Just found he cheated when we were dating.. but do cheaters change after marriage?
Q. My husband cheated on me (more than once) while dating me 2 1/2 yrs. I married him not knowing he had cheated during that time. Do you believe cheaters really can change and only cheat during dating but not cheat after marrying the person?...
A. 14 May 2007: 2nd reply.you are absolutely right theres no excuse for people cheating!just asking to see how his mind worked!pretty much the same as every guy who does it.pathetic and unforgivable.i know how you feel,i was 7months pregnant when i found out my EX ... (read in full...)
We will be getting married in Aug. but we have a slight problem he continues to converse with his ex!!!
Q. What do you think i should do? We have been together for 3 1/2 yrs. We will be getting married in Aug. but we have a slight problem he continues to converse with his ex. Should we be getting married?...
A. 13 May 2007: as long as these conversations with his ex dont interfere with your relationship or infringe on your privacey then let it go.perhaps you need to elaborate on your question?... (read in full...)
He saw another woman. Was it innocent as he says?
Q. Hi I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. He is a lot older than me, I'm 21 and he is nearly 40. In all my relationships (which isn't many) I've always had a big problem with trust and worrying about my boyfriend and them liking othe...
A. 13 May 2007: although the two year gap is quite a good sign i do totallu understand your concern.this friend of his doesnt seem to be stalking him or pestering him for anything.i feel your best bet and possibly the only way you are going to get any peace of mind ... (read in full...)
Why is he always looking for someone better?
Q. We have been dating 9 years on an off. I found out that he had an affair for years with a coworker. He would break up with me for stupid stuff. He always seems to be looking for someone better why?...
A. 13 May 2007: big no no i think he cheated for years??my god how much more punishment do you want to endure?totally agree with dagwood he def. dont know what he wants.you should hopefully know what you DONT want.... (read in full...)
Just found he cheated when we were dating.. but do cheaters change after marriage?
Q. My husband cheated on me (more than once) while dating me 2 1/2 yrs. I married him not knowing he had cheated during that time. Do you believe cheaters really can change and only cheat during dating but not cheat after marrying the person?...
A. 13 May 2007: if you are going to stay in this marriage just be on your guard for similar circumstances cropping up like when he cheated on you before.have you thrased out why he did this when you were dating?horrible though it sounds maybe they were his last ... (read in full...)
Am I totally stupid thinking there is hope for us?
Q. My partner recently had a bit of a fling - (about 6 months ago) but wont talk about it except it is over and he wants to be with me. He has been and is working away alot and I have been feeling insecure. I have rung his cell phone quite alot...
A. 13 May 2007: you poor women.hes behaving disgusting and is the same selfish man who had this affair in the first place.sorry but i would bet my last penny that hes definetly doing the same again!why should he come to counselling now when hes never had to explain ... (read in full...)
Who should I choose, my husband or my mate?
Q. Recently I found out that my husband of twelve years has had an affair with my brother's wife for just over a year. My brother and i were devastated by the news and trying to work through our marriages. Problem is that only a couple of days ago ...
A. 13 May 2007: its a very hard situation that you are in but i would definetly leave this other guy on the backburner for another time.when you have cleared your head maybe then move on.you know deep down it would be a rebound job?i would concentrate on why your ... (read in full...)
Does my BF's old High School flame want an affair with him; is that the reason she sent the 3 page letter?
Q. My boyfriend and I live together. He received a letter from an old high school flame. (30 years ago) She wants to meet up with him for one day or a weekend. He says there is nothing to this it is all her. I say why would she write you a three page ...
A. 7 May 2007: i dont think you are overreacting at all.someone that seemingly just leaps out of nowhere and wants to meet up with him after all those years ago??i could understand it a bit more is your hubby was invited to a school reunion with other people?i ... (read in full...)
My GF of 8 years still sees her abusive husband all the time, even spends holidays with him! I can't accept this anymore!
Q. My partner has lived with me for 8 years and escaped from an abusive husband to be with me. Over the last four years she has spent holidays with him, phones him everyday, meets up for dinner, drinks etc. She tells me she loves me more than anything...
A. 6 May 2007: my sympathies go to you.ive been in a similar situation with my guy.after 1month he announced he was taking his ex of 10yrs ago and their son on hols for 1week.needless to say i was devastated.you will not get anywhere unless you put your foot down ... (read in full...)
