A
female
age
22-25,
*hecorpse101
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and we have been practically living together since day one. First off he is a total momma's boy, which I have no problem with. But I know he will never out me first before her. My problem is that he always treats me like a maid, never listens when I'm talking to him, and he always tells me "shut the f*ck up" and "stop b*tching" whenever I try to voice my opinion. Whenever he makes jokes they are always demeaning and hurtful. I still love him and h is a really good person but I do not know what to do anymore, help? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (23 January 2018):
 OP, you are very young. Your entire life will be a pattern of abuse if you don't get help to leave now. I completely understand why you wanted to leave an abusive home, but you ran to another one.He is nasty and just going to destroy whatever is left of your self-esteem. Find a local women's charity to help you be independent and escape abusive relationships. It would be good for you to find a female housemate and be single for a while, so you can see why you end up with horrible guys and learn to wait for nicer guys to show up.Please get help to stop this pattern before you're ten years older and in another abusive relationship.
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female
reader, Thecorpse101 +, writes (22 January 2018):
Thecorpse101 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn my past I was abused and in the hospital, and cheated on regularly. At this point the assholes aren't too bad. And as for his mother, she always gets in the way and fills his head with lies about me. He puts her first and listens to her before me. she really isn't a good person. And yes I did move in with him to escape a bad home of abuse. I really appreciate everyone's opinion. Thank you for taking the time to respond.
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female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (21 January 2018):
You're allowing verbal abuse. He is NASTY. He is NOT a nice guy and you shouldn't be with him. Get help from friends and family to move out or kick him out. Do not do it alone, but don't stay with him either. This is NOT love.
In future, PLEASE slow down. Moving in with someone before 9+ months together (regardless of how long you've known them or been friends) is ASKING for trouble.
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female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (21 January 2018):
 "A really good person" doesn't degrade you, make you feel worthless and talk to you the way your boyfriend talks to you.He is abusive and will continue to act that way as long as you allow him to do so. Do you think so little of yourself that you allow to be treated in such a manner? You are young OP but you need to wise up. This guy isn't a good guy. Cut your losses and find a MAN not boy that will treat you like a lady.
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female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (20 January 2018):
 If you ALLOW someone to keep doing something does that act as a deterrent to them to stop doing it?? NO it gives them more and more power and confirms their suspicion that THEY have the control to do whatever they want.. like a spoiled child if someone says NO to them they lose that sense of entitlement and gain sense of boundaries. So if you stick around and allow him to keep doing it, he's going to see how far he can push you. He's not going to stop, you may well become more than just his verbal punching bag.
So you have two choices.. either stick around and continue being verbally abused. OR leave and find a guy that loves and respects you as you do him (why you can even be in the same room with this specimen is beyond us) Good luck
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 January 2018):
 You love someone who abuses you left, right and centre and has zero respect for you? Why do you have such low self-esteem? Do you really see this relationship going someplace good? Are you telling us that you're that deluded?
I also notice that you've named yourself "The corpse". Out of any name that you could have chosen for yourself, this is what you've decided is best. I wonder why
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2018): Time to have a talk. You have to set boundaries and ground-rules in a relationship. He has his needs and you have yours. At your age, the mamma's-boy issues are of very little consequence; because if he's still under 21, a lot of young people are still dependent on their parents to some degree. He must show his mother honor and due respect.
How do you treat your mother? Your father? If you don't have a close relationship; then I guess you wouldn't understand the concept of honoring your mother and father. No man or woman on this planet has the mitigated gall to question the depth of my love and devotion to the people who gave me life. I admire how my boyfriend loves and reveres his parents. Mine have died. I miss them. So without enough details, I just have to take your word on that.
If you want to keep a boyfriend so bad that you allow this kind of behavior, it's really all on you. You have to use your words and voice your dissatisfaction when people mistreat or disrespect you. Then you set boundaries. When those lines are continuously crossed; you are the one who has to have the smarts and strength to realize the relationship isn't working. You have to put an end to it, and do what's best for YOU!
