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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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Can I fool this new guy into thining I'm not a virgin?

Q.   Hello! I met a man online. We have been talking for three months on an dating app. We’ve clicked and have a lot in common. The conversation of us being intimate has come up. However, I don’t want to tell him I am a virgin, I’m 26 and he is 22...

A.   27 September 2018: You lucky woman! At least you dodged a bullet :) Hold your head high, continue being honest and find someone who doesn't care whether or not you're a virgin, but wants the same casual sex you do. All I would say, is whilst "clingy" is the wrong wo... (read in full...)

My husband cheated while we were separated

Q.   Hi, I have been married for 14 years now and have a 11 year old son. I walked out of his home 7 years back when I couldnt get along with his parents and he wasnt ready to live separately with ME. He would come and see me and my son on weekends. But ...

A.   4 September 2018: You’re being immature and selfish. Your son deserves his dad in his life. It’s your job to teach your son not to sponge off of people when he’s an adult. You are hurting your son. Divorce your husband. He’s not even really cheating because... (read in full...)

Did my girlfriend cheat on me?

Q.   I’m 43yrs of age I been with my girlfriend for 14yrs an she is 32yrs of age. for the last few months we been having alot of great sex like everyday then one day for 3hrs she went to work and next day we had sex an her vagina was alittle opening ...

A.   4 September 2018: At 29 you dated an 18 year old? It's been 14 years and you're not married or engaged? Yo're both grown adults, so where is this going? It's dead, OP. There's been no progression for 14 years. You need to grow up. You are 43. Time to decide what y... (read in full...)

My husband cheated while we were separated

Q.   Hi, I have been married for 14 years now and have a 11 year old son. I walked out of his home 7 years back when I couldnt get along with his parents and he wasnt ready to live separately with ME. He would come and see me and my son on weekends. But ...

A.   4 September 2018: OP, you’re not in a relationship with him. You’re married on paper only. He hasn’t grown up and you haven’t stepped up enough to let go. You know his behaviour isn’t good for your child, so stop allowing it. Your child isn’t a pawn in this mes... (read in full...)

Is it too much to ask of my b/f not to watch violent movies when he knows that it triggers me because of my past?

Q.   A year ago i went though a trauma. My ex beat me black and blue and strangled me repeatedly in a spontaneous rage. It took a few months for him to begin serving prison time, and so my feelings of safety were further compromised during that period ...

A.   3 September 2018: First of all, I'm really sorry your ex did that. Now for the advice: Therapy. Continuously. Also, you started dating pretty quickly, considering you've already been with this guy for 5 months or so and the trauma was only a year ago. That's n... (read in full...)

Can a gay man become straight or could this ruin our friendship

Q.   It was 5 years ago when I decided to move from Ireland to Chicago to work it was there I met my best friend. Me and John met at work and formed an unseperable friendship. We have been through so much together from breakups to happy moments to ...

A.   31 August 2018: You don't change sexuality. It adapts as you understand yourself more, but that's it. Stop rushing things. You've been in friend mode for 5 years - you don't know what it's like to be a couple and you don't even know if he's actually bisexual... (read in full...)

I often worry when people don't respond quickly enough

Q.   I often get worried when I don't receive a reply from someone and I know this may seem silly as not everyone is able to reply or they might be busy. there's one friend in particular that I try to not text or contact because I get worried if she does...

A.   30 August 2018: Buy a lock box that has a timer. Put your phone in it for 2+ hours every single day. Send a text to anyone VERY important (not just random friends/family members) that you’ll be unreachable by mobile until __am/pm. It’s an addiction. You need to ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend contacts my mum instead of me

Q.   After my previous post where me and my boyfriend have been on break for 3 weeks after a big row over one of my flaws..I ended up in A and E yesterday after an accident in work..my mother text him to let him know and he rung her right away. What's ...

A.   30 August 2018: You want to stand up to him? He’s done nothing wrong. He’s just confused, but knows he doesn’t want to be with you if you don’t get help. That doesn’t mean he won’t be a bit worried if you end up in hospital. It’s clear you have a lot to work on, ... (read in full...)

My will be joining another couple for a threesome

Q.   So let me start by saying my wife and I have been married for 8 years an are blessed/ deeply in love. So last night we had a couple over for cocktails, I was at work when they arrived and when I got there my wife was already buzzed and was acting v...