If she thought they were just friends keeping in touch she would have understood that it wasn't appropriate to call him all the time and she wouldn't have gotten so upset.
Q. My BF finally told his old girlfriend to stop calling him because it was upsetting me. She was very upset and starting saying that he would have never tolerated that from her (not being able to call an old girlfriend) and i must be controlling and ...
A. 5 May 2007: totally agree with you honey,there over shes an ex why the phonecalls?what exactly do they need to discuss.its not the right behaviour.i do feel a bit sorry for her but while she still thinks theres a glimmer from him shes not really going to move ... (read in full...)
Is it possible to remain friends with an ex and even get back together with them?
Q. Do you think its possible to remain friends with an ex and is it possible to ever get back together again in the future after a couple of break ups?...
A. 3 May 2007: my opinion is that you should remain aquaintances not friends as such.i dont believe that ex,s fit into the category "friends"?you can talk to your mates about guys,personal stuff etc.go out together,meet someone new.hence this isnt a category that ... (read in full...)
The ex is making impossible threats....What do I do???
Q. I have been dating a man for 4 years and he has 2 children with his ex-wife. We have lived together for 1 year. She doesn't want them to know that we are dating and have a one year old child of our own together. I have met the children when they ...
A. 3 May 2007: i really sympathise with you.how awful to be caught up between a coward of a boyfriend(sorry but thats how he sounds)and a bitter ex.you have gone way and above the call of duty on this one.how dare he take so long to resolve this issue with telling ... (read in full...)
Hes chatting on the internet to women, he wont give me his password, should I trust him ?
Q. hey there my patner and i have been together for 6years.we have just got the internet and i have found out that he has been talking to this"lesbian" who after 2 days of talking went into where he worked and gave him her mobile number.apparently she ...
A. 3 May 2007: i agree with the previous answer from cd206 about the mail being opened and his bank details.i think thats an encroachment on his basic privacy.however you do say hes good at lying.i know this situation myself as my partner used to (hopefully not ... (read in full...)
Is his ex trying to come between us?
Q. I trust my boyfriend with my life. I just don't understand why when his ex that cheated on him with one of his best friends calls or texts him he answers or texts her back... should I hold this over him or be worried??? She has also been to the ...
A. 1 May 2007: yes shes definetly up to no good.she sounds pretty low anyway that she cheated on your man with one of his mates??doesnt sound like the ideal situation.id ask him to change his no.and just calmly ask what they have to be in contact anymore about.she ... (read in full...)
She still sees her ex out of pity even though she knows I'm not happy about it!
Q. How would you go about dealing with a partner who still sees their ex out of pity? This is basically the reason my girl still has contact with her ex, even though i can't stand it and she knows that. She won't even tell him that she's moved on a...
A. 30 April 2007: your girl sounds very thick skinned??does she really believe anyone in their right mind would put up with this?i think you are being too kind for your own good.the worst bit is the fact that she hasnt told him about you?is she covering all ... (read in full...)
Can't get over my feelings for my ex! Is this a sign we were meant to be together?
Q. ok..i went to movies with my ex....i realised i think i still have feelings for him even though i like someone else i always dream of him and think of him its like he is taking over i dont know what to do ...how do i get over him or is it a sign we ...
A. 30 April 2007: have a talk with your ex but go in with your eyes wide open.be prepared that he might not feel the same?do you think you can handle that.the fact you are dreaming of him is a very very strong indicator that you loved /love this man?at least you can ... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my present boyfriend or go back to the ex?
Q. i split up with my boyfriend about 2 months ago however we promised to stay friends but my feelings are stronger then that. i few weeks ago he told me that he still cared about me and that he wanted to get back with him but then i didnt know what to ...
A. 30 April 2007: just wondering if you told your ex you were going away to clear your head?if he didnt hear from you maybe he thought hed go with someone new to get you out of his mind?he has denied having a girlfriend but like most men hes scared of how youll ... (read in full...)
At times I get scared my bf has gone off me--how do I deal with my insecurities?
Q. i have shown insecurities to my boyfriend,i dont think he is cheating or anything like that,but i some times get scared he has gone off me or isnt coming round anymore.he says i'm being silly and stop worrying.how can i show i am over this,as i dont ...
