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| | *ndie's Thoughts's profile:I'm Andie and I'm surviving life until I can really start to live it :)
Karma does happen:
My dad was a married woman's other guy for only a few weeks (about a decade before my mum met him), then realised he wasn't okay with helping her betray her husband. His friend became her other guy, husband came home while they were at it, the guy jumped out of the window and the husband knew, so grabbed a bicycle, chased him and punched him once, going 20mph, so it knocked him out. A couple of relationships later, after getting £15,000 in debt to help a woman leave her abusive husband and getting in a relationship with her, my dad came back from a holiday with his parents and found her with another guy. |
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Do I mean anything to him? Why is he with me if he doesn't see a future with us?
Q. Some background: I (27 years old) have been seeing this man (33 years old) for four months now. We get along incredibly well and always have fun together. It is very comfortable when we are around each other and we naturally give off an impressi...
A. 20 May 2018: Your life. YOUR future. That's what's more important than ANY new relationship.
If he isn't onboard right now, you do NOT risk your career on him MAYBE changing his mind.... (read in full...)
Why does my little brother pretend to be gay if he's straight?
Q. I'm much older than my little brother but we're very close and he tells me everything. Recently he came out to me as gay. The thing is I don't believe him. I'm in full support of the gay community, I have lots of gay friends, go to gay rallies and ...
A. 30 January 2018: There's nothing in your post to suggest he isn't gay. What you believe is irrelevant. Having gay friends doesn't make you a good LGBT+ ally, just like having friends of colour doesn't mean you're not racist.
Support him as he is and keep your dis... (read in full...)
Should I just accept that my personality is a turn off to most people and give up on love?
Q. Hey everyone. After some soul searching, research, and visits to my therapist, and continuing to end up more alone as time passes, and after facing constant rejection from women. I now realize why I alienate so many people. I haven't done it ...
A. 30 January 2018: If you don't genuinely care about people, maybe a relationship just isn't in your makeup. That doesn't mean you have to be lonely. If you ever find people you do care about, you can try to build friendships - one of which may develop into a ... (read in full...)
Why do men keep long term affairs?
Q. Why do men keep long term affairs? Those that last a year or more? In the end they end up going back to their wives. So I don’t get it. Do they develop feelings for the OP? Do they not love the wives? ...
A. 29 January 2018: Why do men or women cheat?
Why do men or women stay in affairs?
Why do people rob others?
Why do people kill others?
All have fairly simple answers: because they can. There are obviously more complex answers, but "because they can" ... (read in full...)
He seemed so into me, said he had no wrong intentions... Then why did he ghost me after that evening of no sex?
Q. I commute to work and every Friday, as I'm waiting at my bus stop, a young man would come and wait for the bus as well. We would exchange polite nods of the head, smiles, "good mornings" and then both of us would retreat back to our cell phones, ...
A. 29 January 2018: Honestly, OP, you're lucky he didn't attack you, sexually assault you or kill you because you naively got into a stranger's car, then his house and bedroom.
Get help. Please don't make any more dangerous decisions.... (read in full...)
Is there anything wrong with my sister and I being nude around each other?
Q. I am 20 years old and my sister is 18 years old. Our parents are usually not home: my dad is a long distance 18 wheeler driver and since my sister graduated from high school last year, my mom often goes with our dad. Both my sister and I hat...
A. 28 January 2018: It's not normal or common, but it's up to you. Everyone else would find it incestuous, even if it isn't sexual, as your eyes not supposed to be naked around family, once you're a teenager. Partners won't understand it. Family won't understand it.
... (read in full...)
My attempts at sex were horribly painful. How do I make things better?
Q. Uhm so about two years ago me and my friend lost our virginities to each other. We were both drinking but regardless of being drunk it was insanely painful for me. We tried so many times because I thought I was being a wimp but the pain was ...
A. 28 January 2018: If you can't have sex without being drunk, you're not ready for sex. I'm sorry, OP, but your behaviour and drinking to have sex is very unhealthy. Wait until you're with someone you're in a relationship with, who you *do* feel comfortable around ... (read in full...)
He seemed so into me, said he had no wrong intentions... Then why did he ghost me after that evening of no sex?
Q. I commute to work and every Friday, as I'm waiting at my bus stop, a young man would come and wait for the bus as well. We would exchange polite nods of the head, smiles, "good mornings" and then both of us would retreat back to our cell phones, ...
