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*ndie's Thoughts agony aunt

*ndie's Thoughts

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*ndie's Thoughts's profile:

I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)

Karma does happen:

My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy.

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How do I ask for a sex toy?

Q.   I want a sex toy because, I'm a 17 year old girl now. I know after I ask I'm going to say, think of it this way, I'm still a virgin. Most people my age aren't anymore. But the problem is, I have to ask my dad. Not a mom. How do I do this? I'm ...

A.   24 June 2018: Buy your own. No, seriously. You don't ask parents for this kind of toy. You earn money and get your own. Also, the majority of people your age ARE still virgins. Some lie and pretend they aren't, while others don't want to share because of ... (read in full...)

My ex wants to say goodbye!

Q.   My ex of 1 year got a job opportunity in France a few months back and we decided to end it due to the distance. She wants to see me before she leaves but I don’t know if that is a good idea as I’m trying to move on and it may spark old feelings ...

A.   24 June 2018: I agree that I think you'll regret not going, but that you should keep it in public and non-date-like. I think it would help solidify "she's going to another country, that's the end of it" for you, even if it stings a little.... (read in full...)

Is a B-cup too small?

Q.   Is B-cup too small? Everyone in my family has A-cup boobs, but I am a B-cup. I am not growing anymore, and all my friends and family make fun of me and call me flat. It hurts me a lot. So, on legitimate average? When is a boob size too small, or too ...

A.   22 June 2018: I love HP's examples. First of all, your family are smaller, so they have no leg to stand on making fun of you. Secondly, I have a 40J chest. It's HORRIBLE. I'm fighting to get a reduction because: I can't run. I can't jog. I can't j... (read in full...)

I ask women I sleep with about their opinion on abortion because I don't want kids. How do I know the girl I'm seeing is on the same page?

Q.   So I met a wonderful girl online and we hit it off really well. We kissed on the first date, had lunch on the second, and ended up sleeping with each other on the third when she invited me over to her apartment for pizza and a movie. We used ...

A.   22 June 2018: Get a vasectomy. Be responsible for yourself, don't leave it up to the women. You should absolutely NOT try to change her mind. An abortion isn't an easy thing and is not something anyone should try to encourage or dissuade.... (read in full...)

I want a baby but time is running out fast!

Q.   IM not sure what to do , Im a single woman and dont have time on my side children wise. I want to have a child before its too late. I have never met 'the one'and im starting to feel down because time is running out. With adoption it can take a long ...

A.   17 June 2018: You're just going to have to accept it, I'm afraid, OP. Get counselling to hep you figure out which is best for you.... (read in full...)

My ex-girlfriend has a way of messing with my head

Q.   Hi all, Long story cut short. I was in a lesbian relationship with my gf for two years. She kissed a guy during our relationship (even lied to my face and was secretly sending messages to him). This pushed me to pursue my dreams in working a...

A.   15 June 2018: Unfortunately, you're doing this to yourself. You KNOW what she's like and, other than throwing a few "I love yous", she's not hiding her motives. You give her sex, that's all she wants. Now's the time to cut ties permanently; she won't change h... (read in full...)

Is this normal?? Am I stupid to love a man who does not respect the institution of marriage??

Q.   Dear Agony Aunt I am married for 20 years to a narcissistic surgeon with roving eyes yet I've stayed with him thinking that we love each other. He had been unfaithful to me and my young children once in the past and after leaving home he returned...

A.   15 June 2018: If you arranged for prostitutes for him, you don't "respect the institution of marriage" either. Anyway, whilst him being a cheater is totally on him, you being a workaholic won't help. I don't think staying with him is best for you or your ... (read in full...)

The death of my pet caused me to perform terribly at work!

Q.   Hi everyone. This is a coworker relationship question. Nothing romantic. Just wasn't sure where to go to ask this as I like going here. I started this job about two months ago. It is a unique job. Without getting into too many details, I...

A.   15 June 2018: "Hi Mary, I'm sorry you had to take on the extra work on Wednesday; my pet passed away that morning, so my performance was off. What can I do to help out?" Then leave it. For what it's worth, while we know birds can bond with us just as much as ... (read in full...)

