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... Send *lue Rat a private message | | | *lue Rat's profile:I am a 46 year old man, orginially from London but who now lives in the West Midlands, via spells in Amsterdam, Bristol and Dublin. I am divorced with three children from my marriage, and I now live with my long-term partner (we have been living together for over ten years now). I am not a doctor, psychologist, psychiatrist or therapist, so my advice is given purely based on life experience and, of course my own subjective views and opinions.
Away from my fairly mundane office job, I love to read, long walks in the country, a social drink, and am a passionate supporter of The Arsenal. I am also a big fan of excellent comedy, such Alan Partridge, The League of Gents, 15 Storeys High, Extras, The Office, Blackadder, Spaced, and many others. |
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Should I agree to my husband's threesome Idea? Even if I don't want to?!
Q. I've been married for over 10 years now. My husband has this fantasy about having a threesome. I am deadset against it. He says that it burns a whole in his heart and it is something he is going to do, but he wants to do it with me. Will this ...
A. 14 February 2007: Does he want a threesome with another woman or another man? You don't say.
I don't agree with Dr John AT ALL. And there's absolutely no need for any counselling for Heaven's sake. The man's not sick, he just has a very common sexual fantasy - and ... (read in full...)
The boobs on his phone were his mates having a laugh he said. But he calls "these boobs" every day!!! What should I do about it?
Q. About 2-3 months ago I found a picture on my boyfriends phone of someones breasts while trying to bluetooth an image from mine to his. I calmly asked who it was and he insisted that it was a mate winding him up but I had already called the number ...
A. 13 February 2007: Nutty gooner calls it pretty well I reckon.
I think if it was just a joke he would have deleted them by now. I don't think I'd keep a picture of some bird's boobs on my phone for long if it was just sent in jest. My girlfriend would son start to t... (read in full...)
How do I tell my Mom, I am in my first relationship? Any tips?
Q. how do i tell my mom that i am in my first relationship?...
A. 13 February 2007: When I saw that question, I assumed it would be from a 16 year old or similar. Yet you're 22-25. You're an adult, so for goodness' sake act like one and just tell her. ... (read in full...)
I am a male, 22 dating a female, 32. Some family and friends approve..some don't. What are your thoughts?
Q. hey, im a male 22yrs old dating some a female who 32 yrs old. some of my friends and family approves of this and some dont...wat ya people think...?...
A. 13 February 2007: If you're happy and having fun together, that's all that matters. Your respective ages are irrelevant.
Just enjoy each other. ... (read in full...)
Is my husband gay or bi???
Q. I have been married for 5 years on my second marriage i love him dearly sex was fantasic before i got pregant with my daughter now 2. He never seems to want sex or if we do its a quick wam ban,which frustrates me as im highly sexual,i purchase...
A. 13 February 2007: Great answer from AskEve. Can't top that for a spot of advice! Hell of a way to find out, too! ... (read in full...)
Found my girlfriend on a porn site.. but don't want her to know I've been looking at porno!
Q. I found photos of my girlfriend on a porn site but I don't know what to do. If i tell her i found them she'll know I look at porn......
A. 9 February 2007: Well if you found her photos on a porn site, it would seem she's hardly averse to it herself, so she's unlikely to be shocked or upset to find out you were looknig at porn. Anyway, nearly all guys do it (and quite a few girls too), so it's no big ... (read in full...)
Can long-distance relationships work?? If so, how?
Q. I was just wondering if anyone knows of any long distance relationships that worked out, and if yes, how did they/you make it work?.. I mean, long long long distance, as in, different countries. I'm in love with a guy who lives in Australia. He has ...
A. 8 February 2007: I wouldn't hold out much hope. It can work, very very very occasionally, but the chances are pretty slim and the odds are against it. I don't see how you can build up any meaningful genuine closeness if you can't spend any time together.
A few text... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is so lax, is this what he's going to be like if we move in together?
Q. I am 18, my boyfriend,20. We have been together 4 years. We are best friend also and spend all our time outside of work together. Whether that be, he sits in my room watching one thing, whilst I sit downstairs with my mum watching another, or us ...
A. 8 February 2007: He's clearly NOT perfect though, is he. He's lazy for a start and seems more than happy to kick back and leave everything to you. And he might SAY he wants to be with you but his actions speak otherwise. He sounds pretty immature, too. This should ... (read in full...)
My husband has admitted he visited a brothel but said nothing happened. Do I believe him???
Q. I recently found the numbers of two local brothels and two massage parlours in my husband's computer and on his mobile phone bill. When I asked him to explain he said he likes to ring them and ask about their services so he can masturbate as they ...