A. 28 January 2018: I apologise for the bluntness, but I think you need a bit of a reality check.
He's a stranger. Don't get in strangers' cars just because you've seen them somewhere fairly regularly. You also let him know where you live! Don't be reckless with you... (read in full...)
How do you feel ok with being single at 30?
Q. How can you learn to be ok with being single at 30? I’m 30 and single, and I know I’m not the only one and that there are probably other single women out there my age or older. I’ve only had one relationship in my life that was “serious” (yr and a ...
A. 27 January 2018: OP, in the nicest possible way: stop pitying yourself.
The guy saw you were full of self-pity and he played on that for free sex.
Most guys who reject you for a deformity aren't decent guys anyway.
The only thing you've said that is actu... (read in full...)
I'm troubled. I love my boyfriend but am not in love.
Q. Hi, I'm in my early 20s and been with my boyfriend for 8 years. We have an amazing relationship. We are best friends and do everything together. However recently I haven't been feeling the same, I've had this feeling at the back of my mind for the ...
A. 27 January 2018: Either try couples' therapy to reignite the passion or break up. You're not the same people you were 4 years ago, let alone 7 - 8 years, OP. It's okay to know it's not working any more.... (read in full...)
Was it wrong of me to intoduce him to my kids so soon?
Q. I started dating my ex husband when I was 15, he was the only guy I dated. We got married shortly after high school and had five kids together. I love him but neither of us were really in love with each other for years but we had kids and we were ...
A. 26 January 2018: OP, you didn't plan on dating this soon either. You asked a question and I've given you the overview most psychologists seem to give, that's all. Revolving door or not, your younger children have no understanding of why a man they may become ... (read in full...)
Love my boyfriend but I'm tempted to stray
Q. Hi there, thanks for looking. I hope it’s ok to ask this.. but please be nice as I’m already feeling in a very low place right now, and hate myself for this already. I guess I’m looking for the sort of advice a parent might give. I can’t stop cryi...
A. 26 January 2018: You were very young when you started dating your current boyfriend, so it's highly likely it's just reached its end naturally. That said, talking to the other guy is trouble because he isn't single, regardless of how his relationship is. You also ... (read in full...)
Exams and dating are conflicting
Q. I know this guy who's 2 years older than me. We used to hang out while doing projects and event planning but recently I stepped away from all that because my GCSEs are this year. I need to take some time off. Earlier this year he had asked to meet ...
A. 26 January 2018: You did the right thing by focusing on your exams, so please don't go back on it now. He may move on, but that just means it wasn't meant to be. Once your exams are over, *then* ask if he's still interested. Until then, it really is best to focus... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he will break up with me if I move 150 miles away
Q. Iv been dating my boyfriend for a year and i love him so much. But i want to move in with my friend who lives 150 miles away and my boyfriend says if i do he will split up with me and look for someone else. So now i feel trapped because i dont want ...
A. 26 January 2018: OP, I'm sorry to say you're just not well matched.
He has no stability to promise anything and you can't stay put. If he will earn more, it makes sense to split bills respectively, as it becomes "ours", not "yours and mine".
He wants you to wai... (read in full...)
Was it wrong of me to intoduce him to my kids so soon?
Q. I started dating my ex husband when I was 15, he was the only guy I dated. We got married shortly after high school and had five kids together. I love him but neither of us were really in love with each other for years but we had kids and we were ...
A. 26 January 2018: It's not just a harm thing, but a "revolving door" of men thing. Say you let him meet them a few more times and it doesn't work out? How will your youngest 3 understand?
Children tend to get attached to family friends, which is why it's recommen... (read in full...)
Should I tell my fiance about my fantasy of letting him have sex with others?
Q. Hello. I have a 35 year old boyfriend he is very handsome and active. He looks younger than his age which is a bonus. I love him so much and we have great sex since day one. He has introduced me to his family and friends and recently we got engaged. ...
A. 26 January 2018: This fantasy is common, but rarely ends well once made real.
She's prettier?
Better for him in bed?
He falls for her?
He wants to continue having sex with her?
OP, think about it realistically, not just as a fantasy. The number of thi... (read in full...)
Is it realistic for my husband to want me to go back to work fulltime?