Is my long-distance husband using me?

Q.   Hi and thanks I have wrote on here before but I wasnt able to find my question. I have married a man from Africa, I'm Canadian. We met on Facebook and we have been married for 16 months. Doing a long distance relationship isnt easy ...

A.   15 June 2018: Well done, OP; it's about time. A divorce is on the horizon and it will be what's best for you - that much is clear.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend's drunken behaviour was nasty. Should I just let it pass?

Q.   My bf, myself and our close friends were at a house party. I spent most of my time helping the hosts so I was pretty much sober while my bf decided to get sloshed after many years. By the end of the night, he had way too many and was totally out ...

A.   15 June 2018: The most important thing here is that he needs to avoid getting drunk if he can't behave in a respectful way. When you next go out where drinking is likely to occur, bring it up briefly. "John, I don't mind you drinking, but please don't drink so... (read in full...)

Me and my dad's friend want to take it to the next level

Q.   Me and my dad's friend have been texting for a while and we've talked about taking things to another level... Im not sure what to do about it, i mean i'm 21 an he's about 30, I have always like older guys and we are into each other but you know he's ...

A.   15 June 2018: If you respect your dad, you'll stop texting his friend in any way you wouldn't want your dad to see. If he respects your dad, he wouldn't consider you available. Seriously, where do you see this going? The chances of it ending well are very sl... (read in full...)

What’s the difference?

Q.   Whats the difference between making love and just having sex? Like what are some things that would take place if you’re making love rather than just having regular sex?...

A.   12 June 2018: In all honesty, it's pretty self-explanatory. Anyone can have sex, but only people in love can make love. There's a deeper connection on a romantic level that goes beyond the shallow romance in some hook-ups.... (read in full...)

Is my long-distance husband using me?

Q.   Hi and thanks I have wrote on here before but I wasnt able to find my question. I have married a man from Africa, I'm Canadian. We met on Facebook and we have been married for 16 months. Doing a long distance relationship isnt easy ...

A.   10 June 2018: I'd also like to point out that, not once in your post did you mention love. Maybe you did in your other one, but I'm glad you didn't in this one because, when writing this post, your feelings of love went out the window. That's how it should be ... (read in full...)

Love triangle--why is he good to her and pushes me away when I am the one who is always there for him?

Q.   Ok here it goes. I have been seeing this guy now off and on for almost 3 yrs. But he treats me so horrible. There is another women involved. I'm the one that is always there for him no matter what. But now he is in jail and the first time I bail him ...

A.   10 June 2018: You've shown him that you're happy to be used by him. Stop. He can't MAKE you do these things. You WANT an abusive criminal boyfriend who has another woman he's interested in more than you? Why, OP? Find a real man who pays for himself, isn't ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend says if I don't lose weight after our baby's birth he will dump me!

Q.   I am 24 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend is constantly calling me fat. He says he is teasing. He also said that if I don't lose the weight after the baby is born he will dump me. I have taken all these things to heart. I was really skinny before I got ...

A.   10 June 2018: Dump him and file for child support. I mean it. No decent partner would want to cheat. No self-respecting person would allow their partner to cheat. "Oh, sorry son/daughter; Daddy doesn't love me if I'm not skinny". Do you know what messag... (read in full...)

Is my long-distance husband using me?

Q.   Hi and thanks I have wrote on here before but I wasnt able to find my question. I have married a man from Africa, I'm Canadian. We met on Facebook and we have been married for 16 months. Doing a long distance relationship isnt easy ...

A.   10 June 2018: Oh, OP. Where has your common sense gone? Divorce him. Now. HE is a grown man. You are NOT responsible for him. You say his friends are grown men and should support themselves, but so should HE! Not only that, but he's 10 years younger, you m... (read in full...)

Does kissing get easier over time?

Q.   I recently asked this question on here, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-first-time-dater-and-find-myself.html and you guys gave me some great advice and I've been trying to incorporate what I was told. Essentially the advice was to go...