A. 30 April 2007: i think the problem lies in the fact that youve spent alot of your adult life being one way of another being with a man.did your insecurities cause any problems before?or were you bullied by your ex,s?just wondering if that could be whats causing ... (read in full...)
My bf says his ex is the sexiest girl alive and talks about her w/ his friends! Is he trustworthy?
Q. Hi, I recently discovered that my boyfriend chats with his friends about his ex girlfriend. He told me once that I turn him off in bed. And that his ex girlfriend was the prettiest and sexiest girl that he has ever met. He swears that he is not i...
A. 30 April 2007: naaa he went to far and i think youll have real trouble getting what this horrid guy has said to you out of your head.the worse thing to say to a woman 'you dont turn me on'god almighty.that was a bit too original.duuummmppp him.... (read in full...)
I thought, I didn't feel there was anything wrong with porn! But now that I caught my bf watching porn..it hurts me a lot! Any advice?
Q. Hi, i'm having some problems with a partner at the moment. we've been together for 3 1/2 years. He was a really loving guy to start with, sooo romantic but as time past he just can't be bothered. I recently discovered that he's been using my P.C in ...
A. 25 April 2007: i really dont think you should get so worked up over your guy using porn.i used to feel a little insecure when i was younger about porn but to be honest i think most people grow out of this.i dont think this represents a threat to you.hes being lazy ... (read in full...)
My husband is on dating sites looking for casual sex! What should I do?
Q. Dear cupid i have just found out that my husband has asked for casual sex on the internet dating sites, i am shocked to discover this as i know our sex life was not very active at the moment but i didnt think it warranted this kind of behaviour!I am ...
A. 25 April 2007: youve got to get rid of this man.he hasnt changed and hes done it all before.what are you waiting for???i get the impression hes not even bothered about how all his crap is affecting you or the kids???he should have been on his knees begging for ... (read in full...)
Am I being immature to be upset that my new bf gets flirty e-mails from his gf?
Q. I am dating a guy I work with, we aren't really too serious yet, just in the "new stages". He's great and our relationship has real potential. Because we work together I get to know and see a little bit more of his personal life. When I started ...
A. 25 April 2007: i think the fact you are asking questions about what to do shows that you feel valid concern and that this must be bugging you.approach him in a casual manner and ask him if he still wants to see his ex?if so you know where you stand otherwise you ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of my boyfriend's ex-wife's stuff lying around, including old condom wrappers. What can I do?
Q. Dear Cupid, My bf and I had a huge row this weekend. We've been dating for a year and he's recently asked me to move in with him. I accepted and we were in the process of making room in his house for all my stuff. The problem is, his ex-wife'...
A. 23 April 2007: youve effectively answered your own question at the end.dont you dare suck up to him love.think seriously if he cant be bothered with clearing out his exs stuff its probably one of two reasons a)hes dam right lazy and cant be bothered to do anything ... (read in full...)
We've got back together again after 6 years but I still find it hard to trust him.
Q. My partner of 7 years left me when our youngest child was 6 weeks old. He left me for someone else although he swears he never cheated before he left. They broke up 3 months later and I had met someone else and fell pregnant but lost the baby. He ...
A. 23 April 2007: you have been through a hell of a time.theres probably been several times when youve needed counselling and help.i can identify with you to some extent.my ex cheated on me when i was pregnant.although he says he didnt cheat on you BEFORE he left the ... (read in full...)
My ex bf wants to be friends but it hurts me to see him with other women! Should I or shouldn't I?
Q. I split up with my ex 3 and half years ago after a terrible time and I ended up taking anti-depressants and feeling dreadful. He has had other relationships and I have been with someone for 3 years. We work together and he has recently wanted to be ...
A. 19 April 2007: its a pity that you have to work in the same place.seeing your ex all the time is a constant reminder of the past.its probably causing you to rerun things in your head about what went wrong.personally i think youd be safer just remaining ... (read in full...)
We decided to meet to consider being friends but it did not go well. How do exes become freinds? Any suggestions?
Q. Thanks to all who take the time to respond to this. My ex and I agreed that we would try to meet for a friendly drink and be friends. I met with him and it did not go well. We made some small talk...he brought up things that I had said in the past ...