Q. Okay, so...I became a stay at home mom 3 yrs ago when I was laid off from my O and G project accounting position due to the market. We have 8 and 5 yr old girls, both in school full-time. During this time, my husband also received a layoff and was ...
A. 25 January 2018: For what it's worth, my parents both worked full time when I was young. I stayed at a childminder's in the morning and at an after school club until my mum could pick us up. We were happy, healthy kids with no issues because of that.
OP, I know i... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he will break up with me if I move 150 miles away
Q. Iv been dating my boyfriend for a year and i love him so much. But i want to move in with my friend who lives 150 miles away and my boyfriend says if i do he will split up with me and look for someone else. So now i feel trapped because i dont want ...
A. 25 January 2018: Please could you give us more information about why you're both in this situation?
Why do you need to live with a friend?
Why does he have no money?
Where do you see this going if you can't afford to live together and/or you move 150 mile... (read in full...)
Is it realistic for my husband to want me to go back to work fulltime?
Q. Okay, so...I became a stay at home mom 3 yrs ago when I was laid off from my O and G project accounting position due to the market. We have 8 and 5 yr old girls, both in school full-time. During this time, my husband also received a layoff and was ...
A. 25 January 2018: Most people have to work full time. You've been a stay at home parent for a while, so it's understandable that you've settled into that lifestyle, but your children aren't babies or toddlers any more and needs must. You need more financial ... (read in full...)
Was it wrong of me to intoduce him to my kids so soon?
Q. I started dating my ex husband when I was 15, he was the only guy I dated. We got married shortly after high school and had five kids together. I love him but neither of us were really in love with each other for years but we had kids and we were ...
A. 25 January 2018: You never said how old your children are or when you actually met this guy, so we can't say.
For children under 12, I think 6 months is the earliest a new person should be introduced, even as a friend. For teens, I think 4 months is the earliest... (read in full...)
How do you feel ok with being single at 30?
Q. How can you learn to be ok with being single at 30? I’m 30 and single, and I know I’m not the only one and that there are probably other single women out there my age or older. I’ve only had one relationship in my life that was “serious” (yr and a ...
A. 24 January 2018: Watch "Friends". It's not everyone's cup of tea, but it shows that a lot of people haven't found a serious relationship by age 30. Some have a string of failed relationships or a couple of divorces. Others have had a long term relationship they ... (read in full...)
Do I mean anything to him? Why is he with me if he doesn't see a future with us?
Q. Some background: I (27 years old) have been seeing this man (33 years old) for four months now. We get along incredibly well and always have fun together. It is very comfortable when we are around each other and we naturally give off an impressi...
A. 24 January 2018: By 4 months of dating, you should at least be an official couple - 6 months latest.
That said, any serious discussions about the future - like moving in, getting married, having children, etc. should be left until 9+ months. Make sure it's som... (read in full...)
Married and seriously falling for my doctor
Q. I am head over heels for my surgeon. I have been seeing him for about 4-5 months and my feelings keep getting stronger. There was only one time when I thought he might be interested. He told me I had a nice smile and put his hand on my thigh. Since ...
A. 23 January 2018: You married young and are now bored of it. You made this commitment young, so be mature about it and try to improve it. Your surgeon is not someone you should be able to text, let alone actually text him. Find another surgeon because you're a... (read in full...)
Boyfriend shows no respect
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and we have been practically living together since day one. First off he is a total momma's boy, which I have no problem with. But I know he will never out me first before her. My problem is that he ...
A. 23 January 2018: OP, you are very young. Your entire life will be a pattern of abuse if you don't get help to leave now. I completely understand why you wanted to leave an abusive home, but you ran to another one. He is nasty and just going to destroy whatever... (read in full...)
How do I get my life back?
Q. Husband found out I have been using tumblr for fandom stuff and threatened to smash my phone. He didn't understand what "reblogging" meant and thought that character pictures were actually real dudes. I'm not allowed to talk to "strange people on ...
A. 21 January 2018: You should leave. Not for someone else, but for yourself!
Find a local charity for women escaping abuse and seek their help to leave him.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend shows no respect
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and we have been practically living together since day one. First off he is a total momma's boy, which I have no problem with. But I know he will never out me first before her. My problem is that he ...
