A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How can I feel confident talking sexy with my ldr . He like porn that features lots of mistresses and assertive women and I just dont feel I have the confidence to pull that off. When he asks me to talk sexy I just freeze and can't help feeling very foolish k owing he is so used to those women who come across as so confident beautiful and assertive. Help
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 January 2018):
 I'd honestly just google this, IF you actually WANT to talk dirty. It's really not for everyone.
https://www.jordangrayconsulting.com/2015/11/dirty-talk-the-ultimate-guide-for-beginners/
http://www.sexcigarsbooze.com/2010/06/how-to-talk-dirty-50-examples-that-will-make-you-blush/
How well do you KNOW this guy IN person? Are you just getting to know him and have you only known him over tech (dating site/text/whatnot?
I think if you really don't know him that well... I'd hold off on the dirty talk until you ACTUALLY know him better (and with that I mean in person)
I think the issue here is he wants PORN fantasies provided by you. You are NOT a porn star or have their ridiculous scripts, so don't try and compete with that.
But what it really comes down to, is, DO you WANT to do this? or not?
Because you CAN say no, this isn't for me. Same with if he wants you to make little "home-movies" for him. again, it's UP to your OWN boundaries.
Personally? I don't find dirty talk at all sexy. My husband and I did the e-mail back and forth with fantasies, building onto to other persons idea. So it was a back and forth and then some ended up being played out to much hilarity when he came home from deployment. But for me to USE words and say things that don't come "natural" to me, I just find fake and uncomfortable, even with someone I know as well as I know my husband.
Find things that makes YOU comfortable and feeling sexy - not just what HE wants.
Talking dirty and sharing fantasies should be a two-way street - not just you "providing a service" and fodder for a spank-bank.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (18 January 2018):
 Practice. Practice. Practice. Google tips and videos for guidance.
That said, do NOT feel pressured to do it. Not everyone likes talking dirty. A fair portion of people feel odd and uncomfortable. It's something very common in porn, but not as common in real life.
Give it a few tries, after practicing, but stand firm if it's just not your thing. Porn is there to give people the fantasies they can't necessarily get. He can survive without dirty talk, especially as he has it in the porn he watches. You need to be in a relationship that you are COMFORTABLE and HAPPY in, not worrying about not being assertive enough for him.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 January 2018):
Instead of trying to think of what to say and feeling odd, assume the role, and put yourself in the shoes of the person you're trying to emulate.
For instance if someone asked you to pretend to be a mechanic, instead of stressing out because you don't know what a carburetor is, go with what you do know and sound confident about it.
"I can already tell what the problem is ma'am. You need an oil change and a tune up. Your car has been neglected, but I'll take care of it today and we'll remind you the next time you need service so you don't need to worry about it."
Only, instead of taking about cars, talk about dominating him or whatever.
Keep in mind that if he's watching porn he probably is seeing professionals. Don't try to emulate them and don't let him convince you that you need to.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (17 January 2018):
 I't's generally a bad idea to try to live up to some pron image. But having said that, I also think you should be more confident. Some people are naturally submissive. Some people like to relax in the submissive role. I suspect that your LDR likes to relax in a submissive role. He enjoys relinquishing control, and just going along for the ride. You on the other hand may be naturally submissive. in many cultures women are trained to act submissive, but there are always a few who will freeze up if they have to chose a restaurant for dinner. Whether you are just comfortable letting a guy take charge, or you need your partner to take charge it doesn't mean you can't make this relationship work.
A lot of what he probably desires is for you to ACT, not be dominant. He wants you to put on a mask for a short time. if you are willing to do that, here is a way to get past your freeze up.
Pick a single word. Something you would normally never say. Usually a body part, or a sexual act. Practice saying it in front of a mirror. When you are driving alone, or whenever you can. When you freeze up at his request, bring out your word, and let it fly. Watch how he lights up as you say it, relish the power that that word gives you over him. My challenge for you is to try one word. My advice is that you remember that he likes you for who you are every day, but at times he needs you to put on a mask for play.
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