A
male
age
51-59,
*eter42
writes:My partner has lived with me for 8 years and escaped from an abusive husband to be with me. Over the last four years she has spent holidays with him, phones him everyday, meets up for dinner, drinks etc.She tells me she loves me more than anything and i am being stupid, she says she just feels sorry for him because he is alot older than us and that there is never anything going on between them sexually. She says to think of him as a friend. I have a great deal of trouble accepting this, it hurts me terribly and i dont know how much more i can take. She is currently in Florida for 4 weeks with him and phones everyday to reassure me she is just looking after him and that our relationship is all that matters - Am i being stupid? please help with some advice Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Peter42 +, writes (8 May 2007):
Peter42 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your helpful advice, still not sure what to do or say, getting more confused by the minute
Peter
A
male
reader, Rikki  +, writes (7 May 2007):
Please be clear right now. Talk to her what you feel and think. If she understand, THE BEST.Otherwise i know,if you love her alot,it will be very difficult but be a strong man and take a decision.
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A
male
reader, Peter42 +, writes (7 May 2007):
Peter42 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who replied, alot of common sense advice has been given and its much appreciated, thanks
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A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (6 May 2007):
 my sympathies go to you.ive been in a similar situation with my guy.after 1month he announced he was taking his ex of 10yrs ago and their son on hols for 1week.needless to say i was devastated.you will not get anywhere unless you put your foot down and you have to mean it.i ended up having to ban him from going into her house at all.the situation got worse.now he has to bring his son out.there were tons of other problems and like you i tried to tolerate,rationalize etc but in the end it WILL get the better of you.she doesnt sound like a hard person to get on with?why havent you broached this before with her?i too find it very very hard to believe the excuses and nearly choked on my tea when you say that shes gone off to florida?what an utter p***take.its one thing having the odd phonecall but seriously what the hell are you waiting for?her to announce that they have to buy a house together because he cant live on his own?one horrid thought just sprang to mind.he isnt threatening her in any way??also have you actually met this man?what does he know of you?stop the whole thing in its tracks before you go insane with the worry of it all,if shes got any heart or intelligence she will realise its YOU that she needs to look after not her bloody EX.keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2007): Stupid is an understatment,you must be really sad and lonely to even consider such a unforgiving,untrusting relationship to happen let alone be involved,wake up and take a look around what do you see?you at home while g/f is on holiday with a man(X)get rid no excuses
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A
female
reader, agony_emz +, writes (6 May 2007):
 i can understand your concern!! it makes me wonder why?? she had a lucky escape from him and yet calls him everyday and other things! so i really feel for you!! you should really talk to her when she gets back and tell her that you cant take it anymore! maybe she is still thinks in her mind that he still controls her and this is why she does this to live a peaceful life but i can understand your concern and maybe she needs help to come to terms that she doesnt have to keep running to him every beck and call!! i really suggest you talk to her about this and try and find out for your own sanity!
i wish you luck! x
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