Are these warning signs after a second date? Should I give it a go or run?
Q. Hi all, I am mentally quite stuck and would really appreciate some advice. A bit of background. I am 35 years old and have had 2 relationships in my life. One for 3 years from the age of 24 and one for 6 years from the age of 28. Both were fl...
A. 11 April 2019: Have you ever watched the film "Fatal Attraction"? If you have, you know the definition of a "bunny boiler". This woman comes across as exactly that.
Please don't tell her any personal details. Don't tell her where you live. Don't tell her wher... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any advice on dating a divorced man with 2 young children?
Q. Does anyone have any advice on dating a divorced man with 2 young boys (2 and 3 years old)? He's 6 years older than I am and from the moment we met, there was an instant connection. He treats me much better than I've ever been before and I believe ...
A. 9 April 2019: You will never be their mother. They already have a mother and, regardless of their father's relationship with her or with you, she will remain their mother. You will be dad's girlfriend, or even their step mother, but not their mother (and be ... (read in full...)
How can I resolve these emotions with my parents?
Q. How can I put this bad episode in my life past me? I am in my early thirties and am living at home hiding my life from my family and everyone around me . I grew up in an old school Italian family where appearance was everything . My parents ...
A. 9 April 2019: I am so sorry you are going through this.
I can only share with you what MY turning point was with my own mother. A bit like your parents, her love was always conditional - conditional on me achieving good grades at school, performing well in ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend won't tell anyone that I'm a part of his life and I feel like a dirty secret
Q. My Boyfriend refuses to tell anyone about me he claims he is private . He won't even tell his parents about me claims he is fighting with his Mother... yet she text him every day he visits her at Christmas and she just sent him flowers. This has ...
A. 9 April 2019: How exactly is he "perfect"? Am I missing something?... (read in full...)
I regret the flings that I had with strangers
Q. I was never a hookup person but I’ve had a fling after I heard a lot of “you are single , experiment”. I didn’t regret it much. I’ve had another after a few months but I was supposedly in a very short romantic thing with him before I ended it. ...
A. 9 April 2019: Sweetheart, you are young, you decided to do something different, you realized it was not something you enjoyed so you stopped. Where's the problem? Nobody died. Nobody got hurt. You learned a valuable lesson. End of.
If you haven't already ... (read in full...)
I have to have dinner with the girl who rejected me!
Q. Hi To keep a long story short, I have to have dinner with the girl who rejected me, her parents and a few of her other friends. It's the first time I've seen her since she rejected me a few weeks ago. We're trying to be friends but i just ...
A. 9 April 2019: You can handle it with dignity. You can hold your head up high, pretend you are happy even though you may be screaming inside, keep a smile plastered on your face and chat to everyone like the "rejection" never took place. Remember, only YOU will ... (read in full...)
I am willing but don't want to move too fast.
Q. Dear Cupid I am single and have been for the last 20 yrs. Only thingvI do is work and come home to an empty house my children are grown and on their own. I really want to get back out in the dating world but I am afraid of getting hurt again my pass ...
A. 7 April 2019: The first - and most obvious - thing I would recommend is that, if you don't want a man to get the wrong idea about you being "a quick lay", don't invite him back to your house on the first date or until you are ready to take things into the ... (read in full...)
His insensitive comment makes me want to just leave him!
Q. I've been with boyfriend for 8 years now. We have had our bad patches and arguments, but the past couple of years have been really good, good communication, great sex, laughter, good times generally. We don't live together due to work commitments in ...
A. 6 April 2019: Like you, I have no idea what the comment about children having them meant. Quite random thing to say. I would have understood his comment to refer to having an oversized ugly arse like one of the Kardashians.
In your shoes I would give him a ta... (read in full...)
He seems to have cut off all feelings for everyone!
Q. I have been seeing a guy for a few month we are friends and he knows i like him more than that. He said he doesnt want to hurt me and would stop the fun we are having. I dont want to stop the fun and it wont be more than what we have but a few times ...
