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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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Should I send my crush a Valentine’s card?

Q.   hey everyone, i consider myself a shy-ish person and so talking about any of my crushes is a bit difficult for me. no one has ever known who i've liked or do like. i am trying to open up. anyways, there's someone i like currently, let's ...

A.   25 February 2019: Fingers crossed that you can get to know each other and develop a crush on more than just his looks :P Good luck, OP! What you did was brave, so take things slowly and enjoy the texts :)... (read in full...)

I’m shy and don’t like to upset anyone, so how do I let the one friend with a crush on me down, whilst keeping our friendship?

Q.   Hi everyone I've found myself in a tough situation recently and feel I need some advice. Firstly I think its important to understand a few things about me. I'm quite shy, I find it hard to express my interest in someone directly and I also reall...

A.   24 February 2019: OP, my response will have come after you submitted your reply. There isn’t a double standard regarding this. We would also be telling a female poster not to try to date someone she lives with because it makes things messy for everyone in the house. ... (read in full...)

I just got married and I feel that my marriage is already breaking

Q.   Dear cupid I just got married and already feel like my marriage is failing, to be precise nothing changed i.e we were living together even before marriage so it's the same. But my husband emotional support is almost none to these days Most of ...

A.   23 February 2019: Do you love him? Does he love you? As hard as it would have been, you should have cancelled the wedding and sorted these issues out before marriage. It's unlikely that they've only just shown up. Unfortunately, you only have three options: ... (read in full...)

I’m shy and don’t like to upset anyone, so how do I let the one friend with a crush on me down, whilst keeping our friendship?

Q.   Hi everyone I've found myself in a tough situation recently and feel I need some advice. Firstly I think its important to understand a few things about me. I'm quite shy, I find it hard to express my interest in someone directly and I also reall...

A.   22 February 2019: “Don’t sh*t where you eat”. Trying to date or hook up with people you live with is always a bad idea unless you’re already a couple before moving in together. People get uncomfortable or jealous, or a break up/tension makes things awkward for ... (read in full...)

I don't like children at all but why am I thinking about the possibilty?

Q.   I’m 26 and have never ever ever wanted children in my whole life and the thought of giving birth and being pregnant makes me feel sick and squeamish. I don’t even find babies or children cute and I get very uncomfortable around them~ at Christmas I ...

A.   21 February 2019: Thing is, your kid would be that one screaming endlessly in public. It happens to everyone, so it's something you'd have to accept as part of raising a child. Like I said, I'd give it a year before thinking about discussing it with him. It's a g... (read in full...)

Do you think he’s basically telling me to leave?

Q.   So last night my S/O and I got into an argument. We were at walmart leaving and our daughter stopped to whine about getting some gumballs so I wasn't paying attention to where I was walking and accidentally bumped into the entrance doors of the ...

A.   18 February 2019: Ultimately, it seems like you both moved this relationship too far, too fast. You've got a child, moved 12 hours from home and are still so young. I'm sorry; I know you'll probably get defensive about your age and maturity, but you're both show... (read in full...)

I’m bi, my friend is straight, but she said it was okay to flirt with her! What does her behaviour mean?

Q.   I am bisexual, turning 18 in March. I have a friend, who I think I am in love with... I told her I liked her but she told me that she is straight. But she also said before all this shit, that it's okay to flirt with her. One time, she and my ot...

A.   18 February 2019: You need to distance yourself. She’s messing you about because girls and boys your age do say things about who they are, or who they like, without wanting to commit to any of it. Whether she means to or not, she’s giving you false hope. Don’t flirts ... (read in full...)

He couldn't get it up! Any ideas why?

Q.   Hie Cupid, I fell in love with a very amazing guy, about two months ago. He's in love with me too. So, after hanging out for six times only (writing this because it might be the answer to my doubt), on Valentine's day, we both decided to lose ...

A.   18 February 2019: OP, this isn’t love yet; you’ve both got a major crush on each other, but two months isn’t very long. Be patient and slow things down. May I ask: will your future be affected if you have sex with this man before marriage? It’s probably just nerves ... (read in full...)

I don't like children at all but why am I thinking about the possibilty?

Q.   I’m 26 and have never ever ever wanted children in my whole life and the thought of giving birth and being pregnant makes me feel sick and squeamish. I don’t even find babies or children cute and I get very uncomfortable around them~ at Christmas I ...