A.   7 June 2018: Be patient and continue being honest. Absolutely don't rush sex - that's wise, though waiting to marriage often leads to sexual incompatibility. Just tell him you'd like to slow down the kissing stuff.... (read in full...)

Does kissing get easier over time?

Q.   I recently asked this question on here, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-first-time-dater-and-find-myself.html and you guys gave me some great advice and I've been trying to incorporate what I was told. Essentially the advice was to go...

A.   6 June 2018: Thing is, you're dating. You're in a relationship, but want a friendship to grow first. That's not how it works or how he wants it - sorry, OP. If you need to grow together in friendship first, then you need to tell him point blank. "Bob, I like h... (read in full...)

Does kissing get easier over time?

Q.   I recently asked this question on here, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-a-first-time-dater-and-find-myself.html and you guys gave me some great advice and I've been trying to incorporate what I was told. Essentially the advice was to go...

A.   4 June 2018: You're just not ready to be in a relationship where kissing is involved. Forcing yourself will push your progress back, not forward. It's okay not to be ready. You'll only get more anxious if you keep pushing yourself. Let him go to be with so... (read in full...)

His daughter and I are close in age she hates me, but I love her father so much help!

Q.   I'm 24, my boyfriend is 42 and we met 9 months ago on a cliff while he was on holidays in my country. At the time he was talking to his buddies about how amazing the scenery was and we locked eyes for the first time and smiled at each other. ...

A.   1 June 2018: You barely know him. This isn't love. You had sex really early on and you're infatuated because an older, charming man is interested in you and he's infatuated because he's divorced and a sweet young lady is interested in him. You're still s... (read in full...)

I think my boyfriend is stingy, what should I do?

Q.   I have been dating this guy for 8 months now and he doesn't get me anything, he doesn't buy me gifts, he doesn't give me money when am in need,and whenever I complain to him about it he always complain that he doesn't have money but yet he always ...

A.   1 June 2018: You want a sugar daddy. Pay for yourself. Don't complain that he doesn't buy you things - that's not how love works unless you're wealthy. You sound spoilt! Forget being spoiled by him - you sound like a nightmare girlfriend expecting to be treat... (read in full...)

Should I lie and say the baby is his?

Q.   Ive made a mess but now ive got to grow up and sort it out. Me and my 'ex'boyfriend had a break , we didnt say what each other can or cant do and if we were going to get back together. I had a feeling he was seeing someone else but just left him to ...

A.   29 May 2018: The biological father needs to contribute financially - go through the legal channels to get that. Don't let him slide on it because it will harm your child when they're older. As for your ex, just be honest. Maybe don't mention it unless it becom... (read in full...)

I've had it up to here with asshole men and I just want to be a lesbian

Q.   Hi DC need a little help here. I really hate men so much. They mistreat me and use me cheat on me and make me feel im not enough for them. I don't think i want to date men again i dont feel any emotion when I am with them. I don't feel much again. ...

A.   26 May 2018: Date who you want, but you don't "become" a lesbian. You are or you aren't. You aren't because you date guys. Sexuality isn't a choice. Please don't be ridiculous. Don't date people you don't have a connection with. You can try dating girls, bu... (read in full...)

It drives me nuts! I can't live like she does.

Q.   Does anyone else avoid thier partner? When I have time off I don’t mind, but my job has got really intense recently, I been working 10-11 hour days, and can’t sleep at night because of stress that I might lose my job. I don’t live with my partner, ...

A.   26 May 2018: "Wife nagging, kids wailing".... dude, you need to be single. Working more than an hour away is crazy because it takes time away from living life. That said, she should look within a 30 minute radius. Regardless, you're not compatible and you're n... (read in full...)

Sister didn't invite me to her birthday but instead asked me to watch her kids. Advise please.

Q.   Sister didn't invite me to her birthday but instead asked me to watch her kids. Advise please. So recently, i got a text from my sister asking me if i could mind her kids on a Saturday night for her birthday (which at the time was about 6 weeks aw...