A. 6 April 2019: A couple of possibilities come to mind here (and I am sure you have already considered these yourself, given your age):
1. He is getting a kick out of playing with you. Have you ever watched a cat play with a mouse it has caught? It will pounce o... (read in full...)
My older boyfriend wants me to pretend to be his daughter.
Q. I dont think age should matter in a true loving relationship. My dad thinks otherwise and so I have moved out and anto my bf's place a few months ago. Although he is about 10 years older than me he is just so adorable. I like so love him to pieces ...
A. 5 April 2019: He has a fetish, pure and simple. It has NOTHING to do with YOU but all about turning HIM on.
I suspect, when you get a bit older and no longer look like a child, he will swap you for a younger model so he can carry on his fetish.
I find ... (read in full...)
Does he care or not care ... he keeps contacting me.
Q. I have an ex who reached out to me six months after ghosting me, and tries to pretend nothing came between us. I don’t respond, and he later replies in a passive aggressive manner as if to say “don’t worry I don’t care anyway”. A bit of history, ...
A. 3 April 2019: I believe the universe sends us people to teach us life lessons. If we refuse to learn the set lesson, we either get the same person back time and time again, or similar people, until we eventually learn the lesson (hence why people tend to be drawn ... (read in full...)
We have 3 children already and I'm exhausted. How do I tell my husband I want an abortion?
Q. How do I tell my husband I want an abortion. We have three kids together already and frankly, I'm exhausted. I'm a stay at home mom and often find myself being the sole caregiver because he's working. Hes said in the past that hes pro-choi...
A. 3 April 2019: I read your post when it first appeared but I was at a loss of what to say. However, your post haunted me and I was mulling it over before replying. In that time WiseOwlE has said so many things I was thinking.
All I can tell you is that I had a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets angry when I talk about being committed
Q. I live whith my bf at his place, he can be 2 different people sometimes, one nice warm and kind the other not so. We have been together for about 3 years but when I ask about being more committed to each other he gets angry . I want children and he ...
A. 1 April 2019: Be careful what you wish for. Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life, walking on eggshells round someone who is nice to you only when it suits him, when he wants you for a bit of sexual relief? He gets angry because commitment ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me, was violent but it now feels things are back on track. So why am I not happy?
Q. I really don't know how I feel anymore, my head is all over the place and I'm so mixed up. I've been with my boyfriend for 8years. When we first met things moved very fast and I knew i loved him very early on. We had what I thought was the perfect ...
A. 31 March 2019: Well, good on him for being the "perfect boyfriend" for a whole month! Whoopee do! How much longer do you think he can keep up this act before he slips back to what he was before?
Of course you are mixed up. This is what you always wanted him to b... (read in full...)
My father made me look foolish when I was buying a car.
Q. Help with interferring father please. My elderly father embarassed me when I was trying to buy a new used car..!! He lives in another state and I don’t see him or my mother much.. 1-2 times a year, we small talk on phone every 5 -6 weeks, ...
A. 30 March 2019: I suspect your father was genuinely (though misguidedly) thinking he was helping. I also suspect more than a small part of this is your father NEEDING to feel he still has a purpose in your life. If you tell him you know, and you tell him how ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend should end it if he isnt happy with me anymore.
Q. Last night my boyfriend jokingly said "go find someone else then", but I didn't find it funny. We spent the evening together just hanging out, watching comedy on TV. At the end of the night he said lets go to bed. I said yeah and like waggled my ...
A. 30 March 2019: Moving in together it not going to fix this. Things need to be right BEFORE you move in together.
In your shoes, I would ask him straight, "Do you actually WANT to be with me?" and then explain to him why you are asking. Tell him you feel you... (read in full...)
I know I'm depressed by my girlfriend doesn't seem to care.
Q. Hi, I’m male in my late 20s. I currently have this issue where I can’t sleep properly due to thoughts. So I am tired all day. I used to cry once every 6 months on a major issue however now I’m breaking down every day or two. People around me are ...