A. 19 April 2007: the fact that you are going numb probably means that you have gone through enough upset already.id say you are still going through your emotional journey after the relationship ended.i dont think its a good idea to remain friends afterwards.fine to ... (read in full...)
My ex bf is displaying a lot of signs of a sociopath/serial bully, Does he need help or is this just his personality?
Q. I have known my ex off and on since childhood and I am becoming increasingly worried about him. He is displaying alot of the hallmarks of a sociopath/serial bully, and I wonder if he get help for this or if this is his personality. I really don't...
A. 18 April 2007: sorry honey but it sounds like you are getting a little bit fixated on this guy.he is your ex.you dont owe him anything.youll eventually meet someone else.how are they gonna feel if your ex starts relying on you in any way?you do need to move on.its ... (read in full...)
My fiancee disappeared for 12 hours, no explanantion! Was he messing around?
Q. Why would my fiancee of 3yrs txt me and say he dont do expainations when i asked him to explain why he hadnt contacted me in 12hrs, am i right in thinking he was messing around on me...
A. 18 April 2007: you need to give a few more details. was he unavailable?did you call?its only twelve hrs so maybe he feels claustropic and angry that he needs to explain his every move?... (read in full...)
Bf said it's all fine between us but he won't text me back! I'm hurting..can anyone help?
Q. Help i don't know what to do my bf says everything is fine between us but he wont text me back or return my calls i haven't seen him in a week as things were bad but now he says everything is sorted and said he would try to sort something out so...
A. 18 April 2007: he sounds a bit selfish not even bothering to text you back.have yoy thought he might just like you running after him?sounds like hes keeping himself busy so i suggest you do the same.if it is making you feel this bad then finish with him.you are ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend still talks to his ex-girlfriend almost every day online. I don't like it..what should I say to him?
Q. My boyfriend still talks to his ex-girlfriend almost every day online, and while I know he doesn't have feelings for her anymore, it makes me uncomfortable. Should I say something to him about it?...
A. 18 April 2007: yes you have to discuss this with him.anything that makes one partner feel uncomfortable should be talked about otherwise it has a habit of festering away.i know where you are coming from.my b/f talks to his ex alot.they have a child but it really ... (read in full...)
His excuse for these emotional affairs, is that he likes to feel wanted!! What should I do, he hasnt slept with them so its not a real affair right ?
Q. I need help to figure out what to do about my fiance having an emotional affair. We have been together for 3yrs and have a daughter. I found out that he had been talking to another girl and that they had sent naked pix to each others phones. He ...
A. 17 April 2007: how convenient that your boyfriend doesnt consider naked emails dirty texts etc as cheating.oh well guess its ok for you to do this too.ask him head on how hed feel if you were sending naked pics of yourself to a man.is he really that thick skinned ... (read in full...)
My partner of 9 years is snappy and moody and only seem happy when hes having a go at me!!
Q. My partner and i have been together 9 years. Recently he has been moody, snappy and seems only to be happy when he's having a go at me. We have 3 kids and he has no time for them either. My friends say he either is cheating or he wants to leave but ...
A. 17 April 2007: maybe at the very least you can get him to see the doctor to discount the possibility that he may be suffering from depression of some sort.he needs to understand that not only is he bringing himself down but you and the kids and its not healthy for ... (read in full...)
Was walking away from this cheating, lying, disrespectful man the right thing to do!?
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been dating this guy for about two years and I just broke up with him and I'm feeling a little depressed. In the begining of course, everything was good then he started becoming verbally abusive. He would call me out my name, and...
A. 17 April 2007: hi sasha you have done the right thing.be in no doubt.you strongly believed he was seeing another girl.you tried your utmost to make it work and that wasnt good enough for him and dont worry no girl ever will be good enough.you know why because ... (read in full...)
Are these emails as innocent as he says they are ?
Q. I recently, saw lots of forwarded mails to my husband from a woman. He says that she and her husband are his clients. These mails are very inappropriate, sex jokes and all that. He said that he only met her husband and her about three times for ...
A. 17 April 2007: sounds like something that started out as flirting mainly from this woman to your husband.the bit i find strange is why if shes innocent she didnt react to your call.i know that if a women rang me sayin what you said to her i would want to know ... (read in full...)