A.   25 May 2018: I get that your sister was pretty tactless, but why can't you arrange to do something together for her birthday, but on a different day? You're adults. Her friend is organising something for her - you didn't think of doing anything until someone ... (read in full...)

Help! I’ve fallen for my friend, but I don’t know what to do about it!

Q.   I was hoping if a female mind would be able to help out here because I'm in love with my best friend and I don't know if she feels the same way. I'm 23 and never had a proper relationship before so not terribly experienced! However, met thi...

A.   25 May 2018: This isn't being in love, OP. It's a crush on someone you're close to. She's with her boyfriend because she chooses to be. If she fancies the other guy too, it's another reason you can't be with her. She also gets drunk and slags people off. She... (read in full...)

Should I accept the Bible as the final authority on sex before marriage?

Q.   I am in the path towards spirituality and I have been reading the Bible and would like to be baptized one day I am not a born again Christian but I realize in the difficult times life has failed me and I need salvation - I need prayer and I nee...

A.   25 May 2018: Put simply, only extremists believe every word in the Bible. There are several bits about shellfish, clothing and treatment of women that are outdated and/or cruel. Faith itself is more important than the Bible. The Bible was written by men with... (read in full...)

Do I mean anything to him? Why is he with me if he doesn't see a future with us?

Q.   Some background: I (27 years old) have been seeing this man (33 years old) for four months now. We get along incredibly well and always have fun together. It is very comfortable when we are around each other and we naturally give off an impressi...

A.   20 May 2018: Your life. YOUR future. That's what's more important than ANY new relationship. If he isn't onboard right now, you do NOT risk your career on him MAYBE changing his mind.... (read in full...)

My husband found some screenshots from my sim game!

Q.   My husband is jealous of a dating Sim (similar to otome) visual novel romance game. Recently he came across some pictures I'd saved of one of the sex scenes between the sprites (it's all dialogue) to show to my friend. He got mad that 1) I had ...

A.   17 May 2018: I second Honeypie. All I'd add is that many delve so deeply into it for escapism because their own relationship is lacking romance. Perhaps continue the simulation game, but focus more on revitalising your marriage.... (read in full...)

He says I’m loose! Help!

Q.   I'm a virgin and today my boyfriend tired putting a bit of his dick inside and he said later that its very loose, I've never played with myself or let anyone else, no one has entered a finger inside me still he's saying this. can anyone please h...

A.   16 May 2018: CONDOMS. NO SEX WITHOUT CONDOMS! Sorry, but that needs to be said if you and your boyfriend are worried about this, as it shows naivety about sex and consequences. You and your boyfriend have now had sex. You are no longer a virgin. Read up on sa... (read in full...)

I am upset at how he dealt with Mother’s Day! What would you do in my shoes?

Q.   Hello. My bf and I are 35, cohabitating. We have kids but not with each other although I am quite close with his. I was really upset on mother’s day because I woke up to an empty, messy house but a gift and cards left out. Apparently he thought the ...

A.   16 May 2018: On a day off, most people want to sleep in a bit. He probably got up with just enough time to get the kids ready, leaving no time to clean up. They shouldn't miss their thing for Mothers' Day. Also, the mess probably didn't just appear that morning, ... (read in full...)

Wife's teasing wearing leotards has gotten out of hand

Q.   I asked wife to start wearing shiny leotards around the house; she has a great body and this got me very excited. She really got into it and asked me to buy more and more on ebay; of course I got tighter and more revealing ones. She eventually ...

A.   14 May 2018: Also, since when do tights stop you having sex? You take them off once the teasing has done its job, surely? As for the condoms, ask.... (read in full...)

Should I tell my parents I am sexually active?

Q.   Okay, I’m 17 and I just lost my virginity about a week ago. My parents don’t know and I’ve had a few of my closest friends tell me that I need to tell my parents. The thing is, I’m terrified that they won’t let me talk to my boyfriend or be with him ...

A.   14 May 2018: It's wise to tell them and get on birth control, if you aren't already. Also see your doctor to discuss safe sex. If you feel mature enough to have sex, be mature enough to tell one or both of your parents for safety reasons, among other things. ... (read in full...)