A. 8 February 2007: Only he knows if he really has told you the truth, but if it's any help, then it's certainly conceivable that what he said is true. He could easily have panicked or got cold feet or a sudden attack of shame/guilt and run off without doing anything. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is needy, jealous, overbearing, irrational, temperamental, possessive and a control freak but says she's NOT insecure!!!!
Q. Dear Cupid Imagine the most overbearing, needy, hyper-jealous, irrational, temperamental, possessive control-freak and thats my girlfriend. She's never been cheated on, I've been dead honest, but she has witnessed friends getting hurt. She believes...
A. 8 February 2007: Do you really need this? What's your reason for wanting to persevere in such a relationship? You don't seem to be married or have any children, so why are you putting yourself through this? Surely we stay with people who we love and who make us ... (read in full...)
I know accountability is important but this seems too much!
Q. Dear Cupid My girlfriend used to demand I let her know first before I leave my building. A 5-minute drive to the post office, or a walk to the corner store would enrage her if I didn't let her know first. We made some progress and she tolerate...
A. 7 February 2007: I don't think she wants a boyfriend, she wants a dog on a very short leash. I'm sorry, but that's just weird, and very controlling behaviour. You need to assert yourself much more and attain far greater come and go like normal people do, without ... (read in full...)
My gf got angry when I tipped my glass at another girl (bar), who was celebrating a b'day! Is my gf over-reacting?
Q. Dear Cupid While at a bar with my girlfriend the d.j. announced some girls b-day over the loud speakers. Turns out the girl and her friends were facing me maybe five few feet away. I smiled at the ridiculous spectacle they were making and raised m...
A. 7 February 2007: Certainly sounds like a ridiculous over-reaction on her part to me. She must be incredibly jealous and insecure.
If you've got a pet bunny, I'd be worried about its future safety, mate.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to orgasm in the shower?
Q. Me and my shower.... When i have showers, i can give myself the biggest orgasms ever. Is it wrong? i have been with partners that get me to reach orgasm before and that was amazing but this... its like the world has exploded inside me, when i come ...
A. 7 February 2007: Why on earth should you stop? You're doing absolutely no harm, and nothing wrong whatsoever, and it sounds like you're having a fantastic time! Carry on enjoying yourself, girl!
... (read in full...)
He wants me to choose between drinking and him!!
Q. Me and my boyfriend of over 2 years just recently broke up. We are still very much in love, but he doesn't want to be together unless I change. The main thing is that he wants me to stop drinking alcohol because he doesn't want to be with anyone ...
A. 7 February 2007: You say you only drink occasionally so it doesn't sound as if you have a drink problem, so I'd refuse his ultimatum. He has no right to be handing out ultimatums anyway, and adding the emotional blackmail of "if you loved me you would..." etc etc is ... (read in full...)
Why is she encroaching on my privacy? I have nothing to hide!
Q. Dear Cupid My girlfriend has been demanding we exchange email passwords as a mutual good faith gesture of trust. Her ex let her have his and she says if I have nothing to hide I'd do the same. While I have nothing to hide, I am uncomfortable wi...
A. 7 February 2007: I'm sorry but giving each other your email passwords isn't a good faith gesture of trust at all. Quite the opposite in fact - it shows a lack of trust and a need to be able to keep an eye on you and what you might be up to. Spying, basically, so why ... (read in full...)
He masturbates every morning before work...is this normal in along term relationship?
Q. my boyfriend masterbates in the morning before work? i feel that i don't satifiy him and i also feel rejected? should I feel this way or is it normal to masterbate in a relatonship Please help this is destroying our relationship of 5 years....
A. 6 February 2007: All guys masturbate to some extent, even within a happy and sexually fulfilling relationship, so there's nothing untoward in that. The other answers posted all make good points and offer sound observations. But from a bloke's perspective, and ... (read in full...)
I've started to fall for my best friends husband, she died over a year ago and I feel really bad!!
Q. my best]t friend passed away a year and a half ago. her husband and i have become friends, mainly because their daughter is my godchild anyway. one nite recently we found ourselves kissing and stuff . worse of all i kinda like him, im starting to...
A. 6 February 2007: Your friend is dead and gone, but you're alive. You can't bring her back, so live your own life. If you make each other happy, and it's what you want, then be together. It's been 18 months as you said, so there's no question of indecent haste or ... (read in full...)
Ever since this guy made a provocative statement to me in the bar, I dream of having sex with him! How do I act around him..now?
Q. So I was at a bar with my husband my girlfriend and her husband (all mutual friends) and I know he has “checked me out” before and of course it is always flattering but in one of those he leaned over and said to me “if you don’t stop showing me your ...