A.   17 February 2019: It’s natural. I feel the same way as you about pregnancy and birth, but I plan to adopt someday because I do want children. Whilst I’m adamant that I don’t want to go through pregnancy or birth, I do sometimes wonder what it would feel like if I ... (read in full...)

Were my comments racist?

Q.   Hi everyone, I had an interesting and slightly upsetting conversation with a friend tonight. We got on to many inane topics that a few drinks brought to the surface and he asked me about my ‘type’. I explained that I am not someone to gener...

A.   15 February 2019: It's not racist, but it is questionable. If you find people of all skin colours attractive, then stick to that, rather than picking a couple for your "dream girl". Preferences are normal and totally okay, but it's always possible to seem a little... (read in full...)

My Nigerian husband keeps asking for money and gets upset when I question him!

Q.   Hello and thanks My husband and I have been married for two years. I love in Canada and he is from Nigeria. For the most part he treats me well he is very charismatic. Tells me he loves me many times predates. I’m working on his permanent vi...

A.   14 February 2019: There’s a 99% chance you’re being scammed - husbands who are genuine don’t ask for money like that and behave so poorly. Sorry, OP, but it’s time to get a lawyer.... (read in full...)

I want to be at a place where women would be in abundance.

Q.   After a night out, I realized some things about my future with women. We went out for a close friends birthday and had dinner with 20+ friends. Then we went to a club/bar in the city where much of our med school was there. I had fun dancing with my ...

A.   13 February 2019: “Andie’s wrong this time” - no, you just have a different opinion :) Nice guys are what most women want, but that isn’t what people consider “Nice Guys finish last”. Being a “Nice Guy” has been changed by people who believe you have to be borderline ... (read in full...)

I want to be at a place where women would be in abundance.

Q.   After a night out, I realized some things about my future with women. We went out for a close friends birthday and had dinner with 20+ friends. Then we went to a club/bar in the city where much of our med school was there. I had fun dancing with my ...

A.   12 February 2019: Honestly, you seem like a decent guy, so just keep at it and maybe take that step to ask someone out next time. That person’s comment about “gay best friend” is just stupidity on her part and nothing to do with your behaviour or ability to date ... (read in full...)

In a polyamorous relationship and the woman is pregnant. How do I deal with the pregnancy?

Q.   I'm in a very unfamiliar type of situation and not sure where to turn for advice. I am a woman dating a married couple (FMF polyamorous triad) for about 6 months, and we have all been getting along great to where we spend most days together, and ...

A.   10 February 2019: “It’s complicated” isn’t enough. As a psychologist, you should know not to stay in this relationship unless everything is talked through properly. Keep asking about things, especially how kids fit in and boundaries.... (read in full...)

In a polyamorous relationship and the woman is pregnant. How do I deal with the pregnancy?

Q.   I'm in a very unfamiliar type of situation and not sure where to turn for advice. I am a woman dating a married couple (FMF polyamorous triad) for about 6 months, and we have all been getting along great to where we spend most days together, and ...

A.   9 February 2019: For what it’s worth, YOU are “the other woman” in this relationship; SHE is the WIFE. This is not an equal triad, so please bear that in mind when you’re making comments and decisions. You are an addition to their core, which means you should not ... (read in full...)

In a polyamorous relationship and the woman is pregnant. How do I deal with the pregnancy?

Q.   I'm in a very unfamiliar type of situation and not sure where to turn for advice. I am a woman dating a married couple (FMF polyamorous triad) for about 6 months, and we have all been getting along great to where we spend most days together, and ...

A.   9 February 2019: These are all things that NEED to be discussed BEFORE becoming a triad -.- Poly relationships take so much more than the three of you have put in. Jeez. Do NOT risk pregnancy while she isn’t okay with this. COMMUNICATE as a triad and get it all out ... (read in full...)

Should I send my crush a Valentine’s card?

Q.   hey everyone, i consider myself a shy-ish person and so talking about any of my crushes is a bit difficult for me. no one has ever known who i've liked or do like. i am trying to open up. anyways, there's someone i like currently, let's ...

A.   7 February 2019: Aww, bless you. This is all very sweet, but Valentine’s Cards are creepy if the person doesn’t like you back and you barely know them. Your crush is only based on his looks, not who he is or a connection you have with him. Let Valentine’s Day pass... (read in full...)