A.   27 August 2018: I’m really sorry, but this isn’t a happy marriage between two people who are in love and want the same things in life. Your wife will go ahead and have sex with someone else - she’ll either do it with your reluctant “consent” or she’ll cheat, but it ... (read in full...)

He wants to return to his home country but I don't want to join him

Q.   My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 years. Things have been good but we're trying to think more seriously about our future together. He's from another country and originally wanted to move back there to start a life. For a litt...

A.   27 August 2018: I’m sorry, OP, but you can’t stay together. He misses home - he needs to go back. You’d miss home - you can’t go with him. It’s that simple, albeit sad. Going long distance won’t make either of you change your mind. It doesn’t seem silly to break up ... (read in full...)

Are most people this uncomfortable seeing their exes?

Q.   Today we were going to go to a supermarket and my boyfriend did not want to go inside at all because his exes mom was in there. It made me feel like he wasn’t over that person because he always makes sure that person isn’t there If we are to sto...

A.   27 August 2018: He’s uncomfortable seeing exes. ALL exes. Not just this one ex. You think he’s not over ALL of them? Even when he told you at the beginning that this is how he handles it. It’s not unusual that people do this, just like it’s not unusual for some not ... (read in full...)

11 years together and partner cant say anything nice about me?

Q.   This may seem really trivial, but I just wondered what people thought. My partner doesn't do romance well and although he says he loves me, that's about it. Doesn't really say I'm pretty or anything like that. I'm the kind of person that need...

A.   27 August 2018: You’ve been together since teenagers. Maybe it’s run it’s course because your love languages don’t match. Get a book on the 5 love languages and see if you can communicate better with him once you have the book to show him. You both need to ... (read in full...)

Is it possible for someone to be so self-centered and selfish that he doesn't even realize he's in the wrong?

Q.   Is it possible for someone to be so self-centered and selfish that he doesn't even realize he's in the wrong? Here are a few examples : 1. I believe in bringing the kids to travel internationally to visit different countries and cultures to 'see...

A.   27 August 2018: The simplest answer, is that yes, someone can be so oblivious and self-interested that they don’t understand when they’re wrong. However, a large issue here is that he feels his childhood was fine and wants it for his children. He doesn’t see the ... (read in full...)

5 years with my partner but don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life with him

Q.   I’ve been with my partner for five years now and I honestly do love him. However recently I’ve started thinking that I don’t know if I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We currently live together but I’ve been wanting to move house for ...

A.   27 August 2018: I think the main issue here is that you’re not compatible in what you both want from life in the future and currently. That’s generally what happens when you’ve been together since we were teenagers or not long after that. It is quite complicated, ... (read in full...)

His mother is undergoing chemo and he doesn't have much time for me

Q.   I have been friends with my boyfriend for 5 years and we always knew we had feelings for each other but it was not the right time. we have been a couple for the past 4 months. and I drive an hour to go see him few days a week because it is easier ...

A.   27 August 2018: Seriously? It's only been three weeks. She's going through chemo, which makes people very ill. She is his mum and deserves more of his time, like she dedicated to him, than you do as a new girlfriend. Keep talking on the phone. Let him know you... (read in full...)

I'm afraid that having a transgender friend means he's stringing me along

Q.   I am in a long distance relationship for a year and a half planning to move in with him. I’m pregnant. My boyfriend is very handsome cares a lot about his appearance. Well I put kisses baby and he put kisses mami then a transgender guy from his...

A.   26 August 2018: I'm confused about the situation (post) too. The thing that confuses me most, though, is the point of telling us the friend is transgender? It doesn't appear to be relevant.... (read in full...)

How do I tell my fiance I'm not a virgin. I don't want her to know who I had sex with

Q.   My cousin and I, when we were in are early teens, made an extremely stupid choice and had sex with each other. We are the same age and at the time, we both enjoyed it. We lost our virginity to each other. Now as an adult, I realize how stupid it ...

A.   26 August 2018: Few people say who they've had sex with before, they just say they have. "I'm not a virgin" doesn't usually get followed up with "who did you lose it to?" and if it does, you just say "someone from before" or "someone I'd rather forget being ... (read in full...)

Our male co-worker is too friendly with my girlfriend

Q.   Hey so i work with my gf and we have this male coworker who is engaged. but he is always giving my gf a little gift like once a month. it could be some bread he baked or the last thing was a pack of paper clips with a note saying he hopes this ...