A. 30 March 2019: Assuming your girlfriend is of a similar age to you, she probably finds your mental health issues just overwhelming, hence needing time away from you. She is not a doctor. She is not a counselor. She is not trained to deal with your problems. Like ... (read in full...)
Is my fiance's treatment of me emotional abuse?
Q. Hi I have been with my fiancée for over two years. Usually he’s charming and sweet. He has a mean streak though. He feels entitled like I should pay for everything cause he makes less money. If we have a disagreement. He says to shut up ...
A. 29 March 2019: The important thing here is not what WE think but how he makes YOU feel and how you want to spend the rest of your life.
How DO you feel when he talks down to you and mocks you like that? When he demands you pay for stuff because you are more suc... (read in full...)
Please help me get my life back together.
Q. Ex bf went to prison. It was severe emotional abuse for four years before that. I told him I will help him without any expectations. But he asked for a relationship again. He came out of prison, ran back to his ex-wife, humiliated me before o...
A. 27 March 2019: Sweetheart, you need LOVE, not TOUGH love. You seem to have very mixed up views of what love is and how someone who loves you treats you. This man NEVER loved you. He USED you and ABUSED you. There is a huge huge difference.
Step 1: Permanen... (read in full...)
I feel nothing after separating from my boyfriend of 4 years
Q. My boyfriend and I have broken up after 4 years together and I feel numb. We've separated because even though we love each other, we're not "in love" and we both knew it and it was completely emotional. Is it normal the feel this unphased af...
A. 27 March 2019: If your profile age is correct, you were very young when you got together with your ex. It simply sounds like you have both outgrown the relationship, which is totally normal at your age, as you change so much during your teens and 20s.
Be pr... (read in full...)
I am not feeling comfortable with his intentions towards dating me
Q. Afew weeks ago, a man approached me and we talked a bit, just a small talk. However, recently, i just don't understand what he wants. So basically, i started seeing him around me more often, just glancing at me from a distance. He approached me ...
A. 26 March 2019: Did you do the right thing in turning him down? YES, of course. You are not interested in him. Why would you worry about being "harsh"?
Did you make it plain you were not interested? Possibly not, given that you told him you did not want a relati... (read in full...)
How do I become more comfortable with sex when my own body isn't responding the way I want it to?
Q. So, there's this young man. We've been together for a couple of months although we've known each other for longer than that. The mutual attraction developed slowly over several months until at one point it was undeniable, but it still took us a ...
A. 25 March 2019: Congratulations, you sound to have found yourself a proper gem in your boyfriend.
I think you are concentrating far too much on "the deed" and that is (possibly) why you are getting these anxiety attacks. For the time being you need to take ful... (read in full...)
I'm very attracted to a man who has kids and is separated. I'm torn about whether to move forward with him
Q. Hi all - any advice or thoughts on the following would be much appreciated as I'm at a total loss, something very uncommon for me. A series of events happened in my life that caused me to relocate to a brand new city without knowing anyone. ...
A. 24 March 2019: All I can say is that life seldom pans out EXACTLY as we envisage. If you put it out there that you will NEVER fall for someone who is/has XYZ, you can almost guarantee the universe will challenge that and show you that life is not that black and ... (read in full...)
Is my male coworker playing mind games with me?
Q. There is a coworker who works in a different department, “John”. He doesn’t go to meetings, has attitude, gossips, flirts, dates fellow coworkers, likes to mess with people, etc. When I first talked to him about something work-related, he...
A. 24 March 2019: Honestly, why do you even care? You say yourself, the man is a jerk. I am tempted to leave my response at that, but will elaborate.
You are at work to work, so I would just keep my head down and work (you can check personal emails in personal... (read in full...)
How do I get the feelings I had for my dead ex into my new relationship?
Q. I'm in distress thinking about an ex who passed away many years ago I'm in a relationship at the moment I do love him but it feels in a different way to cut a long story short although they wernt always happy between my ex and me I see are memories ...
