagina (even if just barely inside), but also from the sex prior to ejaculation. Pre-cum often contains active sperm cells, which can remain alive for up to 3 ... (read in full...)
Changing condoms could have gotten her pregnant?
Q. I had sex today, used a condom. Surprising, I came quite fast but I pulled out. Knowing that she hadn't came yet, I put on a new condom. My concern is, when I switched out, my hand was wet and I wasn't sure if it was from hers or mines and I ...
A. 9 April 2009: The short answer is yes; it is a possibility. Remember that even pre-cum can contain active sperm! Although the wetness may not have looked like ejaculate, it may have contained enough sperm through transference from your hand to do the job.
No ne... (read in full...)
Dont know what I am! Should I come out?
Q. Hi, just some general backround info you need to know. 1.I'm a 13 yo. boy 2.I don't know if im straight, gay, or bi. I don't know what my orientation is, because it could be hormones, but I find MEN, not boys to be attractive, I also like girls...
A. 9 April 2009: Hello,
You are wise for recognizing that you are at an age when hormones and many other factors play a key role in your sexuality and awakening sense of sexual needs.
Many younger guys find themselves fantasising about people older than thems... (read in full...)
No wonder guys are "coming out of the closet"!
Q. Dated this girl. We're both adults. I asked her out a couple of time and she always asked to see me again the next day for a movie or whatever so things were great. She says she digs me so much and I dig her. She kisses me. She says she's not ...
A. 9 April 2009: Hi there,
As much as it may suck to hear, she may have been speaking in the heat of the moment and then later reconsidered her feelings. She may have just been trying to spare your feelings and let you down easy. Of course, she may also happen t... (read in full...)
What's the deal with the student/ teacher fantasies?
Q. This may seem a but random, but please bear with me: what's the deal with student/ teacher fantasies? i've been hearing a lot of talk lately about how it's a man's "greatest fantasy" (and how they even go as far as watching porn on the subject) ...
A. 8 April 2009: I think there is a big distinction between the people who develop feelings of love for a teacher, and those who just get off on the fantasy. For some people it is just another fetish, probably linked to a domination kink of an authority figure... (read in full...)
Can l repair the damage l caused?
Q. l told my best friend outright that l liked him, he was SUPPOSEDLY bi, but apparently l was wrong? l still don't know for sure. l had to tell him over facebook, as we were short on time. He reacted to me as if l had turned into a giant frog, almost ...
A. 8 April 2009: Hi there,
Did your friend tell you in confidence that he thinks he might be bi, or is it something he speaks about openly?
If he just told you, than he may have been confiding some bi-curious feelings that he is going through. If so, than by t... (read in full...)
Is 30 years long enough?
Q. Dear Cupid - I don't really think you exist, but I'll write you anyway. I met a pretty red-headed girl at a football game during my senior year of high school and fell head over heals for her. The buddy who had arranged for me to... double date...
A. 8 April 2009: I’m not Cupid, but I’ll tell you my impressions. Take them as you will: I think couples counseling is a good idea. There are things you can say with a qualified mediator that you can’t always get out the ‘right way’ one-on-one. (Like expressing... (read in full...)
He screamed at me and left out of the house! Now, he's accusing me of being GAY!
Q. I have been in a relationship with my fiance on and off for 5 years. We have been back together for about two. He used to be the biggest sweetheart, i swear. But now he screams at me and when he's mean I almost immediately cry. I'm 19 so it's not ...
A. 8 April 2009: Without knowing more about the history of your relationship, I can’t speculate why his attitude has seemed to change. Is he under stress from work, school, family? Not that such things are ever an excuse for emotional abuse, but it may give some ... (read in full...)
What should I do to control these urges?
Q. Ok, I'm 13, in the 8th Grade, and I like to fantasize about having group sex and individual sex with about 4+ of my male teachers. I know this will never happen, but I get so aroused by thinking about it. I am very attracted to older hairy men, and ...
A. 8 April 2009: Hi there, Actually it does not sound weird at all to me. I know several guys who went through the same thing at your age. I was one of them! At first I was concerned about being attracted to somebody so much older, and a teacher no-less! Bu... (read in full...)
Feeling drained after masturbation. Is this normal?
Q. OK, I masturbate 1 time a day or 1 every other, and I was just wondering, after I cum, I'm not really horny anymore, and I feel very physically drained, is this normal?...
A. 8 April 2009: You are perfectly normal.
When you ejaculate your brain releases a rush of endorphins which produce the 'feeling' of orgasm. In men this release triggers several neurological factors that generally result in feeling sleepy and mellow, sometime... (read in full...)
I've invested a lot into this friendship. What do I do now??
Q. My best friend of a year terminated our friendship this week. I don't know what to do. I'm in a mess. This is the situation: We've been friends a year. He's a gay guy I'm a female "Grace". My gay friend I will call 'Will'. We hit it off immediate...
A. 7 April 2009: Aw hun, at least it seems that these past few days have given you the down-time you needed to better sort out the situation. You seem like you have a handle on it, from your own perception at least. Of course there are things from Will’s (et al) ... (read in full...)
My husband has left me for another man!!
Q. my husband has left me and is living with a man!!! He and his mom has told me they are together and I just need to deal with it!! Im trying to be strong but don't know how!! Can anyone help me??...
A. 7 April 2009: Hi there, I am so sorry for the situation you find yourself in. You are not alone! There are many other straight people out there who find themselves confronted by the fact (often completely unbeknownst) that their spouse is not heterosexual. ... (read in full...)
Too much masturbation a problem?
Q. i masterbate like twice a day and im wondering, is there any side effects for doing it too much?...
A. 7 April 2009: Hello,
The only time when masturbation might be considered a problem is if it starts to impact your interaction in other activities; such as school, interest in socializing with friends/family or participating in sports/hobbies that you enjoy.
... (read in full...)
I didn't want to reciprocate as I'm not ready and he thinks I'm selfish
Q. ok i've been talking to this dude for a week and he wants to have sex with me but im not ready, he performed oral sex to me but i didnt return it to him, he said that im selfish and i was so wrong for not doing him, was i?????...
A. 7 April 2009: Hi there, I get the impression that there may have been a lack of communication prior to the act. If it was his idea to initiate oral, than he probably assumed that your consent to this sex act implied a prelude to more. By your refusal he most ... (read in full...)
I've invested a lot into this friendship. What do I do now??
Q. My best friend of a year terminated our friendship this week. I don't know what to do. I'm in a mess. This is the situation: We've been friends a year. He's a gay guy I'm a female "Grace". My gay friend I will call 'Will'. We hit it off immediate...
A. 1 April 2009: Hi there,
I feel really bad for you. We call guys like Will Drama Queens in the gay community, and personally I think of them like a pimple. At least from your description of him, especially the molesting girl’s part. A lot of these guys do it an... (read in full...)
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