We're now married and he still keeps in touch with this girl that he swears is only a friend!
Q. I recently got married to a man I love very much. Our relationship is good and he makes me feel better about myself than any other man has. We've been together a year. He has a female friend that he talks to and texts on his phone though that he ...
A. 17 April 2007: the whole scenario sounds very worrying.you have no concrete proof that hes cheating but i think theres something untoward going on between them.the biggest pointers are the fact he deletes texts etc from his phone.that unfortunately honey smacks of ... (read in full...)
We split up but he wants to stay in touch with me, now he has a new girlfriend, what must she be thinking?
Q. Hi My ex and I split up last year and have been in contact on and off. We have decided to stay friends, although there had been talk about maybe trying again in the future if we were single when we had sorted personal stuff out. We had also disc...
A. 16 April 2007: follow your heart darling.you sound sensible in your thinking.the new girl wouldnt like this.just stick to saying hello when you see him.dont try to please him.his little cryptic clue was when he said 'i dont know if itll last'perhaps he was being ... (read in full...)
I know he will never do it again (have a one night stand) but I just want to smack that girl.
Q. okay I decided to stay with my boyfriend after he had a one night stand but it's really hard. everytime i walk down the street im thinking is that the girl? it's driving me insane, when we are together things are gr8 they are even better now than ...
A. 16 April 2007: i think maybe youd probably have liked to batter your boyfriend when you found out but where hes been understanding and sorted this mess out with you maybe you still have unvented anger.that totally inderstandable.obviously you cant talk to her you ... (read in full...)
A woman calls on the phone and tells me all the sexual things she's done to MY BOYFRIEND, he says it's lies...
Q. My boyfriend goes out at the weekend with his mates an always ends up at one of there houses after to carry the night on. He eneds up rolling in at silly times the next morning,he knows im not happy with it but he still dose it. last night he gets a ...
A. 16 April 2007: i dont know of any woman that would put herself in a dangerous position as this.only guessing but she probably feels aggreived perhaps after a night of boozing herself and feels like your bloke used her.maybe they ahd a one-night stand and she ... (read in full...)
Should I mind him meeting up with his ex as friends or not?
Q. hi im really confused my boyfriend sent me this... --------------------------------------------------- me n jas r jus m8s nw, im goin2 meet her on sataday as MATES. nufn mor. k i fink ul dump me afta readin dis email. if so den b4 u do, al i...
A. 16 April 2007: i think it wrong that he wants to meet up with her.sending you a text was a bit cowardly dont you think?especially as he thought you might even finish with him over it?hes got the cheek to meet her in the 1st place then cowers out of explaining ... (read in full...)
He doesn't seem to have gotten over his ex. What can I do?
Q. My current b/f went through a bad breakup five years ago with a woman. She took him to the cleaners financially and emotionally and it him more than 2 years to get his life back in order. When we started seeing each other, we took it slow, but then ...
A. 16 April 2007: i agree with the last answer theres a lot worse things to discover out there.he readily let you look into his computer and if it had been that big a secret to him i doubt hed have done that atall.the general vibe from your question is that this man ... (read in full...)
We are thinking of trying again, but what if hes said its on hold and will get back to me if he doesnt pull ?
Q. Why won't he call or answer my texts we have a couple of bads things going on right now and am trying so hard to make everything right but the only way for me to get in contact with him is to ring him he won't reply to my texts or anything and am to ...
A. 16 April 2007: you dont explain why hes confused theres nothing glaringly obvious as to why hed treat you like this.sorry honey but he sounds like a user big time.he knows damm well you need to talk and are desperate to see him.if he had any feelings at all hed at ... (read in full...)
Followup: My bf who sends his old gf and her daughters large amounts of money...
Q. Yesterday I wrote a question and got several responces and I want to first thank those who responded. There were a couple questions posed by those respondants so I want to clarify and see if that helps. First, for those that didnt see yesterdays ...
A. 16 April 2007: oh dear how very sad that your man has to keep up this pretence.sounds like he must be filling some sad space in his heart.does he really believe you should accept this set up?do you really think its worth losing him over this?perhaps hes not ... (read in full...)
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