I fear I will fall apart because of the distance that his military life has created

Q.   My boyfriend left a few weeks ago to study at the army’s university for four years until he finishes his course and begins a full time job as an officer. I spent the last couple of years of my life by his side day in day out without ever spe...

A.   7 February 2019: I was going to say the exact same thing as Honeypie. You need to do your own thing and further yourself because you’re at the prime stage to do that, especially with him away. If you look back in 4 years and find minimal progression on your end, ... (read in full...)

I love dogs but my boyfriend doesn't. How can I make him change his mind?

Q.   My bf and me got into an argument tonight because we were talking about dogs and I said they are better than people. He asked why I think that. I said because dogs are so selfless and pure. They are always happy and love unconditionally. Unlike ...

A.   4 February 2019: "How do I make him love dogs?" .... That's very immature, OP. How does he make you not love dogs? He can't. You can't change him either. Look, this is a deal breaker for most people - the same way having or not having children is an absolute deal... (read in full...)

Girlfriend wants his Playstation

Q.   Hellooo Everyone, I'm going to try and keep this simple. My boyfriend and I were meant to be going to visit his family for the weekend. On Saturday, I will be home alone for about 7 hours while everyone goes and watches a football game ...

A.   3 February 2019: Read this: “I didn't think me asking to take his playstation would be such a big deal. I did tell him that it's his so why should this be an option for them what we do with it.” HIS PlayStation.... what WE do with it. OP; it’s what YOU want to do ... (read in full...)

My daughter just found out that I am her biological father not the man she grew up calling dad. Do I contact her?

Q.   My question is thirty years ago I was very much in love with my youth sweetheart,but she she got married but we never stopped seeing each other, she had to children, we didn't know if her daughter was her husband or mine but we split up for the ...

A.   27 January 2019: You had an affair, so I'd feel pretty betrayed by you and my mum, if I were her. As that's the situation, leave it up to her. Write her a letter, if you want, but don't send it - just keep it in case she wants contact someday. Personally, I think ... (read in full...)

How long do we try for kids before moving on?

Q.   I don't want any judgements, this has not been an easy desicion. There is a chance my long term partner can't have kids. I have always wanted kids. I don't want to do IVF treatment. How long should we try before moving on?...

A.   26 January 2019: What puts you off IVF? You could be the “problem”.... Be with people for love because that’s all you’ll have left at the end of it. If you only want her if she can birth babies without help, you shouldn’t be with anyone. If you LOVE her, then IVF ... (read in full...)

Should I be over his cheating?

Q.   I’ve been with my guy for over 6 yrs now. We got into a discussion yesterday about his twin boys momma. Saying you know we will have to be around her more. And I said “as long as nothing else happens again” due to him going behind my back a couple ...

A.   22 January 2019: Get over it or don’t. If you don’t, which I totally understand and agree with, you need to leave him. You accepted that he cheated on you MULTIPLE times. It’s not surprising you’re not over it, but you can’t hold it over him and stay together. ... (read in full...)

I’m sad and lonely and find myself masturbating too much. Any advice?

Q.   ive just turned 30 and I've been sad and alone recently. Every time i asked a girl out either: they're gay, not dating "right now", or see me better as a friend. recently things in my life haven't been going well. personal failures and lif...

A.   22 January 2019: Nothing is wrong with you; you’re just in a low mood and stuck in a rut. Work on those two things and you’ll get your mojo back, having more success in life and dating - though you’ll need to make sure you’re approaching women who are interested in ... (read in full...)

I’m not sure how to interpret ‘hey chick’ in his text!

Q.   If a male acquitance or a friend sent you a text starting 'hey chick' and you had not one like that before from them, is it something as a female you would find endearing, condescending or the sender being flirty with her. Had one recently and ...

A.   22 January 2019: I don’t think it was flirty, just neutral. To be honest, very few women like to be called “chick”, especially past 25. If you’re reading into it, though, it seems you may be curious about more from him?... (read in full...)

Should I ask my married lover for baby?

Q.   So I have been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and thier 2 kids.When we met he told me that he was in process of leaving her but now almost 2 years later he still lives at home and he won t see me outside his work hours. Anyways, ...

A.   21 January 2019: GROW UP! Your child would be better off conceived through a reputable sperm donor agency than an affair! Stop being selfish. Good mothers aren't selfish, so fix yourself before trying to get pregnant. - Dump the guy permanently - Work on impro... (read in full...)

Should I ask my married lover for baby?