A.   24 August 2018: Gifts? Some paper clips and some bread. It's highly unlikely he gave her the bread and nobody else - you just might not notice or know the person. It sounds like he's just being friendly and your girlfriend has no discomfort from it either. ... (read in full...)

My husband's driving triggers my panic attacks

Q.   I suffer from anxiety, and i have been married for 7 years now. I constantly have an argument with my husband whenever he is driving. I have severe fear from driving (specially highways), and i always argue with my husband if he just slightly gets ...

A.   24 August 2018: Visit a therapist and, once you and your therapist understand each other, ask if your husband can join for one session, to help him understand. That said, there are few things more distracting than someone arguing while you're driving. The more... (read in full...)

Leaving a married man is more painful than staying

Q.   So I ended my A over a month ago. I felt like a huge weight was lighted off my shoulders that I finally off the roller coster ride of emotions. I started wanting more than he can give He would always make excuses to come to my place go to your p...

A.   24 August 2018: Stop it. Stop hoping now! He is keeping you on a lead, waiting for you to come crawling back. It is so clear what kind of man he is and you still want him, even though he is happy to destroy his family over an affair. Do you want him? Okay, so yo... (read in full...)

Leaving a married man is more painful than staying

Q.   So I ended my A over a month ago. I felt like a huge weight was lighted off my shoulders that I finally off the roller coster ride of emotions. I started wanting more than he can give He would always make excuses to come to my place go to your p...

A.   24 August 2018: Karma, unfortunately. Almost all break ups suck and hurt a lot, but that's life. You were more invested than he was and you're going to feel rubbish for a while - it doesn't just magically make you feel good that you left an affair. Time to commi... (read in full...)

Do people change? He wants me to accept he has and wants to have another baby!

Q.   After years of my husband being very neglectful , toxic, drunkard and bullheaded.. i decided to stop caring and do my own other things.. Now that he has realized that i might leave the relationship...he says he agrees with me about everythi...

A.   20 August 2018: No more babies. None. Possibly no more ever with this man. He needs to prove change and I’d give him 6 months before considering leaving, if he hasn’t changed. Definitely wait for at least 2 years of change before considering any more children... (read in full...)

Did I just get used for sex?

Q.   So I've known this guy for a while and last week our texts turned sexual and he said do I want to meet with him. So we met we were kissing, we held hands we had a good time. Then he asked if I wanted to have sex with him I said I couldn't because I ...

A.   20 August 2018: The problem is, OP, most first dates that end in something sexual go no further than just sex. Some work out, but the majority just end up as hook ups. You’ve now learnt that lesson - if you’re sexting before you’ve been dating for a while, you know ... (read in full...)

How do I get closure after he broke up with me?

Q.   I have been dating this guy for about a month now and we did make it official. We hang out on weekends because of our schedules, but haven’t seen each other the past 3 weeks. We made plans to hang out, but he ended up falling asleep and we didn't ...

A.   20 August 2018: You don’t. It was just a few weeks, OP. Closure is for long relationships, not very new ones you barely saw. I’m sorry this will come across as harsh, but you need to realise this in dating. Besides, if you argued and broke up this soon, you ... (read in full...)

Does my wife really believe we need this money this bad?

Q.   I'll try to keep it short. My wife picked up a small second job cleaning/taking care of an elderly man (80's) 20 hours a week. She heard of this guy through a customer at her waitressing job. Guy is paying her $20 an hour under the table. Pr...

A.   19 August 2018: I'm a carer and this is ridiculous. First of all, she could get caught with $1,200 extra per month. People pay taxes for a reason. Secondly, she's just scavenging for money if she'll put up with that from a mentally well person. If he's doing it ... (read in full...)

I think this 15 yo boy will probably want sex!

Q.   i am a 13 year old . this guy is very cute and i like him a lot . and he asked me if i wanted to have sex with him and i told him “ rpprobably not maybe i’ll succ you tho “ and yeah he is 15 and is not a virgin and i’m 13 and i am . ughhh idk what ...

A.   19 August 2018: You're at least three years too young for this mess - legally FIVE years too young. Please don't talk about sexual stuff with guys. You'll regret it, get hurt and possibly pregnant because it's easy to get carried away. You'll also get a bad repu... (read in full...)

How does someone go about meeting other bi-curious people?