A. 23 March 2019: Given your age, you must have been quite young when you and your ex were together. I am guessing teens or early 20s? Perhaps he was even your first (serious) boyfriend?
Your feelings at that time will have been very naive and "juvenile" compared... (read in full...)
I like him far more than I want to
Q. Hi I am need of some guidance at the minute and hope you can help! I first met Tim when I was at school, we were close friends and always shared a fondness of each other until teenage years when we lost touch. 12 years ago we became in contac...
A. 22 March 2019: Your gut instinct is telling you that you are playing with fire. You need to listen.
You have been very sensible up to now and protected yourself from being his rebound. Much as you may like him, the timing is not right and you know it.
Ther... (read in full...)
How do I ‘combat’ a control-freak husband?
Q. My husband is a wonderful man but he is a control freak sometimes. When he is, it's harmless, but super annoying. FYI we don't have kids. For example: He's the chef in the family. He's very particular and likes following recipes. He'll go out to ...
A. 22 March 2019: I think calling your husband a "control freak" over minor "annoying" little quirks he has is a bit harsh. Trust me, a real control freak is SERIOUS. Your husband's behaviour, on the other hand, is "annoying" (your word). The best bit is that he ... (read in full...)
Is the grief causing him to treat me badly?
Q. Hello. Firstly just for some context I was in a on and off relationship for 10 years with the sweetest best friend of a boyfriend who was my high school sweetheart but his lack of ambition and lazy attitude I couldn't take anymore. We are ...
A. 20 March 2019: Well, the grief and pain from his accident won't have helped his moods, but compare how he has been acting with how your ex would have acted under the same circumstances. Would your ex have been mean to you because he was stressed/in pain/grieving? ... (read in full...)
I am not sure that I can be the support system I think my b/f needs
Q. Hi all! I have been dating my BF for about 4 months now. The relationship was very fast moving and we basically were pretty "offical" after a few weeks of dating. He was pretty intense, But I felt like I had finally found someone who really cared...
A. 19 March 2019: How do you see this relationship panning out a year down the line? 5 years? 10 years? Is this how you want to live?
If your boyfriend does not get some professional help, he is going to drag you down with him. The longer you stay, the more imp... (read in full...)
Wife hides her family and past from me
Q. I recently found out that my wife’s sister has past. I am upset because I never even knew she had a sister. My wife hides her family and her past from me. Worse she asked me not to come to the funeral and wants to go alone. We have been married for ...
A. 18 March 2019: This is not about YOU. This is about your wife and whatever dysfunctional relationship she has with her family. If she has never mentioned her sister in all the 8 years you have known her, then there was obviously some problem between them.
In yo... (read in full...)
What’s wrong with people? Do we not listen now??
Q. Why are people so self absorbed and disinterested? Is this rude? If you saw a friend you hadn’tseen in ages and she didnt once ask how you or your life was what would you do? You havent seen her in 5-6 months. and of course ask how ...
A. 18 March 2019: Ha ha, welcome to my world! I can recall SO many meetings (they are not really conversations, so I won't dignify them with that description) where I have asked questions, listened to long rambling replies, then muttered at someone's departing back ... (read in full...)
I want my married lover's wife to know I am having his child
Q. I have been dating this married man a little over 2years now. I was with him for 5 months before he married his wife(chose another woman over me whiles I was with him). At the time of his marriage I was two months pregnant for him which I made him ...
A. 17 March 2019: Have you actually read what you put in your post? You knowingly had an affair with a married cheat but are putting the blame on his poor clueless wife? Do you not think she has enough to contend with, with a husband like him, without having her nose ... (read in full...)
He has a crush on me but then why isn't he acting on it?
Q. I am recently single...I was in a relationship with someone for 2 years and it ended 2 months back. During the course of the relationship we frequented this bar and we were always together,drinking, kissing ..so basically everyone in that bar who ...
A. 16 March 2019: Lots of answers come to mind.
Perhaps he already has a girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/partner.