Q.   So I have been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and thier 2 kids.When we met he told me that he was in process of leaving her but now almost 2 years later he still lives at home and he won t see me outside his work hours. Anyways, ...

A.   19 January 2019: I'm sorry about your miscarriage. That said, do not put your affair on a baby's shoulders. "Your dad is a lying, slimy cheater who never left his wife for me and rejects you because of our affair. I'm just as bad for staying with a married man and ... (read in full...)

Can we get married in a church if neither of us are religious?

Q.   My fiancee and I would like to get married in a church, however neither of us are religious. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this? Neither of our families are religious either. We have come across many churches locally and while ...

A.   19 January 2019: Weddings in churches and chapels IS common.... for religious people. If you don't believe in God, it's disrespectful to marry in His house. If you do believe, but don't go to church, then you're still a believer, so it makes sense to marry in a ... (read in full...)

If a girl is interested in a guy, he jumps at the chance to go out with her, why won't this guy?

Q.   There's a boy in my class who's really cute, smart, nice, everything I like in a guy but he ignores me. I try talking to him and he either doesn't talk to me or tells me to leave him alone. I've passed him notes in class and left notes in his locker ...

A.   19 January 2019: "....he either doesn't talk to me or tells me to leave him alone" - that is him refusing consent and you are ignoring it. If someone you didn't like was pestering you and beginning to stalk you, how would you feel? Delete his number and addre... (read in full...)

I broke up with my boyfriend of 8 years because he wouldn't commit but now I'm feeling very down

Q.   I’m feeling really lonely and fed up since splitting from my boyfriend 6 weeks ago. We were together for 8 years. Basically I split from him because I know he will never commit to me and I got tired of waiting. In the end I felt like i’d fallen ...

A.   18 January 2019: It hurts. Even leaving an abusive partner can hurt. We put our hearts into something and it is painful if it doesn't last. Have you messaged him? If not, then he could say the same about you "finding it easy to cope". Don't contact him, though. ... (read in full...)

Should I contact my boyfriend again or just give him space?

Q.   My boyfriend of 2 months has suddenly gone odd. We had pet names for each other on social media. He not really spoken to me much in the last few days. Today he cleared the nicknames we had for each other and he wont reply to any message i sent him ...

A.   17 January 2019: Give him a week, no contact. If he doesn't get back to you by then "Bye, Bob!".... He's only been your "boyfriend" for two months - that's barely any time at all, so this shouldn't be happening. That said, I think there may have been some smo... (read in full...)

I hate being criticized and corrected and I don't like anyone see me other than at my best. How do I change this?

Q.   Most of my self-worth depends on me not looking stupid in front of people, and it is affecting my life. When I was younger, everyone told me I was smart. I was always reading and didn't have to try very hard to learn. I barely studied and still ...

A.   17 January 2019: Get some therapy. It's narcissistic to consider yourself superior or to want to be superior to people - especially family/boyfriend. Nobody wants to stick around someone who makes them feel inferior or who refuses to accept that she doesn't know ... (read in full...)

Can we get married in a church if neither of us are religious?

Q.   My fiancee and I would like to get married in a church, however neither of us are religious. Does anyone have any thoughts or advice on this? Neither of our families are religious either. We have come across many churches locally and while ...

A.   17 January 2019: I agree with Honeypie. Find a venue that LOOKS like a church, but isn't one. Churches can be beautiful, but there are many places just as beautiful, with the same vibe, but without *using* a religious venue.... (read in full...)

What would my deceased boyfriend's family think of me moving on with his cousin?

Q.   My sons father passed away almost two years ago and I’ve been single since then haven’t even Pursue anyone since. Recently his cousin that I’ve never met started coming around a lot lately and once we started communicating we started to like each ...

A.   16 January 2019: If I'm honest, I'd be uncomfortable with my mum dating my dad's cousin (or vice versa) if he passed away. With so many great people available, there's no reason to date within a family. It also seems like you're largely interested because he's come ... (read in full...)

I can't climax and I'm worried he will leave me because of it

Q.   Hi, I am in need of some advice. I have been dating a really nice man for over a month. We have been intimate with him a few times. It was an amazing experience even though, I did not climax. He seemed really worried about it. Would tell me when I ...

A.   15 January 2019: You're an extremely new couple, so this isn't major yet. You both have issues, though: - You can't climax - He knows nothing about climaxing (how it's not the be all/end all) and he blames his ED on the woman's body! You being turned on or ... (read in full...)