A. 6 February 2007: I'm not surprised you've been fantasising like mad. It was clearly an electrifying and quite frankly a downright horny experience. And its forbidden nature only adds further spice. I'll bet he's been fantasising about you quite a lot since then too. ... (read in full...)
Can't stop beating myself up over my past cheating...
Q. 3 months ago, I cheated on my girlfriend of then, 4 months with a friend from high school. I told her and she decided to stay with me, but I know that I don't deserve it. I never expected her to forgive me. We had a fight the night before it ...
A. 26 January 2007: Cheating is not the end of the world as your girlfriend has demonstrated. If she has forgiven you (which includes not bringing it up constantly or throwing it in your face every time you argue), then be grateful, learn from it, and move on.
C... (read in full...)
How can I stop my drunken cheating?
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for 5 months now, i love him very much but iv cheated on him a few times all of them have been drunken mistakes, but i jus cant seem to stop doin it. i only told him about one kiss and he seemed ok with it but this was ...
A. 18 January 2007: You say you can't stop, but the question is do you really WANT to stop? It doesn't sound much like it to me, to be honest. You're a young girl, evidently with a high sex-drive, who likes to enjoy herself. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, and, ... (read in full...)
How do you stay with someone who cheated? How do you deal with the betrayal? Any advice?
Q. How do you stay with someone who cheated? Has anyone out there had someone cheat on you but you can't seem to leave them? How do you deal with the fact that you were betrayed? How do you know they want to be with you now? Are things ever the same...
A. 18 January 2007: I think I have a different perspective on this kind of thing than most people, so perhaps my answer won't be what you're looking for. But here goes anyway. Society places a ludicrous and unnatural straight-jacket on our behaviour in this area. So... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is confused about his sexuality. How do I help him??
Q. My boyfrind of four years and has told me he thinks he is gay. We have a child together. I have told him to go and speak to someone but he wont he said he is confused. What can i do to help? I dont want to lose him but i dont want him to be unhappy. ...
A. 18 January 2007: Firstly, does he really think he might be gay or is he just experience a bi-sexual attraction to other men - something purely sexual, but which could never be emotional too? A great many men experience bi-sexual urges (far far more than would ever ... (read in full...)
Been with my bf for 5 years but he has no photos of me up in his house. Should I be worried by this?
Q. me and my boyfriend have been together 5 years,in his home he doesn't have anything to suggest he's in a relationship, not even a photo of me or me and him together. I believe it's to say he is single and available,am i right in thinking this?...
A. 17 January 2007: Blimey, talk about putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 6. He hasn't got any pictures of you in his flat, so he's sending out a message that he's single??? Eh?? How do you work that one out. He just hasnt given it a moment's thought - most ... (read in full...)
I'm 47 and have disasterous luck with men! Am I too picky?
Q. I've only been in 6 serious relationships over the span of my adult life (I'm 47) but I seem to disasterous luck with men. For instance, my first three boyfriends were incredibly good-looking, talkative, fun, adventurous, sexy, a little wild, ...
A. 17 January 2007: Well you said it: nobody's perfect. And that includes you. Have you stopped to consider your faults and what some of those guys might have written about you if they'd posted on here? That's six different guys and at least 4 widely differing ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to confide my relationship problems in a friend? My bf thinks so!
Q. My bf and I are having problems in our relationship. I have tried talking to him about it but he doesn't want to discuss it. A girlfriend called me and asked why I was so down so I told her. My bf found out that I had told her about us, and was very ...
A. 16 January 2007: Sorry but I think your boyfriend is being a bit precious about it. Almost anyone having relationship problems will need to talk to a close friend or family member about it, and broadly speaking that's healthy - getting another view, another ... (read in full...)
I'm so bored with my fiancee! Am I really in love in with him? What do you think?
Q. I am engaged to my boyfriend of four years. We decided to get married in no less than a year and up until recently everything has been been ok. We have a good solid relationship but he hates to go out and even walking on the beach he finds boring. I ...
A. 15 January 2007: You've only been together for four years and you already find him boring? And the sex is boring? And you're having fantasies about another man. A real guy who actually exists, too - not some fantasy figure.
Hardly a solid foundation to be thin... (read in full...)
We've been seeing each other for a few months but he doesn't want to be physically intimate!
Q. I have been seeing a great guy for a few months and everything seems to be going well apart from one thing - he doesn't seem to want to be physically intimate with me. Are there men like this, or is there something wrong? Should i break up with ...
A. 15 January 2007: He could just have a very low libido - some people do. But it is certainly unusual for a guy to be so backwards in coming forwards. There could be any number of reasons - religious beliefs, bad past experience(s), a medical problem or something that ... (read in full...)
