A
female
age
30-35,
*rennak93
writes:My husband and I are new to BDSM and have been experimenting a lot the last couple months. Last night after he did his thing he was pushing to try and get me to finish (which hasn't happened yet). I was liking what he was doing but started getting a bit scared so I said" yellow" which meant he was getting close to the line of tolerance. He gave me a break then continued pushing but a bit more intense while trying to talk me out of a panic attack. Quickly I said "red" meaning he hit my limits. He stopped right away and went to the hallway to get a towel. Well the second he passed through the doorway I was instantly sobbing and I don't understand why. He was barely gone a minute and went into aftercare right away talking me down but I'm so confused as to why this happened. Can anyone help explain? Was something done wrong, or am I being a bit ridiculous?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2019): Now I'm not sure what BDSM is. "after he did his thing he was pushing to try and get me to finish".. finish what? did his thing, what thing?
My husband ties me up by all fours, blindfolds me and gags me in the back of his old F150. Spanks me a little, then we have amazing sex - he prepends to be a buddy. i have the most enormous orgasms. Are we doing BDSM? Or is this just good old F150 sex?
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (11 June 2019):
 Maybe you two need to try and work on your climax OUTSIDE of the confines of BDSM? So that you ONLY have to focus on that and nothing else?
Have you talk to someone about the rape?
Because I DO think that can affect this situation.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (11 June 2019):
 If you were raped, then BDSM has to be taken extremely slowly! Please get counselling if you aren’t already to help you heal.
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A
female
reader, Brennak93 +, writes (10 June 2019):
Brennak93 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI trust my husband but when it comes to finishing at the hands of a Male I have huge issues because of past abuse from an ex. He understands I believe but still wants to help me get past it. I would like a do over but not today. BDSM is truly what I want and crave. I just am still dealing with the fact that I was raped and it effects my judgement I think. [Mod note: if you experiencing trauma during sexual activity, it’s recommended that you seek professional counseling.]
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (10 June 2019):
 Was something done wrong? Yes. You gave him the yellow word and he increased the intensity. Perhaps you agreed to that, perhaps you really wanted to finish. But you were close to the limit, and your partner pushed you over.
I see it as an enthusiastic rookie mistake. How is your trust? Do you want a do over?
I believe we are ok to talk about this here as long as we don't go into specifics.
I've never been scared. I don't think that would improve my experience.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 June 2019):
Maybe you should consider IF BDSM is really WHAT you want. And if it is, TRY and define IN your head and then verbally what you would like to try.
I think the two of you are trying to "run" before you can "walk". As in, you two are trying things that might be a LITTLE to "advanced" for YOUR taste, just yet.
You ask if something was "done" wrong. That is impossible to tell. Could be you are just not as into it as you want to be. Seems like your husband LISTENED to you and kept to the "rules" you two had set.
Sometimes fantasies don't work as well as we hope, in reality.
TALK to him. Make sure HE knows he didn't DO anything wrong and you are unsure of your own reactions.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (10 June 2019):
You’re not being ridiculous. You both did the right thing by respecting your limits. It can be a lot psychologically to start BDSM. You can keep trying every now and then or perhaps find out that it’s not for you in reality.
Maybe find a forum for it and ask if there are less intense ways to explore it. Being pressured to orgasm, even in a mutual BDSM situation, isn’t going to be fun for everyone who tries it. Pressure generally turns the body off, even if you consented to it. Not everything in BDSM will suit everyone who tries it, so try different things and be patient with yourself.
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