Don't complain when you don't trust yourself; or have the nerve to do something uncomfortable, when you know it's for your own good.
What is the point of loving someone who doesn't love you back in the same ways and in equal supply?
If you are consistently disrespected and told to shut-up; what's all this undying love you have for?
You're not his wife. So how you compare to his mother is neither here nor there. Even at my age, my mother would come first! God rest her soul! She wouldn't interfere in my life or love-life; but if she needs me, I'm there! However; I also know what responsibilities I have to my mate; so this isn't likely to arise as an issue. Nor would I care what my mate would have to say about it. You're young, and this is what you are learning now.
You suffer only what you allow in a relationship. If things cannot be discussed and corrected; then the relationship isn't working. If you are truly a loving-couple; your relationship can't be sustained on love coming from only one-side. That's an infatuation. He's apparently not that into you.
Now's the time to pull him aside for a serious talk. Explain to that jerk that cutting you off while you're speaking will stop, the name-calling will stop; and if you have something to say, he owes you the respect and attention that you deserve. If that's not possible, hand him his walking papers; or pack your dolls and dishes, and walk out that door!
If you don't have the heart and the courage to do that; then do what he says. Shut-up and put-up with it. Never want a man so bad you let him walk on you! Learn it now while you're young and have so many options!
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (20 January 2018):
 So what is it you love about this uncouth foul-mouthed individual? And why do you not think you deserve better?
The fact that you have been living together almost from the start of your relationship leads me to suspect you moved in with him to escape a bad home. Am I right? This would also explain why you put up with his cr4p and allow him to treat you so badly while still proclaiming he is a good person (how exactly?) and you love him (why exactly?).
Sweetheart, you are worth so much more. You deserve someone who will treat you with respect and speak to you in a civil manner. You do NOT deserve the sort of treatment you are suffering at the moment. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Seriously? Get out before you find yourself tied to him with children.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 January 2018):
 Yeah you're right he sounds great, what a catch.
He sounds like an absolute disrespectful asshat. Makes you clean up after his mess, won't listen and regularly uses derogatory terms towards you, fantastic.
It's quite simple really, tell him to clean up his own crap, to drop the bad mouthing and quit the shitty jokes or you're gone. Do you really think this is how someone treats another person that they LOVE? Absolutely not, so don't settle for it.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 January 2018):
 So why are you with him?
While I don't THINK he should put you above his mom in priority - after all you have known him 8 months, SHE his whole life. And that should never be a competition anyways.
But for someone to TREAT you like you are the maid and talk to you like that, that isn't OK. While I get people can get a little heated in arguments - there is NOT real good reason for him to talk to you like that, to ignore your opinions and not wanting to hear YOUR side. Then add on the jokes... my guess is he likes to make YOU the butt of his jokes? Or women in general?
He sounds VERY immature (which I supposed isn't surprising for his age) but BECAUSE you STAY with him you are "silently" saying that the way he is treating you is OK. After all, YOU stick around - regardless of the verbal abuse and diarrhea he spouts TO you and ABOUT you.
So what exactly is that you so "LOVE" about him? Does it really outweigh his utter disregard and disrespect of you? Are you HOPING that he will change and suddenly grow up and know it's NOT OK to talk to your partner like that? Because if you are sticking around because you HOPE he will change, you need to realize it's not going to happen. You can't change him BY giving him love and being his verbal punching bag.
And you say he is a really good person, he sounds rather shitty to me. But then again you have only really mentioned his really crappy side. Even that, you HAVE to realize is part of who he is. He isn't just the good guy - he is this shitty verbally abusive guy too.
In my opinion, I think you should move out. I think HE needs to learn that treating a partner (and women in general) like that IS NOT the right way. You can't EXPLAIN that to him because he doesn't WANT to hear it. Nor does he actually CARE for your opinions.
This is WAY too much negativity and drama not only for your AGE GROUP but for an 8 month NEW relationship.
I would NOT want to stick it out with this guy any longer, he needs to LEARN how to treat a partner RIGHT.
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