Perhaps he is just a professional flirt and the attention he pays you is nothing more than that.
Perhaps he does not think he has time for a relati... (read in full...)
He said I was overthinking things and now it’s all awkward! What do I do?
Q. So, basically theres this guy ive been messaging, we know each other well due to his son being in the same class as my brother. I decided to email him over the half term just to see how he was and that i missed him last week and kind of wanted t...
A. 14 March 2019: By posting the same question more than once, are you hoping someone will give you the answer you are looking for? What answer ARE you looking for?
... (read in full...)
Why would he spend so much time courting me then suddenly act like we never happened?
Q. I started seeing this guy about 2 months ago. Hes a nice person, was married for about 8 years but divorced for 1, he asked me out a few times before i finally agreed, and was as sweet as can be the whole 2 months we were dating. Refused to let me ...
A. 13 March 2019: Reading our post, I wanted to bang your heads together. Are you really the age it says on your profile? And is HE the same age? You (especially) and he are acting like a couple of moody teenagers. You need to grow up.
Would it have hurt you to h... (read in full...)
How hard is it being a single parent? And how do I explain this to my child?
Q. hi i have just recently broken up with my partner of 5 years we have a 3 year old daughter together I couldn't keep the relationship going any longer no matter how hard I tried he made no effort to spend any time with me and our daughter we would ...
A. 13 March 2019: Under these circumstances, being a single parent can't be much more difficult than what you were used to. It may even be easier. Your ex was an ABSENT parent for all intents and purposes. Well done for getting out of this "non-relationship".
... (read in full...)
I missed out on a group poster, and now I feel bad! Why do I feel not part of the team?
Q. I have been on leave 10 days got back to work today. How would you feel if you were on leave and the boss (female) took photos of all the female staff to celebrate int womens day? To show we are a good team. (Yes there are guys there, but t...
A. 12 March 2019: Was it possible to take the photos on a day when ALL the female workers were in? I doubt there would be such a day. You were off that day so you were not in the photos as were, I imagine, other ladies who were not in work that day.
In our shoe... (read in full...)
My sex life is non existent since having my baby and I literally feel nothing anymore
Q. I write this as I lay unable to sleep, which happens a few evenings a week. Since having my first child and going straight onto contraception I feel like my mood has progressively got worse (Even though I have the non hormone coil). It’s been alm...
A. 11 March 2019: Children tend to only affect your sex life badly while they are still very young and especially if they are not sleeping. The sheer fatigue leaves you with no spare energy for anything but caring for the child. However, this does not sound like the ... (read in full...)
My FWB blocked me on WhatsApp!
Q. what do you do/say to someone that has blocked you in wassup? I was seeing this guy for about 2 yrs. It wasn't a serious relationship but it is a friend with benefits. ...
A. 11 March 2019: What do you do? You move on and find someone who is prepared to give you more than just sex. He was using you until someone came along with whom he wanted a full relationship, not just the occasional romp.
Shake yourself down, lick any wounds t... (read in full...)
Divorced guy asked me for drinks then backtracked and said that we should stop before things get complicated!
Q. Theres this guy that ive been talking to via email. We know each other well due to his son going through school with my brother. Ive always liked him, but never really said anything. So recently I decided to send him a message to see how he was. We ...
A. 11 March 2019: Interesting that he didn't invite you OUT for a drink but rather "come over for a drink at some point". That sounds like he was inviting you to his home. Am I right? If so, that would completely explain his sudden cold feet. He had a booty call in ... (read in full...)
Do I stay with my job with little time off and great money or go for something less stressful?
Q. This isn't a relationship question, but a work one instead. Last year I posted a question about becoming a chef and got loads of great replies. I love most of my job and the pay is good and I have had a promotion and my manager wants to promote...
A. 10 March 2019: What do you want for YOURSELF? How would you like your career to pan out? Do you have a plan? If not, now is the time to think about one. Anything worthwhile is worth fighting for (including working stupid hours) IF the end goal is worth it.
... (read in full...)
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