A. 21 January 2018: You're allowing verbal abuse. He is NASTY. He is NOT a nice guy and you shouldn't be with him. Get help from friends and family to move out or kick him out. Do not do it alone, but don't stay with him either. This is NOT love.
In future, PLEASE s... (read in full...)
Is he using me as a means to come to Canada?
Q. Hello I married a man from Africa and I am Canadian. We have been together for 11 months and I am trying to get him to Canada. He has been good to me but very dominant and expects I be submissive and do whatever he says to me. If I don’t he ge...
A. 21 January 2018: You married a stranger. Stupid move. Paying to get him to Canada. Ridiculous idea. Believing lies that are obviously not real facts. Naive. OP, why? You're old enough to know better. Why did you marry a stranger who is a controlling person... (read in full...)
Should I be open to casual sex to gain experience?
Q. I am a 25 yr old male with a problem in dating/sex I cant figure out. I am finishing medical school this year. I put in a lot of work/long hours to get where I am. I go to the gym try new hobbies etc. I was shy in high school,got better in...
A. 21 January 2018: Even your therapist told you it's about your confidence and anxiety, not sexual inexperience. Just focus on going out, having a good (SAFE) time and perhaps a few casual DATES, not hookups.
Try to be less picky because apps match you for a reason... (read in full...)
Is it mean to ghost someone who is nice but you just don't want to see anymore?
Q. Would it be mean to ghost, a guy who treated you good for over six months, but it just isn't working for you, I don't want to cry when I break up with him in person, so I just want to block him, my girlfriend tells me, that be cruel,not giving him a ...
A. 20 January 2018: Treat people the way you want to be treated. Ghosting is cruel and can really shatter someone's confidence.
Woman up and do it. Go for coffee and explain how you feel. It's much better to cry than to block a nice person with no explanat... (read in full...)
Should I be open to casual sex to gain experience?
Q. I am a 25 yr old male with a problem in dating/sex I cant figure out. I am finishing medical school this year. I put in a lot of work/long hours to get where I am. I go to the gym try new hobbies etc. I was shy in high school,got better in...
A. 20 January 2018: Speed dating. New hobbies. Ask female friends about dating.
OP, please don't think women "don't like fumblers". With all due respect, it's rubbish. Sure, some women are impatient, but most just want a decent guy who makes them happy and wants to... (read in full...)
I don't feel confident to talk dirty
Q. How can I feel confident talking sexy with my ldr . He like porn that features lots of mistresses and assertive women and I just dont feel I have the confidence to pull that off. When he asks me to talk sexy I just freeze and can't help feeling very ...
A. 18 January 2018: Practice. Practice. Practice. Google tips and videos for guidance.
That said, do NOT feel pressured to do it. Not everyone likes talking dirty. A fair portion of people feel odd and uncomfortable. It's something very common in porn, but not as c... (read in full...)
Should I be open to casual sex to gain experience?
Q. I am a 25 yr old male with a problem in dating/sex I cant figure out. I am finishing medical school this year. I put in a lot of work/long hours to get where I am. I go to the gym try new hobbies etc. I was shy in high school,got better in...
A. 18 January 2018: "wiseoldman" I'm sorry that was your experience, but most women don't care if someone fumbles and is inexperienced. In fact, more women prefer someone who was patient, instead of someone who had lots of casual sex.
All casual sex will give you... (read in full...)
How can I stop thinking about my married coworker ?
Q. How can I stop daydreaming about my married co-worker ( we are both in the medical field) and Work in close proximity. I believe we have a mutual attraction- I say this because conversation sometimes has steered to unprofessional chit chat ( we ...
A. 18 January 2018: Only a jerk complains about their partner at work. I'm sure he irritates her too. All you are to him is an ego boost.
Blank him. Be polite, but don't react or respond to any of his flirting or compliments.
Work on yourself. Find ways to imp... (read in full...)
Apart from these issues my boyfriend is great.
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for four months now. We get along really well. He use to be a well known player in our town. The sex is alright. He likes it better than me. Hence the fact I've had better lovers. The two issues I'm having are this: ...
A. 18 January 2018: You wouldn't be here if you were happy.
If he calls you horrible names in and out of bed, what type of father will he be? A terrible one! Same goes for the type of husband or live-in partner he'll be.... Abusive.