Should I tell my boyfriend to shave off his pubes?
Q. GUYS! do you shave your pubes? whenever i give my boyfriend a bj i get a lot of hairs in my mouth. i said he should shave but i was kidding. should i tell him to for real? i just want to know if he is just extra hairy or what?...
A. 15 January 2007: This is an area that women generally give some thought and attention to, yet men traditionally never have - although this is changing and some men do think about it more and choose to tidy up, or shave it off altogether.
Chances are, it's just neve... (read in full...)
I'm 14 and want to have sex but i'm scared of getting pregnant!
Q. Im 14, and my boyfriend and i want to have sex both were both scared that i will get pregnant so what should i do?...
A. 15 January 2007: Apart from any other considerations, have you actually stopped to consider that you are under the age of consent and that it would be ILLEGAL to have sex? Your boyfriend would be committing a criminal act - even with your consent.
Whether you feel... (read in full...)
I'm infatuated with my biology teacher...how do I get over this?
Q. i am infaaaaatuated with the new bio teacher. he is also the new top coach for our school with an amazing resume. omg i cant stoppp staring at him. whenever i did my homework or studied in the library and he'd walk in, i wouldnt be able to ...
A. 10 January 2007: Broadly speaking, I have to agree with the anonymous posting. I don't see the problem - you're over 18, he's single. The fact he's 33 is totally irrelevant.
There might be a slight moral/ethical issue if he's a teacher at your school, but you say ... (read in full...)
I saw him pleasing himself... Wht does it mean!?
Q. Recently I accidently saw my boyfriend masturbating. I thought we had a healthy sex life. Why does he need to do this? Also I saw naked pictures of him on his phone what does all this mean...
A. 10 January 2007: Well firstly, I wouldn't worry about him masturbating. Even within a healthy and regular sex-life, guys still masturbate to varying extents, and I'm sure women do too. As long as he's not at it hammer and tongs and your own sex-life together is ... (read in full...)
I saw him pleasing himself... Wht does it mean!?
Q. Recently I accidently saw my boyfriend masturbating. I thought we had a healthy sex life. Why does he need to do this? Also I saw naked pictures of him on his phone what does all this mean...
A. 10 January 2007: Well firstly, I wouldn't worry about him masturbating. Even within a healthy and regular sex-life, guys still masturbate to varying extents, and I'm sure women do too. As long as he's not at it hammer and tongs and your own sex-life together is ... (read in full...)
He plans to visit strip clubs when we are on holiday in Amsterdam. I am offended by this-what should I do?
Q. Dear Cupid I am a 54 year old woman and have been married for over thirty years. Later in the year l am going for a short break to Amsterdam with my husband and another couple. I was really looking forward to my trip as l have been there many ...
A. 9 January 2007: You've been married 30 years? I wouldn't say you have much to worry about would you? Amsterdam's a great place (I lived there for 7 years) so go, and enjoy what it has to offer. If your husband and his friend want to visit a strip club, so what???? ... (read in full...)
Can you still have a healthy sex life at 40?
Q. hey guys, I am a young woman in my 20's and i have a question. How is it like to be in a relationship with a 40 year old man? Can you have a healthy sex life with them or is it not that frequent. ...
A. 9 January 2007: Perhaps I should get my girlfriend to answer that for you! I'm 46, she's 32 and we've been together for 12 years. All I can say is that we still have an excellent, and frequent, sex life.
Obviously things vary from person to person - their heal... (read in full...)
I don't find their jokes about our age difference (18/25) funny!
Q. Hi, thanks in advance for taking the time to read this and (hopefully) responding! I’ve just been feeling a bit down lately. I’m 18 years old and for the past 10 months I’ve been in a great relationship. We were close friends for a while beforeha...
A. 4 January 2007: I am 46 and my girlfriend is 32. We started seeing each other 12 years ago (you do the maths)and have been living together for over ten years. We are as happy as now as we ever were and have a fantastic relationship.
The point is, don't get hung... (read in full...)
Im 18, she's 13. I'm not thinking about sex but I want to know how to love her without her getting scared.
Q. Hey fellow romantics, I know a lot if most of you will feel Im in the wrong but that is not my question here. Ive been in relationships before and Im falling in love with a girl who is 13 and im 18. The question is that since we are both honestly ...
A. 4 January 2007: Stay away. Stay away. Stay away. She is much much too young, no matter how mature she may seem. If you are falling for her as you say, then other feelings come with that which will be increasingly difficult to control. She is still a child and if ... (read in full...)
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