Q.   I am a 40 something woman who is interested in exploring my bi-curiosity. I have had a couple drunken make outs with girlfriends when I was in my twenties but no other experiences to speak of. I am divorced and dating a man but my desire to have a ...

A.   18 August 2018: Your bi-curiosity doesn't excuse cheating. That's wht this would be unless your boyfriend is happy for you to do it. It's also easy to find people, but you need to be honest that you're just experimenting because lots of people don't want to be yo... (read in full...)

How do I tell my date that I’m bisexual?

Q.   I’m a bisexual woman and I need advice on coming out to a guy I’ve been dating for a couple of weeks. I’d like to know if any other bisexual people have advice on how to do it, and how straight people would feel if a date came out to them as ...

A.   17 August 2018: Put simply, if it's a deal breaker for anyone, they're not right for you.... (read in full...)

Sometimes people don’t understand my sense of humour!

Q.   i hope I don't sound big headed but I feel as though I am quite a funny person which is one of the things I like about myself and makes me feel slightly more confident , I always seem to make someone laugh , when im in a group of people im normally ...

A.   17 August 2018: Everyone likes and understands different types of humour. Learn not to take it to heart and when to clarify that you're joking, or when the audience is the wrong type for a dry joke.... (read in full...)

Am I having these doubts because the honeymoon phase is over and we've been together for 8 years? Or am I with the wrong person?

Q.   I am really struggling with myself at the moment. I don't know whether my doubts are justified or if I'm just having some sort of quarter life crisis. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 8 years now (since we were 16 and at school!) and ...

A.   17 August 2018: Alos, I'd like to stress that "don't sh*t where you eat" (don't date where you work) is really important. Work is for professionalism, not dating - unless you're happy with rumours and changing jobs if there's a messy break up. Be single for a yea... (read in full...)

Am I having these doubts because the honeymoon phase is over and we've been together for 8 years? Or am I with the wrong person?

Q.   I am really struggling with myself at the moment. I don't know whether my doubts are justified or if I'm just having some sort of quarter life crisis. I have been going out with my boyfriend for 8 years now (since we were 16 and at school!) and ...

A.   17 August 2018: People in relationships need to grow together and independently. You've both grown apart. Nobody is the same as they were 5 years ago, nor will they be the same in 5 years. If he was right for you, you wouldn't be doubting it frequently. You'... (read in full...)

My body turned him off ... he preferred to watch porn.

Q.   I split up with my boyfriend of 10 years a few months ago and he's really effected my self esteem. He said quite hurtful things about my body, I'm just looking for some opinions from guys about what kind of imperfections would really put you off. ...

A.   17 August 2018: Almost every woman has stretch marks. Very few women are an "ideal" weight every day of their adult lives - it usually fluctuates. Boobs are never perfect - even when surgically altered. No boobs are symmetrical and most areolas are bigger or s... (read in full...)

She likes slaps and I like kisses. We have a baby girl but I don’t see how this will work!

Q.   More than a year ago, I started dating a girl who I was exactly smitten by but wanted to see how things would progress. I was introduced to her via a friend so I really wanted to see where things would go. During the first few weeks, we got on ...

A.   17 August 2018: Too little, too late. You should have ended it at the beginning when it was clear you weren't too interested or compatible. Marrying is a bad idea. Accept that this relationship is going nowhere and that marriage won't improve it. Children... (read in full...)

I can't seem to let this attached man go?

Q.   I've been the other woman for a year and I now finally ready to leave but I can't seem to get that last bit of strength to send that break up text. Our affair is purely sexual and I want more. I don't find a relationship that is based on sex sat...

A.   16 August 2018: You’ve done the right thing. If you haven’t already, block and delete his number, block him on social media and remove any notes or photos of/from him. Begin a new hobby and remember to allow yourself to be sad, but also remind yourself that he... (read in full...)

I can't seem to let this attached man go?

Q.   I've been the other woman for a year and I now finally ready to leave but I can't seem to get that last bit of strength to send that break up text. Our affair is purely sexual and I want more. I don't find a relationship that is based on sex sat...

A.   15 August 2018: “Don’t contact me any more”. Then block him and cut all contact. Do it immediately, then you can’t take it back. Don’t make it long, don’t explain anything don’t go into any feelings, just send a text saying you don’t want to talk any more. Get a ... (read in full...)