Leave him immediately and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me
Q. my boyfriend of year and a half just doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me. I am a very romantic woman and I like to cuddle, hold hands and kiss in public but he never does any and when I approach him he backs off. I cant ...
A. 17 January 2018: ashleighkaylin, I think it's sad for kissing to only be before sex. Kissing is just affection that can become sexual, not something that is always sexual. Sure, making out in front of people is a bit much, unless you're in the right environment for ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me
Q. my boyfriend of year and a half just doesn't like public displays of affection and it bothers me. I am a very romantic woman and I like to cuddle, hold hands and kiss in public but he never does any and when I approach him he backs off. I cant ...
A. 16 January 2018: Read up on different "Love Languages". People feel and show love in different ways. Romance makes you feel loved, but romance is of no importance to him. You're not compatible.
I'm sorry, OP, but a lot of people (men and women) don't like PDA. Som... (read in full...)
Is my diet likely to work?
Q. Hey there folks. I am an unfit teen who is grossly over weight. I have heard about the apple a day thing. Does that work? I do excise Monday-Friday for about 40 mins. My mother has bad very bad eating habits, which I have grown up with and she'll ...
A. 16 January 2018: First things first: SEE A DOCTOR. All drastic diet changes or weight loss attempts need to be monitored by a doctor, to make sure you don't do more harm than good - especially at an age where your body is still developing.
It's not healthy ... (read in full...)
How do I convince my parents that I'm an adult? They have my entire college schedule mapped out and a GPS on my phone!
Q. I'm new in here and I've tried to help others and so far I hope I'm doing a good job. But now, I need some advice on how to convince my parents that I am an adult and deserve more privacy and freedom. I'm a college student and to be honest, I'...
A. 14 January 2018: This is ridiculous. Look, if they don't pay for you to survive, then set your own rules.
Don't sneak around, like with a burner phone. Get a proper phone, but don't allow them access to it - give them back the one they control.
Change your e... (read in full...)
How can I help him with his terrible snoring?
Q. Dear Cupid. I need advice on how I can help my partner with his snoring! My partner and I have been together for just over three years. In the first year, year and a half my partner barely snored, we had a great bedtime routine. Fast for...
A. 14 January 2018: Again, OP, I don't think you can avoid an ultimatum, at this point - you can't sleep in the lounge for the next 40+ years of your life!... (read in full...)
How can I help him with his terrible snoring?
Q. Dear Cupid. I need advice on how I can help my partner with his snoring! My partner and I have been together for just over three years. In the first year, year and a half my partner barely snored, we had a great bedtime routine. Fast for...
A. 14 January 2018: If you've recorded it and he's still in denial, then I'd leave, but that's just me. I couldn't take being with someone who denies evidence and refuses to see a doctor about it.
Sleeping in separate rooms is okay, but the OP has said she can stil... (read in full...)
I want marriage and children, is he wasting my time?
Q. So I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about five years we both have crazy work schedules so I suggested that we get a place together somewhere located centrally Between both of our apartments.In my mind it’s the perfect solution so we can spend more ...
A. 14 January 2018: Unless he's under 30, there's no reason for him to be saying no to marriage or moving in after FIVE YEARS - unless he isn't sure about your future together. Buying a place together before marriage is risky, though.
Ask him bluntly. Stay calm and... (read in full...)
How do I convince my parents that I'm an adult? They have my entire college schedule mapped out and a GPS on my phone!
Q. I'm new in here and I've tried to help others and so far I hope I'm doing a good job. But now, I need some advice on how to convince my parents that I am an adult and deserve more privacy and freedom. I'm a college student and to be honest, I'...
A. 13 January 2018: Cut the apron strings. Become financially independent, send them the phone back (you don't need a fancy phone), then tell them "I will call you once per week on a _____ to update you. You are controlling my life and I won't learn to thrive on my ... (read in full...)
How can I help him with his terrible snoring?
Q. Dear Cupid. I need advice on how I can help my partner with his snoring! My partner and I have been together for just over three years. In the first year, year and a half my partner barely snored, we had a great bedtime routine. Fast for...
A. 13 January 2018: Time to put your foot down. "I love you, but I won't sleep in the lounge any more and I can't sleep through your snoring. I want to be with you, but you need to see a doctor about your snoring, or I can't get enough sleep to function and I can't ... (read in full...)
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