My boyfriend said if I don't give him sex he will get it somewhere else!

Q.   Am in a relationship from 3year and i never allowed my boyfriend to touch me even and he never had any issue qith it.. He just said me when i'll permittee him to touch myself then only he'll touch otherwise no.... But now after 2years we got a lot ...

A.   14 May 2018: He doesn't love you. I'm really sorry, but he's past the stage of loving you and wants to focus on sex. That's not a boy you want to date. It's wise to wait until you're an adult to have sex because it comes with a lot of risks and emotions... (read in full...)

Wife's teasing wearing leotards has gotten out of hand

Q.   I asked wife to start wearing shiny leotards around the house; she has a great body and this got me very excited. She really got into it and asked me to buy more and more on ebay; of course I got tighter and more revealing ones. She eventually ...

A.   14 May 2018: Open communication and boundaries you BOTH want.... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and I have very different views

Q.   I have very different views of life to my partner. We get along great, I am very comfortable with him, he goes out of his way for me, we like each other's company, he makes me feel attractive and is into me. However, sometimes he says things t...

A.   14 May 2018: You repeatedly mention that he _____ more than your exes, but that doesn't make him compatible or a decent guy. It's still settling to choose a guy who's a bit better than the rest, even when he has horrible, hurtful views. It's up to you, but... (read in full...)

How to tell my best friend I am transgender

Q.   dear cupid i have to tell my best friend that i am transgender but he is not good with change and i don't know how i should tell him as not to like freak him out about this big change ...

A.   13 May 2018: Do you want to socially transition soon? If so, you could slowly start dressing the way you want, cutting/growing your hair, etc. If you already have before you met him and you want to tell him about your past, I suggest below.... Find somethin... (read in full...)

My boyfriend and I have very different views

Q.   I have very different views of life to my partner. We get along great, I am very comfortable with him, he goes out of his way for me, we like each other's company, he makes me feel attractive and is into me. However, sometimes he says things t...

A.   13 May 2018: He sounds like a jerk. You could do much better than someone who is actively against women and children. These are red flags and you think it's just a difference of opinion? It shows EXACTLY what he thinks of women.... (read in full...)

Why does being a mistress feel worse than being alone?

Q.   I 've been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and their toddler twin boys. I believed he will leave his live in Significant other as he promised and it would turn into something more . Well it seems like he was in strictly for sex.He n...

A.   13 May 2018: You're not really accepting YOUR responsibility. Regardless of what HE said, YOU chose to get involved with a married man. You need to acknowledge that properly before you can move on.... (read in full...)

Why does being a mistress feel worse than being alone?

Q.   I 've been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and their toddler twin boys. I believed he will leave his live in Significant other as he promised and it would turn into something more . Well it seems like he was in strictly for sex.He n...

A.   12 May 2018: Stop blaming him and start taking responsibility for your part in it. It's horrible that he lied, but you knew he would. You didn't want to believe he was always going to stay with his wife, but the way he treated you proved it. Sex in his car?... (read in full...)

Why does being a mistress feel worse than being alone?

Q.   I 've been seeing a man who lives with his common law wife and their toddler twin boys. I believed he will leave his live in Significant other as he promised and it would turn into something more . Well it seems like he was in strictly for sex.He n...

A.   12 May 2018: In the simplest way possible, when single you have your pride, dignity and you know that you are not hurting anyone or yourself. When having an affair, you are being selfish, hurting someone else and losing all dignity.... (read in full...)

Do I mean anything to him? Why is he with me if he doesn't see a future with us?

Q.   Some background: I (27 years old) have been seeing this man (33 years old) for four months now. We get along incredibly well and always have fun together. It is very comfortable when we are around each other and we naturally give off an impressi...

A.   24 January 2018: By 4 months of dating, you should at least be an official couple - 6 months latest. That said, any serious discussions about the future - like moving in, getting married, having children, etc. should be left until 9+ months. Make sure it's som... (read in full...)

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