A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. He's my first for everything, but he has had a few girls before me. I've somehow learned that he was very much affected by one of his past relationships with a "crazy bitch" as he puts it...so much so that he has been unable to open himself up to any of his gfs after that girl (including me). Now, I can't exactly say that I am the most open person when it comes to the personal, but I feel like I have the potential to share that part with my bf. The problem is that even though I do try from time to time to open up, I find it extremely hard to talk to my bf about the more personal aspects of life because he tends to avoid talks like that. He doesn't show an interest in what I say so I feel like I'm not important enough for him sometimes. I find it uncomfortable to talk to him about some things because I am afraid that he would blow me off and not care. He tells me that he's just an insensitive and cold person. Is it right for him to have a disclaimer like that?? Personally, I think that it's just that he doesn't want to deal with the emotional baggage that usually comes with girls, especially after what happened with his past relationship (I'm not even quite sure what happened). Honestly though, I think I've been a pretty darn good girlfriend (especially since this is my first relationship). I am easygoing and I don't give him much trouble with the drama and whatnot. I really love this guy and I have no clue how to make it comfortable for him to open up to me AND also treat me better. I mean, I enjoy doing things for him and making the effort to travel to his place every week to see him because I love him and want to make him happy, but he doesn't do the same for me and thinks that he can get out of it because I am not giving him shit for it/he claims he is insensitive and cold. I just want some balance! Am I wrong to think this way? Because I'm beginning to wonder if there are other guys out there who will willingly treat me better. I don't want to give up on him, though, so any advice on how to open this guy's heart up? How can I encourage him to do things for me for once? How can I train myself to be more selfish?? It's hard! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2012): "He tells me that he's just an insensitive and cold person. Is it right for him to have a disclaimer like that??" It's not "right" but give him credit for being honest. He's told you the truth, up to you to believe him, something you obviously don't want to do for reasons that remain unfathomable to me. "Am I wrong to think this way?" Yes."Because I'm beginning to wonder if there are other guys out there who will willingly treat me better." You're right, that's why you're wrong to think that way."I don't want to give up on him, though, so any advice on how to open this guy's heart up?" You can't, so give up on him."How can I encourage him to do things for me for once?" You can't, so give up on him."How can I train myself to be more selfish?? It's hard!" It's not hard, it's impossible, just as impossible as "training" him to be less selfish.
A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (10 January 2012):
 Get. Out. NOW! You cannot change him. Period. You are worth infinitely more than this, even if it takes time to find another. For all the "good times" you try to justify, stand back & reread all you just wrote. Do not justify his poor treatment of you. I do not kid you when I say I could've written your post word for word even four months ago. And I wasted a year and 3 months with someone who treated me exactly like your's does you. I ended it last week. We are worthy of so much more-such better treatment by someone who loves us totally and who can give of themselves just as freely as we do. Dead serious. I got a post from a guy who's a reformed player. Like he said, the motivation for him to change can only come from inside him. No girl will ever change that. Please, please, please get out now, before a year goes by & you're crushed from effort you invested to do everything & anything to make it work & to please him.
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