Any advice please I’m pregnant and I feel like he doesn’t care

Q.   My boyfriend stemmed to be happy that I was pregnant until I pushed him away and deleted my Facebook and Instagram for a break. He hurt me I had enough I deleted social media so he doesn’t know how I am since we are long distance. He literally knew ...

A.   15 August 2018: I think you have every right not to date him again, but you need to stop playing games and communicate properly because you are about to be a parent. There is no time for you to be selfish and immature, you both need to step up to the mark and talk ... (read in full...)

Can I fool this new guy into thining I'm not a virgin?

Q.   Hello! I met a man online. We have been talking for three months on an dating app. We’ve clicked and have a lot in common. The conversation of us being intimate has come up. However, I don’t want to tell him I am a virgin, I’m 26 and he is 22...

A.   13 August 2018: For most people, particularly with their first experiences, sex is better when dating someone or having a good connection and deep trust. You don’t care about that? I have no issue with casual sex, but I’d always advise your first time being with ... (read in full...)

He says that showing him my sex organs is the sign of true love!

Q.   i am in a long distance relationship for almost 5 months. now he is forcing me to show my sex organs. he says that this is the sign of true love. if i don't, that means i don't trust him. he even told me that from next year on, when i will stay in a ...

A.   12 August 2018: Also, men can absolutely control their lust and sex drive. Anyone who says otherwise is just trying to get you to have sex with them or show parts of yourself to them.... (read in full...)

He says that showing him my sex organs is the sign of true love!

Q.   i am in a long distance relationship for almost 5 months. now he is forcing me to show my sex organs. he says that this is the sign of true love. if i don't, that means i don't trust him. he even told me that from next year on, when i will stay in a ...

A.   12 August 2018: He’s just manipulating you. Don’t show him any part of your body that you would not show a male family member. People who love you to not act like this. You should break up with him and it’s unlikely that he’ll kill himself over it because he is ... (read in full...)

Can I fool this new guy into thining I'm not a virgin?

Q.   Hello! I met a man online. We have been talking for three months on an dating app. We’ve clicked and have a lot in common. The conversation of us being intimate has come up. However, I don’t want to tell him I am a virgin, I’m 26 and he is 22...

A.   11 August 2018: We told you. Don’t lie, be upfront and, when you’re ready, you’ll be relaxed enough. If you’re scared of it hurting, you’re not ready. If you’re not relaxed, you’re not ready.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's sexual past worries me

Q.   Im currently dating this man whose been sexually active since a very young age. Well at first he didn't tell me about it, everything was going awesome, until we got too comfortable and he decided to share some personal things about him. He told me ...

A.   11 August 2018: He's not ready for a relationship and you're not ready for one like this. He's been repeatedly sexually abused and need to get professional help. Don't think of it )or refer to it) as sex; it was rape and abuse of a minor. Someone I know was sexu... (read in full...)

Do females feel it is important to work when married?

Q.   Do you females feel like it’s important to work when married? My gf has only managed part time job, and few years later we are low on money and still not living together. She lost the job and now found another part because no one will accept her ...

A.   11 August 2018: Do men like ice cream? Do women like green? Do humans like swimming? Do you see how silly the "Do you females feel like it’s important to work when married?" question is? So, yes, a lot of women still want and/or need to work, even after marriage... (read in full...)

Can I fool this new guy into thining I'm not a virgin?

Q.   Hello! I met a man online. We have been talking for three months on an dating app. We’ve clicked and have a lot in common. The conversation of us being intimate has come up. However, I don’t want to tell him I am a virgin, I’m 26 and he is 22...

A.   8 August 2018: You seem to have a real attitude problem. Anyway, yes, you should just straight up tell him you're a virgin looking to have sex with someone. He needs to know you're not after a relationship or dating, whether you tell him you're a virgin or not.... (read in full...)

Can I fool this new guy into thining I'm not a virgin?

Q.   Hello! I met a man online. We have been talking for three months on an dating app. We’ve clicked and have a lot in common. The conversation of us being intimate has come up. However, I don’t want to tell him I am a virgin, I’m 26 and he is 22...

A.   6 August 2018: OP, you barely know each other. Stop rushing into thinking about sex when you haven't met yet. For starters, your hymen might already have broken - exercise, tampons, an injury, masturbation, etc. can all break it. Secondly, most 22 year old... (read in full...)

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