I think my step daughter is selling nude photos of herself. How do I bring this up to her father?

Q.   My husbands adult daughter can't seem to hold down a job she also has anxiety issues. I have been told she is selling nude pictures of herself online and I don't know what to do? I think she will deny it if I ask her and tell her father I am making ...

A.   15 January 2019: If it's true, that's fair enough. She's an adult and it's money. However, a job is fair game for *general*, PRIVATE discussion - so you can ASK her about it, out of curiosity, but not get your husband involved. As an adult, she can do what she ... (read in full...)

What would my deceased boyfriend's family think of me moving on with his cousin?

Q.   My sons father passed away almost two years ago and I’ve been single since then haven’t even Pursue anyone since. Recently his cousin that I’ve never met started coming around a lot lately and once we started communicating we started to like each ...

A.   15 January 2019: I'm sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. My advice for this is to nip it in the bud. I don't think it's good to "keep it in the family". That's your son's second cousin. It's not worth it. I'd advise being friends, but no more. No flirting and no ... (read in full...)

I feel like the definition of a failure, any words of wisdom?

Q.   Hi all. I am 15 years old and have recently been challenged with some difficult feelings. I'll sum up the story: A decent while ago (about 4 months ago), after two years of having feelings for my close friend, who I've known for a long time, I fin...

A.   15 January 2019: Okay, ready? I've just said this to another boy your age and, unsurprisingly, it applies here too: Give it time, OP. It's natural to be upset, but try not to be dramatic. Rejection is hard, but you're not depressed - just very sad, which is ok... (read in full...)

I feel like the definition of a failure, any words of wisdom?

Q.   Hi all. I am 15 years old and have recently been challenged with some difficult feelings. I'll sum up the story: A decent while ago (about 4 months ago), after two years of having feelings for my close friend, who I've known for a long time, I fin...

A.   14 January 2019: All I'll add is that most people don't start dating until their late teens or early 20s because it's too much hassle when nobody is mature enough to handle it, which is normal and how it should be, in your teens. Focus on friends and yourself... (read in full...)

Girlfriend caught me texting another girl and broke up with me. I want her back

Q.   I recently got caught messaging another girl my by gf of one year. Me and my gf had planned to get married and have a future together so I don't know why I did what I did. After getting caught I explained everything that happened and she broke it ...

A.   14 January 2019: OP, you did what you did because you're still a kid. You're both too young to be planning a future past going to college/uni or getting your first proper job, that includes marriage being too serious for teens to discuss seriously. You're still ... (read in full...)

How to impress a woman on a Speed Dating event

Q.   This question is mainly for men but the ladies can chime in as well. If you meet a woman for the first time and have only 5 minutes to talk what will you ask or say to her that would leave an impression on her? I am asking this because I go ...

A.   13 January 2019: Yeah, I third (or fourth, by the time this gets posted?) that you asked MEN for advice on what WOMEN find interesting. See the problem? Men know what they do, not what women want to be asked from a woman's perspective. I want to be asked things a... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   12 January 2019: Either find a new job or stop contacting him for work. If you “can’t” stop contacting him for work, find a new job. If you don’t, you’ll cave in and waste your life.... (read in full...)

Why do I always want the people I shouldn't?

Q.   I've realized lately that the only time I've ever felt really crazy about someone, it was because I was not allowed to have them. To give an example, it started with an ex-boyfriend. After we broke up we still saw each other a few times a year, even ...

A.   12 January 2019: Some people do feel this way, but you won't deal with it well on your own; you need therapy to establish why you can't commit without a desire to cheat and why you don't care about other people's feelings (the boyfriend, the ex's girlfriend, etc.) ... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   7 January 2019: Why invite him over? He's a cheater - he deserves a text, not a phone call or a visit, where he can try to manipulate you into staying by crying. You are an ego boost. You are a sex object. You are a bit on the side. To someone else, you will be ... (read in full...)

Older man wont leave his girlfriend for me.

Q.   I started an emotional and physical affair with a man I work with around this time last year. He started seeing someone about 3/4 months before me and him started talking. He's 15 years older than me,I'm 32 he's 47. We connected on a level I never ...

A.   28 December 2018: You’ve been gullible and lied to. Don’t “date” married people. It’s as old as time and there are plenty of examples on here. I’m sorry, OP, but it’s the very high risk you take when you get into an affair.... (read in full...)

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