A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married businessman with wife and a kid and loves both of them very much and sincerely committed. However fell in love with a girl in office, she too loves me a lot but getting married to guy in near future and would want to continue this relatioship in future too. We can't leave business / job and can't stay away without each other. What is the possible outcome of this relationship? Is is right to continue this way? Please help..
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (3 September 2011):
I think you already know the answer. It's not 'right' to have an affair and still be married to someone else. It's being dishonest and betraying the woman you had taken vows with.
If you want so much to be with someone else besides your wife, then the ethical thing to do is divorce your wife first.
You need to choose one and leave the other.
Or, tell your wife about your affair and let her decide if she will let you keep the affair or if she wants to end the marriage.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2011): Possible outcome of your cheating?
Your wife finally wakes up and smell the sh1t around her.
Divorces u
Has custody of your kid
You become a part time father
Your wife finally meets a decent man who loves her and who is faithful
This man becomes your kid's proper father
And u still get sloppy seconds from your lover
Can u see your world crumpling? Hahaha the lover wants to get married to another man while still seeing u in the sly. Her moral character tells u that she is nothing but a good time girl who cannot be faithful to anyone even her future hb.
And u want to throw away your life FOR THAT?
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 September 2011):
 No it isn't right to continue this way, it wasn't right to start it, and I doubt you're stupid so I think you already knew that.My question is why did you come here to ask? I mean no disrespect, but you are doing something you know is wrong, why did you come here to ask us? My other question is, how can you say you love your wife when you do this against her? Do you not realize how you disrespect her and hurt her, even if she isn't aware of it? Do you call it love, to do as you do, to be unfaithful and only care about your own pleasure and not care of your wife? You claim you love her, but I think a cheater loves himself, and not someone else.If you love your wife, prove it. If you love your girlfriend, prove it. How to prove it? Stay faithful to them both, which means stick to your wife and never cheat again, and respect your girlfriend enough to not make her a mistress. The possible outcome of this relationship is that you deeply hurt your wife, and possibly have a baby with your girlfriend which will hurt your wife even more, there'll be a divorce and she'll take your kids and all your money with her when she leaves. Don't be stupid, you know the answer to this. Now stand for what you've said, if you love her then how can you do this to her? If you can't stay faithful then leave the marriage. Cheating isn't an answer to a problem, cheating is adding a problem to a problem. Think of how much damage you are doing to your marriage and your wife!
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (2 September 2011):
 1. The only possible outcome for this relationship is that eventually you will get found out, your wife will divorce you, you will hardly ever see your child and you will be alone. The girl in the office will probably beg and plead with her fiance to forgive her and she will stay with him.
2. This is just a ridiculous question - NO it is not right to carry on like this! Do you honestly think having an affair is a good thing to do? How would you feel if you knew your wife was in love with another man and was seeing him behind your back? Would that make you happy?
You are not at all committed to your wife and child - you are just another liar and a cheat, you dont love your wife, you dont care about your family and you have no respect for any of these women in your life. If you loved your wife quite simply you would have never allowed this affair to start. Yes you can be physically attracted to someone else, that is normal and we are all human, it is going to happen from time to time. But if you really did love your wife, then that would have kicked in before you allowed yourself to start an affair - you would have pulled away from the other woman because of your love for your wife.
Physical attraction only turns into love if you ALLOW it to - yes you work with this girl, but I'm sure you dont have to speak to her that frequently, and even if you do, most of it can be done via email. You definitely dont need to spend time alone with her, nor do you need to see her outside of work - so you could have stopped your feelings if you really wanted to. But the fact that you did not want to stop yourself shows that you dont love your wife anymore and you dont care about your marriage - you are willing to throw it away for the sake of a fling with a colleague. If you wanted your marriage to work you would have honoured your marriage vows - to remain faithful, through good times and bad. You have broken your vows, hence you have broken your marriage.
So now you have 2 choices:
1. Leave your wife because of your infidelity. What you have done to her is unforgiveable so the right thing to do in this circumstance is leave her, she deserves a lot better than you and it is not right to lie to her and cheat like this. Yes you will end up alone, but you made that decision when you started the affair - you have to live with your decisions.
2. End the affair, NOW, and never allow anything to happen between you and the other woman again. Keep your relationship purely professional and only see her or speak to her when neccessary and the conversation must be about business matters. This is the cowardly way around your situation, you should be honest with your wife and tell her what has happened - but if you are too scared to do this then your only option if you want to keep your wife and child is to end the affair.
You cant have your cake and eat it - 2 women in your life is not possible, it is selfish and absurd. Make your choice and act quickly, before this mess gets any worse.
I feel very sorry for your child and wife, they are the innocent parties in this and dont deserve to be treated this way. You need to have a good hard look at yourself and figure out why you have hurt them in this way, there will be a reason for your cheating so you have to figure it out if you ever want your marriage to work, otherwise you will fall prey to temptation again I'm sure and just carry on hurting the people you claim to love.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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